Husband Doesn't Want Anymore

I just wanted to know if there were other women out there that are going through this same thing.  I have had 2 miscarriages in the past 2 years.  My husband was all supportive at first, but know he is set in stone that he doesn't want to have any more kids.  Ohh, Sorry we have a 2 1/2 year old healthy son.  He says its not because of the miscarriages, but i think it is.  We have always wanted 2 kids and now that this has come along he has suddenly wanted only one.  I really want another baby, but he doesn't even want to try....Any Advice?

[BabyJrsMom]

I am sorta in the same boat.  I did not have any miscarriages that's the diffence.
We have a 8 month old.  We always said we wanted 3 kids.  Well recently, he tells me he doesn't want any more.  I do!!
We sat down and really talked about, because I thought it was because of our baby having colic, it worked on his nerves.  
He told me the reason was is because he is afraid for children in this world today and he doesn't want to bring anymore children into such a messed up place.  And the fact that we don't make enough money. (Does anyone??)  
I can see his point, but I still want more kids!!  I don't know if I'm being selfish or not, but I do know how you feel.

[blondie72]

You just really need to tell him how you feel.  It sounds to me like it is because of the miscarriage.  Men try to be strong for us but I really feel it hurts them just as much as it hurts us.  Tell him you are ready for another and tell him you know there is a chance for another miscarriage but you are willing to take that risk and you would like him to take it with you.  It could also be he hates to see you so hurt with each m/c and can't bear to watch you go thru it again.  That is all I can really think of.  I do hope you can convince him to try again soon.   Good Luck to you.

[blondie72]

I think I would have said, in that case, Yes the world is a messed up place and it is scary to bring more kids into it but I feel that is up to us to raise them right and maybe just maybe it is one of your kids who can make a difference and make the world a better place.  I do not think you are being selfish at all.  Good luck to you too.

[Jess Cleere]

Thanks everyone....I have talked to him and told him that i wanted to try again.  I told him that i was willing to go through h*ll and high water to have another one, if he would just support me.  He still doesn't seem to change his mind.  He's not the most patient person in the world and i think my son is driving him crazy so he doesn't want anymore, but i really don't want to raise my son as an only child..I was on and I would really like him to have a brother or sister.....

[cinnamonheart]

You will  really need to talk and think about everything
If dh is set on not having anymore that makes it hard
It is true this world is a crazy place
But im not sure if that is the real reason, the world has had crazy people all the  time.
Finances are a BIG part of bringing up children NO they dont need the latest gizmos and gadgets
But it takes ALOT to pay bills etc...

I have said before KIDS dont make any relationship better (I love kids ) It just if they are not wanted it makes it tuff on everyone involved

[greenpixie]

Sounds like you are in a really tricky situation.  I know you are probably eager to solve this problem right away, but maybe you should just take it off the table for a while.  Tell your husband that you disagree with him, but that you're willing to put the disagreement on hold for a while.  This may give him more time to process whatever he's really feeling about the situation. Hopefully you will be able to work things out.  Also, I'm sure you are, but remember to be grateful for the child that you do have.  I am an only child and it is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  I'm not saying that to try to make you change your mind.  I'm just saying it because if you don't have any more I don't want you to feel like you're depriving your child in some way.  Oh! And I agree with the other posters: you are NOT being selfish.

[lmroswell]

Your husband needs to be completely honest with his feelings about this.  He might feel too much pressure on him due to finances and the demands that babies and young ones put on their parents.  It can be quite challenging to him to acknowledge his fears and or feelings about this, but he needs to pinpoint with you why he wants no more.  A big positive to having another is that your son will have a life time friend and playmate.  Get him to talk with you about his feelings on this.  Good luck.

[BabyJrsMom]

Hey, good thinking...and you just never know!!

[Jess Cleere]

I thank everyone for their support.  I think it is a whole bunch of reason rolled into one.  I think he is scared about me and my emotions and going through another miscarriag, then bills and financing, bills, ect....then i think he really is just satisfied with one son.  I don't know, we'll see what the future holds.....Thanks Again!

[Stacie30]

i think you have to respect his feelings and decision no matter what is behind them. maybe in the future he will change his mind.

[boycrazy]

Everything in this life is negotiable. Maybe back off a while and give it some time. My dh wanted 2 and no more, now I am pg with our 4th and he is happy as ever, however, I do stay home now.  Anyway, I went to him and told him that if he truly felt it in his heart that we were done then I would respect that and be done, but he said he was just worried about money, etc. just like your dh. I gave us a deadline and if it did not work then we were done, luckily we are pg again and everything is fine this time.  Think about a deadline and suggest something like that in a couple months or so.  I wish you well, I know how hard it is when you want something so bad. Good luck.