Maternal & Child Community
I don't know when my heart will stop hurting.
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to breast feeding, childhood disease, colic, child discipline, immunization, lactation, newborn care, post partum depression, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and special needs children.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

I don't know when my heart will stop hurting.

Hi everyone.  I wrote a couple of days ago.  I had some bleeding and cramping and I was almost 13 wks pregnant.  Yesterday morning, that is Friday morning, at about 5am I lost my baby.  I felt my amniotic sac rupture at 4:45am and I ran to the bathroom were I basically dripped fluid and blood.  I told my husband we were going to lose the baby.  My poor husband kept hoping I was wrong.  I put a towel down in the bathtub because I didn't want my baby landing on a hard cold floor and fifteen minutes later the baby came out.  Her little hands were cupping her face and she looked peaceful.  I screamed and cried and all I can see right now is her perfect little face.  She was so tiny and my heart hurts so much.  My husband called an ambulance and when they came to get me I wouldn't let them take the baby from me.  I told them I would wrap her in a towel place her on my chest close to my heart until we got to the hospital.  I didn't even want them to take her from me there but they had to send her to the lab for tests.  Yesterday was the second first worst day of my life as this same thing happened to me seven months ago.  That baby was 12 wks.  It hurts and I just don't feel like my heart can take it anymore.  My doctor thinks it's strange and wants to start testing me immediately because he suspects my body is killing the babies.  The first one I lost was moving and had a heartbeat five minutes before I lost her.  The second was moving and had a strong heart the day before I lost her.  Has anyone ever had this happen to them?  Did it turn out okay for you whomever you are?
Related Discussions
19 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Oh my God!  I am so sorry...I'm lost for words...I don't know you but I wish I could just give you a hug or reassurance some how that everything will be ok.  You must believe you will get thru this-some how you will.  My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I'm so sorry for your loss I have tears rolling down my eyes reading your story as I went through a simaliar one close to a year ago going thru it once was bad enough poor you going thru it twice. I was exactly 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant when I felt a gush I went straight to the bathroom and to my horror saw blood I just panicked but never thought Id lose the baby the next few days I bleed with clots I new something was wrong I had a scan booked in to see what was happening but at 12 weeks 4 days I felt a big thump in my stomach like a baby had kicked I went to the bathroom and out came this perfectly formed little baby with the feet crossed at the bottom I just couldnt believe what I was seeing I broke down my midwife came around and was sure it was a little boy it was just awful he is now burried in our garden it was so heartbreaking I have a daughter my first baby which helped me alot and I'm due to have another baby girl in 5 weeks but its always on my mind the baby I lost I have been advised to have no more children after this one due to gd and c sections. Our wee babies are in heaven now im so sorry for your pain and wish you the best for your next pregnancy take care.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
aww sweetie I am sooooooo sorry. My heart is just breaking right now for you. That had to be terribly devastating, I just can't even imagine, and will never know how you feel. If I could take it from you I would. I miscarried but always had to have a d&c. Just know those babies are in heaven right now looking down on you and watching you every second of everyday.

Hopefully they get your testing done ASAP. Just keep faith that everything will be ok, You will be in my prayers.

