Does the hurt after m/c ever go away?

I just faced a misscarage, on 12/11/06. I went to the doctor for a regular check up I was 22 weeks along. He could not hear a heartbeat and sent me for an u/s. Unfortunately little Emily's heart was not beating anymore. I had seen her u/s 2 times before and everything was normal and she was in PERFECT health ( that is what the u/s and doctor had told us.) They sent me home and on 12/12/06 they put me in the hospital and induced labor, on 12/14/06 at 4:12 a.m. Emily was here, the doctors had talked about testing and etc but it was evident when she was born what the problem was. Little Emily had wrapped herself up in the umbilical cord and it had cut off her lifeline! I never thought I would be faced with this and this has been the most difficult 11 days of my life! We burried our little Emily on 12/16/06 she weighed 8 oz and was 9 inches long , It is so amazing how developed a baby is at only 22 weeks. We were able to hold our precious baby, she was so tiny yet all fingers, toes and etc perfect in everyway, yet her tiny heart was no longer beating. My heart goes out to the women on this site and every other women that has ever faced such heartache and tragedy in there life. I have a 12 yr old son and I am so thankful for him!!! My husband, my son and myself have never experienced such a loss in our lives!!! We were so excited, nursery is done bed is up and everything bought for her all we needed was our baby and within a matter of moments our excitement turned to such heartache. I can't tell anyone that it gets better, everyone keeps telling me that but I am still an emotional wreck and I feel so broken. God Bless everyone.

[aridza]

I am so sorry for your loss.
There is nothing I can say to make your pain go away but my heart goes out to you for this very difficult time.

[Jenny100]

I can definitely feel your pain. While I was not as far along as you, I was still quite far along--16 weeks. And like you, I had had an ultrasound where I had seen my baby kicking, turning,and very much alive. I went in for my 16 week checkup, and the Dr. couldn't get a heartbeat. When he brought in the ultrasound and looked for him/her...I could see it was completely still, no movement at all from the baby.
My heart broke. I layed there on the table praying out loud...Please Heavenly Father...don't make me do this...this can't be happening. I was so numb. My husband wasn't with me at this checkup so I was all alone feeling like this.
I have never felt this kind of pain in my life.

It has been 3 1/2 months now, and I can tell you that it does get better.But in the beginning, there is NOTHING that will lessen the pain. You HAVE to go through it. There is no shortcut. At this point, you are still feeling terrible. It will take time. And while I know this isn't any comfort to tell you that nothing can lessen the pain right now, it is what I learned from my miscarriage. I want you to know that it WILL feel better later on down the road.
I do think that there will ALWAYS be a tender spot of pain for the rest of our lives concerning our miscarriages. But there will come a day when it doesn't CONSUME you.
You will feel joy again at some point. It's kind of hard to imagine right now, trust me, I know. I once felt like I would NEVER be okay. But as these few months have passed, I have simply had to adjust and face my life's path. I am trying to conceive again, and this brings me hope and happiness again, imagining a new little baby inside of me again.I find joy in my sweet husband and wonderful children, and all the other many blessings in my life.

My heart breaks for you. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling.I wish I could just hug you and cry with you and all the wonderful women on this site who have experienced this pain.
I am SO SORRY for your suffering.I don't even know you, and I feel like I love you just from reading your post because I know the pain you are going through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I don't know about your religious standing, but I could not have made it through without prayer. If you are a praying person, pray fervently for understanding, hope, faith and comfort. God loves us, and though it hard to understand how He expects us to deal with this kind of pain, He KNOWS we can. He has a purpose in all He does. I KNOW THIS.

Keep talking to us on this site. It helps, A LOT. I have been comforted many times by the kind, wise words of the ladies on here.We know how you feel.We love and care about all our dear sisters who have had to face a miscarraige (miscarriage).
You are not alone.

[baby4Staci]

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Emily.  A close family friend of ours just experienced a similar loss.  She just found out a week ago that her little boy's heart stopped and the cord was the most likely cause..  She was about 24-25 weeks pregnant..  My heart was absolutely broken for her..  

The hurt that you have experienced is by far no comparison to a miscarriage at 10 weeks.  I lost a pregnancy at 10 weeks last January.  As much as it hurt and as much as it still hurts I cant imagine it happening at 22 weeks and still hurting the same.  My current pregnancy.. (I am 38 weeks) i knew and saw my son at 21 weeks.. i have a name for him and i just couldnt imagine losing him after that point.  At that point in my mind he was no longer a "pregnancy" he is my son.

You didnt just have a miscarriage, you lost your daughter.. im not sure if that hurt will ever leave.  Try to memorialize your daughter in the ways that you see fit.

I wish you well and i hope you can soon feel better from your loss.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

im so sorry my mom went through the same experience she has a little boy david and its heartbreaking it was after my oldest sister after the boy she had me and then had another girl she said she always knew after the stillborn with the boy she knew she was preggo with a girl with both pregnancies cuz the way she felt, i wish u the best! i had a m/c on nov 10 my first pregnancy on my first prental visit at 11 weeks i found out my baby died im now in my tww and im hoping and praying im pregnant for the start of the new year

[jayhawk822]

I can't imagine what you are going through and can only offer my prayers.  My sister, when she lost her baby, looks back and says she could never have both (the baby she lost and the baby she got pg with very quickly after which was born healthy) and she finds comfort in that.  I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Emily.

