Is it safe 2 co-sleep with you're new born

[lucky2bme]

my son is know 4 days old  and im a first time 18 year old mom  ..he has been co sleeping with me n my fiancee for the last 2 nights.we do have a bassinet but he nvr seems to want to sleep in it he sleeps longer and better when he is in the middle of us..i am j.w if that is  safe for him to sleep with us so young ..and i also find he loves laying on his side to sleep is that a safe position for him ??

[Mom2be530]

My son is 5 now, but I was a co-sleeper with him.  I'm preggo with #2 and I will be co-sleeping again.  When Jack was a baby he had colic and acid reflux.. he would cry for hours at time and would only sleep if he was near me.  For both of our sanity it was a good thing...and it was so much easier to just reach over and pick him up for midnight feeding...I'm not a morning person and I cherish my sleep.  I bought a co-sleeper and it was the best thing ever.  I got it at www.armsreach.com -  check it out and they can tell you all the features.  I know you probably have all your baby stuff, but I highly recommend it, its the best investment ever.  Its kinda like a mini-crib and it attaches to the side of your bed.  That way you don't have to worry about either one of you rolling on the baby or having the baby get pushed off the bed.  Its firm like a crib mattress so you don't have to worry about suffication from your bedding or your pillows.  The baby is near you, but it also has its own safe place.  I know you worry about your baby until it gets here, then when its here you start to play the "is the baby still breathing" game.  I really loved my co-sleeper and I'm ordering a new one here soon.  Also I know the rule is "back to sleep", but Jack always slept better on his side or on his tummy.  I spoke with his doctors back then and they actually told me cause of his sever acid reflux he probably did feel better sleeping that way, if I was near him during the day I let him sleep on his stomach.  Check out the co-sleeper, I think it might be just what ya'll need.  Take care and congrats on your new baby boy!!  Boy's are fun and love their mommas!

[tjmartens]

I used to do that but my husband is a police officer and he's had one too many cases where mommies have smothered their babies in their sleep:( It's so nice to be able to do that because you just get soooo tired...which is why its easy to smother your baby w/o knowing it. But its not worth it to me.

[AndiJ78]

I co-slept with all three boys from the night they were born, even in the hospital. I am not a deep sleeper and am nursing, so it was the best decision for our family. If you plan on doing it make sure you have a firm bed, no pillows, no blankets, dress baby in a blanket sleeper or jammies so they stay warm but not too hot, keep the room cool, not too warm and never ever take anything that can make you sleepy. No drinking, no medications, etc. It can be a wonderful experience if you are safe about it. If you are overweight or are a heavy/deep sleeper, it may not be the best decision to co-sleep.

[mlb1234]

i just read a medical article that said they really have no way to  make co-sleeping safe.  i agree that it is very tempting to do but to me also not worth the risk.

[AndiJ78]

Cultures all around the world have practiced co-sleeping for centuries and their rates of infant mortality as a result of co-sleeping are almost non-existent. There are definitely ways to be safe about it and ways to not. Common sense goes a long way. Good luck with your decision.

[CYW]

alot of people have done it...i have too but never fallen asleep...your question asks whether or not it is safe...and no it is not...

[neasyc]

we alway co slep with our children they are 3 and 1 we are all still in the same big bed most cultures do it but there are times you should not if you or your partner smoke have been drinking taking any medication if you are heavy sleepers and so on make sure they cannot over heat have nothing around their head and can not slip down under the covers i always thought it was great really easy to breastfeed they still wake up countles times inthe night for milk but know it harly wakes me they get it them selves and go back to sleep the wee one is waking every half hour at the moment so dont fall into that trap lol
congrats and enjoy

[Van73]

I personally cant do it because I'd never fall asleep. I know a lot of women that have done it because they breast fed.  They also have those roll things to put baby's in bed with you.  

