Finances and larger families

A couple of posts got me thinking (oh, Jeez!)

How do the people with larger families make ends comfortably meet, so they have plenty left over each month and also save for their childrens college funds?  Plus have enough socked away in savings for the unexpected?

I've always wondered.   When my children were growing up, it was a big concern for my former husband and myself, making ends meet well enough that we could always contribute to saving for the kids college.  And have at least 1 month's income set aside in an emergency fund in case something happened.  (and that's a pittance--you are supposed to have at least 3 months salary set aside)

Anyway, just wondering how you all do it!  It has to be very difficult, saving that much.  Especially Jenny100--I'm startled that you are going to have #8.  We could barely afford 2 kids, and there were no Mercedes found in our driveway, or designer clothes being worn!  We lived very simply, owned a modest home, and both had good incomes--and we had a hard time.

Tell me the secret!  

[meiram]

I hate to jump on the band wagon, but I'm with you, Peek.  We have just had our first, and will most likely have a second, but I can't imagine how we would pay and save for any more than that.  Not that I wouldn't like to have a large family...

We aren't rich, but I can see some areas that we might cut back.  But I'm not talking trips to Paris.  More like no cable, or maybe no cell phones.  Either way, not enough to have a family in the double digits.

If you can support a large family, more power to ya.  I'll be watching this post carefully to see if any secrets are spilled.  

[surprisebaby]

I think todays secret is ... EVERYONE is willing to finance us (as a society)!  Which is not good!!!  My dh makes awesome money, but I sure DON'T!!!   I am at home with the kids most days...I do work, but only about 8 days a month.  (for now anyways!)  
I fear what the future will hold for us, (I mean as a society..not ME specifically) everyone is soooo in debt.    The more WE make,  (Yes, ME this time!!! LOL) the more WE spend!!!  
We only have 3 kids, I can't imagine EIGHT!!!  WOW....my dh would LOVE to have 8!!!

[peekawho]

I've often heard the comment "cut out your cable, internet, and your cell phone" as if that would provide enough to have a good college fund.

Most times, those things are bundled and are not as expensive as they are separately. I  pay about $110/month  for phone, internet, and satelllite combined in a bundled package, unlimited.  Cell is about $40/month.  Cutting those out would help a little, but would not make a startling difference.  

[deanne11]

Peek -

I understand.  I have 2 and the only reason we are 'thinking' about # 3 is because of finances....

It would be a no brainer to have a 3rd even 4th kid, for us in our hearts, if the finances were there.

And we are a very modest family.  And I must say, make decent money.  We don't have cable TV, we don't eat out, we don't have cell phones or video games.

We don't have luxuries that we aren't willing to give up....we just don't see how the money can be there in a few years...not with the economy.

I'm guessing, it has to be the mortgage payment.....I don't know how Jenny does it myself....but that plays a huge role in our finances....

Where my friend...her mortgage is like half of ours....She bought in 1998 while we bought ours in 2005....

[tiredbuthappy]

ooo... yea... i want to know too!
one of the reasons things are tight around here is because DH is very concerned with our futures. we contribute maximum amounts into 401Ks and such. we pay for life insurance. He insists that there be something in savings, as peek said. he's paying extra on carpayments in hopes of eliminating that expense all together.

we're living within our means, but nothing fancy. i live in one of the cheapest towns in my county, in one of the cheaper styles of houses. our modest little cape cod sits on a 50x100 lot. living expenses in this area are outrageous, but our salaries would be lower elsewhere, and we'd be without family. so, how do you do it??? also, where do you put your priorities? we did see a financial planner which was very helpful- i highly recommend it to everyone. but he pretty much said to keep doing what we're doing.

[have 2 kids]

I've often wondered the same thing.

[deanne11]

Peek - once again you are right....We don't have those things, and it certainly doesn't make a difference......

Not for College savings or for 'our future'.

But, do we as parents feel we have to pay for college?
Why?

My parents didn't nor did DH's parents....

My DH had the army pay for his college.....of course.  I don't want my son going into the military to have them pay...not in today's world.

[JJety]

The secret is this is the internet. People can tell you anything, including that they live comfortably and have all kinds of spare cash.

[AHP84]

I'd like to know the secret of managing secure finances for a large family so I can apply it to having just ONE child, lol!

[deanne11]

True - but I see it in everyday life...her in my own community....

How?  How do people have 4-5-6 kids........And drive these expensive cars/SUVs
Heck, I want a 3rd and can't even imagine that....And I drive a car that's paid off.

[peekawho]

My parents did pay for my college.  I can't say I would have or could have done it without them.  Oh, I think I could have done it, but there were no "part time" nursing schools back then.  I held down 2 part time jobs to pay for my incidentals (beer money), and it was pretty hard.

My parents offered each of us ONE chance at college.  I finished and they paid because I went straight through.  My sister dropped out, and it took her about another 15 years to finish and pay on her own, working, raising a family and just trying to live her life.

