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Help!! My 3 year old won't potty train!!!!
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Help!! My 3 year old won't potty train!!!!

Help!! I have a son that is almost 3 years and 3 months and he is so totally not interested in potty training. I put him in pull ups at 3 years old because I felt he was too big and has too extensive a vocabulary not to be potty trained but I left him alone and haven't pushed him. He will go pee pee real well in the potty but only if I make him go in there, he won't tell me when he needs to go, however when he has on a pull up he will tell me, mom I just went pee pee. He is a very high strung child and won't sit still for very long. He has pooped 3 times in the potty but it is hell trying to get him to sit there long enough to let it happen and as soon as some comes out he says he is done then we put a pull up on and he finishes the job. He tells me he is going in his room to poop and I will say don't you want to sit on the potty and do it like a big boy and he says no. Now if I have a toy to bribe him with he will try it on the potty but won't do the whole job. On one occasion he was going in his room to go and I said let's do it on the potty he held it in and wound up not going. This morning again he said mom I am going in my room to poop and again I said don't you want to do it on the potty and he said no. I guess my question is do I force him to sit on the potty when he tells me he is going in his room to poop. I have always heard not to force the issue and stress them about it but I feel like such a failure. How do I get him to go in the potty and tell me when he needs to go? Sorry so lengthy HELP!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
Oh my goodness! What we all have to look forward to! I was just watching a Dr. Phil show about potty training. I can't remember what he said but he did mention to visit his website for all of the details on how to potty train in one day. It sounded like it should work!!?? Best of luck!
Shelley
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Avatar_n_tn
I actually got a book when my kids were little, called "Potty Training in Less Than a Day".

Can't say it took less than a day, but there were some good hints and specific techniques in it.

What finally worked for my older son (younger one was no problem) was bribing him with M&M's.  Kept a big tupperware container of them in the bathroom out of his reach.  Matter of factly told him when he peed, he got 5.  When he pooped, he would get 20.  (Peeing is easier!).  No fuss when he had accidents, he just didn't get the M&M's.  In nothing flat he could "produce" at any time...sort of backfired after a while, he could pee just a little bit, then go right back in and pee again in 5 mins, etc.  

But, it did work.  He was 2 and a half at the time.

Guess he took after me, candy hound that I am...
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Avatar_n_tn
My son was also stubborn about this. He was 4 yrs old when I finally got him trained. I had tried everytthing. Cheerios, the books, trying to make him sit on the potty...You know what worked- I started showing no interest in it at all. He would say he was going to go in his diaper and I would say-"ok" no mention of the potty at all. Finally one day he said "I think I'm big enough for the potty now". I said "ok" and he's been using it ever since!! :o) I guess I'm a pacifist, but I know whenever my parents pressured me to do something- I took great joy in doing the exact opposite. Still do. Maybe you have the beginnings of a little rebel yourself. :o)
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Avatar_n_tn
hi i had my daughter potty really young, and i have to say i owe it all to m&m and smarties. every time she went to even try and use her potty she got a m&m or smarty. i had her fully potty trained within 3 months and she was only about 16 months old. try it! it might work!
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Avatar_n_tn
I always heard with lil boys its much easier to potty train cus you can play games with them my mom told me she did this one with my brothers she had put a cherieo in the tolit and told them to try and rope it and if you could rope the cheerio then you'll get a cookie or candy or something in that nature with my niece my mom tried the privery method tell him he'll get a prize if he goes to the big boy potty tell him you'll take him to mcdonalds or to walmart for a toy if he goes like a big boy it works most of the time I would try the cheerio method for when he pee's and the privery method for poopoo good luck we are still working with my 2 1/2 year old niece. don't get discurdge it'll happen soon I'm sure of it.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank God I found this site. Now I don't feel all alone in my child's potty training trials and tribulations. My daughter is 3 years 1 month and I have been trying to potty train her since June of 2007. She has done both pee and poops on the potty, but they are never done willingly.  I have tried the M&M bribe, and various other tactics, but she still goes in her Pull Ups. I think she may just be lazy and knows that she can still go in her pants and it's not going to be a problem. I have tried to put her in underpants, but she has peed on my furniture and I'm sorry, I'm not that brave.

She has been in Nursery School since September. I have her wear a Pull Ups since school is only 2 1/2 hours long 3 days a week. She manages to get through it without any movements (but there have been a few times she has and I have to go and change her). She is going to start Pre-K this September, and it's 5 days a week and a full day. I'm am having anxiety already that she will not be fully potty trained by then.

Fingers Crossed!
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376739_tn?1317669990
Potty Training In Less Than a Day is a book I've heard a lot of women recommend, including my mother-in-law. I'm currently potty training my 2 1/2 year old girl (boys are harder to potty training, I've been told).

When she was 18 months I bought a potty chair. She used it to sit on, store toys in, etc. And finally at around 2 years old, she got interested in going in it. Every time she went potty in the potty, she got a STICKER. When she pooped, she got CHOCOLATE (you decide how much---maybe 3 M&Ms at first).

Have your son walk around in little boy underwear (no diaps during the day). Expect accidents. Have him watch a potty movie over and over. If he has a potty-trained/training friend, have them come over to encourage him (this helped my DD a LOT because when she saw her cousin going, she wanted to, too).

YOU will have to remind him to go potty every 5-10 minutes. Clap and get excited when he goes and tell him, "Good try" when he doesn't but at least sits on the potty. Give him a LOT to drink (juice and water) so he has to feel the urge to go often, therefore learning what to "feel like" when he has to go potty.

Create a reward system for him (simple is best---at 3 he may be ready for a chart where he gets stickers... after a lot of stickers, he gets something special like a trip to the park or an extra book at bedtime or McDonalds or something).

Anyway, you'll start of with rewards and slowly stop doing them. My DD is doing a good job going potty but she has accidents still (like pooping in her panties last night and peeing in front of the potty after I told her to go potty a million times).

Don't expect change overnight. And don't expect him to tell you he needs to go potty right away either. That is a learning process.
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376739_tn?1317669990
Oh... LOL! This is an old post... *feeling silly*
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My son, who is 3 yrs and 4 months old, is now REFUSING to use the potty chair and we've done everything everyone on here has suggested many many times.  Candies, stickers, chocolate, tons of praise from the whole family.  For a while he was doing great!  Had even started going into the bathroom by himself and going.  We were so excited.  But now he refuses to go.  I ask him if he wants to be a big boy and he says "no I want to be a baby."  I'm nearly broken hearted over this.  My older son (now a teenager, so no help there) took to potty training so fast.  He was completely trained, 100% in 2 weeks flat.  I know you're not suppose to compare children, and I'm not, I'm simply saying that because he was so easy I have absolutely no idea what to do.
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461596_tn?1324870632
My younger son is 3 yr 5 mths.  And he is not interested in pottying either.  I've tried everything but reward with candy.  I did the M&M thing with my older boy, and it worked ... but I had daycare help with him.  He was 3 1/2 when I finally got him trained.  I'm at home with my toddler now with no daycare help.  I might have to try the candy thing again.  
I bought the Elmo Potty Time dvd, and it didnt help any.  
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473190_tn?1208431587
For my son pull ups didn't work. They are to much like diapers. So we decided we'd stop with the diapers and pull ups and just put him in his underwear. We'd bring him in the bathroom every time we had to use it and when we were done we'd ask him if he wanted to be a big boy and try to pee pee in the potty. Sometimes he'd say yes and sometimes he'd say no. We didn't push! Well, Because we stopped putting diapers and pull ups on him and only stuck with the underwear.. After about 3 or 4 times of him using the bathroom in them he decided he didn't like it and started to use the potty! You really can't push them because of course a child is going to do what you don't want them to do! You have to ask the child and stick with it. The moment you give up you'll end up having to start all over! We also offered him a small reward for every time he peed in the potty. We would give him a sticker. He loved stickers. Every time he pooped in the potty we took him to the store and bought him a cheap hot wheels car. We did that maybe 4 or 5 times and after he got more frequent at using the potty we stopped buying stuff for him and just kept up with the "Good boy" and "Good Job" and "What a big boy". He loved to read so everyday after he drink his juice we bring him in the bathroom with books and while he sat on the potty we'd take turns reading to him! That helped a little to! Still to this day he likes to sit on the potty reading. haha. Typical boy! Good luck to you!
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My 3 year old twins (boy/girl) have no interest in potty training. I don't want to push them but I must have them trained by Aug. 18th or I will have no childcare and I must go back to work. I have bought the DVD's and books. I have made the charts and my son has peed a few times but my little girl will not pee at all. She sits there then jumps up and says "I done." I have not tried the candy yet but I am thinking of doing that. I have tried bribing with trips to Build-A-Bear and Zoo. Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated!  