[rubyolivia]

Our son sleeps right next to me in his pack n play and we use the bassinette feature of it. I am fine with him being in our bed, but my dh moves around too much and worries about squishing the little guy. (Not to mention...two dogs in the bed make it crowded enough!) I love having him in our room and so close by, though! I'll have a hard time moving him to his own room!

[cantwait4baby]

I chose not to do this because my boyfriend is a very heavy sleeper.  I am not but I was too afraid.  Recently they had a special on the news here in Philadelphia about a family who lost a baby due to co-sleeping.  That poor dad was hysterical.  There are more reported deaths due to co-sleeping then SIDS is what they reported.

I think it is only good if you are a light sleeper with plenty of space in your bed.  Be careful.  I am a first time mom just like you so we are both still learning - this is not to insult you because I am in the same boat as you but your inexperience right now as a mom is something you should consider.  I really didn't know what to do when my DD was born and I am 33 years old - I just knew not to gamble with the co-sleeping until I knew what my new sleeping habits would be.  I found myself to be very tired and then afraid as I said to put her in my bed.

PS, I did put DD on her side - she did sleep better this way but I purchased an infant positioner which worked great.

Good Luck.

[peekawho]

We co-sleep with our 3 dogs.  There is very little room for Mr. Peek and I.  

[cantwait4baby]

Just another note - I just looked online and that SIDS stat that I mentioned was for this City.  More babies die in Philadelphia from Co-sleeping then Sids.  But this is on CHOP's site which may help you understand more of the risks.

http://www.chop.edu/consumer/your_child/condition_section_index.jsp?id=-8784

[jenstam]

I co sleep with Brody and he is now 5 months old. However, he does not sleep between us. I don't think that's a good idea. He sleeps on my side and I put my arm around him kind of scooped around him so I know he won't fall. I also practically sleep in the middle of the bed. I'm a light sleeper and I know I would never be in such a deep sleep that I forget he's next to me. Andi is right, in countries where co sleeping is the norm and isn't even questioned the infant mortality rates are lower.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

the safest way to co sleep is with a co-sleeper that attachs to or beside the bed.  I co-slept with my youngest two...but i was a very light sleeper with them and we had a king size bed.  We put pillows between my H and the baby so he wouldn't roll onto them.

[laura1977]

You asked "is it safe" well if you consider all of the babies in the newspapers that die every day from co-sleeping, then that is your aswer.  Ultimately you must decide.  Many women do co-sleep, but many women also have done so and lost their child.  A baby here in town was co-sleeping with her parents, and she fell out of bed and landed in the trash can next to the bed head first, and died.  Your the mother, and you have to decide what you want to do, but first do a google search on the subject.  They also make little beds for babies that you put in your bed, and it has sides on it so you can't roll ontop of your child at night.  A safer way is to buy a portable crib and place it beside your bed.  
If you are married you also must remember that you are bringing your baby into your husbands and your bed.  Many males have a problem with doing this, and many men sleep sounder then any female.  
Can you imagine what would happen if a 130 pound person rolled on top of a 8 pound baby?  Accidents happen yes, but you must also look into how to prevent them from happening.  

[BabyHardiman]

I am sure I will be tempted but the baby's father is deadset against it with an infant.  We are having a terrible time with his 4 year old wanting to sleep with her dad and he is STILL scared of rolling over on her... she is tiny.  I would not risk it.  

[Quinns momma]

Quinn slept with me until she was 4 months old. It worked out perfectly to just latch her on and I could doze. Mommy instincts must have been there though if she stirred at all or I felt myself rolling too close to her I would wake up instantly. So unfortunatley I was awake a lot.  LOL :)

[marie1210]

There was just a couple on the news, maybe a month ago who co-sleep with their 2 year old and 3 month old.  The 3 month old accidently got covered up in the middle of the night and they found him dead by morning.  I think it's dangerous to do.  You never know what can happen.  