[vsentz]

Oh I am right there with all of you!!!
I love my little Maddie so much that I really don't mind eating quesadillas everyday to have a little extra to buy formula, or a little cutsie sweater if weather is chilling down... I don't mind working extra to be able to live comfortably, and bring my parents every now and then to spend time and build memories.
But.... if it wasn't for the (damn) finances, it would be a NOOOO brainer that I would start trying for baby #2 within a year....I found an awesome... I mean AWESOME baby sitter, she's so caring, so patient, so loving, and only charges $80 a week for Maddie. But it adds up! I don't know if we could afford a second baby with our very modest incomes!
We just took a loan out... we are trying to fix our home... we have stupid birds and squirrels running all over our roof (between the roof and ceiling... we have no soffin facia...sp?!?!) and we are also trying to put some heating in the sunroom (we have to cross it from our bedroom to Maddie's room and the rest of the house!!) since winter is pretty rough and baby can't be exposed to that.... =(
We are gonna pay all our debt with this loan....(or most of it anyway) and then the rest use it to fix all that, plus put our sidding and replacing the old (nasty) windows...
I mean, it's necessary for us, for our little one... but it's been a while that we go out to indulge at redlobster... or even a date... we can't afford it! (plus now i prefer to stay at home watching a movie holding my little one anyway).
I would love to be a SAHM... but, oh well... i know im doing all this for her.... i want her to have a good home to live in and a secure future.... i also love that little face when i come to pick her up at the sitter's... her smile is my engine.

I also think, well.... if I wait more than 2 or 3 years to bring #2... i'll be hitting 35!!!! Christ! if i had trouble being 28... argh!!!! =S i really hope i can conceive easily and have a healthy sibling for my Maddie some day....

[JJety]

I know what you mean.  It's like that commercial that used to be on.  There was a guy happily mowing his lawn and smiling about all the things he has...membership at the country club, beautiful house, good cars, and then he says "how do I do it?  I'm in debt up to my eyeballs."

That's so true.  

Visa, MasterCard, Discover.  People buy everyday things like GROCERIES on their credit cards!!  How insane is that??  I know a woman (friend of a friend) and they have all kinds of toys and take Vegas trips - and their dirty little secret is they're $50K in credit card debt and growing.

[JJety]

Oh, and I'm one who believes the parents do have an obligation to pay for their kids college.  My parents paid for mine and DH's parents did not.  We have his school debt and it *****.  We have MESP's set up for our kids.  That's a Michigan acronym, but I think lots of states have the same kind of thing, don't they?

[deanne11]

So growing up it was just you and your sis? And then you had 2 kids?

I know DH and I both come from a 3 sibling home...and we kinda settled on wanting 3.

So maybe the desire for the family size comes and stems from how we grew up.

We want 3....But how?  

I know with 2 we can provide them a 'good' life with opportunity.  If we have 3, it may not be presenting all 3 with the best opportunities?  

And, I'm not talking spoiling them with luxuries....I mean opportunity.  Good education and extra curricular things....one thing that truly has their heart.

And family time....Mom and Dad time with each child.  

[RockRose]

Jjetty - I put everything I buy on my credit card - virtually everything.  Even yesterday,  2 dollars for crickets,  on the credit card.

But we pay it off every month in full - so really,  Mastercard is kindly floating us an interest free loan for a full month,  no fees.  AND woohoo,  they're keeping up with my finances online for me.

If you pay it off every month,  credit cards are really a great tool.

[Quinns momma]

I know what you all mean. I can still recall stories of my grandparents who came from huge families of 9 kids. They never wanted for anything. They all helped out on the family farms. Had food to eat, clothes to wear, roof over their heads. They entertained themselves by playing outdoors. They only needed 1 car, no tv's, steroes, ipods, computers etc... To be happy.  They also did not have the temptaion of the all mighty credit card.

DH and I when both working are over six figures. We worked hard in our careers to get to this point. BUT I still cannot imagine having more than 2 kids as the cost of everything now is nuts. We are already putting away $$$ every month for Quinns college and yet I hope she can still get a scholarship as I have no idea in 17 years how much college will cost.

Now the cost of health insurance do not even get me started on that....

[vsentz]

Deanne... i think so girl... I was an only child... and up to very recently I was convinced I only wanted one.
I am gonna be honest: I would love a second one... but I'm scared TO DEATH that i won't give him/er the attention Maddie gets... and then, how do you juggle two of everything? how can you fully pay attention to one if the other one also needs it?!?!

[deanne11]

I'm with you.  I want to pay for my children's college.

We have 529s set up for our kids.  I work for a financial company, and we have an advisor.

But should we feel obligated to pay all....or feel good they we are at least helping?

I'm not saying that for me personally but for parents in general.  I think any amount of help is help, whether they pay full tuition or help out their kids as best they can.

[JJety]

Paying off in full every month doesn't count.  That's not credit card debt.  I agree - it's an awesome way to rack up points and whatever other perks you can get.  Do you get frequent flier miles?

I'm talking about the people that buy all their stuff on their credit card because they have no paycheck leftover from paying their minimum payment on everything.  I have no clue what a mimimum payment on a $50K debt would be, but it would have to take a huge chunk of an average person's paycheck.  Plus car payments, house payments, etc.

[deanne11]

You have the time....and the love for the 2nd child....trust me.
It also really depends on how close you have them.

Our timing for Jake and Abby was perfect.

Abby has become like 'my little friend'.  We have girl time.  Doing hair/nails...etc.

It's awesome!!!  And then we crack up together about the silly things Jake does.

He's such a 'boy' we say....LOL
As he's eating a box

[tiredbuthappy]

dh and i both paid for our own educations. well, i'm still paying mine. he didn't have expenses right out of school, so he just paid his off. we also paid for our own wedding. we're stuck because our parents didn't think much about the future. and right now, both sets of parents don't have much for retirement either, which scares the cr@p out of me. i think it would be irresponsible of me to assume that my kids will help care for me when i get old.

i don't feel its my obligation to pay for my kids schooling, but it would be great if i could help. we are saving money for her- hopefully we can use it for college.

our goal is to give our kids a better life than we had. hopefully if we continue to plan well, they won't have to worry about the same things.

we use credit cards, but they are paid every month. occasionally, we need to make a bigger purchase that may take a little longer. We have to use creditcard access checks to pay for things like my tuition. for small purchases, i actually use my debit card mostly. it's money in the bank, so it really makes you think about what you are purchasing.

