Just venting I guess not really a question and To Kris 123

So my babys dad just called.  He went to Mexico because his grandpa was sick.  Well, he decided to call today and tell me that he isnt coming back and that he will just send me money!  How messed up is that?  Before he left he was all talking about how he is going to miss the baby (I am 32 weeks prego) and now all of a sudden he says he isnt coming back here and he will just send me money!  I guess I am better off without anyways but its just so messed up how the guys can leave and act like its nothin.  Plus on top of that, I am having surgery this thursday. So I had to quit my job because I wont be able to work for a few months because of surgery and then having my baby.  I know he wont be sending me money either!  At least while we were together he was buying diapers and stuff every week so I do have some stuff.  I just cant believe he said he isnt coming back.  I never thought he would do anything like that after us being together for so long, but since I kicked him out (I posted about this a few weeks ago) he has just been totally weird! It just sucks right now.  I wish the baby would come because I know I will feel so much better once my baby is actually here.  

[JTSHB]

So sorry to hear the news.....what state are you in?  do they have state disability while you are out?  are you living home or on your own?  Will you have the means to take care of you and the baby?

I don't know your full story, but it would be nice if he came to his senses...you just never know.

I hope things work out for you and try and stay positive for your own emotional well being and baby's.

: )  jt

[vannessa]

Take his a** to court for child support. The fact that he's in Mexico doesn't mean that they can't find him. He must be responsible for his actions. He can just leave you with a small baby especially since you won't be able to work for a while. That's just ridicilous! Take care! Wish you luck!

[kris123]

what a butthole!!  IT is just like my ex.  Mine bought a car seat and thought that was good enough - I'm 32w6d and he refuses to help with money.  The best advise I can give is go after him for childsupport.  I contacted divison of child support here in VA and they sent me an application and I filled out everything I could.  You need his SSN, new addres in New Mexico, and some other stuff - be as nice as you can to him and get this information because you are going to need it.  Just make up something as to why you need it - keep all records of medical bills everything you buy for the baby. Since you have no income you can go to social services and get medicad, go to the health department and get WIC.  There should be a local office in your area.  I just don't understand how men can just leave their child behind and not support them.  Mine will buy $100 worth of crack before he would give it to me to buy a crib.  He is in a state of mind and it could be the drugs I don't know.  But girl get all the info you can about him play all nice and do it behind his back because if you don't know where he is that makes it hard.  It is a little harder when he lives in a different state but they will get to him.  With my daughter I went to court on my own - no laywer - you can do this to. Once the baby is born go get an order for him for child support - the clerks can help you fill it out you don't need a laywer I get $400 a month for my daughter who is 11.  They can take his license away if he doesn't pay- i know it is a lot to deal with and take in but this is what I am doing and have done.

[kris123]

sorry I didn't see that he was in Mexico.  I thought is said New Mexico.  It doesn't matter, just get his address.  it may be tough to get it - you need to contact the division of child support in your state.  Do a search for your state and put in the search division of child support.  I really feel for you because I am going through the same thing.  My ex told me he was going to go to Texas.  I got my family and I am thankful for that.  Social Service also has a program where they will give you money each month for your baby then they go after the father and he owes it back to them.  Social Services is a good place to state too.  Are you feeling any better at all?

[Gohawks]

I already am getting WIC and have medicaid already.  Medicaid deals with the child  support but dont start doing anything until the baby is born.  I know my ex ssn but I dont even know if he will call again.  When he called me today he called me restricted so I dont even know if he is in Mexico for real like he said or if he is in Oregon where he used to live before he moved here to Iowa.  His old gf from a long time ago lives there and when I kicked him out he started talking to her so I think she may have something to do with why all of a sudden he changed his mind about the baby.  He was so excited before he left we went out to dinner and a movie and he just kept talking about the baby, and now he seems like he doesnt want anything to do with him.  I just dont get it.  But I dont have a number to get ahold of him at whereever he is.  I have his cousins numbers but they live here.  So unless he calls I wont have a way to get an address from him so I think pretty much I am screwed. We were living with my family and I still am so I dont have to worry about living expenses or anything right now.  I am so thankful I have my family here, especially my mom.  She says he is useless anyways and tells me I dont want a role model like that for my son.  I know she is right but it is just hard right now and it is nice to talk to someone thats going through sort of the same thing.  He is young and I know once I have the baby things will be different with how I feel, but right now its just hard to deal with.  I know in the long run we would probably just end up breaking up again because I cant trust him, but I am just so mad that someone can just walk out

[Gohawks]