[laura1977]

The question at hand is if it is safe?  I personally feel that you can't tell a mother it is safe....... You know what alot of people don't even acknowledge, is what co sleeping can do to a marriage?  
My point is what happens if someone tells this young mother that yes it is safe to co sleep with your child, and then what happens if this young mom takes that advice and something happens, either she rolls on top of the baby, or the baby falls out of the bed.  
This girl has obviously heard bad stories about co sleeping, or she wouldn't be asking if it were safe?  
I'm not doubting that there are books that support cosleeping, just like there are books out there about CIO, and books on abortion, sids, and many other subjects.  My issue is no one can say it is 100% safe,  and I agree that  some moms do this and nothing has happened.  
We just can't tell this young mom that it is safe because we don't know the situation she is in.  We don't know if she sleeps in a twin bed, or what.  
You know what this forum needs is moms that have lost children to SIDS, COsleeping, and just any other situation, so that people have a better idea of the realness of things.

[SeeingSpots]

My pediatrician had this analogy to consider....

Is putting your child in a car safe?

Thousands and thousands of kids are killed every year in car accidents.  Many are reported on the news.  Could these deaths have been prevented if the child had not been in the car? Absolutely.  Yet, you will NEVER hear the government recommend that children not be allowed in cars.

Instead, what you are told is to do it safely-- put your child in the back seat, use a rear facing carseat, then a forward, then a booster.  Drive responsibly.  Don't drink.  Don't talk on a cellphone, etc.  Will accidents still happen?  Sure.  But you make the choice to either put your child in a car knowing it could happen, or you don't.

My point above did not say that co-sleeping is absolutely, 100% safe.  I'm not telling her to co-sleep, I said to research it and make her OWN decision.  Putting a baby in a crib is not 100% safe either... neither is driving baby around in a car.  She asked for people's opinions-- that's what she is getting.

My neighbor lost her 6mo. old to suffication in a crib.  She was only a week older than my ds at the time.  Yes, I know there is a "realness" to things.  I held her in my arms as she cried, and stood there as they buried that tiny coffin.

I am not trying to pick a fight, but in all fairness, this co-sleeping topic is much like the circumcision one... it is a PERSONAL choice with both sides of view and everyone has their own thoughts on it.

[AndiJ78]

Good point, Spots. The chances are higher for my children to die in the van than in my bed and I own the "safest van in America" according the the reports.

She was given information on the safest practices for co-sleeping. I, personally, didn't co-sleep with my husband in the same bed as the baby. With my first two he took that couch (and we are STILL married!!) and with our youngest we brought in a twin bed to place between our bed and the wall. When CJ is hungry, he lets me know and either I slide down into the bed with him or he scoots up and I stay in my bed and he stays in his. I have co-slept for over 1400 days of my life with my children. It was the best decision for US. It has not damaged my marriage in any way and my husband is a huge advocate of co-sleeping as is my mother who is a pediatric nurse, and our own doctor who realizes there is a safe way to co-sleep.

[mum2beagain]

I co slept with my second child at night but not with my husband in the bed, I had a double bed in the babies room. I have to admit I was nervous at first and most nights returned to his crib once he was asle as I couldn't sleep! But once he got a bit bigger I was more comfortable with him being ther most of the night. Once he weaned from nursing I moved him to his crib.
I think there are more safety factors to take into consideration when co sleeping, if you choose to it it make sure you follow all the guidelines for safe co sleeping.

[amberd5191]

I have co-sleeped with all of my children its just something I was more comfortable doing, although there are some studies against it my kids pediatrician was fine with it.

[rubyolivia]

lol Actually, I forgot to point out that before I began putting Max in the pack n play next to me, we slept on the couch together. We did that until he hit around 2 1/2 months. I'd still be doing it, but he's getting too big and there is just not enough room!

[laura1977]

Honestly if you would read both my posts, I stated already that it is a mothers choice.  I never said anyone was right or wrong with what they do, I am usually the one that states its A MOTHERS CHOICE...... but what I did say was the poster asked if it was safe.
I'm not trying to get you to change your views, nor should anyone.  That my dear is why there is so much fighting going on in these forums anymore.  People take this forum too personally, and if a person has a different view, the claws come out.  
I don't care what a parent does with their child, as long as a child is safe and protected.  

