How do I stop the tantrums???

I am seriously at my wits end with Noah, I cant take it anymore. Everyday something sets him off, whether we are in a store and he wants everything in sight or like just a few minutes ago I brushed his teeth and then let him do it fir a while, after a few minutes I told him "All done" and he went crazy. He threw himself on the floor like he always does so I have to stop his head from smacking the floor. I told him to stop it and tried to hold him to calm him down and he just started flailing his arms around hitting me so I put him in his crib where he continued to scream. Seriously every time I take something away from him he does this. We live in an apartment building and I am worried that someone is going to call the cops because he screams so much. The thing that really makes me wonder is that he only does this with me, never his dad. Is it because my voice isn't deep and scary enough to make him stop? I can't even go out in public with him anymore because he throws a fit no matter what, it is so embarrassing. He is a ticking time bomb waiting for anything to set the tantrum off and I don't how to stop it anymore. I feel like a complete failure because I can't even control my 2 year old, this has been going on for a year now and I can't take it anymore. It is like he is a split personality, he is a happy loving one minute and a crazed animal the next and there is no build up it just happens in an instant.
When we are out in public when he does this people try and calm him down and he yells at them and tries to hit them, you wouldn't believe the looks I get.
Please give me some ideas on how to handle this.

[have 2 kids]

You have to get control.  When the tantrum starts you need to redirect his attention.   I would start putting him in a naughty spot.  Be firm don't give in to his tantrums.  It's going to be hard because this has went on for  a year.    Have you ever watched Super Nanny?   She has wonderful suggestions for even children his age.   Maybe watch a few episodes.  

[GRose]

I do, when  he starts the tantrum I try and show him something else and whatever that something else is he throws it. If I try and point something out to him, like a character on his shirt or a picture he yells at it. If I put him in a naught spot he gets up, I keep putting him back and I don't let him up but the screaming continues.I will try and watch super nanny but I work nights and that's when it is on, I will check into if re runs play during the day. Yes the tantrums started a year ago but they have come to an all time bad so that's why I am now searching for help. Before I was a able to control it now he just wont listen to me.

[RockRose]

GRose - I kind of am getting an image of you pleading with him to stop tantrumming.  I think sticking him in his crib and walking away is a great idea.  It probably won't be much longer until he can climb out,  but for now,  that's great.

You're giving him WAY too much attention for doing this.  If he does it in public,  leave right that very instant,  put him in his carseat,  get home and put him in his crib and walk away until he can calm himself down.  

[RockRose]

Oh,  and you need to talk to him about this when he's very calm.  Just tell him hey I need to talk to you about something.  Tell him you know he has a hard time when he gets really really mad and yells,  and you're not going to allow that anymore and you want to help him learn to calm himself down.  When he starts to scream and yell he'll have to go to his crib by himself until he can make himself be calmer.  And then do it.

Best wishes.  I know he can sense your tension when you are in public.

[GRose]

I don't plead with him to stop, when he starts up I do try one time to calm him down and if he doesn't I scoop him up and put him in his crib. The only time I really try and distract him is when we are in public and cant leave, like waiting 20 minutes at the dr.'s office or in line at checkout. Like I said in my post in the other forum. If I leave and dont get the stuff we need I will have to come back and deal with this all over again so I prefer to get it over with and ignore him. People will just have to deal with it for the couple minutes I am in line.
He has figured out how to climb out but it scared the **** out if him when he fell so he hasn't done it again.

[AHP84]

I found what works best for my son during an uncontrollable tantrum is to ignore or not acknowledge his screams and put him in a place where it's okay to scream for however long he does. I will quickly acknowledge the tantrum when it starts and get him to a naughty spot and firmly tell him that he won't come out till he's calmed down.
This happened last night, actually. I was driving home from Bible study and he took his shoe off in the car then couldn't get it back on. Of course he wanted me to help him but I was driving, so I said he'd have to wait till we got home.
Tantrum.
I was stuck in the car for about 10 minutes with an angry, screaming kid until we got home.
I got him home and carried his thrashing, kicking, screaming self back to his room, put him on his bed and told him to stay there (he knows I'll firmly put him back if he doesn't stay, so he doesn't even try to get out of time outs anymore. It took a few months for him to learn that though). I said when he calmed down I'd come get him, then shut his door. He carried on for maybe 10 minutes screaming.
When he stopped I went into his room, found him sitting calmly on his bed, and he said, "Will you please help me put my shoes back on so I can take them off all by myself?"
Mission accomplished.
It's taken about a year to get to this point, but consistency, strict boundaries, blocking my emotions to comfort or reason with him, and LOTS of patience were the only things needed.
If he does this in public, I'll either take him out to the car and sit with him until he's calm, or take him to a restroom (if the tantrum can be easily and quickly controlled), or drop everything and just go home, where he serves a time out even if he had calmed down in the car on the way home. In places where I can't leave, like you, I just ignore him completely and then get out of there as quickly as possible, then he gets disciplined in the car and at home too.
I don't think the tantrums stop altogether until they're older children, but sticking with basic firm boundaries definitely helps limit tantrums more and more with each passing month.

[RockRose]

G - he's probably too young for video feedback to help him,  but maybe.  In older children video can be really helpful.  You talk to them about their difficulty controlling their temper,  and suggest that the next time they fly off the handle it would be helpful to video tape it so they can maybe help identify the triggers and learn to calm themselves down before it becomes full-blown.  This isn't done in a punitive way,  but kind of from a helpful standpoint of brainstorming strategies they could use.  Or anyway that's what you tell them and act like the goal is but the goal is really to get them to just LOOK at how awful they look when they act like that.

But I think he's probably too young for that - looking at his pictures he seems to be on balance a very happy little boy.  I don't get the sense that he's just in a rage all the time - with some help it seems like he can learn to control himself.

Best wishes.

[GRose]

Rockrose- The video feedback is a really good idea but like you said he is probably too young for it, maybe I will try anyways.
Noah is a happy little boy but like my sister says when he is good he's really good and when he is bad he is very bad, there is no in between.
Thank you all for your responses, it helps to know that my son is not the only one acting like this.

[AHP84]

Don't worry, like I pointed out--my son just turned four--and he still has major meltdowns with no warning. They're not as frequent as when he was 2½-3½ years old, but they still happen here and there.
You just have to keep your control and stay consistent with the boundaries you set for him.

[mami1323]

My son is 1 and yesterday I saw him throw the worst tantrum he ever has.  I ignore him, they want attention, even if it is negative attention.  I suggest, walk away from him or turn your back.  Let him hit his head, he won't hit it where he will hurt himself and if he does, I guarantee he won't do it again.

[91004]

GRose I know exactly how you feel my 2 yr old does the same thing. It is a nightmare and like you said you cant just leave the store or you will just have to go back later and deal with it again. I have also tried everything.

[AnnieBrooke]

There are some good suggestions in the book, "The Emotional Life of the Toddler," by Alicia Lieberman.  It's out in paperback.  It might give you some more ideas.  Good luck!

[kellym]

I too ignore the tanatrums. OR I simply say "when you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen" Sometimes they are so frustrated they can't communicate that they just throw tantrums.

[GRose]

I think part of the problem is that I cant just say "when you are ready to talk I will listen"
Noah cant talk yet, he only say a few words so he cant communicate his needs to me. He can say "want this" or "have some" and that's about it.