hey all, I have been having mixed feelings lately, and was hoping I could get some opinions and maybe know that im not a bad person, lol. Firstly, i have 2 wonderful DS that I wouldnt trade for anything. My DH has a daughter from a previous marriage, but she doesnt live with us. It has always been my dream to have a daughter, maybe thats common for women to want a daughter just like men wants sons. Anyway, when DH and I planned TTC again, I did so knowing this would be the last child, and whatever god gives me, I will accept and be happy with. I cant help the feeling deep down inside that wants this baby to be a girl more then anything. I am just worried that if i hear "its a boy" I will feel some sort of sadness and I wouldnt be able to live with myself if I felt that way. I want a healthy happy baby no matter what. Last night I had a dream that I had the ultrasound and it was girl. The happiness I felt in this dream couldnt be rivaled. Is this normal? am I a bad person? This may sound trivial, I know....I guess i just want to hear other people say its ok to feel this way. Thanks all!
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have one son and really want a daughter....but, will not have more than 3 kids. So, I have accepted that if I do not have a girl within those 3 tries, then it was not meant to be! I also said that if my next baby is a girl, I will probably not have a third one and just stick with two, but I love babies so whether I will stick to that or not is up in the air. Anyway, the point is, it is normal to want a daughter and it is normal to be disappointed but it is not going to change the way you feel in the end!!!
No, don't feel bad, I have 2 boys, I kinda wanted a girl, but just don't feel that if I have another one, it will be a girl. I have made my peace with it and love my boys so much. When you see the baby on the u/s, it will be such a good feeling and honestly, you will love that little one so much, I bet it's 'cuz it's your last one that you are so nervous. My sil hates little boys, she's fine with my boys, but thinks boys are messy and gross, and she cried about the possibility of having one. She knew she would only have a girl since God knew she couldn't handle or love a boy. She was a mess. She had a little girl and then got lucky and had another one. At the advice of her Dr., she had her tubes tied. She even refused to learn the gender of the baby for fear it was a boy and it would ruin her entire pregnancy. Her thought was that if it was a boy, she would be so tired from labor she would be okay. In fact, when I called to tell her our first baby was a boy, she told me she was sorry for me, began crying and hung up. She didn't talk to me for most of my pregnancy, and even missed my baby shower. I was hurt, but she was an extreme case of the gender bias, and has since gone on meds for depression and is fine. You sound nothing like this, I bet you will be thrilled no matter what, but I hope you do get your little girl. Good luck though, healthy and happy is the most important part!
That is crazy!!! I always told my mom that I NEVER wanted a boy under any circumstances! When I got pregnant, I felt that it was a boy, I knew it! Well, he was a boy and I have loved every minute of it!!! He is the only boy in this generation and the only boy that my dad will be around when he is being raised...since my dad had 4 girls!!! Ashtyn loves his ba (my dad)...anyways, that is off topic, but boys are so sweet!
I agree, both my boys are so sweet and cuddly. I think even more so than my nieces, who are both tomboys. I always knew I was having a boy from the start with my first, the second one I knew too, but so many people thought it was going to be a girl. I still have the feeling that baby #3 will be a boy too, and when I do have another one, I will be just as thrilled. I can say that my boys are my life.
thanks for the comments guys, its nice to know im not alone in my thinking.
Critter- your SIL sounds pretty intense, lol.....no, I am not that bad, and I totally accept what God has in store for me, I just secretly wish that his plan includes a little girl!!!!
I guess one reason behind my desire is that like 9 months after my 2nd DS was born, i developed some sort of cystic mass on one of my ovaries and no dr really could tell what it was by the ultrasound. At this time DH and I had been discussing the possibility of having more kids, and I took the threat to my fertility as maybe a sign it wasnt the best idea...so I had a "conversation" with God, and told him I would leave it to him...if it turned out to be something, I knew it wasnt meant to be, if not. then maybe that was his way of trying for my little girl( or another baby in general) and I would get it...well, 6 weeks later the cyst was gone, and a few years after that I got pregnant on my 1st month TTC....I know its prob not related, but sometimes it makes me feel good to think that it is.
I WAS HAVING THIS PROBLEM IN A DIFFERENT WAY. MY HUSBAND WANTED A BOY SOOO BADLY. SO DID MY MOTHER AND MOTHER IN LAW. ON MY MOM'S SIDE WE DONT HAVE ANY BOYS SO IT WAS A DREAM OF HERS FOR ME TO HAVE A BOY. I WAS SCARED THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A GIRL AND LET EVERYONE DOWN. I FOUND OUT I AM HAVING A BOY AND I WAS RELIEVED.
THE POINT IS, WISHFULL THINKING IS OK. JUST PRAY TO HAVE A HEALTHY BABY. B/C IN THE END, THAT IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS. BUT GOOD LUCK GETTING YOUR GIRL!!
I think it's totally normal. When I was carrying Gavin, I was so sure that it's a girl, I cried after finding out it's a boy at the U/S. But within a few minutes, I was so excited and looking forward to this baby boy. He is now 16 months and can't imagine being without him. I am curretnly 18 weeks pregnant and of course hoping for a girl but this time around, I just don't really mind one way or another because I know this baby will have our unconditional love regardless of the gender.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Been there, done that... like the rest of the posts above, I agree it is totally normal. My DH has been the one always wanting a girl, while I've never really been too set on the gender. When we had our first son, he was slightly disappointed, which, although it is definitely NOT my fault, I felt that I had let my dh down somehow. Well, once my dh held his new little son it has been love at first sight. It helps that he is a TOTALLY dada's boy and that he looks exactly like his daddy. Everyone says he's a "Mini-Me" or a "Carbon Copy" of his dada.
Well, then when my 1st ds was 6mo. old I got pregnant with baby #2. Of course EVERYONE said it would be a girl this time, especially since the pregnancy was so different (drastic morning sickness, carrying the baby differently, etc). So when we went for the big ultrasound, I was STUNNED to hear "It's another boy!". I plastered a smile on my face and immediately looked at my DH... and surprisingly, he was smiling this time around! Our 2nd son was born last month, and he too looks exactly like his Daddy (just like his big brother). We have always said we were only going to have 3 kids, so I guess we still have one more shot for a girl, but both my dh and I will be just as happy if we do get another little boy... all we want is a happy and healthy baby. I told my dh that this time I will try all the "to conceive a girl do this..." stuff (timing of bd'ing, positions, etc), so at least we'll give it our best shot (with the previous 2, it was just the luck of the draw).
But, one real positive with having our 2 sons now (and who knows, maybe we'll end up with 3!), is that it sure was a lot cheaper preparing for his arrival-- we already had all the blue baby clothes, blankets, hats, socks, boy toys, etc!
Anyway, you probably WILL feel a little disappointed if indeed your little bun turns out to be a boy... but I promise you, when you actually hold that little boy for the first time and see him draw his first breath, you will fall in love and never look back. God gives the best to those who leave the choice to Him, and I truly feel like I am the most blessed mom on the planet to be lucky enough to have carried two healthy little boys to term and hug them in my arms every day.
Good luck and I'll keep my fingers crossed for pink booties in your future!!
seeingspots- thank you so much for your post, it really helped. I feel the same way you did in your second pregnancy.....this pregnancy has been completely different in every way then my other 2, thats why I feel this might be a girl, but i know that doesnt mean anything, lol. I think the dream i had last night about it being a girl is what made me so blue today....i just woke up feeling guilty for being so happy in that dream....Dang vivid pregnancy dreams!!! lol
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