I am very careful to keep my posts from pointing fingers at one person, so please don't do it to me.

[laura1977]

Yes accidents happen in cars, just like kids die of SIDS in a crib, but the point is deaths are alot less likely to happen if you put your child in the back in a carseat, and if you put your child in a crib with nothing but a firm mattress and a fitted sheet.  
I mean cribs have been redone because kids were getting the head caught between the slates, so we as parents make sure that the slates aren't too far apart so that it can't happen.  Toys get recalled because of accidents that happen when kids are playing with them.  These rules are set because a certain number of kids have died from things and it helps from keeping those infants deaths down........ doesnt mean that accidents won't happen, but they are LESS likely to happen.  
I would rather say I took all measures to keep my children safe though.  
Again, not trying to change any of your minds, or to make you see it my way, the only person I am trying to get to see my way is the poster.
Again no one knows how the poster sleeps, she could be a very sound sleeper that turns all around in her bed, and so therefore I am not going to tell her it is safe.  

[BabyHardiman]

You had a point about the marriage though.  My baby's father works in construction (mostly remodeling) and works VERY hard at it.  He comes home all banged up and bruised and he needs his sleep to heal his hard working body.  He would not be able to sleep with the baby in the bed, not because he is stingy with room but because he fears he will hurt the baby.  He sleeps terrible with the four year old in bed.  Asking him to hit the couch would never be an option, we frimly believe in sleeping in the same bed, no matter what the situation is.  Now, during sick nights that may alter I am sure.  We have decided to put the crib in our bedroom and he bought the most comfy rocker I have ever sat in for nursing.  I will be a stay at home mom so getting some shut eye during the day will not be a problem for me.  I know there are working moms who need their sleep at night.  I have not heard of the co-sleeping bed until reading some of these posts and others from other threads. Daddy probably want go for that either.  =)

I don't know if there is a right way or a wrong way with this.  I believe that Andi knows what she is talking about with no pillows, no covers, and the room temperature being just right, but that's not always ideal when sharing the bed with your spouse and allowing them to have their comfort.  Not to mention we live in an old house and the heating is not so good.  =)  

[laura1977]

very good point.  i completely agree with ya.  
plus............ your man's hot....... lol

[AndiJ78]

Trust me, my husband LOVED getting a full nights sleep on the couch, three babies and he has never had to wake for a feeding in the middle of the night and has had plenty or rest : )

[dove1980]

there must be a reason why everywhere it says that u SHOULD NEVER take the baby to bed with u...i wud personally never take dat risk no matter how tempting it is...and agreeing wid laura the poster asked a simple qustion 'whether it's safe or not'....my answer wud be 'i don't think it is'!

[amberd5191]

Its all a personal opinions, I agree with Andi my husband loved not having to get up in the middle of the night to take care of a crying baby; and my kids slept better when with me plus it made breast feeding easier.

[pertykitty]

ive never read in my newspaper about a baby dying from this, im guessing it happens, but what is the comparison to those that die from sids??  my little one has been sleeping with me for the past few weeks while dh has been gone with work.  when he returns she will have to go back to her bed in our room, but for now i get more sleep and i LOVE knowing she is right there.  she was born a little early and i think she needs to be close to mommy!  they all do.  i am tired however of so many people i know telling me how im spoiling my baby by holding her all the time.  

[amberd5191]

Your NOT spoiling her, don't let anyone allow you to think otherwise. You can't spoil a baby! Well I guess unless you maybe were buying her a lamborghinni?

[BabyHardiman]

How does Addison like the swaddling?  I am confused about the whole swaddle thing... you shouldn't do that at night, right?