[meiram]

Still waiting for the secret...

[deanne11]

meiram - LOL -

tiredbuthappy - we use credit cards too for certain items that we are having shipped, etc....but we pay everything off.  debit card is swiped for 90% of our purchases....
if we don't have money in the bank....then we can't afford it.

[KCBound]

Well how does that family down in Arkansas do it...they have 18 kids or something like that? I watched the show, and I don't have it in me to make clothing for my kids...grow my own vegetable, cut every corner imaginable. I'm not very frugal, so I would sink like a rock. I am going to get a less on frugality here in a couple weeks, so it'll be a trial by fire.

My parents paid for my college, so luckily I came out of that with only $500 on my credit card. :)

Our choice to have two kids wasn't money based...it was all we thought we could handle.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Well ladies, just had to chime in on this one because I have 5 kids.

But I don't have any secrets.  To tell you the truth, we live pay check to pay check and don't have anything in savings.  I did just enroll in my 401K here at work a few months ago, so I have done that.  About the only thing we have done is make sure the other (spouse) would be taken care of in the event of our death.  We have mort. insurance that would pay off the house if he or I died.  This way the other wouldn't have a mort. payment anymore.  I have life insurance here at work that is 3x my salary if I died and as it stands right now, there is social security for the other parent for the kids.  I know it sounds morbid but there is no way that he or I could support all of our kids without the other one.  So we have tried to make sure that the other one wouldn't have to worry about money so much (at least right away) in the event that something like this would happen.

As far as savings for college......I honestly don't know what we will do about that.  I don't know how or if we will be able to afford that.  I guess I have mixed feelings about it.  My husband thinks that we SHOULD pay for our kids college.  I don't feel that we ABSOLUTELY have to pay for it.  My parents didn't pay for me to go to college because I got pregnant when I was 17 and had to work and take care of him as a single mother because his sperm donor was not around.  I have taken classes here and there in a local community college, but I paid that myself.  That may have to be the route my kids would have to take; at least start out in community college and then maybe transfer to a bigger university later on.  I am hoping that I get super talented and smart kids.  Maybe they can go on a scholarship :)  Maybe just wishful thinking but hey kids get scholarships all the time!  It could just as easily be my kids right?  LOL!

I guess for me, is that my biggest gift to my children is each other.  I only have 1 brother and we aren't close.  Infact most recently, I can't even believe that we were raised in the same house.  Life has been really hard for me (as it is for most) and I have never had a sibling to lean on or even a close cousin or even a life long friend.  So, I want my kids to love each other and be there for each other when times are tough.  My youngest 4 are all girls and they are ages 7, 5, 3, and 14 months old.  They just love and adore each other.  Yes, they fight, but they will always have each other.  They don't know how lucky they are right now, but I hope they will someday and I do point it out to them when they do fight or have disagreements.

Oh, and my husband is doing distance education schooling to get a degree in Construction Management.  Once he is done, I want to get a degree in Criminal Justice through the same school.  I am also looking into some things to work from home and save on child care and gas, etc.

Oh and since I have so many girls, I have tons of clothes and they always get handed down.  We reuse what we can.  Like with my last girl, all we needed was a swing as far as big items.  Cradle/crib, highchair, car seat, and others I'm sure I am forgetting were from previous babies.  I breastfeed as long as I can when they are born.  So that saves money also.  And I start buying diapers early on in the pregnancy.  Plus since I haven't had a boy in a long time, when family asks what you need, with this last baby that was really all I needed was diapers and babywipes.

Sorry so long and so all over the place.  I was just typing as I would think of new things :)

[Jenny100]

Okay, okay, I know everyone is waiting for ME to post. lol
Well, I guess I just married the right guy! He is a BIG computer nerd.ha ha He has a brain like you would not believe. He has awesome skills at computer programming, which as most of you know, is a very lucrative occupation.
He has so much work coming his way and people asking him to do things for them, that he has to turn a lot of it down.
We do drive 10 year old cars, both paid off. A suburban and a Mitsubishi Galant. Believe it or not, we have NO credit card debt.The only thing we owe for is our home. When we wanted our camping trailer or our 4 wheelers, we saved, and waited for a chunk of money to come our way from an extra job.We do not believe in using credit cards.

We have plenty saved for a "rainy day" and some for college. And so far, my children are A students and will be able get scholarships I'm sure, so that will be part if not all of their college costs.

I have never had to work outside the home, for which I am SO grateful. The first 5 years of our marriage, I did work, but it was doing accounting in my home for my parents businesses.So I never had to leave my kids, and work was done during naps and after bed. So, really I have just been very fortunate.

SO...this is what I tell my girls. MARRY A NERD!!!!!
In high school, I was quite cute.:) and many of the "jocks" liked me. I never liked how they treated girls, though. And their c o c k y attitudes.
When I met my DH, he was just a little nerd in the chess club.lol Skinny, glasses, and braces! To this day he tells me he could never believe a girl like me would go for him!
But he was, and IS the nicest man I have ever known. And that is what I fell for.
AND...those computer nerds have it made where money is concerned. lol

So, this is why I can afford my children. I promise--- if I couldn't afford them, I wouldn't have them. I knew families like that growing up, and it was very sad.

Peek? You okay girl? Didn't mean to make you faint!!!