Twinhelp
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twinhelp, we are in a very similar boat.  I have 3 and a half year old twin boys who will be starting preschool in about 3 weeks and must be potty trained.  Jake is an old pro and I have no worries about him.  Luke, however is an entirely different story.  He could not care less about going to the potty.  I don't know what else to try.  I have "left him alone" (no pressure), we've done sticker charts, we've done m&m's, grandparents have promised a toy he wants very badly.....nothing.  Even when I take him on "scheduled" potty trips he will do a couple of drops and that's it.  He doesn't care if his underwear  are wet or dirty.   I'm sorry I don't have advice...just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

Jenny
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Avatar_n_tn
My duaghter is 3 and wont train.  She can read, she knew all her letters capital and lowercase by 18 months, but she wont pottytrained.  It is clearly a decision on her own part.  She has other things too, like she is picky about walking on grass( she wont do it, even with shoes on unti l recently, she wont go in the river, she has other picky odd things she doesnt like.  I think its a sensory issue.  She also wont play with the other kids at preschool, just sits by herself and plays puzzles and legos.  I was thinking maybe autism, but she is fine around me. But she cries and screams if i put her on the potty.  she used to sit on it no prob, but wouldnt go.  now she wont even sit, she just screams if i put her on it.  Otherwise shes a good kid, doesnt throw tantrums very often, respectful, ect.....
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I do feel better knowing I'm not alone! Thanks for sharing!
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121828_tn?1333468091
I gave my dd fluids for 3 days straight and chased her around in big girl panties peeing all over my house. I GAVE UP! Now, I think for her it's a defiant thing, believe it or not, she ALWAYS wants to yell, "mom I'm going potty" and is on the toilet. She's always peeling her pull-up or diaper off to run to the potty. I swear, I beat it in her head for 3 days straight and then left it alone. Also, my dd likes to be alone when she potties. When I was sitting there almost demanding she go, she wouldn't. Now I don't need anything but praise. Good luck.
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515251_tn?1254446801
try putting cheerioes in the toilet as targets....i had a friend that this worked for...her son thought it was the coolest thing....good luck
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461596_tn?1324870632
Well, my son will be 4 on Nov 2nd.  He's still not interested in potty training.  In April & May, he did ok with it.  Got 2 or 3 stickers a day for tinkling in the potty.  But then he just quit.  He didnt care anymore.

Today I told him we were going to wear pullups & try pottying again.  At first, he refused to wear the pullup.  He said 'pullups are for babies'.   He sat on the potty once (did nothing).  Pee'd the diaper.  He let me put a pullup on his next.  We've been through two pullups now.  

Now it's naptime.  We'll see how the afternoon goes... but I'm already stressed out.  I'm tired of asking him if he needs to potty.   Last time I asked him ... he said "I'm not going on the potty.  I'm going in my diaper".
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Avatar_n_tn
Oh my gosh does it feel good to not be alone in this I have been trying to potty train my 3 year old since he was 2 1/2  and some days he does great and other days he just refuses to do it! He is a very smart baby can read and write knows all his letters and numbers and even does sign language and speaks spanish, so i know he can do this he just refuses! I think he has only pooped in the potty once...ever!! It is so frustrating and almost emberassing to be the only mom on the playground that still has to change her 3year old's diaper! There is nothing i have read except for a dvd that i have not tried and i can't get him to take to anything. I was starting to think there was something wrong with him!
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Avatar_n_tn
I think I am going to go crazy here. My son turned three in August and has been great with peeing in the potty and now this past week he stopped caring and now prefers to pee in his underwear. He usually hides behind our recliner when he wants to poop and gets a little out in over the course of of two or three days. I am so exhausted changing underwear and wiping all day. I try to ask him to go to the potty and he either says no thank you I am playing or I want to watch a show. He shows no interest anymore and he was so good at going to the bathroom and getting on the potty all by himself. I feel I failed somewhere and did not notice what could have changed the situation. Could he be doing this for attention or maybe it is now too much of an incovenience when he wants to play. For the last few months I have been a great positive influence on his training and offer videos and books and we even put a little dvd player in the bathroom for when it takes a while to go poop. I just don't want to give up and go back to diapers but how am I supposed to keep cleaning up the poop and pee in the house all day? I never had to bribe with candy or surprises, I just read stories to him and made him feel confident and excited and always rewarded him with a sticker. Has anyone experienced this with their child? I feel hopeless. I plan on getting pull ups again tomorrow. I hope it doesn't come down to this but I feel too stressed and my days are chaotic already. Thanks for your help everyone!
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Avatar_n_tn
My daughter will also not use the potty and rather go in her pants. We have been trying to get her to use the toilet since she was 2 or so. Since then we have tried stickers, special potty seats, and even princess underwear should she us the potty continuously. None the less, we have not achieved the continuous aspect of that gag and for the most part, we also hung the princess underwear over the toilet and she still doesn't care. She will turn 3 in January and I am getting annoyed that i am still changing diapers, not to mention struggling to put them on her, because she just won't sit still or cooperate.
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Avatar_n_tn
What I'd like to know is what happened with all these people who months ago were experiencing these issues.  Sure our 3 year old is doing this to us now.  So I want to know what finally worked.
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Avatar_f_tn
That is a great question. I was just reading through all these posts wondering the same thing. I have a 3 year old who will be 4 in February. He has peed on the potty many times and we have done pull-ups and underwear, he has gone in both.....he will some times sit on the potty and pee but most times he will say no thank you! We have tried it all as well and nothing seems to be working. I have a 6 month old and I swear she will be potty trained before by son...(we are not potty training our daughter yet...lol) I would be interested in knowing what finally worked because pull-ups are expensive for the 23 that you get in a box. And a lot of brands dont work that well. They either leak or they rip on the side. He will tell us that he has peed or pooped but for the life of us we can't get a routine down with him! I am starting to loss it. He is the only child in our group of friends that is still not potty trained...he could careless but it embarresses me nonetheless.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am in the same situation and glad that I found other moms of daughters that are 3 and are not potty trained yet. I have a son who is 8 now and he pottytrained with one accident, and it took him about 2 weeks. It was a breeze. My daughter has to be asked to go potty. She only pulls her pullup off when she goes in it. She will tell me once in a while if she has to go. I think we are making some progress, but she had on panties this morning and pooped in those as well. Tonight she peed in her panties before I could get to her. I wish she would just ask me to go, or go by herself. I though for sure at this age girls were trained and ready. At least that was my assumption from  talking to other moms of girls. I am glad that is not the case and I am not the only one. I am going to try to the m&ms and see how that works since I know she loves chocolate. I hope that moves things along. : )
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893090_tn?1251660610
when you figure it out lrt me know my 5yr old wont potty train I dont know what to do either.
I really mean this good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, I finally got my 4 year old boy potty trained recently and a pediatritician nurse told me how to do it.  Put him in underwear.  

Prior to putting my son in underwear I would always say, "Only babies poop in their pants" He finally said, "But mommy you love babies!"  Then I asked him why he pooped in his pull up instead of the toilet and he said, "Mommy I looove to poop in my pull-ups"  

When I put my son in underwear and told him no more pull-ups he started crying.  So, I let him wear the pull-ups alternately with underwear for a week and then went to underwear only.  He had some accidents but now he is finally potty trained.  Horray!  

Oh my husband told him these words "When you feel the poop coming you let us know".
Those words helped him because he actually would say "I feel the poop coming!"  

We also had special one dollar poop toys going for a while.

Best Wishes to You Let us know how it goes!

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Avatar_n_tn
i am having trouble potty training my 3 1/2 yr old son, i have been able to get him to pee on the potty by changing how he goes, he likes to stand like daddy instead of sit down, i have tried underwear but he gets mad and wants to wear his pull ups but he also has accidents sometimes in them and has never pooped in the potty i have tried to get him to sit there at the time he normally goes every evening and he will either go before or hold it even if he sits there for 20 min!! then as soon as he gets off with in 10 min he will go hide and as soon as i hear him grunt its already out , he was supposed to be enrolled in school this year but cant because he isnt trained, ive tried bribing, praising, everything i can but i honestly think hes just too lazy to go to the potty he rarely tells me if he has to go i make him go but then it seems to feel more like hes training me to take him every hour!! help!!
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Avatar_n_tn
Your son may simply be behind normal kids, My son is 5 years old and in the last 12 months has only just got the idea of pooing in the toilet an calling me to wipe him, I used toys an a leap frog game to bribe him but that didn't work as soon as he got the toy or gift he would be proud of what he'd been able to do an then the next day he would poo in his pants so now we say NO gifts we just want to to go to the toilet when he does we tell him good job an that is all!!! Plus he can't sit still for very long an we are trying to teach him how to without upsetting him!!! He goes to kinder school but because he hit a couple of kids an one of them got a black eye from it he is not aloud to be there all day an he has to have a teacher aid, they are making me go to doctors, O T's, an a Pediatritan I'am not happy about doing this because I believe that he is fine he just get bored easily but I am doing this for his school an if the docs or whoever can't come up with a reason for why he don't sit still then thats that the school will not force me to do any more because I wont let them, but if they try to get me to medicate my son then they can forget it I am against medicating kids to get them to sit still!!!
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Avatar_f_tn
My pediatrician said most boys won't be potty trained until 4 years and even at 4 years some will not be trained.  My son didn't learn until he was 4 years six months.  It took a long time.  
When I told him I would get rid of his pull-ups, he cried, so I let him where them a little bit longer.  
I found out some interesting things right before.  I would always say, "Only babies poop in there diapers".  Finally one day he said, "But mommy you looooove babies."  

