Help!! My 3 year old won't potty train!!!!

[GinGib]

Help!! I have a son that is almost 3 years and 3 months and he is so totally not interested in potty training. I put him in pull ups at 3 years old because I felt he was too big and has too extensive a vocabulary not to be potty trained but I left him alone and haven't pushed him. He will go pee pee real well in the potty but only if I make him go in there, he won't tell me when he needs to go, however when he has on a pull up he will tell me, mom I just went pee pee. He is a very high strung child and won't sit still for very long. He has pooped 3 times in the potty but it is hell trying to get him to sit there long enough to let it happen and as soon as some comes out he says he is done then we put a pull up on and he finishes the job. He tells me he is going in his room to poop and I will say don't you want to sit on the potty and do it like a big boy and he says no. Now if I have a toy to bribe him with he will try it on the potty but won't do the whole job. On one occasion he was going in his room to go and I said let's do it on the potty he held it in and wound up not going. This morning again he said mom I am going in my room to poop and again I said don't you want to do it on the potty and he said no. I guess my question is do I force him to sit on the potty when he tells me he is going in his room to poop. I have always heard not to force the issue and stress them about it but I feel like such a failure. How do I get him to go in the potty and tell me when he needs to go? Sorry so lengthy HELP!!!

[TanteMilly]

Oh my goodness! What we all have to look forward to! I was just watching a Dr. Phil show about potty training. I can't remember what he said but he did mention to visit his website for all of the details on how to potty train in one day. It sounded like it should work!!?? Best of luck!
Shelley

[nurse12hr]

I actually got a book when my kids were little, called "Potty Training in Less Than a Day".

Can't say it took less than a day, but there were some good hints and specific techniques in it.

What finally worked for my older son (younger one was no problem) was bribing him with M&M's.  Kept a big tupperware container of them in the bathroom out of his reach.  Matter of factly told him when he peed, he got 5.  When he pooped, he would get 20.  (Peeing is easier!).  No fuss when he had accidents, he just didn't get the M&M's.  In nothing flat he could "produce" at any time...sort of backfired after a while, he could pee just a little bit, then go right back in and pee again in 5 mins, etc.  

But, it did work.  He was 2 and a half at the time.

Guess he took after me, candy hound that I am...

[Stacie30]

My son was also stubborn about this. He was 4 yrs old when I finally got him trained. I had tried everytthing. Cheerios, the books, trying to make him sit on the potty...You know what worked- I started showing no interest in it at all. He would say he was going to go in his diaper and I would say-"ok" no mention of the potty at all. Finally one day he said "I think I'm big enough for the potty now". I said "ok" and he's been using it ever since!! :o) I guess I'm a pacifist, but I know whenever my parents pressured me to do something- I took great joy in doing the exact opposite. Still do. Maybe you have the beginnings of a little rebel yourself. :o)

[chey101]

hi i had my daughter potty really young, and i have to say i owe it all to m&m and smarties. every time she went to even try and use her potty she got a m&m or smarty. i had her fully potty trained within 3 months and she was only about 16 months old. try it! it might work!

[Melissa Prevost]

I always heard with lil boys its much easier to potty train cus you can play games with them my mom told me she did this one with my brothers she had put a cherieo in the tolit and told them to try and rope it and if you could rope the cheerio then you'll get a cookie or candy or something in that nature with my niece my mom tried the privery method tell him he'll get a prize if he goes to the big boy potty tell him you'll take him to mcdonalds or to walmart for a toy if he goes like a big boy it works most of the time I would try the cheerio method for when he pee's and the privery method for poopoo good luck we are still working with my 2 1/2 year old niece. don't get discurdge it'll happen soon I'm sure of it.

[DJS1969]

Thank God I found this site. Now I don't feel all alone in my child's potty training trials and tribulations. My daughter is 3 years 1 month and I have been trying to potty train her since June of 2007. She has done both pee and poops on the potty, but they are never done willingly.  I have tried the M&M bribe, and various other tactics, but she still goes in her Pull Ups. I think she may just be lazy and knows that she can still go in her pants and it's not going to be a problem. I have tried to put her in underpants, but she has peed on my furniture and I'm sorry, I'm not that brave.

She has been in Nursery School since September. I have her wear a Pull Ups since school is only 2 1/2 hours long 3 days a week. She manages to get through it without any movements (but there have been a few times she has and I have to go and change her). She is going to start Pre-K this September, and it's 5 days a week and a full day. I'm am having anxiety already that she will not be fully potty trained by then.

Fingers Crossed!

[JoyRenee]

Potty Training In Less Than a Day is a book I've heard a lot of women recommend, including my mother-in-law. I'm currently potty training my 2 1/2 year old girl (boys are harder to potty training, I've been told).

