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Having a Miscarriage - feeling alone
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Having a Miscarriage - feeling alone

I just found out today that I am having a miscarriage.  It's obvious.  I am bleeding TONS and have lower back pain.  The doctor saw me and confirmed that is is a miscarriage.  But now I feel so alone and hopeless.  This was my first pregnancy.  I am 27 and was 4 weeks and 3 days along.

I feel like I will never be able to have a baby now.  I feel like I am the only one this has ever happened to, even though I know I am not.  I have no one to talk to about this.  No one I know has been through the same thing.  What I want is to hear from other women who have miscarried and then gone on to have other healthy children.  I am mad because I hear of some women that have miscarried but who already have children.  I am so angry!

Meanwhile, I am going through more than 1 pad an hour and debating on whether or not to go to the ER for a D&C.  That's what my nurse practioner said to do.

For those of you who have ever gone through this, how did you make it?  I am feeling so terrible and so alone.

Thanks.
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Avatar_n_tn
Oh sweetheart, I am so very sorry. I was there several months ago and I stayed home bleeding off and on wondering if I was going to really lose the baby or not. I know how heartbreaking it is. You are not alone. You will have so many different feelings. I ended up having a D&C bc I bled so much & my blood pressure dropped to 80/40, and I kept passing out at the ER. My dh took me and my 2 year old at 3 in the morning because I was bleeding so bad. I rode to the hospital with a towel between my legs. It was such a terrible, horrible experience. I still have nightmares about that day. So, I am so so sorry that you are dealing with this. Miscarriage is so very unfair. It is a very sad and hurting time. I am praying for you and thinking about you. Again I am sorry. Feel  free to ask any questions We are here for you.
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Avatar_n_tn
I wanted to tell you that I have a 2 yr old and I m/c after him. My dr. assured me that this is so very frequent. Miscarriage happen more than we realize. When I miscarriage, (I teach) my staff reach out to me with tons of stories on how they m/c and had children later. I know you feel hopeless, but it will happen. I am currently preg. 5 weeks, everything going good, and I would have never tried to have a baby in sept (bc of my job) if I had not had had a m/c last sept. Don't give up hope. I felt the same thing. There are many, many women who have gone on to have healthy children. My dr. told me that his wife and had a m/c and they have 2 children. My friend at work had one and she has 4 children. another friend of mine had one and she has 3 children. So you can get preg. again.  I was angry, devastated, and I hated anyone who was preg. You will get through this. I am so sorry for your pain.
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Avatar_n_tn
im so sorry for what your going threw!!!so many women on this site have expierenced a miscarrige....i myself have as well at 9weeks...there is sooooo much hope for you, im now 23weeks...theres no words for the pain, however theres so much HOPE!!!!PLEASE BELIEVE THAT!!!! its so common!! you are not alone...keep your head up and please beleive that u will be preggo soon!!! baby dust
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162279_tn?1270604959
Oh honey, I want you to know you are NOT alone and many women have had to deal with the pain of a miscarriage.We get through it and usually go on to have a healthy pregnancy next time.
I miscarried last September at 16 weeks along.It was such a shock because I thought I was out of the woods. The baby died inside of me and it was later found that it had defects of the eyes.I had never had a miscarriage before this and was in total shock.

I felt just like you--angry, lost, hopeless. And one of the things I learned is there is NOTHING that will soothe the pain in the beginning. It will just hurt like CRAZY for a while, and you just have to go through it.
Then, it will start to feel a little better. You will smile or laugh and think, "Oh wow--I actually laughed today!"

Then, you will become pregnant again. You will be extremely happy and extremely worried all at the same time. But the thing to remember is that worry doesn't change what is meant to be. I can almost guarantee you that your baby wasn't going to be healthy and so that is why you lost it. Miscarriage is nature's way of stopping a life that is not going to be able to survive in the early stages.
I read that the average time a woman will grieve HARD over a miscarriage is three months. This was the case for me, and now I am almost 5 weeks pregnant again!!!

I guess I just want to assure you that you WILL feel better eventually. I wouldn't have believed I would EVER feel better right after I miscarried. I have never felt that kind of pain in my entire life. But here I am, 4 months later---5 weeks pregnant again, and feeling joy and hope again.

For now, try to focus on the other blessings in your life. Family, pets, church,things you love to do. Pamper yourself. You deserve it.And maybe all you will feel like doing right now is sleeping and crying.That is to be expected.I watched a lot of T.V because it felt better to focus on something else.
Don't lose hope. I was starting to and seriously doubting if I would ever feel happy again. I PROMISE YOU WILL!!!!!!

Keep talking to us. Most of us have been through a miscarriage and we DO know how you feel. It helps so much to talk to others who have lived through the same things.