Also when I asked him why he pooped in his pull-up he said, "Mommy I looooove to poop in my pull-up."  Those were some insightful conversations a couple weeks later he was finally potty trained!  
Good luck
I know it is frustrating.  There are some pre-schools that will help in training.
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Avatar_m_tn
My son is 3 years and 1 month and he WILL not go in the potty or tell us when he has to go.  He was doing very well for a short while and he would run into the potty and go by himself.  One day he just stopped doing that and decided he didnt want to use the potty anym,ore.  he knows that he should go in the potty but he is too busy to stop and go in thwere.  It doesnt bother him if he pees or poops his underwear and we stopped using pull ups in hopes that it would make him want to use the potty.  He will go every now and then but only if we remind him but pee only, he wont sit long enought to poop on the potty.  I amd at a complete loss.  We have tried rewards, parising, treats, stickers you name it we've tried it.  Its so hard and at times even embarrassing because he'll have accidents in the store or when were at a friends house and we always hear "He's no potty trained yet?" I just don't know what to do anymore!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
My son was 3 years and 5 months and would not go in the potty either.. I have tried everything but like many other parents they confuse a pull up (cause it is almost the same feeling as wearing a diaper) with a diaper and go in it every time! I found that asking him every 15 min or so EVERY day he will get into a routine and just go on his own! It worked! Hope this helps!
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Avatar_f_tn
my girl is only peeing in the potty but not pooping and that is so frustrating to me and i am kind of feeling like i am going nuts about it i dont realy know what to do at all she seems lik she is afraid of the potty when it comes to pooping  and would only go on her diaper and would hold her self for so long and will not go with out her diaper. i truelly dont know wha to do.
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I have been potty training b/g twin 3-year-olds for nearly 6 months and normally they are pretty good. The boy goes pee and poop all the time in the potty with extremely rare accidents in his underwear. The girl is good 75% of the time but sometimes she will not tell anyone she needs to go and she will just pee in her underwear and doesn't seem to care! She doesn't seem at all frustrated that she's sitting in her own pee for periods of time. It is extremely hard because she doesn't seem to care about rewards and even then it doesn't seem fair to reward her and not her brother. Thoughts? Help?
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Avatar_f_tn
i have a three yr old girl who just started pre school..she refuses to use the potty and gets hysterical?...we have tried reading book,stickers coins, chocolate everything  but she cries and refuses...she will poop and wee in her pants and will not tell us..we ask her every 5 ten min if she needs to go but says no and does it in her pants  and doesn't tell us...she is wearing underwear ...need help pls......as she will go full time school soon...dnt knw wat to do as we are all getting stressed??? plssssssss help
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Avatar_n_tn
My 3 year old will not poo on potty/toilet he goes to wee fine. Stands up to pee in a potty which we are cutting out now and sits down on the toilet which he mostly uses.This started a year ago and has always been fine with his wees but he stands for this and would not sit on the potty so when poo time came he just done it on the floor and i swear it hated the look of it because this is when he started to hold on to it, so i had to go back to pull ups and nappys.I tried so hard but he started holding it so thats when we got him to use the toilet (he has a comfort cusion seat which sits on the toilet) and took to that too but only wees. I know when he needed to go so would put him on the toilet, he would scream and cry saying he dont need to do one but soon as that nappy went on after taking him of the toilet he would go straight away!!! WHY CANT HE DO IT ON THE TOILET!!!! anyway time went on and it got worse we tried everythink but he would hold it run about clinging on to it and he would, i thought well he go on the toilet in a minute!! but he would just hold it untill i put a nappy on so he could go.This carried on but still got worse with it all, i would put a nappy on but he would hold it till bedtime so nobody is with him, liked to be on his own and i must say his poo was quite large at times this must have hurt him but when he was on the toilet he would scream like he was in pain but when you stuck a nappy on him he was happy as ever and would not cry going!!!  Well thing are better today and no he still does not go to poo on the toilet but has tried we even read him storys sometimes just to relax him and always praise him even though he has not done anything he loves all that and when he needs a poo he goes and gets me a nappy which i put on and he will go straight away but he still has to do that in private but at least he is not holding it no more and he comes into the toilet when we have to go which i dont mind i just wish he would not shout out mummys doing as poo !!! My only worry is he starts nursery/preschool in september i know deep down he still want a nappy when he needs a poo but pray one day soon he will just go and do it.My advise to anyone is not to push there child as i know i did and it made it worse one day fingers crossed it will just happen.
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm soooooo very glad that I'm not alone this is a HUGE issue for me, I potty trained 4 boys fully by the time they were 18 months old and it seems that my 3 yo girl is NOT going to let me do it at all, she is very bull headed and NOTHING has worked.  I keep her in panties all day except for her nap and to go to sleep at night...You all have great advise and I will try all of them again....
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I potty trained my daughter in about 2.5 days when she was 2 and a half.  I just let her run around naked but for a pair of big girl undies.  My daughter hated to be dirty (still does and she's almost 4 now), and when she felt pee running down her legs she freaked out.  She only pooped the undies one time and never again (thank God, what a horrible mess that was).  It worked for us, but all kids are different.  Even still, she occasionally pees a little before she makes it to the toilet.  Seems like she just gets involved with what she's doing and doesn't want to take the time out of her busy day to answer the call of nature.  

I'm also watching a 3 year old boy right now who refuses to poop on the potty and his mother is at her wits end with that.  I came here for advice in that regard, but thought I would pass along my experience with my daughter while I was here.  
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I NEED HELP MY SON IS TWO NOW N IM TRYING TO DO THE WHOLE POTTY THING BUT HE REFUSE TO GO!!!!! HE WON'T TELL ME THAT HE'S POOP OR PEE. WAT SHOULD I DO HE'S TOO BIG FOR DIAPERS
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my youngest son is 3 years 8 months and refuses to potty train. when ask if he has to potty he'll say "no" we walk him to the potty and he'll go if we keep our thumb on him so to speak. we decided he was ready to potty train when he started changing his own diapers, did a good job of it unless it was poopy.. so we started putting him in underwear during the day and pullups at night. now he will go in the bathroom and pee or poop and try to clean it up then go throw his underwear in the trash if we don't catch it happening. after he pees in his underwear you can ask if he needs to go potty and he says "i'm not wet" while he's runnin around nakkid lol it's cute but has gotten old and we don't know what to do. and we have a daughter that will be here in a couple weeks, really wanted this  child trained before the little girl got here but doesn't look like it's going to happen. bribes don't work, candy or toy either one. he just doesn't seem to care if he soils his britches.
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Its so good to see I am not alone in this.  My son will be three at the end of the month and he has zero ambition to use the potty.  I sit him on it every hour (minimum) and sometimes he goes, more often not.  He never tells me he has to go, never tells me he went, has no objection to being dirty.  He's a really big boy too, and he's almost too big for the diapers!  we've had him in pull ups for a week, but everytime he poos in those, its a giant mess.  I really think they are french cut!  And he doesnt mind the mess!  I've tried EVERYTHING, he has zero interest.  I dont know what to do, and like the others, I want him to start pre school soon and I am sick of friends being shocked that he isnt potty trained.  
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My son wasn't fully potty trained until he was 4 and a half.  He was tall too and everyone was wondering why he wasn't trained.  I finally stopped telling people that he wasn't potty trained.  

See my posts from October 2009 on this thread.

Good luck

Athena
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My boy is 3 years, 1 month old.  He has yet to actually tinkle in the toilet.  How can you encourage him to release the pee?  I have showed him a sprinkler and a water hose.  He has watched his older brother and cousin.  I bring him to the bathroom and we stand and sit for 10-20 minutes several times a day.  I have run the faucet, put his hand in warm water and even poured warm water over his pee-pee.  We have sat and read books and I have pennies, stickers, and candy that I have given him for trying - with the promise of more if he actually goes.  Nothing.  I wouldn't be overly concerned if the pre-school and toddler soccer league will not allow him to join if he isn't potty trained.  
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NO MORE DIAPERS ARE PULL UPS WHILE THERE AT HOME ONLY WHEN THEY ARE IN THE STREET . AT HOME PUT THEM ON THE POTTY EVERY HOUR AND REWARD THEM WHEN THEY DO IT IN POTTY LET THEM USE THE POTTY LIKE A LITTLE ADULT- EXAMPLE THEY WIPE THEMSELVES FLUSH ON THERE OWN TURN ON FAUCET WASH THERE HAND TURN OFF LIGHT WHEN DONE AND SHUT THE DOOR THEY WILL SEE THIS AS AN ADVENTURE. THEN REWARD THEM TOY CANDY JUMP FOR JOY ECT. JUST REMEMBER IF THEY ACCIDENTLY DO IT ON THEMSELVES DO THE APPOSITE DONT SMILE DONT CHEER THEM ON AND DONT REWARD THEM THEY WILL NOTICE AND THAT WILL CAUSE THEM TO WANT TO PLEASE THERE PARENTS THEY WILL MISS THE REWARDS AND WANT TO USE THE POTTY THIS CAN TAKE 1 MONTH UP TO 6 months depending  on the child are parents busy schedule
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Why are you people waiting untill the child is so old??  Maybe if you potty trained at 2 years old, before children learn to have they're own opinion, it will be much much easier for you and your child to handle.  Four years old and still in a diaper!  It is the parents responsibilty to do what they are suppose to do when they are suppose to do it. Do not make it difficult for your child to wait untill they can voice there own ideas of what they want to do and what they don't want to do.