When she was 18 months I bought a potty chair. She used it to sit on, store toys in, etc. And finally at around 2 years old, she got interested in going in it. Every time she went potty in the potty, she got a STICKER. When she pooped, she got CHOCOLATE (you decide how much---maybe 3 M&Ms at first).

Have your son walk around in little boy underwear (no diaps during the day). Expect accidents. Have him watch a potty movie over and over. If he has a potty-trained/training friend, have them come over to encourage him (this helped my DD a LOT because when she saw her cousin going, she wanted to, too).

YOU will have to remind him to go potty every 5-10 minutes. Clap and get excited when he goes and tell him, "Good try" when he doesn't but at least sits on the potty. Give him a LOT to drink (juice and water) so he has to feel the urge to go often, therefore learning what to "feel like" when he has to go potty.

Create a reward system for him (simple is best---at 3 he may be ready for a chart where he gets stickers... after a lot of stickers, he gets something special like a trip to the park or an extra book at bedtime or McDonalds or something).

Anyway, you'll start of with rewards and slowly stop doing them. My DD is doing a good job going potty but she has accidents still (like pooping in her panties last night and peeing in front of the potty after I told her to go potty a million times).

Don't expect change overnight. And don't expect him to tell you he needs to go potty right away either. That is a learning process.

[JoyRenee]

Oh... LOL! This is an old post... *feeling silly*

[Java_Junkie]

My son, who is 3 yrs and 4 months old, is now REFUSING to use the potty chair and we've done everything everyone on here has suggested many many times.  Candies, stickers, chocolate, tons of praise from the whole family.  For a while he was doing great!  Had even started going into the bathroom by himself and going.  We were so excited.  But now he refuses to go.  I ask him if he wants to be a big boy and he says "no I want to be a baby."  I'm nearly broken hearted over this.  My older son (now a teenager, so no help there) took to potty training so fast.  He was completely trained, 100% in 2 weeks flat.  I know you're not suppose to compare children, and I'm not, I'm simply saying that because he was so easy I have absolutely no idea what to do.

[marsha_ann]

My younger son is 3 yr 5 mths.  And he is not interested in pottying either.  I've tried everything but reward with candy.  I did the M&M thing with my older boy, and it worked ... but I had daycare help with him.  He was 3 1/2 when I finally got him trained.  I'm at home with my toddler now with no daycare help.  I might have to try the candy thing again.  
I bought the Elmo Potty Time dvd, and it didnt help any.  

[steff23]

For my son pull ups didn't work. They are to much like diapers. So we decided we'd stop with the diapers and pull ups and just put him in his underwear. We'd bring him in the bathroom every time we had to use it and when we were done we'd ask him if he wanted to be a big boy and try to pee pee in the potty. Sometimes he'd say yes and sometimes he'd say no. We didn't push! Well, Because we stopped putting diapers and pull ups on him and only stuck with the underwear.. After about 3 or 4 times of him using the bathroom in them he decided he didn't like it and started to use the potty! You really can't push them because of course a child is going to do what you don't want them to do! You have to ask the child and stick with it. The moment you give up you'll end up having to start all over! We also offered him a small reward for every time he peed in the potty. We would give him a sticker. He loved stickers. Every time he pooped in the potty we took him to the store and bought him a cheap hot wheels car. We did that maybe 4 or 5 times and after he got more frequent at using the potty we stopped buying stuff for him and just kept up with the "Good boy" and "Good Job" and "What a big boy". He loved to read so everyday after he drink his juice we bring him in the bathroom with books and while he sat on the potty we'd take turns reading to him! That helped a little to! Still to this day he likes to sit on the potty reading. haha. Typical boy! Good luck to you!

[twinhelp]

My 3 year old twins (boy/girl) have no interest in potty training. I don't want to push them but I must have them trained by Aug. 18th or I will have no childcare and I must go back to work. I have bought the DVD's and books. I have made the charts and my son has peed a few times but my little girl will not pee at all. She sits there then jumps up and says "I done." I have not tried the candy yet but I am thinking of doing that. I have tried bribing with trips to Build-A-Bear and Zoo. Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated!  