[babyscience]

I had my college paid for by my parents and it has made my life a whole lot easier.  I have friends who paid for college themselves and they are still paying it back.  I think society seems to be moving toward kids paying for their own college.  They school loans often have lower interest rates so it is easier to pay back.  My dad made me get out the loans, so during that time he could invest money in other things that would make more interest than what the loans were charging.  Once I graduated he paid them all off.
I would like to save enough money for my kids to be able to have the choice to go.  I think in the near future, everyone will almost be required to go to college even if they are janitors for  a living (only JOKING), but the work force is getting so competitive that most companies require a degree.
Woah, with all that being said....I dont think parents are required or obligated to pay for their kids school.  If they can afford it great, if not no worries.  I would have paid for mine myself if I knew it would break my parents piggy bank!

[deanne11]

Well, I married a big time nerd....Engineer in the medical field....still can't afford 7 or 8 kids.

And I could have married the jock...hockey player actuall.

He is now pro in the NHL....

Ladies - don't listen to Jenny100....she's a liar.

LOL

Just kidding....You know I love you Jenny!

[Jenny100]

Lol deanne! thanks a lot girl!!! lol

[deanne11]

Jenny100 -

It's just so funny you said that....because my poor DH says it all the time...aren't you glad you married the high school nerd.....

I'm thinking - NO - as I'm watching my ex cash in those big million dollar paychecks.....LOL

Of course, I'm kidding.....

Life is about LOVE not money.

[Jenny100]

Lol... but if youd married the hockey player, Jake and Abby wouldn't exist!!! And they are worth more than a million.:)

And you are right! Life is about LOVE. When we used to be poor when he was in college, we would listen to this song by Paul Overstreet that said, "We've got a roof over our head.And the kids have all been fed. And the woman I love most lies close beside me in our bed. Lord, give me the eyes to see exactly what its worth---and I will be the richest man on earth."

[deanne11]

You are right.  And I have to say....my DH and I make beautiful kids together!!!  And perfect down to their very toes.  I love them dearly...every inch of them....inside and out!

My DH still can't believe I picked him....I tell him everyday I love him (10 times a day)....but he's still amazed that I'm with him.

[kjbutcher]

well Jenny you give me hope!  I also married the computer nerd.  He finally got his degree in computer science (FINALLY) and got a really good job.  I hope by the time I am done with having my kids, I would be able to post the same as you!  At least that is what he keeps telling me.  
My mil told me the other day that if you were given the gift of a college education you should also give the gift of a college education.  I paid for my own and my husbands parents paid for his.  I guess I get off by paying half!  
I know someone said above that they have the 529. She is in the finance industry so she knows the ins and outs, but for those of you going out looking for one...just get really good details before you put money in it.  Make sure it is right for your family as opposed to another form of investment.
As for us, we are living paycheck to paycheck and playing the give and take game.  I just hope we get good at it before the second baby comes! haha  

[deanne11]

You are right....529s are not right for every family....and every situation.

[Jenny100]

YEAH for computer nerds!!!! :)
Yes, its more lucrative the longer they are in it and the more experience they have.So good for you!!! :)
There was a time we lived paychek to paycheck too.

[KCBound]

I have a computer nerd too! :)

[kjbutcher]

I am hoping the paycheck to paycheck thing is almost over.  The people in his company have been explaining exacly how much more lucrative it is the longer they are in it.  He seems to be very happy with it so that makes it good in all aspects of our life.  He programs/makes robots for the military to help protect our troop.  What better job for a man who still thinks he's a kid!  He gets to drive tanks and fly remote controlled airplanes half of the week...they call it testing, I call it playing!

[BabyHardiman]

There are many millionaires out there that made it without mommy and daddy paying for college.  I never thought it was my mothers place to foot the bill for whatever I decided to do with my life... it amazes me that there are people who think that mommy and daddy should pay for their wedding too.. I'm sorry we were not raised that way, it's enough for me that my mother gave me life.

[peekawho]

So, those are the secrets?

Marry a computer programmer and don't pay for your childrens education!

Got it!  

*idly wonders how hubby #1 never got a huge salary from being a computer programmer.  Average salary, at best*

[have 2 kids]

Peek-  perhaps he was hiding it from you!!!!!!!   j/k
Guess I should have given the hs nerd an extra look.   oh, well........  live and learn.

I still don't see how anyone can do it.  School registration is coming up.  Just to get our 2 started it's $330.00 for bookfees, 1 month of lunches and an activity pass.
Then there are the necessary supplies, bookbags, shoes and clothing.  That will easily be
$600.00.         $930.00 extra this month.   If I had 8 kids that would be $3720.00   to get
them ready for school.    

[peekawho]

I'm passing out reading about the $930!  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I agree Baby Hardiman.  I mean if I had the money, that would be great (for the kids college).  But my SIL made a good point to me one time.  And her parents paid for her college and her 2 sisters and all 3 wedding for her and her sisters.  But she (SIL) said that even though her parents paid for her college, that she noticed when she was in college that the kids that paid for their own verses the ones that had it paid for for them by their parents, appreciated it more.  The ones that had their parents paying for college didn't worry so much about skipping/missing classes.  Whereas the ones that paid their own way, wanted to get their moneys worth.  I was really surprised about her attitude towards the subject since, as I said, her parents paid for hers.  My parents paid for my brother's 1st degree.  He went back for his 2nd degree and is paying that himself.

[peekawho]

I paid the $50 bucks for my own wedding the second time.  But I can't say the first one cost much more than that.  

[have 2 kids]

We paid for our own wedding.    

