Emotional healing after miscarriage

Ive been a single mom for almost 7 years.  My son is turning 8 in April.  I got married last year and almost immediately fell pregnant after being diagnosed with PCOS and im 35 years old.  It was like a miracle to me as i was going to received fertility treatment this year....new hubby and I was absolutely delighted to find out im pregnant.  But i had cramps from the start especially on the one side, i knew something was wrong, but i was so hopeful that it will go away. Last week thursday i had a miscarriage, i was so disappointed. Although i was only 4 weeks, it knocked me harder than i would imagine. How long will it take to get emotional healing? What emotions are normal? What must i do to work through it to make it easier for everybody?

[pertykitty]

we are much alike. im 35, i was a single mom after my divorce for several years to an 8 year old boy, and remarried a great man. last year i was pg and i mc'd too very early. it was sitting up during the middle of the night crying to find answers that i found this site. my mc was last may. it took time. id say for about a month i saw pg women everywhere and i cried. we all have a different amount of time that we greive. honestly i cant remember exactly when i felt better, but id say after a month or so i did feel better. dont let anyone tell you when you should or shouldnt be "better" with what happened. are you going to ttc again? we waited untill now to try again (because of his job). im sorry for your loss.

[Mich7]

im so glad ive found this site.  the day aft my mc, my hubby's cousin came to stay with us for 10 days, in fact he is still with us, its soooo difficult, my hubby works long hours and when he comes home he is torn between his sad wife and a guest that needs to be entertained. its difficult cause we dont get time to talk and all i want to do is grief in a normal way and talk to hubby.  i definitely want to ttc again, dr said i must wait 3 cycle's.  it feels forever..and the clock is ticking. im turning 36 in august and because of my polycystic ovaries im a bit scared. it took me 3 years to fall pg with my first child. Dr said he is going to treat me for low progesterone when i fall pregnant again.  My friend is a nurse, she say i mustnt worry, its normal for ppl to have mc's and then have a perfectly normal pg shortly after a mc. She said because i havent been pg for a few years, its my body preparing for a normal pg.  anyhow, i'd love to try again and yes i hope you get GOOD news soon!!!!

[tina1111]

I mc at 12 wks. I was 40 when I conceived and am 41 now and ttc again. They did karyotyping on the baby and there was nothing wrong genetically or otherwise. The reason was placenta separated from uterine wall due to strain. It made me feel a lot better knowing it wasn't because of my age. I don't have any children and have recently remarried and dh doesn't have any either and we both want them. So you do still have time. I'm sorry for both of your losses. I thought I was "out of the woods" and it is still hard to accept. But everything happens for a reason, even though it's so cliche.

[deanne11]

I'm so sorry.  I lost 3 babies last year and there is no real way to deal with it.  I cry all the time and pray that GOD heals me and then out of the blue...my little 2 yr old suns and gives me a hug or says 'i love you, mommy'.

GOD and my faith are my anchor.  My last m/c was in Sept...a little girl at 9 weeks.  I named her and know she is in heaven with her other (I believe little sisters)...Also lost my grandparents last year...which was hard yet comforting.  I knew without a doubt my grandma was in heaven with Jesus and my little gals....loving them as much as I would.

Just cry as much as you want and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I had two mc last year and the grief was too much to bear.  I am a person of faith and eventually that got me through.

And don't worry about your age, I am 40 and am currently 13 weeks and everything is going well.  I never thought I would be able to carry a baby again.

[pertykitty]

mich ill be 36 in sept. us older gals must stick together hehhe. why did your dr say to wait 3 cycles? usually having an early mc means no d &c and usually we can ttc the next cycle (or after one as my midwife said).

[Mich7]

pertykitty, im not sure why i have to wait 3 cycles, last night a lady from the church told me she was pg a month after her mc.  Yes i didnt have a d&c and ive read that your body recovers in a few hours after a mc.
im stoked to hear how many of you trust God in all of this and other situations.  I have the acceptance and the understanding of what i went thru and know its in God's time but i think what is difficult is the fact that ive been a single mom for so many years and "desired" another baby. Its just the disappointment that it went wrong.  But its been a week now and i must say i no longer cry and i can feel how im being restored emotionally little by little each day as i cling onto God with the knowing its in His hands now. pertykitty you go girl. we are 35 and rocking!

[rickysue]

I'm so sorry. Miscarriages are devastating - I had one prior to the birth of my daughter. It's totally normal to grieve intensely - I also ended up feeling so lonely (because not many people want to talk about your grief the way you do) and mad at my body for what I considered the ultimate betrayal (I had a "missed miscarriage" - so the baby didn't make it past 5 weeks, but I walked around until 10 weeks thinking I was still pregnant - had our first ultrasound scheduled on Valentine's Day and they told me it was not a good pregnancy - very sad). However, when I did get pregnant again, I immediately started healing (but I was pretty nervous those first 14 weeks!). Honor your feelings - ignore anyone that says it was for the best - and be good to your body. I bet you will have reason to celebrate in the near future : ).

Good luck!

[cantwait]

I had a mc in july, and it took a long time to feel "better".  It would have been out first, but we are currently preggo and about 8 weeks.  And age doesnt always factor in, Im only 21.  My sister had a mc 3 months after me and she is 33, so it could be age or just because.  Good luck and sorry for your loss.  Take as much time as you need to.  

[Mich7]

thanks girls, its so good to talk to ppl that understand. you can only really relate to something/someone once you went thru that experience yourself.  People say "im sorry" but if they havent been down that road they don't understand the pain. I was feeling so guilty that im sad, but now i realise i am allowed to be sad & to grieve.  

[rocachokalatta]

I've been reading all of your posts and they are very helpful.

However, I feel like I may be in a rather different situation.

It seems everyone I come across who has had a m/c is married or was trying to have a child in the first place. I was not.

I am 24 years old, and had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend of only 4 months. When we found out, I was horrified...for about a day. Then, I pulled myself up and realized that I could do this and I could do it with or without him. I gathered up my friends and family and told them the situation and my decision and found a fantastic support network within them.

Then, about the beginning of my 8th week, I started to spot. I had a m/c followed by a D&C, on my doctors orders.

After that, the boyfriend left town and now I'm left here with nobody at all, after I spent 6 weeks talking myself into becoming a mother.

So, I guess my question is: now what? In your positions, people tell you to try again or adopt or use your husband for support.

Are there places i can go to speak to people who are in similar situations to my own?

Thanks ladies, for giving me so much strength!