My thoughts and prayers are with you sweetie, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It hurts so much, I know.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know exactly how you feel.  I have a beautiful son who is almost 3 and 1/2.  I figured that I would have no problems, but when I went in with my second pregnancy at 11 weeks, they found no baby.  I was devastated and I had terrible morning sickness still.  I went through a natural m/c and bled heavily too but my Dr. told me to go in to the ER if I was in a lot of pain or really scared or felt something wasn't right.  She was oncall that weekend so she would have been there.  It's hard because people don't know what to say to you and they say things that are meant well, but hurt even more.  Take time to grieve, but know that you can go on to have a healthy pregnancy.  Something just wasn't right with this one, but your time will come.  After I m/c in June, I got pregnant in July and am 27 weeks 5 days and doing well with #2.  It happens, but take time to care for yourself and call your Dr. for anything you need.  Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks for the kind words.  So far my friends have been very unsupportive.  I even had a family member (my husband's family) ask me what I did to cause the miscarriage.

What about going in for a D&C?  The doctor said to go to the ER if I was saturating more than one pad in an hour.  I am now on pad three in one hour and I just don't know whether to go to the ER or not.  What do they mean by saturating?  Totally 100% covered in blood?  I am bleeding through the pad but not in every square inch.  What to do?!
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Avatar_f_tn
honey you're sooo not alone there are so many women like us going through this im 20 and lost my first angel i didnt even have a clue until i went on my first prental visit at 11 weeks and the following day had a d&c it sucks i thought i'd get lucky and get preggo b4 my af that didn't happen and it didn't happen my first cycle my af was screwed up but i got my 2nd af i finished it already and it was normal im happy i got the clearblueeasy fertilty monitor i get to use it tommorrow so excited i got a feeling i might become a mommy again this cycle
best of luck and remember we're all here for u if u need to chat let me know okay god bless sticky baby dust!
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Avatar_n_tn
I have had two miscarriages, and I am currently pg with my third.  It is just somethign that happens, and although now it feels like your world is coming to an end, it will get better.  It took me three years to ge tpg affter my first mc, and then I had another after I allready had two kids, one month before I got pg with my current pregnancy, and I am at almost 38 weeks now.  As for the family member who asked what you did to cause it, I dont even know how to react to such a thing.  It could be the person is just a fool, and has no knowledge, or it could be that they are a nast idiot who should be spat on.  I would suggest having hubby put them in thier place.  You did NOTHING to cause this, and it is not your fault.  It just wasnt meant to be.  Give yourself the time and space you need.  YOu dont have to worry about anyone but yourself right now.  Take care, and I will keep you in my prayers.
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176741_tn?1295237589
I am so sorry for your loss!  

If I were you, though, I would be calling the dr. or visiting the ER...when I m/c one of the things my dr kept repeating to me was to call if I was soaking a pad in an hour or less.

My thoughts are with you.
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177663_tn?1213570387
I am sorry you are going through this. I found out yesterday my hcg level was continuing to drop and went to see my doc today and he did a d&c it was uncomfortable for a few minutes and now it has been 2.5 hours and I am ok just feels like i am cramping from my period,emotionally i did not think i could handle waiting for a natural m/c,i had already spotted for 4 weeks and was afraid to go anywhere as i wanted to be home if it happened. Good Luck my prayers are with you.
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Avatar_n_tn
It's such an emotional rollercoaster.  I feel like I want to talk about it, but then can't find words to describe how I feel.  I do know that a supportive doctor and family helps tremendously.  Its so hard but it will get better.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi,
I know how you feel and I'm in the same boat. Waiting for my 1st m/c to happen any day now, I'm so scare and confuse but I keep reading all these wonderful posts and they are indeed helping me. Today was the worst day, I'm MAD, SAD, CONFUSED, but really most of all mad, why me right? what reason is there for this? Dont feel alone, b/c you're not and I have faith that we both will one day be back here writting about how we're about to give birth and talking about the weirdest cravings we've been having, I promise, God doesn't just take things away from us w/out having something better stored for us. God Bless and pls take care.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so very sorry that you are going through this... its so very difficult to sometimes think ahead when all you feel like is no one understands.. or like no one has gone through what you are going through.

