I feel so stuck! I have the most amazing man I could have ever even dreamed for and I am so very in love with him. He has got me to where I am now, he is the reason that I am still here and still fighting! We miscarried in June and I just can't handle it, I thought the pain would slowly go away but it only gets harder and harder everyday. I don't know how to deal with it and my parents haven't said a word about it since we even got pregnant. I just feel so alone, eventhough I have my boyfriend and he has been so great with me through all this... I just feel so alone, I feel like it is all my fault I lost my baby and I can't stop blaming myself. I want to have another baby so bad but I know that the time right now isn't good for us and we wouldnt be able to do it by ourselves. My heart hurts so bad and I feel like my life is stuck it this giant hole and that I'm going no where. I know the pain is only going to get worse and worse the closer it gets to my due date and I can't even handle the pain now... I think about calling it quits all the time but then I think about my boyfriend and I couldn't do that to him, I know how much he loves me and I know how much I love him and I couldn't hurt him anymore than he is already hurting. I just feel like no one knows or understands what I am going through and everyone expects me not to hurt but the pain is killing me. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just so ready to be done....
At 17 the least of the things you should be worrying about is having a baby. Finish school, go to college, get a degree, a well paying job and live life while you still can. Having a miscarriage isnt the end of that (although I know it feels like it is) you have so much to live for and you only get to be a kid once. Take it as the blessing it is you can get pregnant again alot of people miscarry and go on to have a healthy pregnancy. Think of it as this wasn't the right time and in the future you'll have a baby and be able to give it everything it needs. I wish you the best of luck in time it wont hurt as much except some part will always hurt with the memory.
I wrote to you on the sexuality/relationship forum. You might want to check out the grief/loss forum. Their are several ladies over there who have had miscarraiges. It might help to talk with some of them. Just give yourself time. You can't rush the grieving process. It will get better, I promise.
It is so hard to lose a pregnancy, I lost one last summer. Never thought it would ever happen to me since I had a successful pregnancy before. It was a shock for me to discover at 11 weeks that I was m/c. It took some time, and it is a really hard thing to go through, but you have a lot going for you. Take some time to grieve, and then look towards moving on. Nobody can tell you how to feel or when to feel it, it's such a tough situation. You have gotten some great advice though, you are so young. You can take this time to go to school, save for a house, get married...no rush on any of these things, but they will make having a baby easier. Take care of yourself. If you feel worse though, I would talk to your Dr.
I felt the same way when I miscarried in June of 06. I was so so lost and wondered why it happened to me. I would look at other women who were pregnant and wonder why couldn't I be them. It seemed so unfair. I still wonder what that baby was going to be - girl or boy. I tired the next month to get pregnant and nothing and got pregnant in Aug 06 and yet another miscarriage. Then Oct rolled around and I got pregnant again and just had my son in June of this year - same day I misscarried last year. It does still hurt even when you have a baby, but it is easier. You love your baby more I think when you lose one. It will happen for you just keep trying. I also was not married and I feel ok about that. I am one of those people who don't think everything has to be just right. I had my first child when I was 17 and went on to college. You are so very young and maybe you should wait a little while longer. It ok to want another one. I think it is also ok to have a child when you are young. Lots of people have children when they are 18. I made it. With that said most people will disagree with me. I did not fail in life because I had my baby young. There is to young though.
i know you said your parents haven't said a word since you got pregnant, but have you tried talking to them? are you close to them? perhaps they think it's too painful to bring it up, and they may not know how to deal with it. the reason i ask is because you definitely need to talk to someone about this. don't assume that just because someone doesn't bring it up, they wouldn't be open to discussing it with you. if you aren't comfortable with talking to your mom, i there must be a councelor at school you can talk to. the fact that you are asking here tells me that you understand the importance of working through these emotions and that they won't just disappear on their own. you are grieving the loss of the baby. and you are doing it at such a young age. i am also happy that you recognize that it may not be the best time for you to have another child. i am sure you would have done everything to give your baby the best life possible, but in the future you will be in a position to give a child an even better life with more opportunities.
Kris~ Thank you, finally someone who thinks it's okay to have a baby young. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married in the next year or so and I guess we are just waiting to finish school. When I want to start trying I'll be 19!
tiredbuthappy~ Im not really close to either of my parents and from the start they never wanted to talk to me about my pregnancy.
Coming from a place that your parents don't really care, I understand. But you have to be the bigger person. Sounds like you are for the most part. I am 26 and went to college (I would have been sooooo immature at 17 to get married let alone have a kid). I can't imagine having my DD then (it's so much work, patience, money that sometimes I think that at 26 with a college education (both me and my husband) that I am still not ready some days. Anyways back to my point, you just have to live your life and move on from your parent's lives. My dd is now almost 6 months old and my mom has yet to see her, she doesn't even make the effort to come and visit (didn't come to the birth, has barely asked for pictures) It makes me sick and my husband is just mad. She doesn't call or try to contact me (but she has been like that my whole life sometimes vanishing off the face of the earth for a year or two when I was a kid. All you can do is say I DON'T NEED THEM. Don't look back just cut the ropes if they ever want to be apart of your life well, then let them come to you (then you decide if that timing is right for you. If not then tell them to get lost (you can't let your life revolve about them). Also they may have not said anything about your pregnancy because they expected it. They probebly think that your going to do what you want no matter what they say (most kids your age and background do what they want, if they don't have good parents). But you have to be smart about things, and make plans for not only for today but for your future. Go to college prove them wrong, show them that your better then them. If your going to make it in this world then your going to make them look bad while you do it. Good luck and take your time, don't make irrational decisions. Maybe your baby just decided that it wanted to wait till you got your feet planted more and then he/she will come back and make it into the world.
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