Court appt. for child support

Ok, I go tomorrow and set up a court date for child support.  I talked with Craig yesterday and he said he was unable to give me any type of amount because he has to live - in the meantime he is looking for a place to live and decided he needs a three level townhome (three bedrooms) by himself, while I live in one room with both my kids (only the baby is his).  He is used to living a life style and I could care less at this point where he lives because my son needs to eat - at this time I am on WIC so the state is paying for him to eat.  I'm sure the judge will like that.  Please tell me again how right I am to be doing this.  In so odd way he tries to make me feel like he needs to live!!  He still talks like we are togeather and said last night he is at a place in his life and if I want to wait on him I can or move on - COME ON!! Any thoughts.  Ryan is 14weeks.  I am in VA one of the toughest states on dads who won't pay - they will take it out of his check, intercept his tax returns, take it out of his bank account, children are even entitled to inherited money and bonus

[1nana]

Go for it. Don't even give him a second thought.

[April1113]

Kris, I am sorry to hear of your situation.  Dont feel bad for getting child support from him.  If he can afford a 3 level town home in VA he can afford to pay support.  I am in VA also, what city/county are you from?

[cantwait4baby]

you are doing the right thing - he is just as responsible as you are and you are giving your kids everything you possible can now its his turn.  

[kris123]

I live near Warrenton VA and work in Manassas.  It is so so expensive here.  I'm not one who really cares where I live as long as it is clean and my children are happy and I am doing what I can - God can do the rest.

[have 2 kids]

You are doing the right thing!

[April1113]

I know what you mean.  That area is expensive.  I agree the only thing that matters is your children are taken care of.  I actually live in Nelson County and work near Charlottesville.  The city is extremely expensive.  But Nelson County is not bad.

[tmv]

Talking with him appears pointless. Leave it up to the court system. They do not care what type of house he lives in or the car he drives, etc. They only care that he gives you the child support. Just guessing, bc my dh just finished paying child support to his 18 y/o from a previous marriage, the amount should be somewhere around $500, depending on his financial statement. That helps out, but really doesn't go far with a baby. I don't understand why you are doubting taking him to court. It is his resposibility, too.If it were me, I'd had it taken care of before the baby was born, but I don't know your situation. Best wishes.

[kris123]

I live in Fauquier County I am about 45min from Charlottesville.

[kris123]

In this state you have to wait till the baby is born and things were ok the first month after the baby was born and then his mother died and I felt sorry for him - mistake because it changed him for three days.  Old dogs don't learn new tricks - I think that is the saying.

[KellyTexas]

You are doing the right thing in my eyes.  I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes.  Next time he tells you he has to live, tell him so does his child.  My husband pays child support to his ex-wife and it is automatically deducted from his paycheck.  If for some reason he did get in arrears, they will take our tax return.  However we are good and don't get behind.  He won't have a choice and that's what you and your baby need.  Good luck.  Don't back down.

[ImmortalOne]

Kris, my ex husband is similar to this... he has had 3 years to pay off things from our divorce and now those bills that he was supposed to take responsbility for are trying to garnish me... in the meantime he is 20k in the hole for child support.... oh and not officially married to a woman who has 3 kids that aren't his.... and I'm told "well I need to take care of my family".... well what about his kid?  My eldest... her father hasn't paid child support for 10 of 14 years.

Anyhow, don't give in, do what you need to take care of your child.  Michigan and Ohio totally screwed up following through with the child support... don't let him get away with it...

[kris123]

I am so so glad I am in VA

[Been a While]

This is a no brainer. Eat him alive!!!!!!

[tmv]

Oh, that's too bad. The state was WV that has more strict laws. You're right, you can't teach old dogs new tricks. Also, you will have to treat him as a "business" partner and keep the mindset that it's not personal, it's just business with him. Personally, I wouldn't mix words with him, let him talk to the court.

[mami1323]

You are not wrong and shouldn't feel bad.  It is his child and his responsibility.  I can't believe he has the balls to tell you that he has to live when he's living in a 3 bedroom townhouse.  He is such a loser.  I wouldn't even let him talk you into thinking that he stills consider you and him a couple.  He's just trying to get his way, he wants to hold you there but yet doesn't want anything with you.  By him saying if you want to wait is basically trying to give you hope.  In this situation there is none.  You need to move on for your piece of mind.  