Twinhelp

[jennyjenny9]

twinhelp, we are in a very similar boat.  I have 3 and a half year old twin boys who will be starting preschool in about 3 weeks and must be potty trained.  Jake is an old pro and I have no worries about him.  Luke, however is an entirely different story.  He could not care less about going to the potty.  I don't know what else to try.  I have "left him alone" (no pressure), we've done sticker charts, we've done m&m's, grandparents have promised a toy he wants very badly.....nothing.  Even when I take him on "scheduled" potty trips he will do a couple of drops and that's it.  He doesn't care if his underwear  are wet or dirty.   I'm sorry I don't have advice...just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

Jenny

[uauuauu]

My duaghter is 3 and wont train.  She can read, she knew all her letters capital and lowercase by 18 months, but she wont pottytrained.  It is clearly a decision on her own part.  She has other things too, like she is picky about walking on grass( she wont do it, even with shoes on unti l recently, she wont go in the river, she has other picky odd things she doesnt like.  I think its a sensory issue.  She also wont play with the other kids at preschool, just sits by herself and plays puzzles and legos.  I was thinking maybe autism, but she is fine around me. But she cries and screams if i put her on the potty.  she used to sit on it no prob, but wouldnt go.  now she wont even sit, she just screams if i put her on it.  Otherwise shes a good kid, doesnt throw tantrums very often, respectful, ect.....

[twinhelp]

I do feel better knowing I'm not alone! Thanks for sharing!

[kellym]

I gave my dd fluids for 3 days straight and chased her around in big girl panties peeing all over my house. I GAVE UP! Now, I think for her it's a defiant thing, believe it or not, she ALWAYS wants to yell, "mom I'm going potty" and is on the toilet. She's always peeling her pull-up or diaper off to run to the potty. I swear, I beat it in her head for 3 days straight and then left it alone. Also, my dd likes to be alone when she potties. When I was sitting there almost demanding she go, she wouldn't. Now I don't need anything but praise. Good luck.

[carrie78]

try putting cheerioes in the toilet as targets....i had a friend that this worked for...her son thought it was the coolest thing....good luck

[marsha_ann]

Well, my son will be 4 on Nov 2nd.  He's still not interested in potty training.  In April & May, he did ok with it.  Got 2 or 3 stickers a day for tinkling in the potty.  But then he just quit.  He didnt care anymore.

Today I told him we were going to wear pullups & try pottying again.  At first, he refused to wear the pullup.  He said 'pullups are for babies'.   He sat on the potty once (did nothing).  Pee'd the diaper.  He let me put a pullup on his next.  We've been through two pullups now.  

Now it's naptime.  We'll see how the afternoon goes... but I'm already stressed out.  I'm tired of asking him if he needs to potty.   Last time I asked him ... he said "I'm not going on the potty.  I'm going in my diaper".

[Annie775]

Oh my gosh does it feel good to not be alone in this I have been trying to potty train my 3 year old since he was 2 1/2  and some days he does great and other days he just refuses to do it! He is a very smart baby can read and write knows all his letters and numbers and even does sign language and speaks spanish, so i know he can do this he just refuses! I think he has only pooped in the potty once...ever!! It is so frustrating and almost emberassing to be the only mom on the playground that still has to change her 3year old's diaper! There is nothing i have read except for a dvd that i have not tried and i can't get him to take to anything. I was starting to think there was something wrong with him!

[JenniJoAnn]

I think I am going to go crazy here. My son turned three in August and has been great with peeing in the potty and now this past week he stopped caring and now prefers to pee in his underwear. He usually hides behind our recliner when he wants to poop and gets a little out in over the course of of two or three days. I am so exhausted changing underwear and wiping all day. I try to ask him to go to the potty and he either says no thank you I am playing or I want to watch a show. He shows no interest anymore and he was so good at going to the bathroom and getting on the potty all by himself. I feel I failed somewhere and did not notice what could have changed the situation. Could he be doing this for attention or maybe it is now too much of an incovenience when he wants to play. For the last few months I have been a great positive influence on his training and offer videos and books and we even put a little dvd player in the bathroom for when it takes a while to go poop. I just don't want to give up and go back to diapers but how am I supposed to keep cleaning up the poop and pee in the house all day? I never had to bribe with candy or surprises, I just read stories to him and made him feel confident and excited and always rewarded him with a sticker. Has anyone experienced this with their child? I feel hopeless. I plan on getting pull ups again tomorrow. I hope it doesn't come down to this but I feel too stressed and my days are chaotic already. Thanks for your help everyone!

[CatGaertig08]

My daughter will also not use the potty and rather go in her pants. We have been trying to get her to use the toilet since she was 2 or so. Since then we have tried stickers, special potty seats, and even princess underwear should she us the potty continuously. None the less, we have not achieved the continuous aspect of that gag and for the most part, we also hung the princess underwear over the toilet and she still doesn't care. She will turn 3 in January and I am getting annoyed that i am still changing diapers, not to mention struggling to put them on her, because she just won't sit still or cooperate.

[mushpuppy]

What I'd like to know is what happened with all these people who months ago were experiencing these issues.  Sure our 3 year old is doing this to us now.  So I want to know what finally worked.