I have had multiple m/c's.. and no matter what any one person says.. no one will ever feel the EXACT way you do.. we all share a common thread.. and thats going through the pain and the heartache of losing a baby.. and while no one can take that away from you .. know that we all empathize for  what you are going through.. we all feel badly.. and i am sure that for all of us.. our hearts ache for what you are going through.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am also having a m/c. My last period was Dec.1st. I have a 32 day cycle and tested shortly after ovulation around 16th. I finally got a positive test around 26th and tested every other day and received positive tests. Woke up Sunday the 7th with a heavy period.  Tested again today Tuesday and tested negative. This is the 3rd m/c in one year's time.  I recommend getting the DNC as quickly as possible. A m/c can be extremely painful. Feeling so sad right now, 1st m/c was at 12 weeks, 2nd m/c was at 10 weeks.  Two years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy.  Can't watch tv, too many baby commercials.  I have two healthy beautiful children.  I swore to my dr. that I wouldn't give up.  Anything can set me off crying.  I feel very happy and grateful for my two beautiful boys.  What I hate is family and friends telling to take it easy and be careful making me feel like it was my fault that I m/c'd. Please hang in there, it defintely gets better.
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Avatar_f_tn
I know how you're feeling and I'm so sorry. I had 2 mc last year. I mc at 6 weeks and at 5 weeks. It was devastating. After the second one I had to take a break and let me and my body heal. I took a break ttc and starting pampering myself exercising etc. It really made me feel a lot better and things have been better. I had people to help me get through it though dd, dh, and sister. I am starting back and ttc again. This is my first month back. I am nervous but hoping everything will go well. I hope that you feel better and it's o.k. to cry. Everything will work out in the end.

I also think you should go to the ER.
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Avatar_n_tn
When I was growing up, I was very sheltered from the outside world, so much so that I was nieve about EVERYTHING, then I moved to Oregon and I started to party and have a good time with my family and new found friends... I was 21 at the time... and when I say party, I mean I was almost literally drunk everyday by about 3:00 pm....one day, I came home from our partying house (which was just around the corner) and went into the rest room and saw what I knew could only be a miscarriage... the worst part was that I knew I had caused it with all that drinking I did... I just sat there for must have been 2 hrs or more weeping cause I caused a baby to die....to this day, the guy who was the father doesn't know, we were for lack of a better way of putting it, "BD Buddies" and nothing more- I just couldn't tell him then, and as time went on, I figured it would only cause him pain he needn't feel, so I went through it alone. Every time someone would mention bein preg. I would burst into tears but wouldn't tell them why...Finally, when my d/h an I got together, I told him... he told me it wasn't really my fault cause I had no clue I was preg. but if I'd been sober, I would have known so I still carry some guilt over that..... Right now, I'm about 33 weeks preg. I think it will always make you sad when you think about it, but time and a healthy preg. and a d/h help to ease the pain, Honey....    ***Baby Dust*** to you
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178239_tn?1277409091
You are definitely not alone. I mc last week. My first, which I thought was impossible. I am 41 and tried for sooo many yrs. I had d&c and I guess it took a couple of days for it all to sink in. I thought I was handling it ok until today. I've made several trips to bathroom to cry. I try to reassure myself that it was for a reason. It's just not fair. I know how you're feeling and it's really bad. I hope it does get better for you and soon. Know that you're not alone and people do care, even if you don't know them. Wishing you the best.
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167_tn?1374177417
It is okay to feel sad. Allow yourself that. Cry all you want because that helps you heal. You will never forget this experience, but someday when you hold your baby...because you will someday...you will feel so much love. I have been through it and so have many women on this board. It is usually an isolated incident and doesn't happen again. I am now 8 wks 3 days pregnant and baby and I are fine. I still grieve the one I lost even though I was only 5 wks 2 days, I still feel that sadness. You will worry and worry the next time you do become pregnant, but when you do, please try to remember that everything happens for a reason and if it is meant to be, no amount of worry will change that. Just remember to allow yourself to grieve and feel sad. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. God Bless.
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Avatar_f_tn
You are not alone.  Miscarriage happens far more than I realized before I had mine.  This board is a wonderful support group.  They have helped me a lot since September.  I love all of the ladies on here.  Remember, as hard as it is, MC is not your fault.  There was probably absolutely nothing that could have prevented it.  Somehow our bodies just know when something is wrong. Take care of yourself and give your self time to grieve.  I will be thinking about you.
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165078_tn?1255610007
You are far from alone.  It is a horrible thing to have to go through.  Especially when it is your first pregnancy.  I went through it and chose not to try again until now.  This is 8 years later and I am now 23 weeks.  I lost my first at 5 weeks.  I read a lot of books (forums like this were not around back then) but I was still depressed.  The only words that helped me were that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a M/C and that they are mostly due to your body rejecting a baby that had major defects.  Sounds mean but it made me feel better just because it is 1 in 5.  So many women have them so I knew it was not my fault.  You will be fine.  It is hard and sad but this should not effect your from becoming pregnant and having a healty baby next time.
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15480_tn?1302533402
I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I also had a miscarriage and I remember how angry I felt.  It was very hard to deal with. It helped me to talk to other people who also had a miscarriage.  You will get pregnant again.  I am now 22 weeks pregnant and I pray everyday that everything will be OK this time.  You are in my thoughts and prayers!! :)
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