I potty trained my little girl and 2 yrs 4 months old.  She had 2 days of accidents then no more.   Took diapers AWAY completely.  NO pullups. Even at night time.. just undies. I kept telling her "no pee pee in your undies."  When she would have an accident I would get sad.  "Please don't pee pee in your undies because it makes mommy sad."  At 2 years old all children want to do is make there mommy happy.. and not have any accidents that would make you sad.  At 4 years old children think a different way... for themselves really.  You are having these problems because your child is old enough to make there own choices.. likes and dislikes!!  I do not understant these parents that breast feed a child till 5 years old, do not potty train untill 4 years old, goodness.. you must think about how this will effect your children in the longrun.
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Yes and do reward them when they do go!  Postive encouragment means everything to children!  I used princess stickers. Then afterwoods we would together place her new sticker in her sticker book together.  This worked wonderfuly.
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I started training my daughter right before she turned two. Now she has just turned four and is still not fully potty trained.  For a while she did seem to be fully trained but then she just stopped.  She will pee in the potty and stays dry but lately she will not poop on the potty.  We have been fighting this battle for half her life now and I am just at my wits end. I hope some of the early posters have had success and will come back and tell us what worked.  
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Ok so I read ChrisNTess's post, and totally disagree. Children will go and learn when they are ready. My son just turned three, and I've been trying to potty train him since he was two. When children are two they don't just want to make Mommy happy, they do have a mind of their own. And I really don't think that this is all going to affect them in the long run.
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Wow, exactly the same kind of things happen in our house...
sticker charts, sweets, underwear instead of pull-ups, heaps of praise....NOTHING is working for our 3 1/2 yr old boy. He is very clever and has a few quirks like this, we think he may have aspergers.
He will occassionally go to the toliet if asked or taken and bribed but usually his reponse is "no thanks, I don't need to go" OR he tells us when he's already done a wee in his pull-up. Number two's were a huge problem for a long time; he would soil his pull-up and not let me clean him up!!! I mean kicking and screaming and everything; terrible! He doesn't do that anymore but he still poos in his pull-up.
He has NO interest at all. I'm at my wit's end.
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My son just turned 3 years old on Sept. 18th.  I have tried a little potty training with him, but he just seems more interested in playing.  He is constantly up and down.  He does not sit still long enough to go potty.  I have put him in a pair of Gerber Training Pants-They are like underwear, but maybe a little thicker.  He has done pee pee in them & does not seem to care.  When I noticed that they looked wet, I told him to come see me and he was like I did go pee pee.  Also, he tries to want to sit on the potty after his bath, which drives me crazy, because again he plays around in the bathroom.  When I tell him that is it we are done & take him into his room to get him ready for bed, he cries, screams, & fights me about putting on his diaper.  My son knows that he gets a rise out of me when he is fulling around in the bathroom & constantly getting up and down.  When I tell him that is it we are done, he screams & sits back down and says No I need to go potty and then we just get right back into the same cycle again if I let him sit back down.   I was thinking of putting the potty chair & potty ring away for a little while until he is ready because it is stressing me out. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
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i may be a genius!!! I tried everything, my daughter is 3 and a half, and evil, (god love her) but its like she does it on purpose now! SHe was peeinhg for months in potty, and she always goes at school, now at home she is hiding. SO I am GOING TO LEAE HER COMPLETEL NAKED.. all day , so when she has to go , she will have to go somewhere.. an dgod help her if she poops on my floor.
bribes never worked, stickers, candy stamps, big sis stuf.. NOTHING. this is my last resort, ill keep you all posted
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I completely disagree with chrisNtess's post. I have been potty training my son since 20 months, He loved it at first everything was great, of course he stopped and since then we have constantly been having a battle. So even if you train your child before 4 years old, when they do form their own opinions there is nothing to stop them from disobeying and refusing the potty. My son understands the concept and will only use the potty if he is naked....pull ups, underwear,wont do it, wont sit on it even for bribes, people say I should  be firmer and make him listen to me, but I'm kinda at a loss,because I don't kno how to. I dont want to force him and traumatize him or delay the process further. My only option right now (unless anyone has any better ideas) is to not give up and not let him forget about the potty. Im constantly pestering him asking if he needs to go and I guess thats what must continue until he finally says yes! Saying No is their form of control and I know it makes us doubt ourselves as parents but we gota hang in there and goodluck to everyone else!
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ohh sorry my son is currently 2 and 7 months
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I have a 3 years and 4 months boy. He used to go potty in the toilet before.  but now he will just peed on his pants like 3 to 4 times a day. I am frustrated too. Good thing is he still poop in the toilet. but i'm so tired of him peeing in his pants and furniture. and he still wear diaper at night because i don't want him wet his bed. he doesn't get up in the middle of the night to pee like he used to do before. I don't know what to do. I tried to be patience for months and months now. and I have 20 months old twins boy and girl. don't know when to start potty train them since my oldest son isn't finish yet. any ideas?
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My grandson is 3 and 5 months and just refuses to toilet train.  Nothing has worked so far and now he is holding it in and suffering constipation.  Reading all the experiences  here I think back to my own 2 sons and they toilet trained with no trouble at all.  This has started me thinking about diapers, or nappies as we say in Australia.  In my time we had cloth nappies  which were worn with plastic pants.  It is very hot here and they must have been very uncomfortable to wear, todays  disposable nappies are a million times better but on the other hand kids don't mind wearing them so no wonder they find it so much easier to just do their thing when they feel like it as the nappy absorbs so much moisture.  Walking around in a sopping wet cloth nappy is far less appealing and if I could have Dylan for a week I would put him in them and see what happens. Using Napisan to clean them is a breeze and I would gladly go to the trouble as I hate to see him stressed.  I am going to suggest this to my daughter-in-law and maybe she will try it.
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My daughter is 3 and half and have been trying to potty train her since she was 2, she started OK and then suddenly refused and wanted to pee only in her nappy.  She was wearing big girl knickers at nursery but started to hold her pee in all day (over 7 hours) until we put a pull-up on her to travel home in the car and then she would pee.  My health visitor told me to put her back in pull-ups for a month as holding in pee isn't good.  I did this but she will still only pee in pull-ups and not on the potty and gets upset if she needs to go and has knickers on.  She starts school in September and I'm not sure what to do next?  Anyone got any ideas?
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I'm so glad that I am not alone in this. I have been trying to potty train my daughter since she was 2 and it has been a job. I try and it seems to be going good then she just doesn't want to anymore, we have been back and forth like this for the last year. So when she starts not wanting to I just put her back in pull-ups and leave her alone. I don't know what to do. I don't want to force her, but on the other hand I want her to want to go to the potty. I am trying again right now, for the 5th time. I HOPE IT WORKS!!
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It's a relief to know that I am not alone. I started trying to potty train my son when he turned 2. Bought a potty chair, showed him DVDs, and read books. Nothing worked. Finally, several months before his 3rd birthday, he showed an interest. Since I'm home with him all day, I just left him naked and he was using the potty to pee and poop. He was a champ. Then, after about 6 weeks thought we might try big boy underwear. Nope, epic failure. He just started peeing and pooping in them so I went back to naked all day. It was ok for awhile then he just started ignoring the potty and peeing and pooping on the floor. After about the 6th accident, I freaked because he's ruining the carpet (we live in base housing so it's not my floor to ruin). So, now he is back in diapers and doesn't show the least bit of interest in using the potty anymore. I haven't tried the M&M's so maybe that will work. He constantly tells me that he doesn't want to be a "big boy" he wants to be mommy's baby. Don't know if this is because I'm pregnant and he's already exhibiting jealousy. But, I would love to have him potty trained before the new baby arrives in July. Also, his big brother finally potty trained at 3 yrs old in one weekend. He was so much easier. This has been so frustrating and upsetting.
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I am currently trying to potty train my son, my sister in law is doing with me because her son is 8 days older then mine. Today is my first day and before today I would ask my son if he had to go potty and the answer varied, if he said yes he would always go. Today is the first day that he has actually came and told me that he has to go potty and actually gone. Do not get me wrong he has had his fair share of accidents, but my sister in laws son refuses to go to the potty. he will pee in his underware and just stand there. he does not realize he is doing anything wrong. We have tried everything and do not know what to do. Any suggestions.
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I would just keep trying.  I don't think it is good to compare 2 children.
I know I posted this before.  
My pediatrician said most boys won't be potty trained until 4 years and even at 4 years some will not be trained.  My son didn't learn until he was 4 years six months.  It took a long time.  
When I told him I would get rid of his pull-ups, he cried, so I let him where them a little bit longer.  
I found out some interesting things right before.  I would always say, "Only babies poop in there diapers".  Finally one day he said, "But mommy you looooove babies."  

