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Help after the baby is born
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Help after the baby is born

I just wanted to know what others did after the baby was born or what they are planning on doing.  My husband and I talked about this and he is saying that after the baby is born we can handle it.  I really want my mom to come and help for a few days and he is like no way.  I know he has no idea since this is our first what he will be getting into.  I just know most women our really tired and the husbands don't know anything or much about babies so the mom's tend to help.  I am really hurt by this cause I know we will need all the help we can get.  Any advice?  I know he will most likely change his mind when the time comes, but until then he is stuck on NO we don't need any help and that he can do it all by himself.
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Avatar_n_tn
my mom can and stayed for about a week for the first 3 of our kids and the 4th we were on our own.  she was here so my husband went to work and she let me get some sleep. it is up to you how you fell about it and if grandma wants to be there for you.
good luck
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Avatar_n_tn

Hello,
Your concern is very valid, when my first son was born I had a friend stay a few weeks and she was more trouble having stay then the help was worth. I actually became so stressed I cried all the time. After my second son was born we had family come and drop in and out and just the hour or two they were around was enough help. and then they went home. The time when your baby comes home you need sleep and cuddle time with baby and daddy. GOOD LUCK only you and your husband truly know what you will need.
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Avatar_n_tn
My mom came and stayed for 5 days.  It was really nice and I'm so glad she came!!  I had a 3rd degree episiotomy so getting up & down a lot was not fun.  It was nice to have someone be able to bring me a glass of water or bring me the baby.  She cooked for us and vacuumed a little.  DH & I were able to take naps and get caught up from the labor/delivery lack of sleep, and then DH was able to work 1/2 days for that week and I still had someone to help me at home.
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114123_tn?1289630070
Is your hubby going to take leave when you have the baby? If he is then maybe he will be of help to you. Then maybe your mom can come when he goes back to work so you have a longer strech of help. It might be good for your hubby to start out with being your main help because if your mom is doing everything he may not see the need after she leaves. I struggled big time when my meals from the church stopped coming and my mom went back to work. But I was single at the time. The second time my hubby took all his leave while I was in the hospital and refused to sleep there with me. He still doesn't understand why I wanted him home the first few days I was home with Opal. He also wont hear that I was healing and exhausted and even though he couldn't nurse he could bring her to me and change her diapers. He thought atleast one of us should be rested. Most husbands are more helpful from what I understand. And now with my third that is due in september my hubby will be in Iraq:(
I am so sad that he will miss the birth and first seven months. But I bet I'll have his mom and my mom hear!!
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Avatar_n_tn
When DD was born, DH took a week off work to stay home with us. When he went back to work i was on my own, i thought that i wasn't going to be able to handle it but i was fine. My mom would come up only when i asked, but i never had anyone come and stay with us. I found it to be a really good bonding moment for me and my daughter, and to this day she loves just being at home alone with me.
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Avatar_n_tn
My mom came and stayed 2 nights and then she just came and stayed with me during the day while dh was at work.  i am so glad she did.  she would cook and let me sleep.  i would have been a basket case otherwise.  I too had a large tear/cut, so i was in pain.  you will be able to tell what is best.
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Avatar_n_tn
I was on my own with our first, his mom felt like i wasn't taking her parenting advice so they drove back home. My mom was only a phone call away, so John and i found our niche quickly and were on our way. now with Tristan, my mom flew over for the delivery and spent a few extra days helping out. She cooked for us, did tha infamous mom deep clean and helped keep bub entertained while i established a good nursing routine.

If YOU feel more comfortable having your mom there to help, let dh know that she WILL be there and that YOU need her guidance.

Andi
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Avatar_f_tn
my dh took off 2 weeks from work and my mom and step father came and stayed for a week.  at first i was worried i'd be overwhelmed by them all in the house but it was sooooo wonderful.  i was nursing which took up all my time so i had no time to clean or cook, etc.  it was a great adjustment time having them all there.  the scary part was 2 weeks later when i was alone with the baby.  it was initially scary but otherwise at that point i had a schedule going and my comfort level was so much better than that first day.
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Avatar_f_tn
Even if you can handle it physically, it is nice to have your mom there for emotional support. My mom comes for a week to help out. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to during the first days when you are up all night. I doubt your husband will be up all night with you. I have an awesome and very helpful husband who will do anything for me, but I still like having my mom here for that first week. There is alot more stress to it that you can't imagine now. Your emotions are up and down alot in those first weeks.
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Avatar_n_tn
For me it was extremely comforting to know that she was downstairs with Tyler and could comfort him if he fussed.  Otherwise I would have him upstairs with me and it was almost impossible for me to settle down and fall asleep.
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Avatar_n_tn
hi, my daughter is nearly 5 months old, and when she was first born, no1 helped me, no1 even offered, so it can be done on your own with ur hubby around. i did it and im 17 so im sure u can love.

let me know how things get on
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you all for your comments.  I am just going to wait until the time arrives to make a decision.  My DH is going to take a few days off and afterwards I will need some help, so I will take that time to ask my mom to come over and help me out.  I really want her there the first day, but I understand that my DH wants that time to be for us to bond with the new baby.  Again, I really appreciate everyones comments and I will take all of the advice and use it later on when the time is needed.  We just got into it the other night about who should be where when and we shouldn't have.  I will keep everyone posted though when the time comes.
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Avatar_n_tn
Good luck sweetie!!!  I am a very firm believer of you'll know what to do when the time comes.
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