For all those women who already have a child and can't have another, you're not greedy!

[alzatay]

This is for all those women who have a child and can't have another!

I believe that trying to have a baby and not being able to fall pregnant is the most heartbreaking ordeal in the world for a woman, and those who have no trouble at all getting pregnant have absolutely no idea what it feels like. And they shouldn’t try to.

I am 35 years old and have been trying for 3 years to have my 4th baby.

My first two were born when I was quite young and my 3rd was born 4 years ago to my adorable husband, who wants to have another baby of his own as my first two are not his. I have had 4 miscarriages in the last 3 years (and 2 before my 3rd) and no pregnancies at all for the last 12 months following surgery to correct a septum growing inside my uterus (a stupid decision it seems, made in desperation after my last miscarriage).

I think the most difficult part of this (besides not having a baby in my arms) is that people don't really understand and make hurtful comments to me or stupid, insensitive remarks because I already have children; but I feel just as strongly about having another baby as I did when I wanted my first, if not more now. There is no distinction between any of my children. I'm madly in love with my husband of 10 years and we simply desire more children together.

I have tried everything. Naturopath, acupuncturist, operation to fix my bicornute uterus, drugs, vitamins, drinking hideous cocktails from the naturopath, pilates, relaxation (and soon counselling) - even standing on my head and chanting to the Gods for help!!

I have been on Clomid for months and months now, self medicating the dosage myself after reading forums, as I lost faith in my awful and extremely uncaring OB and left him. I have made some really ridiculous decisions (including the self medication which stopped my period from coming this month - hence me finding this thread!) in the last year as I have found myself completely unable to think clearly and rationally.

I have slowly sunk into a fairly bad depression causing me to leave work on paid stress leave and placing a huge strain on my marriage with the hormone induced hissy fits and days of crying when I get my period. But it has meant that I am able to spend a lot of time with my 3 1/2 year old which does really help, although I still cry all the time and am constantly distracted and full of hidden despair.

I hope that people who already have kids and can't have more, realise that they are not alone out there and that there are many of us whose desire for a 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 10th child are very real and know it's very painful when it doesn't happen. We're not 'greedy' mums, but normal women with the same noisy biological clocks as any woman; ours are just still ticking hard after the last.

I never knew how hard having a baby could be. It is indescribable. I was grossly abused as a child, was cheated on by my first husband when I was 2 months pregnant with our 2nd and found myself a single mother. I have even lost my beloved mother seven years ago, but honestly, I have coped with all of that much, much better than this. So believe me when I say that it doesn't matter if you already have children; the hurt, pain and grief is very, very real and we don't deserve negative, nasty comments or the insensitive remarks from our friends just because we do (and no, "I'll be buying your cot from you," or "Look at how fat I'm getting!" are not nice or thoughtful things to say to a woman desperately trying for another baby!)

Please don't get me wrong. Yes, I'm extremely, extremely lucky to have my 3 children and I thank God every night for each of them. I adore them silly and spend most of my time driving them everywhere, watching them play sport, playing with them and generally fussing over them, even my smelly teenage boy, and I love it!  I feel so much pain for those women who can't have just one child. My sister-in-law is one of them and it was devastating watching my brother and his wife go through what they did until they finally adopted 2 gorgeous children. I do understand that those women would perhaps like to slap me in the face. Not being able to have any children is incomprehensible and I don't want to upset or insult ANYONE who can't have a child by my comments. That is the last thing that I want to do. I do know that I sound 'greedy', but I really don't think that I am. It's a yearning beyond my control and believe me, I wish more than anything that I didn't want another baby as much as I do!

I am really writing this for all those women out there who are just like me. We're those 'greedy' mums mentioned in the film, Juno, and the same ones who gasped when they heard Ellen Page utter that we are in the movie. But we don't mean to be - no-one wants to go through this. It's just the way it is. What I'm trying to say is that EVERY woman who can't conceive when she wants to needs love and support, not just some.

Baby Dust to all...and damn it, Baby Dust to me!

[cantwait4baby]

did someone say you were greedy?  I sure would hope not.  Good Luck to you and I hope you are blessed with as many more healthy babies as you wish.

[Jenny100]

I know what you mean...when I miscarried my seventh pregnancy, well-meaning people would say, "Well, be thankful you've had 6!"  And I WAS thankful, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years, and together 3 years before marriage.(not living together---just a "couple") We are SO in love and best friends.
We LOVE kids, we LOVE having lots of them. We take care of each one, and we have never been on welfare of any kind.( I only say this because sometimes people have a lot of kids to get more welfare)

Even though I had 6 healthy pregancies, I still wanted another baby. And I didn't get pregnant for 15 months!! And it was hard on me. Then, when I miscarried, I was even more devastated. But now I have my 10 month old baby boy, and I am happy again.
Having your children is NO ONE elses business---have as many as you want. As long as you LOVE them, and TAKE CARE of them!!!

Best of luck to you in TTC. I hope you get what you want soon!!

[Mikeal'smom]

I can't agree with you more- I have been trying for 4 1/2 years for number two, and in that time I have lost 4 pregnancies.  Everyone always says " well at least you have your son."  Well- no kidding, as if I don't know I am truely blessed to have him, it doesn't make the wanting for another any easier!