Just Venting, Open Forum

[Wooly25]

Ok, so i emailed the inlaws, because they have been making comments about spanking our kids and that are kids will or won't do this or that.  They come back mad at me for it, I just told them that they make me feel like I won't be a good mom when they make comments like that.  Like I am going to just let my kid run wild, and cause havic and just sit back and do nothing.  All I have to say is that there kids are and were not the best kids in the world.  But apprently they can make the desisions on how my childern will be raised.  I had a rough childhood, but that doesn't seem to matter to them.  I just wonder if I'll be able to have an opinion about how to raise my own child.  It always comes back to me, being the bad person, and having a big mouth.  When I spoke up one time about my sister in law being so bad no one could stand her (she was like 16 to 18).  I was the one told off, and that it was none of my business, but yet they can tell me how to raise my kids.  GGGGGRRRR.  I told hubby I quite, I am not talking to them anymore about anything that has to do with stuff like that, that he is going to have to be the one to stand up to them.  He said he would.  I mean for the most part he agrees with me, and will do whatever is best for our baby.  I still have four months to go before our baby is even born, and they are saying that kinda of stuff. Hello, at least give her a chance to be a good kid first.  I always have to end up eating my words, it makes me so mad.  I have a feeling that if they don't like how we do something that they'll just do it their way.

[Wooly25]

This is the email I sent them, tell me what you think was I too mean.  I tried to be nice.

I just wanted to share with you a little personal note, and my philosophy on raising a child, so that you guys can relax, and just enjoy being grandparents and an aunt.  Know that I am not going to mess up my babies, at least I will do my damnedest to make sure of that.   I will try my hardest to do the right things.  When you guys say the stuff that you do it makes me feel like you don't trust me to be a good mom, nor Kyle to be a good dad.
(My Philosophy): I think you have to let kids be kids at times, but they need boundaries that are permanent.  I do think that they need boundaries that they can base decisions off of.  I don't want to be, my kid’s best friend like my mom tried, but I do want them to know they can come to me anytime.  I do think kids need to learn respect and responsibly, but I believe that if you over do it (like my parents did), you will ruin a kid, and if you under do it, you will have a lazy, selfish kid.  I don't want brats either, but I don't want puppets, I want to encourage them to be their own persons, but to share, need each other, and need other people.  I want them to be strong yet, know when they can relax.  I know that's a lot, but I think I can do it, I have seen a lot of stuff, and I think that it will be a learning experience for both Kyle, myself, and our kids.
  I don't need you guys trying to be another set of parents to them.  I want you to just enjoy them, and yet give them life lessons that we can't teach them. I don't want them to be puppets at your homes.   I want them to be open, have traditions, be able to love and respect, but also have fun too.  
I want you guys to know that you can trust us.   It really does hurt my feelings when you are already telling me what my kids will and will not be like.  They are not even here yet.   When my feelings get hurt I get mad, like you have seen before.  I tend to do or say something stupid, and we will all be mad which gets us no where but lost.  I just want you to trust in us.
I don't want you to be thinking that I am going to be some deadbeat mom that is going to let my kids be heathens.  But I do want our kids to have a happy childhood unlike I had.   I just don't want you to keep saying stuff, I mean if I do slack off, ok, so give me a boost, but don't take it out on our kids.
We do love all of you, and we do respect your opinion just calm down, and know that we want you to have a good relationship with our kids.  You don’t have to be so stern just yet, I have a feeling that those little eyes will have so much more control on each one of you then you will be able to imagine.  Kids that aren’t yours as I have been told will melt your heart, and you will be surprised how much harder they are to punish then your own kids are or were.  Just give us a chance to raise our kids our way, when they are at your house, I do expect you to do what you need to do in order for them to be safe, yet happy.  I will do my best to raise them to respect you, but don’t ruin it by being to stern or over bearing.  Just enjoy each day with them, after my last two losses, I know that I will try even harder to raise them the best I can.  I won’t take them for granted.  I think that was my lesson in the losses, those losses were a gift from God.  So trust me, and when I am ready to pull my hair out and become a mad woman, you can just hold my hand and guide me through it with your advice and experience.  

[surfergirl602]

in laws are in laws.  I know exactly how you feel.  Hugs!  :)

[peekawho]

*sniff*

Can I apply to be your child???  I promise I'll be good.  I wish I had a real family, anyway.

[Wooly25]

Thanks guys, i just bawled my eyes out to my husband, I know being pregnant, makes me a emotional wreak, and they are going through a lawsuit, they lost their 24 year old first born son, about four years ago, and have the trial, this friday.  But I didn't know that, they didn't bother to tell us that was going on this week.  So they were like well, we were already stressed out, but I am like how was I supposed to know that was friday if you don't tell us that.  It's a no win situation.  I honestly don't want to win, I just want us to beable to agree.

[RuthiePee]

I think that is the most thought provoking letter I have ever read and I'm sure they will take it very well. It's not mean, r nasty it's very fair and to the point. Wishing you and your family all the very best.

Ruth xx

[ajemmom]

So many people (moms, dads, grandparents, etc..) have a so-called "list" of things they will and will not do with their children/grandchildren.  I remember before I had kids I said foolish things like....I'll never buy them toys, only books b/c they will get enough toys from others, or I will never bribe my kids with candy, etc...but once that little one arrives, all bets are out the window.  Your philosophy is a great one and you too have to just enjoy your children being children.  I think your in-laws will come around and completely relax once that little baby is here, but it is good that you let them know your feelings now.  My husband and I are of different religions, and although I now get along with my MIL, when I was pregnant, she made the comment that our marriage wasn't "real" (b/c I was not his religion and didn't have their kind of ceremony)  I was crushed and said that I guess my baby wasn't a "real" grandchild to her then.  That was years ago and now everyone is fine and I sure they couldn't imagine their lives without their granddaughter.  Best of luck!

[lovefamily]

I thought your letter was very good.  It was not to harsh but it got to the point of what you believe and what you want for YOUR child.  You got to the point with giving encouraging words along the way.  It was very dipomatic and I would think they could see that.  When it comes down it to it your hubbie and you hold all the cards....the baby.  You can control who spends time with her and who doesn't.  They need to learn they're place and back off and give you a chance and just be there to support you and give you help when you stumble.  Until you hold that baby in your arms and you are building a relationship with eachother you don't really know what all you will do.  Each child is different with their own personalities and temperment.  You may find you have to be more stern with her as she grows up and you may find you don't.  Nothing is written in stone except to give lots of love.  Sounds like you just want to do what is best.  Let your hubbie stand up to the inlaws so you aren't the bad guy all the time.  Most of the time grown sons do no wrong in their parents eyes just their wicked witch wives, lol.  Best of luck to you and your hubbbie.

Blessings!

[sarubers]

All I have to say is... You go girl! Im proud of you!