[xavsanmommy]

That is a great question. I was just reading through all these posts wondering the same thing. I have a 3 year old who will be 4 in February. He has peed on the potty many times and we have done pull-ups and underwear, he has gone in both.....he will some times sit on the potty and pee but most times he will say no thank you! We have tried it all as well and nothing seems to be working. I have a 6 month old and I swear she will be potty trained before by son...(we are not potty training our daughter yet...lol) I would be interested in knowing what finally worked because pull-ups are expensive for the 23 that you get in a box. And a lot of brands dont work that well. They either leak or they rip on the side. He will tell us that he has peed or pooped but for the life of us we can't get a routine down with him! I am starting to loss it. He is the only child in our group of friends that is still not potty trained...he could careless but it embarresses me nonetheless.

[Michelleigh]

I am in the same situation and glad that I found other moms of daughters that are 3 and are not potty trained yet. I have a son who is 8 now and he pottytrained with one accident, and it took him about 2 weeks. It was a breeze. My daughter has to be asked to go potty. She only pulls her pullup off when she goes in it. She will tell me once in a while if she has to go. I think we are making some progress, but she had on panties this morning and pooped in those as well. Tonight she peed in her panties before I could get to her. I wish she would just ask me to go, or go by herself. I though for sure at this age girls were trained and ready. At least that was my assumption from  talking to other moms of girls. I am glad that is not the case and I am not the only one. I am going to try to the m&ms and see how that works since I know she loves chocolate. I hope that moves things along. : )

[sstaceyy]

when you figure it out lrt me know my 5yr old wont potty train I dont know what to do either.
I really mean this good luck.

[Athena_M]

Hi, I finally got my 4 year old boy potty trained recently and a pediatritician nurse told me how to do it.  Put him in underwear.  

Prior to putting my son in underwear I would always say, "Only babies poop in their pants" He finally said, "But mommy you love babies!"  Then I asked him why he pooped in his pull up instead of the toilet and he said, "Mommy I looove to poop in my pull-ups"  

When I put my son in underwear and told him no more pull-ups he started crying.  So, I let him wear the pull-ups alternately with underwear for a week and then went to underwear only.  He had some accidents but now he is finally potty trained.  Horray!  

Oh my husband told him these words "When you feel the poop coming you let us know".
Those words helped him because he actually would say "I feel the poop coming!"  

We also had special one dollar poop toys going for a while.

Best Wishes to You Let us know how it goes!

[kynmadismom]

i am having trouble potty training my 3 1/2 yr old son, i have been able to get him to pee on the potty by changing how he goes, he likes to stand like daddy instead of sit down, i have tried underwear but he gets mad and wants to wear his pull ups but he also has accidents sometimes in them and has never pooped in the potty i have tried to get him to sit there at the time he normally goes every evening and he will either go before or hold it even if he sits there for 20 min!! then as soon as he gets off with in 10 min he will go hide and as soon as i hear him grunt its already out , he was supposed to be enrolled in school this year but cant because he isnt trained, ive tried bribing, praising, everything i can but i honestly think hes just too lazy to go to the potty he rarely tells me if he has to go i make him go but then it seems to feel more like hes training me to take him every hour!! help!!

[CountryJess]

Your son may simply be behind normal kids, My son is 5 years old and in the last 12 months has only just got the idea of pooing in the toilet an calling me to wipe him, I used toys an a leap frog game to bribe him but that didn't work as soon as he got the toy or gift he would be proud of what he'd been able to do an then the next day he would poo in his pants so now we say NO gifts we just want to to go to the toilet when he does we tell him good job an that is all!!! Plus he can't sit still for very long an we are trying to teach him how to without upsetting him!!! He goes to kinder school but because he hit a couple of kids an one of them got a black eye from it he is not aloud to be there all day an he has to have a teacher aid, they are making me go to doctors, O T's, an a Pediatritan I'am not happy about doing this because I believe that he is fine he just get bored easily but I am doing this for his school an if the docs or whoever can't come up with a reason for why he don't sit still then thats that the school will not force me to do any more because I wont let them, but if they try to get me to medicate my son then they can forget it I am against medicating kids to get them to sit still!!!

[Athena_M]

My pediatrician said most boys won't be potty trained until 4 years and even at 4 years some will not be trained.  My son didn't learn until he was 4 years six months.  It took a long time.  
When I told him I would get rid of his pull-ups, he cried, so I let him where them a little bit longer.  
I found out some interesting things right before.  I would always say, "Only babies poop in there diapers".  Finally one day he said, "But mommy you looooove babies."  

Also when I asked him why he pooped in his pull-up he said, "Mommy I looooove to poop in my pull-up."  Those were some insightful conversations a couple weeks later he was finally potty trained!  
Good luck
I know it is frustrating.  There are some pre-schools that will help in training.