Also when I asked him why he pooped in his pull-up he said, "Mommy I looooove to poop in my pull-up."  Those were some insightful conversations a couple weeks later he was finally potty trained!  
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I am so glad to know I am not alone!  I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who refuses to go on the potty.  I have tried stickers, promising her toys, candy, etc.  NOTHING works!  I will put her panties on her and for the whole entire day from the time she gets up until the time she goes to bed, she will hold it in.  I will sit her on the potty when I see her holding her legs together and she will not go.  On more than one occasion, she has held it in for 12 hrs.  At bedtime, I will put a pullup on her and she will literally soak it to the point it runs down her leg within 5 mins of having it on.   I started training her when she was 2.  She would sit on the potty and even went in it a few times, but now all of a sudden she seems scared of the toilet.  If she has to go and you sit her on it, she will cry.  She has a small potty chair and a potty seat ring that fits on the big toilet, but she doesn't want either one of them.  I am starting to question if I have some how done something wrong.  We read potty books, we talk about it, I praise her when she does good, but nothing works.  I want her to be potty trained, but I don't want her to hold it in for 12 hrs.  HELP!
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try taking her to the store with u to pick out her on panties.my oldest this worked for we got the little sets with the training bras ir tees with them she thought she was all grown up wearing her bra like mommy did. My middle daughter picked princess and barney panties and i know this is horriable but we told her if she pottied in them she will not see them anymore cause they would be n heaven and it worked she didnt have one accident. bad but it worked with my son well he was stubborn he watched a movie one day where he saw a kid pee on a tree and that is what he wanted to do he thought it was cool well after many failed attempts i finally gave in and let him pee on a tree he loved it and did that for a week and finally started to go n pooty by himself. I did live in the country with no neighbors so it was easier lol
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Judging by this lengthy post, I think maybe it's time we accept that this is normal behavior.  Society has always dictated arbitrary time-lines for child development - most of which stem from convenience, NOT science.  Children must be weaned by 12 months, potty trained by 3, curing cancer at 12...seriously, who comes up with this crap??

If you ask me, children know best when they are ready.  All we can do is give them the tools, encouragement and love to help them be successful.  

From what I've read here, these children are lucky to have such loving, considerate and patient parents!  :)
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Very frustrated here! Not sure that patience is actually what parents have here, maybe in the begining but come on! I think maybe my son is just plain lazy, I have never had this much trouble potty training my other kids (3 before him) sure my son bf him would crap in his pants and did this for several mths of training but he peed every single time in the potty and stayed dry at night! I am at wits end! I have tried everything from telling him babies poop and pee pants to taking his things from him and NOTHING works! That is why I say he is just lazy! He will sit on potty for 20+ mins and nothing! Get off potty put on pants and sure as heck he craps himself! I myself have run out of patience and dont know what to do. He is supposed to start preschool in fall but (he will be 4 in july) he can not if he is not going potty on his own....I have also told him that (bc he is excited to go to school) but it doesn't work either! ????????? :o(
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From the first 2003 post on potty training to 2011 parents keeping the conversation going wow. Its good to see parents asking for help. And been able to read about what other parents are going thru makes you feel like your not the only one in the world having some trobble with there toddlers. My just turned 3year old is the size of a 41/2 year old, he wont go on the loo. he wont listen to anything I say about it as well. but Im also having trobble with him with everyday things, he is a good boy for his dad and not for me? He is good when his older sister is at school and his younger brother is having a nap. so Im thinking he was ment to be an only child. He is very hard to deal with so trying to potty train is becoming something I tend not to think about anymore, I have to much other problems with him to address, I could potty train him now if he wasnt so naughty for me I can see he knows what to do, he just doesnt like to listen to me. sticker charts are not working.Might be that he is with me 24/7.Am starting him at kindy 1day a week so hoping that will help. I going to use the advise to use m&ms !!
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I have twin boys.  We had great success with pee training.  They outsmarted us on the stool....because they knew they got pull-ups for bedtime, they would hold their stool until after bath.  When they turned 3 1/2, they could go all night without needing a pull-up and having only 2 or 3 accidents a week.  We had just watched a SuperNanny show that said we were sending mixed messages by giving them pull-ups, so we put them away.

Well, kids certainly have their own ideas.  They turned into withholders.  After 10 days of trying only the potty, we tried to bring back the pull-ups.  They stated they forgot how to poop.  

Long story shortened, they are on medications to soften the stool, and 7 months after the first attempt to train, they are still going around in pull-ups and have "accidents" for which we have to praise them for.  They are hurting themselves by withholding and we have to do, as parents, what we need to do in order to get the poop out.

So, if you are trying to train your child and they are not accepting the change, you might want to think about it.  Yes, some parents have great success when their kids are much younger, but some kids are not ready emotionally for the change.  Our one son is finally starting to communicate that he thinks he is still a baby and cannot poop in a potty yet.  And, I just long for the days when they would grab a pull-up, put it on, and go squat to take care of their business....forget the potty, just make yourself feel better.

It is emotionally exhausing for parents when your child turns into a withholder, so please be aware of this factor.
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I'm in a similar boat. My daughter will be 4 in November. She's excited about starting "school", which is really just daycare but all the same, I can't take her until she's trained. She did well for a little while but somewhere in there she lost interest. We did the treat bribe but she got a little smarter than that and knew she could just go a couple drops, get the candy, and finish peeing in her diaper/pull-up. I tried putting panties on her, told her she was a big girl and that she had to use the potty, would bring her in to sit and try to go every 20 minutes or half an hour, she's go a couple drops, say that she was all done, and then flood the kitchen chair 2 minutes later.

Have you had any luck over the last month?
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It's good to hear I am not alone. My son is 3 yrs and 1 mth old. He started showing interest in using the potty the day he turned 2. I thought I had him potty trained twice and now he refuses to go at all. He has only pooped in the potty twice in a year! It's so frustrating. He knows how to do it-he just doesn't want to. I have tried candy, stickers, toys, etc. and nothing seems to work. I even tried letting him blow out a candle everytime he went to the potty but this also has gotten old.  I finally started pushing him and this seems to have back fired even more. Now he is even saying that he wants to stay a baby and wear diapers. I am expecting my second child and I really want him to be potty trained before he or she gets here. I am due in Jan.
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My son just turned 4 a few weeks ago. He is not potty trained. When he was 2 and a half, his daycare told me he wasn't ready to be trained. So I put it off. I started trying to train him before Christmas, and to this day, he is still not getting it. He knows the toilet is for going pee and poo, and he knows exactly what to say when he has to go. The problem, is that he won't tell me when he does have to go. The last 4 or 5 days, I have decided to keep him in underwear during the day, and only put him in pullups at night when he goes to bed. He starts JK in September, and I need to have him trained by then. I have tried EVERYTHING. But still, nothing. The worst thing about it is that it seems like he really doesn't mind sitting in wet underwear. Because he hardly ever tells me when he's gone pee in them. Sometimes he'll say "mommy, I'm sooo wet." Other times, he won't say anything at all. I should also mention that he is slightly delayed (speech). He's very intelligent, knows all his letters, can count to 10 in spanish, and stuff like that. But getting him to tell me when he has to go is frustrating me to no end. I feel like he's never going to get it. It's good to know that I'm not the only one with an untrained 4 year old.
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Thank God i thought my daughter who is 3 yrs n 4 months is the only one who refused to be potty trained.Am really stressed with all these things as she is supposed to start play school next week... I need some advices please.

Thanks
Pearl
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My son will turn 3 next month and he has expressed his desire to start Pre School. I have been visiting several preschools in an attempt to encourage him, letting him know that he will no longer need his diaper since he is a big kid who is ready to start school. I am hoping he learns quickly because I found a great school that he took to, and I thought would be a great fit for him. I am using thick cloth diapers during the day at home, pull ups when outside. I am also offering him M&M's as a treat for his attempts and accomplishments. One for sitting and trying, two for pee, three for poop. My observations so far are that he is discovering the discomfort of feeling wet when he pees in his cloth diaper. He is letting me know, after the fact, but still I consider this progress. He is even running to his potty in the bathroom, in a quite funny manner, since he can feel himself quite wet. I really think this is what will help him transition over eventually. Pull Ups are just too darn comfy and cozy for little ones. They simply can't feel discomfort enough to want to make an effort for the potty. I feel the best thing to do is get the kiddos into cloth diapers or undies and let them feel the discomfort until they decide that the potty, or toilet is the way to go. Good luck to all who are in the same boat!