[BusyMom92960206]

I cannot imagine what you are going through.  I have had two miscarriages, one at 11w4d, and one was a chemical pregnancy that I lost at 5 weeks, but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING compares to what you went through.  My heart is broken for you and your family.  This has brought tears to my eyes.  My prayers and with you and I am so sympathetic to your loss.  That is a very tramatic experience to have to go through.  I cannot say it is going to get easier, I can only imagine as time passes it will.  Please just know that there are a lot of us up here for you to turn too if you need to talk, vent or just cry on.  I hope you can lean on help from above as well and it does get better for you.  Again, I am truly sadden for you and hope all gets better for you soon.  Please take of yourself, and each other.

Angie

[michellejune]

My heart just breaks for you. I miscarried early and cannot even imagine what you that suffer loss when you are that far along must go through.
I can only say I'm so unbelievable sorry and I hope you have a strong support system of friends and family to help you get through the hurt.

[Pippsquike]

I lost my first son at 22 weeks. the placenta started to detach which sent me into full blown labor... they took him away at first (due to muscles spasms etc) they didn't want to give me any hope and then brought him back for me to hold. i remember thinking the same thing... how they are already so perfect even just at 22 weeks. That was so long ago... I look back now and wonder how I ever made it through the pain. It does get better .... with time. And there's still those moments when you'll stop and think, my son/daughter would be this old..and doing this at this point in their lifes. and it comes back as awful as ever.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your angel.

[rosie1600]

I truly feel your pain. I passed through a big loss on Nov. 2005. I was 36 weeks pregnant, yes exactly 36 weeks. I did not even notice my baby's heart stop beating. I went into labor thinking I was going to have a premie and when I got to the hospital, I get the bad news that my baby boy is no longer there. I got my labor induced and was able to keep my baby with me for most of the day. My husband, son of 6 years old and me were very anxious on our baby's arrival. The worst thing was that I did not even know how I was going to tell my son of what had happened with his baby brother he waited for so long.
I don't even know how I got through this pain, only God has helped me every single day because believe me it's been a year and I still feel the same pain as when the moment that I lived it. My husband and family has helped me so much by listening to me when I feel sad. I still sometimes break down and cry.
Then 4 months after that I got pregnant and at 6 weeks I went for my first checkup and there was no baby at all so my body had a natural miscaraige and that too has affected me so much. I am trying to get pregnant again. The only thing I can tell you is that you are going to need a lot of time to grieve and talk about it a lot with anybody to take out the pain you feel inside. I will be praying for you. Take care.

[AmandaKay1980]

I also miscarried on 12/11/06.  went to the dr and they couldnt find a heart beat so they sent me for an ultrasound.  on the ultrasound there was no heart beat and no blood flow of any kind.  they did an emergency d&c that night. i didnt get to see my baby or anything.  when i woke up they sent me to recovery for a couple hours and then sent me home.  I cant say i understand your pain because everyones pain is different.  Today just thinking about my baby makes me cry.  no matter how hard we all wish though we will never get our babies back.  i am sorry for your loss and i do hope things get easier for you.  Good luck and once again i am sorry for your loss.

[emilysmommy]

I am new to this site, never even knew about it until I lost Emily. I am so amazed at the response of caring people that has replied. Thank you everyone for the words or encouragement and your thoughts and prayers, my whole family truely needs them right now. It is just so hard to put one foot in front of the other one and make the effort to get out of bed. Of course I have too so I do it! My husband went back to work and my son went back to school, sometimes I think it is so unfair because I can not go back to work, Dr. said come back to see him on Jan 8th and he would see if I was ready to go back to work. I don't know that I am , I work in a Small home town Florist and have co-workers and customers that are awesome, they have called, sent flowers, cards, money and etc. Just like yesterday I had to go to town and pick up a few things I ran into alot of people I knew, they either look at me like OH MY GOSH  and walk on or stop to hug and start crying and telling me how sorry and how HORRIBLE a thing I am going thru ( like I didn't realize it enough already). I know they mean well but it is just so upsetting when they do that. On top of that it seemed like every baby in our town and every pregnant woman was at that same store. I had to leave I felt so hurt and so out of place. I know it is going to take time it is just soooo hard. Me and my son go by the cemetary everyday, It's just like my day isn't near complete and I can't stop thinking about Emily so I have to go by the cemetary. I know alot of people probably think that is crazy but it seems to help. The other day I wasn;t feeling well, I had severe cramps and etc and thought I wasn't going to get to go by there and It was like someone was standing on my chest and wouldn't move. Again thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and your sincere concern. I am so glad I found this site and my new friends!!!!!!! God Bless!!!!

[krushing]

I've only had one miscarraige (miscarriage) and that was back in March and it was early on.  And it was hard enough.  I couldn't imagine being farther along and seeing my baby.  I'm not going to tell you everything happens for a reason and so on like I was told.  You take one day at a time and it will get better.  But, you take as much time as you need to get there.  You are in my prayers and God Bless!

[crystalluvsjim]

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he has walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."


I read this to get through my troublesome times. Read it as often as needed & never stop praying. Let Him carry you. You are in my prayers.

[emilysmommy]

Thank you I love Footprints and need to read it more often, again , thank you!!!