[pertykitty]

haha amber this poor child has a closet and dresser full of clothes, i bought everything i found that was cute!! that is spoiled~ of course her little self cant fit into any of it yet, she is still wearing her little preemie outfits!  i dont listen to people , i just think how sad their kids must have been lonely left to cry in their crib so they werent spoiled~

[laura1977]

I have no idea what the comparison is to sids, someone else brought it up.
last year we had proly 4 deaths here from co sleeping accidents.  
as i stated, i judge no one as long as their child i safe.

[AndiJ78]

With the exception of Houston, most of the areas i have lived in report anything child related in the news, heck some seem to find newsworthiness if someone sneezes and farts at the same time, but i cannot honestly ever recall hearing stories of many co-sleeping deaths, SIDS yes, abuse yes, ODing babies with meds yes. No wait, I do recall one, a woman was bed-sharing with 3 kids, one was a newborn and the other two were older. If memory serves she was on medication or something of the like as well.

I do vividly recall a case where a mother got up to feed her baby and fell asleep in the chair while feeding her and smothered her while she was sitting up. And I have heard of many stories of mothers dropping their babies in the middle of the night when they got up to feed them. Seems like you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[laura1977]

isn't that the truth.  
damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
can't put it any better then that...............
by the way, why is damned getting blocked???  lol

[pertykitty]

i bought the sleeper swaddles but she is still too small for them lol.  i swaddle her like they do in the hospitol, she is still small enough, but she hates to have her arms in lockdown mode now lol.  when she sleeps with me she doesnt fuss or cry or move. it would be interesting to see how moms swaddle their babies at night or what they use in the remote areas of the world.  do they cover their  babies up? do they sleep skin to skin with mom? in 5 yrs their will be new rules and new ways of doing this or that.  its hard to keep up with it all

[AndiJ78]

My babies hated swaddling, they had enough of that in the womb I guess. But they were most settled snuggled up with me.

[BabyHardiman]

I sneezed and farted last night and that was the FIRST time I have been awake and let one rip in front of my man... that was embarassing and probably worse than when I caughed and p i s s ed myelf last week while sitting on TOP of the toilet seat.  =)  Bodily functions during pregnancy are really unpredictable, aren't they?

I would hate to be swaddled too!  My BF was showing how it is done and felt closterphobic (sp?).  So I guess that would be like creating a second womb.

[jenstam]

I love the articles that SeeingSpots has given information from. Especially the one with the breastfeeding and cosleeping. I have found this to be very true with the experience I have had with my son. I actually strip him down to just a diaper because otherwise we heat each other up too much! There is a perfect position for the two of us and many times throughout the night I check his positioning and make sure everything is still okay. He nurses several times throughout the night also. It just works out great for us. I am working full time and this is some major bonding for the both of us. There are times at night when the two of us are up together looking at each other while he is nursing. I know we wouldn't have that closeness if he were in his crib and I also know that I would be more worried about SIDS if he were not next to me. I do not sleep very sound all night long, but I do still feel that I get good sleep with "one eye open". Again, this is what works best for us. It may not work for others but I cannot imagine it any other way.

[pertykitty]

i want to be swaddled, or is that spanked? who can remember at this point haha.

[nikkicole827]

I co slept with my daughter many times.  The thing about it was that I didn't trust my husband because he is a heavy sleeper and so he was often on the couch.  Never would I let him sleep with the baby.  Dh's family kept telling me I was makign a mistake and that I wouldn't be able to ever get her out of my bed.  Well I am proud to say that at 3.5 months she is now sleeping in her own bed!  Not in the nursery crib yet but in a pack n play in our room.  Sometimes, it's not so hard on her to sleep in separate beds as it is on me!  I just miss my cuddle bug!  Th eother night I couldnt sleep so I took her out of her bed and brought her in mine and then I slept just fine!!  I found that desperate times called for desperate measures in the beginning and if she would sleep in bed with me, that meant I could get some sleep... so that's what we did! I will never regret it and I can't wait to tell DH's family just that!

[rubyolivia]

Nikki, you want to prove you inlaws wrong? I can't believe that! lol