JUST MARRIED BUT I,M PREGNANT

Sir,
     i married on 20th january..we used condoms..but today the result is positive. we don,t want a child now. wat we do.give me an answer pls

[rita02]

sounds like if you have been faithful with the condoms, one may have torn. i hope you can find peace with your current situation. many women on this forum have major fertility issues and would do anything to have a baby, so i wouldn't expect too much sympathy for the "we don't want a child right now" thing. i hope you make the right decision for you and your baby...God Bless!!

[aimntrev]

Well, it's up to you guys what you want to do. If you really feel like you don't want a child, you should look into adoption. There are plenty of families that would love a child and can't have one. Maybe you should give yourself some time and think about it. My husband and I were trying for a child, but was like it will happen when it happens and once I got pregnant and lost (miscarried) that child we realized how important it was to have a family. And I agree with the previous post, you wont get much sympathy on this site most of the women on here have had losses and/or having problems getting pregnant. Sometimes peoples plans get changed, and they think it's not what they want, but it ends up being better then they ever could have ever imagined. Good luck with your decision.

[Dad2Maria]

My english is nto good but i will do the best that i can so can understand wihtout missunderstanding.


Yes, its your decision, but i would like to tell you something else:

1. If that baby were you would had you liked that your mother give you in adoption or  just abortion, just because she did not want you at that time of her life? is it a reason for no having a  baby?.

2. Would had you liked to raise far away from your biological mother and brothers and sisters just because your mother did not want to have you?.

For me its really incredible that woman take a  baby like were a pairs of shoes that they decided no to  use them anymore....Its a baby, its your baby, he o she need you, need your love, its your baby asumme your responsability as motherOf course its your decision but be careful  you are not desability to asumme your responsability. Good luck with your decision.

[marra]

hi , i am not religious or easily led but i belive things happen for a reason and you will make your own decision on whats best for you and your family .i was told id never have any kids and now have 2 and with my heath and family history i REALLY should not hve been able to concieve (conceive) .but i had 2 unplanned babies and it is hard but i am glad that i could in the end. you know in your heart what you want and you need to be strong and step up to your decicion . your body your baby !!!

[RockRose]

This is a surprise,  and unplanned,  and I'm sure you had planned to spend the "honeymoon" phase of your marriage enjoying each other,  and freedom.     But give yourself some time to adjust to this - you may feel VERY differently in a couple weeks,  and very blessed to be pregnant.  

If you never adjust to the idea of having a baby you can always consider adoption,  and you have a long time to think about that.  I disagree strongly with the "dad" poster - I think adoption is a very selfless,  and positive decision.

Best wishes.  My guess is you'll begin to feel better about this.

[lilcountriegal]

Pregnancy right after marriage can be a surprise.  My husband and I were married in April of 2005.  We became pregnant almost instantly and had a baby in February of 2006.  After that baby, we became pregnant AGAIN almost immediately and I'm due February 2007.  We havent even been married two years and have two small children.  (on top of my 6 yr old daughter and his 9 yo daughter).  

I wasnt looking to get pregnant that quickly either.. it was actualy a surprise.  Now, watching this little baby grow and reach milestones and every tiem she looks at me and smiles or laughs, it certainly is worth it.

It may seem overwhelming now, but its definitely worth it.

[kris123]

Of course noone on this website is going to help you raise the baby!!  Everyone is trying to tell her the postive side of having a baby and how it can work out.  Most of the women on this site will tell her the postive side because most of them are wanting a baby so much.  It really isn't that bad and she always has the other obtion of adoption.    

[CYW]

The decision is entirely up to you, I wish you the best in doing that decision.
Just remember-you can have everything planned out and both have the greates jobs and everything you need and it will all fall apart-so I dont think it matters sometimes what you have or dont have you make the best of the situation with what you do have:)

[tiredbuthappy]

i agree with rockrose that you should wait a while before making any decisions. i know you must be scared and overwhelmed. i assumed from your post that since you specified your wedding date, you had not had sex prior to that date. that would put you in the very early stages of pregnancy, and give you a little bit of time to fully understand all of your options. this is not a decision you should make without knowing and understanding ALL of your options. I recommend you see a doctor, or a councelor as soon as possible who may be able to help you. within a few weeks, once the panic fades, you may realize that you can handle having a baby. adoption is a wonderful option and would be a blessing for the child and for the people who adopt the baby. i personally would never abort a child, but i cannot tell you it's not an option when i do not know anything about you life or your situation. there are organizations out there- woman's health clinics, planned paretnhood, etc... that can explain all of your options to you.

Whatever you do end up deciding, in the future you will want to consider other forms of birthcontrol like the pill. we may be able to give you more helpful advice, if you give us a little more insight into your life situation. why is it you don't want a child now? For example, if you feel you're not mature enough, this forum is full of wonderful people who can give you encouraging stories of how they overcame adversity. there are people here who have money problems, husband problems, family probles, work problems, are still in school, etc... all of these women are inspirations and may be able to help you more if you're more specific.

i know this forum is full of people who are ttc, or have experienced losses, and that many may not appreciate that i even mentioned some of her options. i appologize in advance if anyone does not like what i said. i value all of your opinions, and encourage you to continue to post them- that's why we're here. i may have assumed too much from this brief posting, but to me it sounded like someone who is scared and overwhelmed. i had a somewhat liberal, public school education, and therefore am well-informed of all of my options. i have learned that others are not.

[kris123]

Don't do something you may regret, consider every option.  I don't think there is any thing wrong with adoption and consider it to be a good choice from the other - abortion.  At least the child has a chance to live and have a good life. Not saying that one is bad for having an abortion just that I would never do it.  I have given a child up when I was young because I was raped.  I had to choose between abortion and adoption.  I didn't want that child either, but after he was born, regradless of how he became, I still loved him.  I gave him up and I'm sure he has a wonder family and two people were able to a child they never could once have.  