[BabyHardiman]

So in other words the parents went into debt after paying for all those things for their kids... gesh!  

[Jenny100]

You asked, I told you.:)
Computer programmers can vary greatly in their salaries. I googled it, and the range can be huge. So I am just lucky to be on the high end I guess.
Quit being so cynical!:)
I love you, though. You know that! :)

[deanne11]

I'm not sure how old your kids are....but I was just looking at the stuff my DD will need next year to start kindergarten....uggghh...

And I thought it would get easier when I didn't have to pay for all day care....it doesn't get any easier or cheaper the older they get....
I think they just get more expensive.

I guess for my DH and I, we really want to pay for our kids education.  We don't want to give them luxuries or extras....just a good solid education and family trips....I so much enjoy our family trips....just family time...no interruptions, even if it's just camping.

And of course make sure we are set in retirement so my kids don't have to worry about me.....

Having 2 - makes it difficult for even that.  

Not everyone has to agree that paying for education is priority or their obligation....it's just what WE want to do.

[deanne11]

Wedding....that's a entirely different subject.

DH and I split the cost with my parents....but LOL...it was only like 3K.  
My best friend got married 2 years later....40K on her wedding....Her parents paid the entire thing!  

40K for a one day event?!!!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

They very well may have gone into debt.  I mean I know her parents are pretty well to do, but I don't know how well to do.

As I said, I think my kids having each other through life is the best thing I could ever give them.  But we all get our opinions from our life experiences and my life experience is that I'd have given my right arm for a sister that I was able to be close to.  So, that is my hope for my kids too.  

I give my kids all that I can.  We can't afford to go on vacations but we live in a nice home, they have nice things such as clothes, toys, games, movies, etc.  We live in the home that we live in for their comfort, not mine.  We thought long and hard about whether to stay in the tiny home we lived in and have extra money for mini-vacations maybe once a year.  Or we could move into a larger home with lots more room where they could be comfortable 365 days a year.  Oh, and they have 2 parents the love them more than anything in this whole world :)

So, I don't know the answer to tell you the truth.  I just know that I love my kids with all my heart and I wouldn't change a thing where they are concerned.  I just cannot imagine my life without them.  Everything else will work itself out as we go along.  We are taking steps (my husband and I) to better our life for ourselves and so that we can help our kids in the future in some way.  Everyone needs a little bit of help along the way at some point and we want to be in a position to do that.  But that could be something as simple as co-signing on a first car or maybe helping them with a down payment, or well, it could be many things.  And we hope to be in a place to do that......

[have 2 kids]

My kids are 8 and 12.   Just wait the older they get the more expensive it gets!

[jenstam]

We will pay for our own wedding also. And, I once had a great savings account. The first time I married. He left me with all the debt, I used what was left in our savings to pay off what I could, couldn't keep up and ended up having to file bankruptcy. I was a single mom, living paycheck to paycheck.

Just when things were getting really good...Ben and I saved, bought a house, had a baby and lost the child support that allowed us to support the girls and live comfortably and save. So, it was back to living paycheck to paycheck again and thank GOD we just started getting child support again. We were making it, but now, with the $1200 a month I get in support we will be able to save again. BUT, I'm sorry...I do not believe in this day and age that it is realistic for parents to foot the bill for their children's education. If you can do it, great. No harm done. It might give the kids a headstart in life. BUT, I have seen it over and over again...mommy and daddy pay for school, kids don't appreciate it and drop out or don't do well and quit. THEN, they go back on their own terms and have to pay for it so take it much more seriously. That's my story and it's my belief. I will not be paying for my children's education. My first two daughters are honor students-they should be getting great scholarships. I will help them when I can, but I am not footing the bill. Call me cheap, mean, shouldn't have had this many kids, not financially ready for them, etc, etc...so be it. Also, I will not be footing the bill for their weddings. I'm thinking at most, I will help pay for receptions up to a certain amount and that's it. Or, maybe giving them each a certain amount and that's what they get. The rest comes out of their pockets.

[2ndBaby]

My DH is in the military and I am a teacher, neither of which are known for high-paying salaries.  However, my DH's job provides our housing money, free medical insurance, low-cost dental, low-cost life-insurance, provides some food money and the GI bill he paid a pittance into is going to finance my master's degree in education administration when I begin it next year.

I just got a new job and the medical insurance options they offered me for my family cost between $650-900 per month, in addition to co-pays and deductibles!  Thank goodness I have other insurance.

I paid for most of my college education (mom paid for $2000 plus some spending money here and there).  I paid on those loans for 10 long years!  My DH is not keen on paying for college for our 2 children.  He saw me pay my own way and got the GI bill for himself (though he no longer plans to use it as he will be going in to police work after military retirement).  We have saved money for them...I'm sure we'll help them out.  Not sure about the weddings...my DH and I peeled mounds of potatos the day before our wedding for our guest's mashed potatos...I don't know that he'll want our kids to do the same :)

[CYW]

i always wondered as well...my ex JUST got a job in his field.. he is done his college and is a network administrator...his starting salary right now for the first job in his field is 18$ an hour..which here right now...compared to minimum wage 8$ AND call centres(which is considered a good job where im at) is 10$...anyways I have a friend who is a network admin as well and he was working at the hospital here making 250K a year...he is 24, single, owns a house, a car, a truck and then some.. he is now working out by where he is from making almost double...We've always been friends and yup they make a good chunk of money...but does money always bring happiness?? yes and no...as someone stated the more money you have the more you spend...

