I don't know if this is the right place????? Help.
I don't think this is the right place for this question but I've been coming here for the past 3 years and this is really the only place I know. My baby is 5 months old. I am very blessed to be able to stay home with him. My husband works very long hours and sometimes weekends so it's usually just me and baby 24/7. We moved to a new state right when I got pregnant and then I was put on bedrest so I never really got a chance to get out and about. I know a lot of my neighbors and I'm looking into different playgroups for the baby and me. Here's my thing for you already mothers.....did u go through this where you're about to go bonkers and when you tried to explain it to your husband did he get all defensive??? If I say anything like I need a break, a babysitter, something....he gets all defensive and starts blabbing on how he works hard so that I can stay home and the baby doesn't have to go to daycare....blah blah blah!!!!
I'm exhausted. I need someone to talk to but the guy who "used to be" so supportive and such a good listener has done a complete turn on me. Are/Have you mothers experienced this????
I believe that your husband is under alot of pressure to support you and your baby. My husband said this to me years ago. I was moaning about boredom, etc and he said it actually hurt his feelings. That he was trying so hard to make a secure life for us and I was complaining. Needless to say I stopped moaning!! I'm fortunate to stay home also and I went through similar experiences in the beginning. Enjoy this time w/ your little one. Since you have friends around you -- arrange times that someone could watch her while you go do something. Extend the same to them and you'll be surprised how much it can work! I put my daughter in a church weeschool program when she was 18 months. I started w/ 2 days and each year added a day. This will give you time also. Hang in there but realize that your husband is working to support you. He doesn't want to hear that it's not working out. Does that make sense? My daughters are now 12 and almost 5. It goes quickly. Hang in there!
this is the same situation with my sis and her dh. he works a lot. she stays home with 2 small children. she wants a break or help around the house, but its different i think than your thing. he will help when not asked, and when asked for help he says "you wanted to be a stay home mom with 2 kids, deal with it" jerk! i think its hard on both partners. i think you have to find someone you trust to watch your child every once in awhile. go to the grocery alone, get your hair done, you and dh go on a date. one thing my neighbor had done was hire a girl to come into her house while she was still there, and watch the kids while she worked or cleaned or just relaxed. so she was still around but didnt have to hear MOM!!!!! another thought is join a gym, most have daycare avail for a small fee. you can get out your frustrations and maybe meet some moms in the same boat! being a sahm is the hardest job EVER.
Just what I wanted to hear was other situations outside of ours. I can see the side of the husband getting his feelings hurt because he's trying so hard. I see that my husband works hard and that's why I do all of the errands, shopping, cooking etc. I guess what bothers me sometimes is he doesn't seem to think anything is different since having the baby. He goes to work everyday like he did before. (Gets to have adult conversation all day---he doesn't see how this is a big deal) My house is a complete disaster, I'm tired, and I'm trying desperately to find someone to babysit. Either my neighbors with kids don't go anywhere or they don't want to share their babysitter!! I think they don't want to share. ;-) He thinks I'm crazy because I'll talk as though a shower and going to the bathroom as a big accomplishment for the day.
He doesn't understand what's the big deal. All he refers back to is "You get to stay home with the baby" (What cracks me up is just a short afternoon with the baby while I run errands can do him in for days.) Don't get me wrong.....I LOVE the fact that I get to stay home with our baby. I LOVE my husband very much. What irritates me is that he just doesn't get it! Which ever way I try to explain it, he just gets frustrated and so do I. I'm trying to find groups to join, a babysitter, I have my baby signed up for Mothers Day Out starting in about 6 months...I'm hoping I can hold on that long before I clobber my husband! :-}
I am going through the exact same situation, and I got a part time job to try to save my sanity and feel like I was "contributing" to the family (income wise....I know I'm contributing to the family by raising my children, but husband doesn't seem to acknowledge that). The part time job really hasn't helped very much though. My DH still insists since he makes the MOST money, it's still my job to "deal" with the kids! It is so hard sometimes. I just want him to get the same amount of joy out of the kids that I do, but it just doesn't happen that way. I know he loves his kids, but sometimes I just get the feeling that he sees them as a burden. Just the other day, I was at the park by our house with the kids and he called me to say he was home. I asked him if he wanted to come to the park and hang out for a little while, and he said no, this was his only chance for peace and to get things done! Although I do respect and understand his side, in my mind, I just thought how great the kids would have thought it was if their dad showed up at the park as a surprise! They won't be little forever! He would rather stay home and work on hobbies in he garage than surprise the kids at the park! I'm sorry, I'm just venting b/c it really hurts sometimes. Like I said, I do understand his need for some "alone" time, but honestly, we ALL need that every now and then, but I never seem to get mine unless I ask my mother for help. Thank god my mom only lives 25 miles away and LOVES to have the kids over!
ya know i always said I would love to be a stay at home mom..but I dont know.. I think the stay at home moms are like full time and part time all put together.. I am sure it can be hectic. and all with no pay.. its a tough situation your in ,hope everything works out ok
I had the same issue with my ex-husband. We had one car and I was confined to the house with 2 kids, and when I tried to go out when he was home he would freak out because he had the kids for 3 whole hours! Many guys who work full time and have at home wives, don't seem to understand that while their jobs end when they get home, the job of the at home mom doesn't. It becomes a lack of respect and taking the other person for granted. Perhaps try getting a part time job? If that is feasible? It might help you keep your sanity.
I don't personally have those feelings, but I know someone who does. My friend has 2 kids 3months and 2 years, I try to keep the baby some for her to give some what of a break and go by and see her since she does'nt see daylight. Sometimes she thinks she is going to loose her mind and go crazy. Her husband is the same way all he sees is she is home be happy, but it can get to be too much, he cries alot so it is crazy sometimes. Just wanted you to know you are not alone!!!
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