[shar7222]

The decision has to be totally yours.  If you need help making that decision you can go to a womens center.  I'm not sure where you're from, but I'm sure if you check on the internet there should be one close to you.  This is something you have to live with, not anyone here on this site.  If you decide to have a baby that you don't want, no one here is going to help raise it.  Again, I think someone at the womens center should be able to give you advice.

[shar7222]

I'm one of those people out there who have had 2 mc and would give anything to have a healthy baby.  I've just seen a lot of situations out there where women are raising children who should not be doing so (as I'm sure we all have).  Maybe 99 percent of us on here really want a child but I'm not going to judge someone if they don't.  We just don't know Vic's whole situation.  I'm not suggesting abortion, adoption or raising the child.  My comment was that Vic needed to make the choice herself and that she should get professional help.  Personally, I wouldn't abort and am highly supportive of adoption.  I just wanted Vic to know that there are options out there.

[Faith247]

OK HERE IS HOW I SEE IT ABORTION IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN RAPED OR MOLESTED BY THERE DAD OR SOMETHING

YOU ARE MARRIED!  AND NOT EVERY BABY IS "PLANNED" I KNOW I WASN'T, ASK YOUR MOM IF YOU WERE...AND FROM WHAT I HEAR YOU ARE NEVER REALLY READY TO HAVE A BABY AND I THINK YOU ARE BEING VERY SELFISH. WE(MY HUSBAND AND I) HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET PREGNANT FOR 6 YEARS AND HAVE WENT THRU ONE FAILED IVF AND WOULD HAVE KILLED JUST TO WAKE UP ONE DAY "OH HONEY GUESS WHAT I AM PREGNANT!!"  WE HAVE WENT THRU HEART ACHE AND PAIN TO TRY TO CONCEIVE, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IN 3 MONTHS YOU STILL DON'T WANT THIS BABY CONTACT ME, ME AND MY HUSBAND WILL BE GLAD TO TAKE YOUR "PROBLEM" OFF OF YOUR HANDS

[anxiousmomtobe?]

I am sure this is a huge shock to you and your husband. Please take some time and let it sink in. I became pregnant at 24 I was single and didn't have a friend in the world.  I was scared and not ready.  My employer told me to abort and when I refused found a reason to fire me.  So I was pregnant, single and unemployeed.  My daughter will be 16 in May.  She has been a gift of heaven and I felt like my life really began at her birth. I thank God everyday that I have her.

I personally am pro-life, however, you legally can choose not carry this child.  I hope you will carefully consider all your options.

Finally, for goodness sakes, if you don't want kids, go on the pill.  My daughter is the result of a condom malfunction.  They are not very reliable even when used properly.

[Mozartcowgirl]

give yourself some time.. let things sink in.. im in my 35 week.. and still wake up in the am sometimes and say to myself.. O MY GOSH!! Im going to have a baby..lol.. I STILL DO THAT..lol..

this baby was NOT planned.. i was  back in school.. changing my career...and WHAM!! we later found out through testing that my husbands vasectomy didnt work.  the two tubes simply grew back.. and that the proper procedure should have been to cut two places.. not just the one..lol..

believe me.. it was a shock.. our youngest is now in kindergarten.. my oldest .. a built in babysitter for unexpected moments..now.. we have to re buy everything.lol.. and start all over again.. its almost like we have never had a baby..lol.. we were so used to the same routine every day.. that we never for one moment thought about the possibility that sometimes... things just happen becuse.. well.. as they say.. dookie occurs..lol.. and .. now.. while we are still in shock after all this time.. and VERY scared.. we welcome this baby... and will love him .. just as we love our other children.  

i wish you the best of luck.. and in many ways.. you have been VERY blessed..

[decogrl]

Well gosh darn it, don't be SO hard on the gal.  SHe is in the reactive phase.  Yes, 10 years ago I would not have been ready to be pregnant, and probably would not have wanted a baby at that time( we were lucky I guess at that time that we never had any "accidents".
Yes it took DH and I 5 years to conceive when we finally wanted one, but ultimately it is her choice.  I do hope she thinks long and hard about it.  She needs to really consider why she doesn't want one right now.  SHe will have 9 months to be close to hubby.  How does the hubby feel about it?  BTY...your life with hubby does not end with a child..it changes, but there is no excuse why the two of you still can't find time together.   Do what your heart tells you and don't listen to anybody else.

[waitingwithhope]

Everything happens for a reason and you might not understand the bigger picture right now, but all babies are chosen to be here on earth for a reason, just as those who are chosen to be a mother are also chosen to carry a child for a reason too. While there may be options you and your husband may wish to consider and you may wish to take time to cry and let the news settle in (because this news is life-changing), always remember, you have been given this gift for a reason and no baby is ever a mistake even if we think we made one, there is a purpose for this and you wouldn't have been given this chance if you couldn't handle it. Take your time to let this sink in and know that all moms feel nervous and ask themselves "am I truly ready for this?" even if the baby has been planned. You also will be going through a lot of emotions right now because of hormones, so take that into account too. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people and don't feel bad if you feel that you don't feel the same feelings of happiness right now. Give yourself some time and while it may mess up some plans you have made, sometimes surprises are better than any plans we could ever make. You now have a part of you and a part of your husband that was created out of love and that's pretty special :)

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

u should be happy so many of us have miscarriages and ttc being pregnant is a blessing from God, its up to u but if ur married thats cute cuz you're preggo best of luck to u keep it!!!