I am putting money away for Cameron's post secondary education...BUT he will know of nothing until he is done his school and has graduated...then i will give him the money...Once i am done college I will be 31K in debt...that's my only thing.. and for 4 years...and it would have been more BUT due to all the scholarships I've received I saved alot...i mean ALOT...

My parents didnt pay for my school but they are planning on helping me afterwards...my dad told me one day i would never do anything with my life and i have prooved him wrong.. i went from going to school working etc now having a baby going back to school(which ALOT here dont do) i refuse to be sitting here not doing anything and not being able to provide for my baby the way I want to...he deserves better.. and besides what kind of role model would i be for him, being that i'm the only role model for him right now...

My dad never believed in paying for my school...he was put in foster care at 13 when his mom died..and he worked his arse off and now today has alot to show for himself..i am proud of him as he is of me and i dont agree that a parent SHOULD pay for their childrens school...it's okay to help, which i will do once my child or children(if i ever have more) go to post secondary institutions..i have seen what all these kids out there in college do when mommy and daddy pay for their education...I can honestly say that drinking, partying, not studying but cheating on exams and tests were a daily activity...Let me tell you i showed up to all my classes, worked my butt off and didnt party on school nites, did all my homework and i am proud of myself.. i have a 3.8 for my whole 3 years of college which i think is pretty good...so i think people who think they have to pay themselves take things more seriously...but thats my opinion:)

[peekawho]

Ok...do you think I goofed off in school?  I appreciated the chance to go, and certainly appreciated what it took to offer my sister and myself that chance to get an education.

I'm so very grateful to them for doing that for me.  Its the greatest gift they could have given me.  

I'm always interested to hear how everyone thinks and plans.  If you never ask, you never find out.  

[CYW]

oh girl i didnt mean to be pointing anything at you or anyone else.. i'm just saying how I saw it at school during my 3 years there...and it's sad.. you do not find very many that won't goof off in school while on their parents dimes...

I was never a bad kid so i took my school seriously but if my parents would have paid everything, i don't think i would have learned the value of a dollar...but i sure did when i moved out on my own when i was 18 and out of town...lol...we learn i suppose huh? Live and learn...and being 22 I know i have alot more to do as do many other.. we never know everything according to our age.. we learn..regardless what everyone tries to tell us...

[pertykitty]

my kids will have schooling paid for because of dad(s) serving in war.  we dont have much debt and we dont live paycheck to paycheck because dh works a second job.  ive wondered how some do it with many kids but i guess hand me downs and such help out in a big way.  i have been learning how to be a smarter shopper so i dont buy things we dont need, well most of the time lol.  i see people who work a job in a fast food rest and they have several kids and acrylic nails and coach purses and i wonder how do they do it?  i worked with a girl like that, her and her boyfriend (both in their mid 20's) lived with his or her parents.  no rent, money to burn, wtf??? doesnt anyone have pride?  anyway id love to be able to afford more than 2 or 3, but when i have to start paying for braces, a car (yes to get them to school when they grad) you just cant afford that!  i hope dh finds a good paying job after he retires, kinda nervous about that.

[tiredbuthappy]

i am one of five. we were provided with the very basics, but everything we needed. it never really bothered me that i didn't have a TV in my room like my friends. i started to work at 12 in the family restaurant, and have been working since. the family didn't have the restaurant when my youngest brother was old enough to work, so he went out at 15 and got a job on his own cleaning up in a butcher shop.

My mom busted her butt to give us everything we needed. We earned money for the rest. I was able to go to Europe 3 times during high school with my own money. the work ethic i got from these experiences were invaluable. i didn't get into much trouble as a teen because while my friends were partying, i was working. i definitely took things more seriously because i had to pay for everything.

as i mentioned earlier, we had a big family but it was at the expense of my mother's future and retirement. i love having so many siblings. DH is 1 of 3. We would like 3 or 4. But I cannot do it at the expense of our future financial stability.

Although today is giving me a different perspective. My mom is a mess because one of her best friends will most likely die today. Yesterday they told her she had 2 years to live. Just a few weeks ago she threw her daughter a fancy Sweet 16 party. these parties have me scratching my head in general... sooo much money being spent. they're like mini-weddings! i bet there's no regrets on money spent there....

[AHP84]

My mom paid for half my college education, and the half I paid is now a $14K student loan. Oh man, I'll tell you what, I didn't DARE do things to goof off in school on my mom's dime or else she'd kill me! My mom is the type of person that will lovingly and wholeheartedly offer financial help, under the condition that it's appreciated to the fullest extent. If not, the money would've been yanked out from under faster than a rug and she'd have been like, "I love you, but you're on your own if you don't appreciate my help. Happy livin'."
I love my mom. I credit my strength in handling things to the way she raised me and the values she instilled in me.
I plan to do the same with Trevor. I'll help him along financially here and there, but for the most part, I want him to know that providing for yourself is just as important as knowing how to appreciate what's given to you.

[jenstam]

Coach purse? LOL...Man...we don't do anything name brand, I've never had my nails done and RARELY get my hair done other than a trim twice a year. I cut my own girls hair, we do hand me downs and thrift shops when we can and they still have cute stuff. Coach purse? Forget it! I would never and have never been interested in that type of "show". We do fun things occasionally and don't feel deprived.

I hate when you see the welfare people with those coach purses, fancy hair, name brand clothes, fancy cars and nice nails. Makes me irate!!

[peekawho]

I was really wondering how people with very large families made ends meet.   Not so much as to whether parents should help pay for college or not--guess I learned a couple things on that one :(  
*takes a moment to silently apologize to Mom and Dad for wasting their money*

I originally wondered how people with very large families budgeted for emergencies, their kids futures, etc.  How they manage to do all that and still save for their retirement?  