God Bless You.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Oh my gosh, that is so horrible, I can't handle the emotion of trying to imagine how you feel. I am so sorry for what you've been through. Your Dr. is kind and wise to test you right away. The one thing I'm aware of that causes later m/c is Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome. This can be detected by a blood test, and medical history. It is treatable with baby asprin, and heparin. I'm sure there are other treatable causes of late m/c, but I don't knowabout them. Please get counseling right away from someone who specializes in traumatic losses. There is no way for you not to be terrified of trying again, but if your Dr. can find and treat the cause, then maybe you will be able to heal.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
there are no words i can say other than im sorry. i cannot imagine going through this and i pray for you. dont take this wrong but when i read your story i saw her little hands and face. i dont think it will be any time soon that your heart heals, and its ok if it takes time. lots of time. i fear to say too much and i will stop now. i know you will never forget ( you shouldnt she was your angel) but time will help to heal. i know it feel strange but i am glad for you that you were able to open up and share. i think its a step in your healing process. may god give you peace.   dana
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Thank you to everyone who wrote. I wish someone could take this all away from me.  I feel so empty right now.  I'm not looking forward to another U/S.  I know it's going to hurt to have to look and see an empty uterus when there was a baby growing inside me only a few days ago.  I hope they are able to find what's wrong with me.  I just want a baby so badly.  I want the babies I lost back.
Blank
151571_tn?1189759427
I am so sadden by your story.  My heart is hurting with you right now.  I too had a miscarriage last year at 11w4d but was at the hospital and the animal (doctor) wouldn't even let me see my precious baby, said it had to go straight to the lab.  Well I called back a few days later to get my baby and the bast**d had evidentally thrown my child in the trash.  I literally went crazy!  Needless to say, he no longer practices medicine at our hospital.  I then tried again after 3 months and had another miscarriage, I was only 5w1d that time.  The doctor determined for me it was my thyroid disease and put me back on PTU, they said my body was somehow "rejecting" the baby, or at least that was the assumption.  I was devestated and said I couldn't do this again, well the good Lord and had different plans and I found out 3 months after my 2nd mc I was pregnant once again.  I was paranoid over everything, ever cramp, always looking for blood, etc.  However, I have a beautiful 16 week old little boy!  So....I hope they can find out what the problem is and you go on to have a baby soon.  I am so sorry you are going through this!
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your losses.  My prayers are with you.
Blank
147803_tn?1234403260
Like all the other ladies have said, i am so very sorry for your terrible, terrible loss.  No woman should ever have to go through and see what you have been through these past few days.  I am just so sorry.  I know that you are going through a very hard time, but please know that time heals all wounds. In 2002 I was 18wks pg and was going for my first US and was so excited...all i could think about was seeing my baby for the first time. Went in and the girl didnt say one word to me, she just handed me a few pics. Early the next morning my ob called me and said that there was something terribly wrong with the baby. So he sent me to a level 2 US to confirm his fears. He was right, my baby boy didnt develop a bladder, kidneys, or a liver. All which were incompatible with life. It all seemed like a blur, I had the US on a monday, level 2 on Tuesday, visit to the ob on wed to discuss my options, and was in the surgery room on a thursday. Sometimes i wish I would have carried him to full term, but it would have been a lot harder on me mentally. But i know in my heart I did the right thing. So 1 year later i get pregnant and almost had a stillbirth at 37 weeks. Got my daughter out just in time b/c is she would have been in my for a few more days, she would have died. I then tried to have a second one and got pregnant in June, had a D&C due to a blighted ovum i was 8 weeks pregnant. And now I am pregnant again...just found out. Anyway, all this said, i just want you to know that you are not alone and if you need anyone to talk to all us ladies are right here. Please know that everything happens for a reason and if this was Gods will, then that is what he wants for you right now. Time heals all wounds, it will get better. I wish you all the luck sweetie, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Amber
Blank
145997_tn?1196795421
Im so sorry you are going through this right now.  I have tears streaming down my face....I cant imagine how you feel.  How awful for you to have to go through that.  I will pray for you and just remember your little "angel" is in Gods hands now.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I went into labor and lost a son at 22 weeks...They took him away for a while (due to his heart beat and twitches...they didn't want me freaking thinking he'd be ok) and then they brought him back for me to hold and they took pictures of him for me and made a nice little package with his footprints, his blanket he was in and the hat he wore before they took him to the lab. It's sooo heart breaking...
But I did go on to deliver a healthy baby boy two years later..
I know it hurts now...but keep your faith...it will work out for you.
Blank
150483_tn?1212172156
I am so sorry for your losses.I don't know what to say other than my heart goes out to you & I pray for your lil angels & for the pain you went threw.I hope you will heal emo.& phys.Your in my prayers ...nanis
Blank
149184_tn?1235622505
im really really sorry for your loss....no words can ever describe how i feel..i was literally speechless after i read your story... i will pray that God will give you strength to get through this & i'm sure He has His reasons for all these....
((((hugs))))

i learned in my Anatomy class that our blood can be antigens to the baby(meaning unmatched so our immune system will try to fight it) i think if a mother has Type A - and the baby has A+ it will clash or something like that ... MDs treat it with Rhogam or similar meds to make it positive ... check with your MD
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
hi there. i just wanted to say that im sooooooooo sorry to hear what happened to you. i feel so bad and i wish you the best of luck.
Blank
159047_tn?1213900473
I'm so so sorry for what you're going through.  I can't even imagine your pain.  I just went through my 2nd m/c, but mine were at 7 and 9 weeks.  I hope they are able to pinpoint exactly what's going on so that you're able to have a healthy pg when you're ready--phsyically and emotionally.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
Blank
148691_tn?1260198503
OMG! my heart is aching as i read your lines......I am terribly sorry for all this you are going thru.....I got so tiery eyed i was ready to just started crying. I went thru similar experience loosing my baby at 12 weeks. I never got to hold my little angel or see his face. I had D&C. I wish i would have been able to hold him for 1/2 a second.....I wish i would have seen his little face or heart beating on the screen....
I am still going thru a rough time (3 months later) and can't seem to get over it. I feel a little better now, but still hurts like crazy when i think about it.....it's a very very deep wound. I am praying for you and please don't feel alone hon. We are here for you.
Hugs and prayers to you.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
My heart is breaking for you. I pray that God will give you and your husband strength and comfort to deal with such a tragedy. I had a m/c 2 wks ago (5wks), and I am still in grief. I just can't imagine your pain and sorrow. Stay strong, your little one would want you to be hopeful for the future. God bless
Blank
127124_tn?1326739035
Even though I don't know you I can feel the pain in your words and wish I could do something to ease the pain.  Please know that we are thinking of you.
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Thank you so much to all of you.  This website is a wonderful resource to have. Only a woman can truly understand how much it must hurt.  I know it will take time to start feeling better.  My heart goes out to all of you that have lost a baby too.  It takes someone literally walking in our shoes to understand the ordeal you've gone through.  I still have my moments seeing as how it only happened three days ago.  I'm scared to go back to work.  I just want to hide from everyone right now.  Thank you again.  Your words have meant a great deal to me.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Maternal & Child Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Children's Health Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
134578_tn?1404951303
Blank
AnnieBrooke
OR
4268628_tn?1375044776
Blank
Flickan
Monroe, WA
4851940_tn?1385441629
Blank
jemma116
United Kingdom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
arlandonbloom
CO
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
Bsmom09