[tmv]

Also, sorry if I sound bossy. I don't intend to. These types of "dads" get me stirred up. I think that I've told you before about my sister and her ex. I gave her the same advice. Stick with it. He'll have to help out regardless.

[maddysmommy]

Do what you have to for your child..you are his advocate..its the father's resp to provide for him...I hate men who feel like they can be off again on again fathers...like the baby is some type of novelty that just wears off...my dd father is like this is drives me insane...i have been dealing with the courts for 3.5 years...and its been well worth it..NJ too garnishes pay checks and every years I get all of his tax return because he's so far in arrears...just dont feel guilty at all because you and your child deserve the best and that means he needs to do his part to provide..and ill tell you this..the court does not give two sh*ts about his life style and his need to survive..he's resp for a certain percentage and if he only have 50 dollars left after he pays your support..o well theyll tell him to get another job...and as far as i know he cant sign off financially on your child unless another person claims financial resp. for him..i suppose like if you were remarrying and that man wanted to adopt..otherwise he's paying till your sons 18..and deft choose to have it garnished out of his wages..otherwise youll spend a lot of time in court and be out a lot of money..good luck and deft dont feel any type of guilt!!!!

[lilypad143]

omg this sounds like me.... I am pregnant with my second child (they do not have the same father). I talked to father about child support when the babies born, and he made me feel soooo guilty for even thinking about filing for it. His mom died this year and he says hes dealing with that loss and cannot concentrate on anything else right now. And hes trying to keep his family together yada yada ..... Then he brings up the fact that hes in college, and doesnt make that much money and I want to take the little money he does have. I'm in COLLEGE TOO. lol and I still have to do what I have to do. I luv how they think they can just slack on their responsibilities and i'm supposed to be like "yeah no problem I'll pay for everything, even though it takes to TWO PEOPLE to have a baby". But I dont know that is descision you have to make, because I still dont know what I'm going to do. He says he'll give me as much as he can, so there is no need for him to pay child support. I dont know.... like I said its up to you on what you feel you need to do.

[kris123]

That is what Craig said - I will give you what I can no set amount - TOO BAD

[Crritter]

Just wanted to wish you good luck.  Don't feel bad for it and don't even give it a second thought.  He's being selfish leaving you with all o the responsibility.  If he can afford a home like that, then he can suck it up and help you out a little.  It's not like you have so much money lying around, and you are in need of help for your son.  They will leave him with enough to support himslef, and if he has to get a smaller place, then that's his problem.  Good luck!

[lilypad143]

Honestly this sounds really pathetic, but I actually want to believe my babies father when he says he'll give as much as he can... Am i crazy for really wanting to believe him and trust him? I do not have to go through this with my other sons dad, i did not have to file for child support. He has him half the week, and he pays for all my sons things even daycare when hes with me. He tells me hes going to do something and he does it. I dont know what to do about this guy.

[kris123]

I have daugther who will be 12 and her dad has gone to jail twice for not paying.  He is so scared to go back he comes up with the $400 every month - not on time though

[lilypad143]

lmao, wow I know hes scared since he went twice. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, because I'm worried that he'll be upset about having to pay child support and not want to see his son at all when hes born. I'm confused.... not sure what to do.

[kris123]

I have the same thought that once I go tomorrow and he finds out that he will want nothing to do with his son.  Here is the thing - he came to see him all the time when he was born - slowly the second month it was less, at this time he see him maybe once or twice every two weeks - so I guess it really doesn't matter at this point because he is not seeing him anyway - that is what I am telling myself.  Craig changed for a little bit and then his old self came out - I'm sure it was more of a show to everyone else because he did not want to look bad - I will add that he only sees him now because I take him to him.  I was going to take him the other day and he said he was sleepy - he hadn't see him in about two weeks - but yet he will see his other two kids.  He takes care of them every other weekend and has them in the summer - ages 14 & 15.  He doesn't have to pay child support on them because they agreed on that in their divorce.  I have that same feeling but you your child does come first - I know it is hard but I got to do it