See what happens when you have so little to do with your life that you ask pointless questions??  LOL!

[tiredbuthappy]

Well, so far we've learned that you need to marry well or it doesn't happen!

anyone have a different experience??

[1nana]

My parents raised 9 kids, and did a WONDERFUL job!

After the youngest started kindergarten, my mother went to work (nights, so there was a parent home at all times.) It was my mother's income that made it possible for them to save and have a family vacation once a year. How my mother did, I will never know! ( If it were me, I probably would have ended up in the nut house!)

They instilled in us, at a very early age, how important a good education was. Homework, and any kind of school work was ALWAYS a prioity. They felt that chores were always going to be there, so they took a backseat.

Thankfully we were all above average in school, and excelled, which in turn, enabled us to get schoarships, grants, etc. On the average, I would say that my parents ended up paying for half of our education and the other half was paid on our own merit do due to our good grades.

I might add that, that was for 7 kids, not 9. One brother passed away right out of high school and my younger sister didn't want to have anything to do with going to college. (She was the black sheep of the family, there's alway's one!)

As for my two kids, my husband and I paid for their college education. My son did get a $5000 yearly scholarship for 4 years, so that did help.  We were so happy that my daughter wanted to go to cosmetology school. (Still expensive, but nowhere near what we paid for my son.)

[Jenny100]

But when I TOLD you how I do it, you acted like it wasn't possible still. Or at least that's the way it came across when you said that comment about your first husband who was a computer programmer too, and made only average salary.

I think it turned into a good discussion though!! :) Its interesting to see what people think about the college thing. And weddings---I never knew anyone thought that parents shouldnt pay for weddings. I thought that was a given for parents.

Anyway, i think it is a great thread!!

[peekawho]

Which leads me to another quite pointless observation:

I love my sister.   But she was a beotch growing up with.  I'm not sure I'd wouldn't have liked being an only child.

And I'm so very, very, very glad there were no more Peekasiblings.  The world is a better place..trust me.  

[peekawho]

Jenny, I was just saying that not all computer programmers make tons of money.  Mine didn't.
Thankfully, he's someone elses nerd now!  

[have 2 kids]

You really didn't tell us anything except you married a computer nerd.  
Peek was asking how you provide food and clothing plus have the money for
extras.    Do you use thrift stores, coupons, what?????????

[pertykitty]

well unfortunatly we dont save for retirement other than the non existant ss that we will continue to dream of collecting lol and what he makes from the navy and then what job he requires next.  not a good plan.  i agree that the retirement should be a big priority.  what will food cost then?  i cant answer from a big family standpoint, but i do know a few families that seem to have money appear from nowhere.  i dont ask how they do it but i wonder how when they have 6 kids and make less than we do.  

i love my sister,  but i cant imagine having more siblings.  we were able to do so much growing up because my dad was the BEST at saving money.  cutting corners, using coupons at the grocery *i remember mom having her list from this store for their specials and the other for theirs.  we didnt have much in the way of name brand, but we never did without and my dad didnt make high dollars.  

i watched jon & kate plus 100000 lol and they have a grocery bill of about $150 a week, maybe less.  and they buy healthy foods! that is hard to do, i can see if you buy raman noodles and junk.  that family the duggers, like 18 of them now, have a grocery bill of $1000 a week.  but they make their clothes, homeschool, live a very conservative live.  dad was in real estate and i thought in politics.  

i think it would be so much fun to have a big family, we never had much that lived near us growing up.  but i dont think id want to sacrafice my kids needs now for a rat pack in the future unless dh or i could make enough money it werent an issue.  

[deanne11]

Obviously it all comes down to some people finances and budgets are not other peoples priorities.

For my family....every month there is a budget.  We do not go over.

We know the income coming in and that is that.

School, savings, retirement....it's all spent before we get it.  Do we have that month or two emergency fund....yes.  but that's about it....a month or two.

Working at the financial firm I do....most advise to have 6 mos of debt in savings....I don't know many people who can say they have 6 mos of their monthly bills in savings....

The reality is I guess, we all have different priorities and budgets our families live by.

I'm still trying to figure out what is the most important for me.

Paying full tuition for the 2 children I have (and my DDs wedding) As well as a HS graduation gift (used car for College) or lovingly give them more siblings......

Seems a silly question I guess...but that's where I am in today's world.

Now - I'm going off to be with those 2 wonderful kids for the weekend....

Cheers!

[peekawho]

My sister once tried to flush my head down the toilet.  True story.

[deanne11]

I try and cut corners now.

I buy my kids clothes in the 'off season'....when they are doing close outs on summer clothes...like now, I'll buy for next year....but I did that for DD...and she grew so fast this past winter...nothing fit....so I'll be rethinking that idea...

I cut coupons, I use all kinds of discount stuff....but still...we are budgeted to 'our' families needs...

And every family has different needs and wants and priorities I guess.

....OK - signing off now.

Love You ladies....Have a great weekend.

[pertykitty]

lol peek that *****.  dont all siblings do that to each other?  my sis and i have had knock down drag out boxing matches but we love each other.  we talk to each other almost every single day.  peek i have come to the conclusion too that there are some places to live that are so much less $$$ than our beautiful california that maybe more kids are equivalent to our taxes haha.