and I thought would be a great fit for him. I am using thick cloth diapers during the day at home, pull ups when outside. I am also offering him M&M's as a treat for his attempts and accomplishments. One for sitting & trying, two for pee, three for poop. My observations so far are that he is discovering the discomfort of feeling wet when he pees in his cloth diaper. He is letting me know, after the fact, but still I consider this progress. He is even running to his potty in the bathroom in a quite funny manner since he can feel himself quite wet. I really think this is what will help him transition over eventually. Pull Ups are just to darn comfy and cozy for little ones. They simply can't feel discomfort enough to want to make an effort for the potty. I feel the best thing to do is get the kiddos into cloth diapers or undies and let them feel the discomfort until they make decide that the potty, or toilet is the way to go. Good luck to all who are in the same boat!
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YES! you should tell him, it's time to go sit on the potty! if a toddler ran the house your walls would be decorated with spaghetti and flies would out number the people. your in charge because you are an adult and the mom.
That not to say to under value the beauty of a child but keep it clear. Give them a choice when it appropriate, or cause and reaction. You can tell your child you have a choice: go potty in the toliet and get a treat (sticker?) or go potty in your diaper and BLANK (depends what he reacts to, may be no treat is a big deal or a time out) Love is not always just the fun stuff.... unfortunately despite all idealistic wishes we still need a bottom line. Kids crave boundaries and around three when they push hard to see where it is and who's in charge its not all the fun side of wanting the best for your child. Goood luck!!! stay strong, every child is unique and changing search lots of advice!
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Mt son would did not want to use the potty, until we started a reward system. 1 gummie for peepee and 2 gummies for poo poo. he still insisted on going to his room to go poop. I think it was because he wanted to be completely alone. so we started letting him use the potty alone and to call us when he was done so we can help whipe. and slowly but surely he started to use the potty. it felt like he was never going to start using the potty.
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This is an extremely unhelpful post. You may well have successfully potty trained your child at 2 but what you have failed to realise is that every child is individual and these parents have not waited until their children are "so old", they have been trying for some time with little success. I would have thought that rather than adding to their distress by scoffing at them, you could do the decent thing and point them in the right direction.
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help my 2.8month boy gets hysterical when i try him on the potty or toilet i actually had to keep him  on it so he would do a wee which i dont think is right i was just feeling pressure to potty train him. Thinking about trying again soon but worried the same will happen its like hes scared of feeling the wee come out.I didnt get to him doing poos. any advice would be great.
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Oh my goodness! I cannot believe how many people have posted to this! I'm in tears knowing that I'm not alone. I have successfully potty trained 3 kids but with my almost 4 year old I'm at a loss! He is refusing to go to the potty and doesn't mind sitting in a dirty diaper or underwear! Ugh, I'm at the end of my rope! But really, I'm just glad there are other mothers out there that are also having this same exact problem and I'm not alone in this!
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Wow, can't believe what a big problem this toilet training can be!!  

I have a 2.5yr old boy and have tried to occasionally (no pressure) sit him on the potty or toilet since he was about 1.  He's always been terrified and will only sit for a split second and come off.  He's still terrified now.

I've been seriously trying for the past month or so cause he needs to be toilet trained before preschool next year - and there's another baby coming.  I tried a 3 day intensive potty training system with lots of rewards/praise and 'catching' every accident - after 1 day of this he was so stressed out he ended up with a temp of 39 degrees and 'sick' - mind you he became 'fine' as soon as the CLOTH nappies came back out.

Today I thought I'd try to make him get over this ridiculous phobia of the potty and forced him to sit on it with a reward and in front of his favourite TV programme.  We lasted about 10 minutes but it was a screaming match.  I know I'm not supposed to use force but I don't know how else I can convince him that there's nothing too scary about sitting on a potty??

Has anyone else (against all advice) dared to force their child to sit on a potty with any success????????????
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Whatever happened to parents being in charge?  Now a days, it's all about not hurting your childs' self esteem!  For goodness sake--act like the grownup--or, are you still going around in a diaper or pullups also?  Your job as a parent is to train and teach your child--they don't just wake up one morning and decide "oh, I guess I will be potty trained today"  it is a learning process and will take patience and persistance (and if a bit of punishment).  Sit them on the potty, if they go, great, if they don't, but then go in their underwear, it is time for some discipline.  Be the parent, not, the friend!
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I am in exactly the same position as you! I have a son who is going to be 3 next month, and he is terrified of the potty. Myself and my husband have absolutely no idea why though...I have been encouraging him the last 6 or 7 months with the potty, he is crazy about Thomas the Tank Engine and I bought him one Thomas's potties, but he still works himself up into a complete frenzy when it's brought out. I have 2 older children and they were no problem to potty train, but Jacob has absolutely no interest in it...I'm pulling my hair out now :(
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How do i train my son who is 3years 3 months and i still have to put him a diper only at night  he dosent drink anything late. During the day he wears underware and uses the toilet like any other person but its the night time i have trouble with help any advise
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Avatar_m_tn
What finally worked???? I am in the same boat 3 years later.....twin boys, one was easy as pie to pottytrain (has been for several months) the other has no desire whatsoever...candy doesn't work, presents don't work, sitting in underwear that he has peed or pooed in doesn't work (he's sitting in pee underwear as I type!!!).....How did you do it??
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Avatar_m_tn
my daughter will be 4 in jan and on occasion she will pee on the potty and i have been trying to get her to poop and i have tried every tactic and nothing works... and remind you i have been training her since she was 18 months old. help
mom of a stubborn 3 yr old girl
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Avatar_n_tn
ChrisNTess - Do you really think we are all waiting until our children are 4 to start?????  Did you read all of the posts all the way through????  I have been trying since before my girl was 2yrs old - she has just turned 3 and still just refuses after trying everything.  She is very headstrong and always has been.  I am glad your children were so accomodating for you, but every child is different.  You will have other challenges in your childs life that mine will not have problems with.  I hope I am around to be just as judgemental.
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Avatar_n_tn
jkgrandma - Actually, that is what happens with some children.  After the parents trying everything (and being very persistent), the child will wake up one day and just decide that they want to wear their big girl/boy underwear.  And 'overnight' they are finished with the diapers/pull ups.  Punishment may have worked for your children, but it is not always useful for everyone and in some cases, may actually work against you and make the child more unwilling to go.  As with most situations with children, much of it comes down to knowing your child and what will work best for them.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes, I dared to force my son to sit on the potty and it worked! He is now 10 and was not scarred for life or anything. I have 4 kids and he is my oldest, was definitely the most difficult to train. He was over 3 years old, don't remember how old exactly. He would go pee in the potty very well and had gone poo in it once or twice, but suddenly one day decided he simply could not poo in it ever again! We went on for weeks trying to figure out what had changed. He was terrified to sit on the pot. He would withhold the poo for days until he was pacing and holding his little bottom, screaming for a diaper to be put on (I had left him naked to leave him no choice but to use the potty when the time came) when he could hold it no longer and the poo hit the floor.

Finally, conversations with him revealed that he was positive something horrible/very scary would happen if he did let his poo go into the toilet. His story was something about "shadow trees" and I think it had to do with a nightmare he had which he somehow related to the potty.

With this new knowledge, I simply MADE him sit there until it happened. I think it was about 3 hours, it seemed like that long anyway.  I just sat right in front of him knees to knees, with my hands on his legs and we kept eye contact and I constantly reassured him "You are okay, I'm right here with you, I promise nothing bad is going to happen if you let it out. I love you and I wouldn't lie to you." Over and over I would say these things. He would plead and cry, but I stuck to my guns and kept telling him to look at mommy, its okay, just let it go, let it come out, you'll be okay. He eventually screeched "I'M DOING IT, ITS COMING OUT!" It was the point of no return...

As soon as it was out, he popped off the toilet, we looked at it, I asked him "So, did anything bad happen?" "No, I'M OK!!" He was sooo happy and proud, and we never had a problem after that.

So maybe others of you whose kids are afraid to use the potty have had a nightmare or something and you can work through it with them. I really hope this helps.
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Avatar_m_tn
This sounds exactly like my daughter. Your post is a year old, can you tell me what happened? Thank you.
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Avatar_f_tn
   I never potty trained my daughter. She was 3yrs & 3months when she came to me and said"I don't want these(diapers) any more".  She never wet the bed at all. She showed control issues when ever I mentioned it so I figured we would wait till she said she was ready.

  Now I have a 3 yr old boy. He show great interest & wants to wear big boy undies, so we are giving it a shot.  I is a lot of work.  He is very proud of himself when he goes.  We have a very long road ahead, nut if he want to try I'm all for it.

