Controlled Crying Technique

Has anyone tried the controlled crying technique for sleep training? For the last 2 months my 21 months old has been waking up 3-4 times a night crying and it has been taking me and my BF up to an hour some times to send him back to sleep by stroking him and staying by his cot. I am 18 months pregnant and working full time and can't take it any longer! A health visitor has recommended us to try this technique and to be prepared to see tears, a stuffed nose and even throwing up...to clean it all and go on with the technique. I am not sure I can handle it. I am very sad to even think about it. Any experience? Alternatives?? Websites? Books?? Any information on it or other options will be welcome! Thanks!  

[Agiesmom]

Laura, I couldn't do that either.  But I never let my ds (age 10 now) cry it out at all, ever (and I won't let this one).  I did what I had to do for us to all sleep and that meant putting a crib mattress next to our bed and reaching down to hold his hand when he woke up crying.  I just believe that they go through different phases of development (fear of the dark, bad dreams, etc.) and instilling a sense of security and confidence now will help them later.  My ds sleeps wonderfully and has for years--in his own room, through the night, without ever waking in the night.  I think when you let them cry it out and they are hysterical and crying and throwing up, you aren't teaching them not to need you anymore, you're teaching them that you aren't there for them so they eventually give up trying to get you to come to them.

I'm sure many people here will disagree with me, but these are my thoughts and experiences with it.  Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

[lyndsaymay]

I never found success with a cry it out technique--babies cry for a reason and they are trying to tell you something--could be even just that they are thirsty or want to suck. My experience has been, the quicker they are responded to, the less they will cry over time. I hope that helps?

[lyndsaymay]

Oops, I re-read your post and realize your son was a bit older than just an infant. Either way, crying it out still probably is not the way to go, however, being firm and assuring him you are there for him, but for him to go back to bed, worked for me. I would be reassuring but I wouldn't do too much that I didn't want to commit to (they get used to whatever you will do in the middle of the night--less is more, just so long as they realize you are there, I think that is fine). It is possible too, he has some sort of fear he can't verbalize, even could be scared that mom is having another one and he feels insecure about it?? Kids pick up on all sorts of things. Hopefully a passing phase for him, good luck :)

[laura99]

I really agree with you both, that is why I am finding this so difficult. The problem is that my BF does not think that putting the cot in our bedroom is a good idea, since we are having another one there soon. I wish I didn't have to do this but having been told by the health visitor and, more important, not having any other alternative (I can't think of another solution), I do not know what to tell him! Thank you so much for your opinions!  

Lindsaymay, The idea is to go there every 10 minutes so he sees you are there for him, so after reading your coment I don't feel that guilty. Thanks!

[laura99]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I am doing it as I type and I am crying more than he is! It has been an hour and a half and he is sweaty and has lost the dummy (I can't find it either). I hate this. I really don't think it is natural but now that we have started it I don't think it is fair to stop it and I don't know what to do.

[laura99]

Ha ha ha, that made me laugh! I feel a bit better now. My BF says that if he continues like this we are going to be giving him indian head massages to send him to sleep, ha ha ha!! I hope it works! Thanks again

[lyndsaymay]

Hey Laura--no problem. My friend actually went onto having another child and had to wake up in the middle of the night, every night, to feed them both the buffet. I don't know how anyone has the energy for that! The best my kids got was a few sips of water, a gentle pat on the head and covered back up with the blanket (so long as nothing else was seriously wrong). My kids got the idea that nighttime was not that exciting and should be for sleeping not partying :)

[nwmom]

Hi Laura,
Our dd went through a stage at about 13 months where she would not lay down  and would cry when we put her down to bed at night.  Our dr. told us to lay her down (after kisses hugs, ect.) say goodnight and leave the room.  She would cry, I would wait a few minutes go in and tell her it was time for bed and leave again.  I had to repeat this a handful of times before she fell asleep the first night.  The dr. sressed that the whole leaving part before she could fall asleep was essential so that she knew how to put herself to sleep and not need my dh and I right next to her to go to sleep every night.  We did this for 2 nights and she's now 20 months old and have never had problems with her going to sleep again.  Don't get me wrong it was hard to hear her cry the 1st night but I always went back in and said I'm here but it's time for bed.  She now just hops into bed and pretty much rolls over and closes her eyes now.  Good luck!

[lyndsaymay]

YW. I would probably not want to move a cot into my bedroom only because the idea is to make him calm in his own environment, but I would continue to comfort him but then leave just as quick...I had a friend who ended up sleeping in her kid's room, giving him juice and then when he demanded it, making him pancakes and scrambled eggs in the middle of the night! Now, that's crazy! :) (p.s. she still sleeps in her son's room on another bed--he's eight now)

[laura99]

Just an update to tell you that it was not all bad:  It took him 1.5 hours to go to sleep. Then he was up for 40 minutes at 2.20 (at the end I went to cover him and he was lying down, covered and quite calmed and did not scream when I left the room); then he was awake from 5.20 to 6.20 but only on and off the second half. At 7.30 I got up and he woke up with the noise and he was so happy! He said "hiya" and was all relaxed and happy (which makes a change from what he has been like lately!) . That was such a relief. So I hope knowing that he doesn't hate us in the morning will help me cope tonight. The good thing is that he was just crying, not calling us, I couldn't cope with that!