[Tanker Chic]

Aside from my TSP (similar to 401K), I have money deducted automatically into a mutual fund.  I also have a small house (1000 sqft) that I bought when I very first graduated from college.  I lived in it for 4 years.  When I bought my new house, instead of selling the old one, I rent it out.  The mortgage on it is for 15yrs.  When Jacob is older, i will either use the rent money to help fund his college expenses or sell it and use those funds.  

[Van73]

having a budget is def #1......no matter HOW much money you make or how many kids you have. I've known people who make lots of $$$ but they are house and car poor...live beyond their means.

[Jenny100]

My answer IS that I married a man that makes enough money to provide for this large of a family...that is how I provide. I don't do anything special like shopping only bargain stores or thrift stores. I do use some coupons when I come across one for something I buy anyway. And I definitely shop in bulk at Sam's club.
But I guess my answer is, simply, we CAN afford to feed, clothe and provide for this many children. I wouldn't have them if I couldn't provide for their needs.I think its very important to provide well for children, not just have them.

[peekawho]

Cool.

Thanks, ya'll.  

[energy_train]

We have two with #3 on the way and I too worry about it but we only buy things we can afford.  We only use the credit card if it's something we want to have record of and then pay it off right away.  I go to a lot of garage sales and use Craigslist a TON.  I have gotten everything we need for the baby on Craigslist for such minimal prices.  We don't drive the big SUV's and we do put money away for the kids college- probably not enough- and my hubby has a great pension as he is a fireman through the city.  Our decision to have a third was for a complete different reason than most as our son has special needs and we felt that when we were old (and then gone) we didn't want the burden to fall solely on our daughter.  Of course, I'm very happy to be having a third as I LOVE kids and my teachers in high school used to joke that I'd be the one that came back to the 20 year reunion married with a dozen!  But, with the economy and cost of everything, we had agreed on two.  Our little guy has been such a joy and we feel that he and our daughter deserve another sibling for so many reasons.  I really think living within your means is huge.  I see so many people in our neighborhood going into foreclosure, etc.  We live modestly.  I agree with Peek that it's cheaper to have the bundle package of cable, internet, etc. and that's what we have but no extra channels like HBO, etc.  I make a meal plan for the week, go to the grocery store and buy only what's on my list.  I try to go without kids as that always seems to cost more!! LOL!  I don't know how those with 8 do it and I'm sure they don't pay for their kids college.  Both my hubby and I's parents paid in full for ours and my parents even paid for my Master's Degree however, our goal is to do the best we can and give them what we can.  I'd love to have more but know that this will be IT.

[tiredbuthappy]

i clip coupons- tons of them. i love clipping coupons. it's been years since i actually used one. for the life of me, i cannot remember to bring them. if i remember to bring them, i always forget to use them.

to the passer-by it would look like i spend a fortune on dd. my backyard is covered with fun things- a slide, a step 2 sand and water table, a little tykes house, a cozy coupe, kiddie lawn mower... i didn't spend a dime on any of it. if you guys don't use freecycle.org, you HAVE to.

[surprisebaby]

omg...what an amazing website...thanks for the tip!!!!  my little itty bitty rural community I live in is even on it....who would've thought!!!  I am going to pass this website on for sure!!!

[tiredbuthappy]

oh... it's wonderful. helped us furnish our first apartment. then, as we got our own stuff and gifts, we used it to get rid of a lot of stuff. the whole idea is to keep stuff out of landfills. so far, i have found everyone to be honest about the condition of things. i've gotten rid of tree trunk segments, glass block, everything.

i usually don't ask for stuff- just watch for posts. when i had dd 4 weeks early- before my shower, i posted my predicament and generous people gave me bouncy seats, tubs, etc... then, when i had my shower and got my own stuff, i passed it on.

[surprisebaby]

what a great idea!  thanks again

[Trialanderror]

The toy and gadget recycling saves a lot of money indeed. Still I have to say it is a struggle to get by with even just one child and one income only. Maybe it depends on the area each one of us is living in. It must make a huge difference if you live in rural Kentucky or star-struck Orange County for example. At least most of my earnings go into mortgage payments. I always imagined that large families would live old-school and run one bath water for all kids, cook one type meal for the whole week, live the simple life with few toys but lots of imagination and not let all of their kids go to college...But I see that there are as many variations as there are families. Duh, I knew I should have stuck with that IT guy.....

[2ndBaby]

In college I had a guy interested in me...his dad was a 3M exec...he called me from the 3M plane (an exec perk I guess) to confirm our first (and, alas, our last) date.  Crazy little thing called "love"...I just wasn't feeling it.  Oh well.

[Trialanderror]

And then came your husband-to-be like 3M super-glue :)))

[spade22]

I went to school w/ a girl who had 11 siblings (at that time) - their parents didnt believe in contraception.  They brought cheap meals to school such as cheese sandwiches and made their own clothes and the youngest 9 kids were home-schooled.  I visited their house once and only then did I realize the true reality of their financially situation.  Their house was a complete sty...... several doors and windows missing, holes in the walls, one of the bathrooms was not working etc. etc.  Of course they didnt have any luxuries including a TV.   In this case, the parents watered and feed their children, clothed them, provided medical care (essentially free in NZ where I am from), schooled them and provided a roof over their heads but at what cost?  They essentially lived in squalor.  

[treazzure007]

amazed at this large family business myself.  my sis-in-law just had baby #4 and has the nerve to be calling MY husband every other day ( I suspect to ask for money and assistance)  i told him the other day that helping her is out of the question and that i would leave him if he ever started.  we cant help a family of 6!  she's married just like me and she and her husband need to find a way to make that stuff work!  i don't even want to know how, just wishing them some luck