  Be patient with your kids & they will let you know when THEY are ready.
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I see this was awhile ago and just wondering what you ended up doing, because my almost 3 1/2 year old is doing EXACTLY the same thing=/
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Avatar_m_tn
I dont believe that parents are purposely waiting to potty train their children until that late. I have been trying to potty train my son sine he turned two. I have tried everything bribes, with candy and toys. I've tried supporting him and being there while he tries to go. Ive tried reward system with stickers. Ive done the underwear and he doesnt care he just pees and poops in them like its nothing and will tell me after. I've taken him once every hour, then I tried every half hour. I have a younger son he is one, and my son who is now three that I have been trying to train for a year now says that "brother wears diapers" I've told him that he is a big boy and his brother is a baby, that big boys go in the toilet and babies wear diapers. I've given him praise when he does pee occasionally in the toilet. He will not poop in the toilet and he will even hold it until I put a pull up on him, or he will ask for me to put one on him when he knows he has to go to the bathroom. I will walk him to the bathroom and tell him to go there, he will sit on the toilet and still not go. I have been training for a year with very little success. I know that this is my responsibilty as Im sure all these parents on here do, and that is why they are reaching out for help. I think some children may just take to it faster and no one should be telling other parents that there efforts arent good enough. My mother had six kids we all trained before we were two, she watches both my boys while I work and she has also been working with my son with no progress. So I dont think that it is these parents lack of trying, that these children arent getting potty trained as fast as some others.
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Avatar_f_tn
When my son was 2 he use to go to the potty himself. After awhile he just stopped doing it on his own. We reward and applaud when he goes but now I just feel like he is being lazy. He is 3 now. He is so smart it isn't funny his vocabulary and startegies are way to advanced for his age. Instead of using the toilet he gives me excuses like my pee thing didn't listen to me mom its not my fault.   I do not know what to do
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My daughter is going to be six the end of April and has finally gone a month without an accident. She was 3 and1/2 before she pooped in the potty the first time, thankfully ending the daytime training mess. I cut her off of drinks at 6:30 pm, got her up to pee at one in the morning when I get home from work and she would still have accidents. I asked her pediatrician about it because I was starting to get concerned that she would never stop wetting the bed and he informed me her bladder could have slower physical development or was overly producing urine. They do have a hormone for children if that is the issue for over-production of urine, but the way I did it was stopping the fluids early, having her go potty right before bed, putting her on the potty after about 4-5 hours sleep (she usually doesn't even remember going) and perseverance. It is not an overnight thing and is definitely stressful at times. I also stopped letting her wear pull-ups to bed because they say it makes it more comfortable to sleep in their pee, which I agree with because before it stopped altogether she was at least waking up after only partially peeing and finishing in the potty, because it was cold and wet. So get some nice plastic sheets definitely. First thing I would do is ask your child's doctor what they think. And then just keep at it, it does end! :)
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi, very similar situation here now. What happened in the end with your son? Thanks so much!
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes! Same here! My daughter is refusing to go with us, but she will go with the nanny or at nursery. That's why we've given up pushing her,
Because we thought it would be counterproductive. Now we'll try again by stepping up the rewards - and actively withholding treats if she stil refuses to go.

As i say, the situation is different with us (mum and dad) than with others
, but i believe she only poopoos with us, in the evening. That is, she does it in the nappy.

Big problem i believe is her little brother who's one year old. I'm convinced it's jealousy, but who knows?
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Avatar_f_tn
we all are here getting all crazy with this. but my GUESS is that our children today are to stimulated by T.V  and our new social way of do and see things.
They look up to other people, toys etc more than us. We are more like their servant or something that we need to be 24/7 pleasing them if not they wont give us our daily bread.
good luck to all of us and lets go back and see if what I say here may help us all.
hope to see some feed backs.
lili
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AMEN !!!!!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
My son is 3 abs 1 month.  He refuses to use the potty.  We have tried everything - candy, cheap toys, stickers, etc.  he peed willingly on the potty one time and that was it.  My pediatrician said not to worry, he will do it when he is ready.  I'm very worried about when that will be.  He goes to preschool and they won't move him from the 2 year old class to the 3 year old class until he is trained.  Last week there were still 3 other 3 year olds in the 2 year old class with him.  Today when I went to pick him up all of the other three year olds had been moved up to the 3 year old class.  I was told by the school that he was mentally ready to advance to the 3 year old class when he was 2 1/2, but that they can't change diapers in the 3 year old class.  I am so frustrated.  Preschool isn't cheap and I feel like he isn't learning anything new.  Soooooo frustrated over this!
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Avatar_m_tn
My child was late with teething, and now, he has perfect teeth, and a mouth full of them. He was a late talker, and now he wont stop talking and knows more words than I can imagine for a 2 and a half year old.  He skipped crawling, and that worried me, but now he runs fast like a four year old.  I guess I look at it this way.  I have yet to see an adult wearing diapers to work, so I guess at some point, he will go to the bathroom.  I show him the potty and encourage, but if I force it, he will rebel. I know his personality all too well.  My suggestion is simple: When the child is ready, they will tell us!
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Jenny, whatever happened with your potty training progress since tis thread? My almost 4 year old son is just fine sitting in his own soil, too. Has no interest what-so-ever in potty training, and I can't start him in preschool until he is.
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Avatar_f_tn
Whatever happened with your potty training? Were you successful? My son sounds a lot like your daughter...just wondering what I can do!
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Avatar_m_tn
I am happy to hear you had success, but I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I started at 2. I was a daycare teacher and potty trained 16 2 year olds in 3 months. I know what I'm doing and my 3 year old still has issues.  As a mom you know the horrible feeling of guilt that fill your heart every day, and by criticizing others you have added to this burden for other moms. What might be more helpful is by giving tips without comments on other people's parenting.
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I realize these posts are old, but I have to say that I COMPLETLEY disagree with this statement.  I potty trained my older son when he was 18 months old, without issue.  I have been trying with my youngest son since he was 18 months old, and have gotten virtually no where.  He is almost 3 now.   You ask how we feel that we are affecting our children, have you ever thought about how you manipulating a toddler into going to the bathroom by using guilt would affect yours????
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Avatar_m_tn
The proir comment was directed to Chrisntess
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try putting a cherrio in the toilet and tell him to aim at the cherrio I know that worked for my son and he didnt potty train till he was 4 years old
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My Son is now 3 1/2,  and has been so difficult to train. I started when he turned 2 and since then he will only sometimes go pee in his little potty, even though for a short time he would go in the big potty and want to stand up to be like his Papa, but then all of a sudden for a few months freaked out even thinking about going on the big potty and refused to go on his little one. Then with  of course bribes " if you go potty, you can go in the treasure chest and pick out a treat " , that worked and motivated him for a month or so to pee in his little potty.  Then he stopped, refused to wear underwear and went in his pull ups. Then we stareted a potty chart, magically, he started peeing again in his little potty for about 3 weeks. Then, refuses to do it again.  I have let that kid run naked through the house, hoping that if he does have an accedent,  he would be more inclined to go to the potty, or maybe he's feel it coming on quicker, that didn't work, he's just yell for a pull up, or pee on the floor ( he only did that once,  he didn't like making the mess, but was happy to flood his diaper.  He has never gone poop in the potty, even though now a days, when he poopes he wants to see it and then flush it down the big potty.  I ask him all the time whats going on, why did he stop going in the big potty, and he says " something scared me". Now I know thats a good old fib to get a diaper on, because he was never left alone in there to have anything scare him.  He knows why adults use the toilet and he knows his cousins use them ( they are 1 year older then him) and he hates being called a baby ( I tell him that if he wants to use a diaper that must mean he is a baby,  and if he would like to treat him as such, to which he says " no,  Im a big boy mama") so I have no idea what to do for this kid.  He has been promised the moon and the stars aswell as he's smart and knows how to do it and that this is a normal thing to do, but to no avail. He will wear underwear occasionally and when he does makes no accidents, but now for the past month, he will loose his mind and cry until he throws up if we simply even raise the question of his putting his underwear on. And if we try and make him and successfully get them on him, he runs down the hallway freaking out and tearing them off as if they were made of acid and were burning him.  Im at my wits end, he too is suppose to start pre school in September and im worried that he won't be able to go, and I would hate for him to miss out on that experience.  We have tried being stern,  being excited when he does go, being every emotion under the sun, but alas, we end up back in those damn pull ups.  When he does get potty trained, I am going to have a bon fire and burn those suckers!!  And to some of those posts, saying either that were lazy or that we are not being parents but friends, that is a load of bull poopies! Every child is different and does things at their own speed. Just because you had no issues, doesn't mean that you are a supirior parent compared to us, it just means you had damn good luck. We are all trying our hardest to make sure our child is doing the best he/she can, so acting like a bully to other mother and fathers who are already at their wits end for trying their best is not the way to go. How bout sharing your story and encouraging us with your positive results? Not one child is the same and to try and force them and their parents to make them fit into some mold of what should be normal is wrong. There are no timelines and rules as to when a child should be doing something.  So if your child is shorter then average, does that mean that they aren't fitting into the norm there for it must mean that you are a lazy parent for not feeding them enough milk / calcium etc to help them grow to the accepted height? I don't understand why people have to be so judgemental and why they feel the need to lecture someone who is obviously struggling??  If you haven't a positive or meaningful thing to say then don't say anything at all.
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wow it must be wonderful to be a perfect parent with a perfect child
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my son is 3 years old and he wil go pee on the "big boy potty" (the regular toilet) but only if i take him, he has never told me that he needs to go. he has never pooped on the potty, but he will sometimes tell me that he pooped after he's done. he knows that he can get a very painful rash from pooping in his pull up, so as soon as he is done he wants the poo off, but he refuses to go on the potty. when i take him to go potty he will go pee no problem but i can NOT get him to poop on the potty or to tell me that he has to go, if i catch him trying to hide and go poop and tell him lets go sit on the potty he tells me no, if i try to put him on the potty he screams or just wont go. but as soon as the pull up goes back on, he poops. i have heard that i should not pressure him into using the potty but pull ups are getting to be crazy expensive and at 3 i think he shoud be using the potty. it's embarrassing to have to change my 3 year olds diaper every time i change my 18 month olds diaper when we have play dates, i dont know why he wont go, i just want to give up after two years of trying with no success
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Avatar_m_tn
I had difficulty with my oldest.  He was potty trained at 2 1/2, but relapsed a few months later when we had our daughter.  At 3 1/2 he would go pee but not poo in the toilet.  There were numerous accidents and it was embarrasing for us both when they happened in public.  I tried everything, read everything, talked to everyone.  But then my mother told me something that really made an impact.  She said, its great to get advice from others but keep in mind, your child is your own; different from every other and uniquely yours.  So, I thought about what would make an impact in breaking this very stubborn streak.  

One morning he woke up and every toy, book, dvd he owned was gone.  I binned them all and put them in the garage.  He asked why and I told him that I knew he knew when he had to poop.  There are certain things we have to do and pooping in the toilet is one of them.  Everytime he did a poop, he could have a toy back.

Maybe it wasn't the best way, but it was the one that worked.  He never had another accident ever again.

Rewarding him wasn't working.  Once I recognized that this was a bit of a control issue for him, I felt I had to trump him on that and show him that this was not something that he could throw the gauntlet down on without consequences.  As his parents we are the ones with the control over these basic issues and he recognizes that now.

With that said, my daughter is turning 3 and nothing works with her either.  My son told her that mommy would take all her stuff away if she pooped her pants on purpose.  My daughter got an empty box and started packing her stuff away.  LOL.  She is even more stubborn than he.  The only thing I haven't yet tried is to let her sit in her soiled panties.  She's a bit of a clean freak and I think that would motivate her to use the potty.  I hope.
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Avatar_f_tn
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going thru.  My son was able to pee on the toilet starting at around 3 years of age but refused to poop into it.  I've tried everything taught from books, TV shows, videos and advises from real life parents.  I've tried encouragement, begging, and punishing while crying with him but nothing worked until 5 days ago.  I did not push or make a big deal of it because whenever I did, he became constipated.  What I did was to give him Miralax (with the doctor's approval) and to remove him watching TV and playing Wii games (which he likes to do best every day) until he poops in to the toilet.  After 2 days, he could not hold this any more and pooped in to the toilet.   Hope this helps.
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Avatar_m_tn
With my little boy who was 2 years 4 months at the time it was books and rewards that worked for us.

To start with I sat him on the potty inbetween my legs and read him 2 or 3 stories. After he was use to sitting on it which only took a few days I let him run around with noting on and kept a very close eye on him and as soon as he started or looked like he was about to wee I sat him on the potty (had to hold him there the 1st few times) and once he had been I gave him a marshmellow which are his favourate treats.

Getting him dry during the day took just over a week and he was dry at night a week later.

I was very very lucky he just seemed to get it straight away. Hes now 3 1/2 and never has accidents.
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Avatar_m_tn
I also at least feel better that I am not doing EVERYTHING wrong which I was I am feeling lately, utter dispair really and at the end of my emotional rope. My daughter 3 yrs 2 mos, has cousins her age potty trained and here we are getting nowhere. I, like others on here was really irked by the post of ChrisnTess, because I also started this process at 18 mos old.  I still do not know where to go but at least I feel better that I am not doing it all wrong. My child is very intelligent, but very very strong willed and stubborn. I guess that might be the common thread here that I am hearing. Maybe it's a sign of genius and our kids will be great accomplishers one day but must do it at their own will and time. As to being the parent and not the friend, trust me it isn't the case. I discipline daily and strongly agree with being the parent. But short of beating them, what else are we supposed to do?
I am also wondering, outside of potty training if anyone has a 3 yr old who aruges with them like a teenager? She says no to everything I suggest or say to her.  When she was 18 mos I taught her to read over 20 words, she knew all of the letters and numbers to 20, most shapes, colors, and could tell you just about what any animal was. Then one day she didn't want to learn anymore, she shuts me down and won't let me teach her or sing songs to her. It's really frustrating, she's very affectionate and cuddly with me but doesn't want to do ANYTHING I tell her.  She is also strong minded about what she wears, no dresses and no cute shoes. PERIOD. I haven't seen this kind of defiance in a child her age..it's scares to crap out of me!
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Avatar_m_tn
wow - how judgemental are you - I trained mine early as well but I was lucky that it worked for me. All children are different and making parents feel like failures on this subject is wrong.  It takes time and what works for one won't work for everyone - good luck to anyone who is struggling with this.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi ... I don't have twins but my 3 year old boy also has no interest and doesn't care about going potty like a big boy... I wish I also had suggestion but just letting you know you aren't alone... I will be trying bribery...
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I started potty training my oldest 2 children, a son and a daughter when they were 2 1/2 and 2, it didn't go well with either one.  I did straight up underwear also, they just weren't motivated.  My son was nearly 4 before he "got it" and my daughter is months shy of turning 4 and still hasn't "got it".
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well thats a judgmental comment..my son was 4 years old when he potty trained fully.. my oldest son has asperger's syndrome which really does not make a difference in this statement however if you push a child to do something they are not ready to do or do not want to do they will be fearful of it. or not trust the parent forcing it... however keep in mind i started potty training my oldest boy at 16 months putting him on the potty asking if he had to go making special bathroom stops while we were out and about, i put him in big boy underwear but he continues to wet his pants and refuse the potty till he was 4 and i told him he could not start school till he stopped wetting his pants next day no issues has been great with the potty ever since he is now 7 1/2...  youngest son is now 3 1/2 and refuses the potty we have done everything, every child does things on their own time and as a parent you should know that. not every child is ready at the same time. let  your child tell you when they are ready for the potty if you force it it just makes it harder on you, more stressful for you and your child and more mess to clean up. there is no right age to potty train or no age where your child is to old for diapers or pull up if they need them they need them... and any of you parents reading this that are having a hard time potty training a strong willed child... don't let others judge you, you are doing nothing wrong. don't be embarrassed that your child is not potty trained and if someone asks you just tell them your working on it and waiting till your child is ready.  I have a special needs child and have potty trained several children some with special needs some with out of all ages. there are many different ways to go about it. no one way is the right way and you have to find what works for you.
P.S the candy bribe thing will back fire on you and you will then just have a child eating to much candy. try something like a small toy or extra out door play time a special trip somewhere. cheerios in the potty works only if you have a child that already knows how to stand to pee. the sticker reward system seems to work best with all children but you have to make it a big deal and talk that sticker way up and make it seem like a million dollars.
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Avatar_m_tn
My son will be 3 in June, I have had him almost potty trained 3 times but he has a liver disease and gets hospitalized often, so everytime he gets potty trained he doesnt want to potty when he gets back home... Its so frustrating. I have been very patient and understanding because its a lot to go through. But Im afraid ill never get him potty trained. I bought him a new potty chair that goes over the toilet because he didnt like the one that sang to him... He has gone a couple times but he tells me he doesnt want to go in the potty. Hes just not interested. Idk anything else to do but keep trying! Im hoping when the summer hits it will be a lot easier.
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Avatar_n_tn
my son turned 3 in march. i have been tryin to et him to use the potty since last summer.he does good when hes out side. he likes peeing on the tree but when its time to use to the potty in the house he just doesnt want to!! he has used to potty to pee a few times and i praised him and gave him a pieace of candy and he was happy he did it and then he wont even go by the potty for a week! we have 3 training seats for him and he just doesnt care about it! i dont know what to do!!!!!
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My son is 3 tears and 4 months old A tried a lot of ideas to get him potty trained, but he isn't iterested in any. He also can not talk eather tjat makes things more diffcult that they actually are,I do not know what to do can anyone
help............
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Avatar_m_tn
I have 3 words for you all.... Natural Infant Hygiene.
Your child does not have to be "ready" to potty train.  
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Avatar_m_tn
I read your post and I know it was awhile back.  I have triplet grandchildren and they are three.  One is almost potty trained, but it's very difficult with three toddlers.  I also trained my children by the time they were two, but can you imagine training triplets?  Anyway, I thought I would say something. Each child is different, and potty training can be easy with some and hard with others.
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Avatar_f_tn
I know this is an old post, but I'm hoping you can let me know what helped you with your son. I'm currently in the exact situation as you were. I thought he was trained and then now he won't owe or poop on the potty. I'm so frustrated. Was there anything in particular that helped train him?
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Avatar_m_tn
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM WANTING TO KNOW! I REALLY WISH THESE PEOLE WOULD POST A FEW UPDATES INSTEAD OF BEING SOME KIND OF "MOMMY'S WITH TODDLERS THAT REFUSE TO USE THE POTTY SUPPORT GROUP" :-)
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Avatar_f_tn
Did you get any advise on potty training? Do you have any advise for me? My son will be 4 in a few months and refuses to have a bm on the toilet. He holds it and becomes constipated. He is the only one in his class that has bm accidents and I feel that the teachers look at us differently. I have tried everything. Even took a full week off work and tried the naked approach with no success. Any advise would be appreciated.

Heidi
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Avatar_f_tn
We had the hardest time potty training. See if this helps some of you http://totsandkids101.blogspot.com
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Avatar_f_tn
don't feel bad! I found your post helpful. I'm struggling with a similar, stubborn 2yr 9mo old boy.
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