Yeah, thats the thing I keep thinking about, how am I going to raise a child on my own.  I mean I know I am not on my own because I have my family and my mom always says that my dad can be the babys father figure, but I mean I dont know thats not his real dad.  I know his parents address, but I have no clue where he is right now.  He tells me he is in Mexico, but then I asked him if he was going to oregon to be with that girl and he said maybe.  I just keep telling myself that my life is better without him.  I mean up until a couple weeks ago, everything was fine with us.  SO it is just hard to just stop everything between us.  I know I will feel better since I wont have to see him at all, but it is still hard!  I hate it.  BUt I just keep telling myself that God has a plan for me and everything that is going on is just making me a stronger person and it is making me think more of what I want in my life.  Before I was always about "us"  but now it will be what I want to do with my life and my childs life.  Thanks for being here listenin to me complain!  I really appreciate it.  I just dont understand how someone can be like how he is acting and just be so immature and not take responsibility!!

[kris123]

When I took my oldest daughter's dad to court I used his mothers address because I didn't know his address.  If he didn't come to court, then they would have put a warrent out for him - if he got pulled over where ever he was, then they would arrest him. Maybe when u talk to him tell him you need an address so you could write him  it's an idea or use his mothers address or fathers address if they aren't married. I know it is hard and it hurts because I cry still sometimes too.  I just try to understand and I can't.  I just turned it over to God and ask him to deal with it - I did what I could and He will do what I can't.  It sucks I know.  It could be another girl.  It is so easy to say your better off but that doesn't take away the fact that it still hurts.  It will go away but it will hurt for right now.  I feel so much better that I am away from my ex his lies his drugs but I feel scared to raise yet another child alone and now I don't have the money either to support my two children - I living with my parents but I am happy.   So you have no idea where he is?  I'm played my ex until I got all the information that I needed from him.  Its hard to paly nice when they are suck buttholes.

[kris123]

I know what you mean about just not making a sense out of it.  To top it all off he may be going back to his ex.  I know it really hurts.  I don't know if you have been to college or not but being a single parent and not having much income or none at all, you can go to school without paying a penny.  I got my two year degree without every spending a dime of my money - they gave me governement grants and I never had to pay them back.  I am getting another degree this fall.  I plan to on to get a four year degree and hopefully I will get grants to support me along the way. When things settle down and you feel better and the hurt is almost gone, it is something to think about for you (even if you have went to college before you can still do this).  I think the hardest thing for me was trying to understand Craig actions and just wondering how a father could just turn away from his child - he had two already and takes care of them and see them but yet he doesn't want to be a part of his new child. What will my son think about that??  I know it is a lot - feel free to vent anytime

[lynne1276]

I just wanted to tell you guys my husbands experience.........When he was 19 (way before I met him) he and his girlfriend got preg (she was 17)   The had a boy and at 3 months old she decided she didn't want to take care of him anymore.  She left him with my husband.  Do you know this stupid girl was still getting wic and aid for a kid she wasn't even taking care of!!!   My husbands mother helped him go to court for custody and she didn't even bother to show up.  Full custody was granted to him.  Anyway he took care of him by himself while he worked and went to school (with help of family) for 3 1/2 years until I came along.  He will be 5 in July and one of the brightest kids I have met.  His mom calls once in a great while but she moved to Texas and never bothered to tell us.  She is 22 and working on kid #4 right now.  I often wonder how my son will feel when he knows his mommy didn't want him but has other kids.  Anyway, my point to you girls is, it may be hard but somtimes they are better off without the parent that will be a bad influence.  My son is a happy kid and loves me and his daddy.  I hope someday you girls will meet somone that is willing to take on your kids as if they are thier own.  Keep your heads up and do the best you can.  both of you are better off without these guys.  xxxxx

[Gohawks]

Thanks lynne for sharing your story!  It makes me think that there are actually some good guys out there!  My baby is not having his fathers last name so maybe one day if I find the right guy he will want to adopt my child and my child will have a good father.  I know my dad (well step dad) will be a great role model for him.  And kris, I am in the process of getting my BA right now.  I graduate June 21st so I am pretty excited!  I know I have things going for me and i will be better off with out him.  My heart tells me that I dont need him but my mind keeps tellin me i want him here, i think just because I am so used to doing everything with him.  I am leaving everythings in gods hands and everything happens for a reason

[kris123]

Good for you on your degree!!  There are good guys left - i think :-)  I think I just picked the wrong one.  Are you with your family?  

[Gohawks]

Yes, I am living with my mom and step dad and two little bros.  We moved in here when I found out I was pregnant so we could save money, but I have no money saved yet!  LOL.  He was the one with all the money in the account, go figure!  Oh well, I know I have things going for me without him here.  Its just everythign is coming at once.  My parents sold their house in 4 days so we are moving, just to a different house, in the end of june, I graduate in the end of june, I am due july 2nd, and I am having surgery this thursday, plus the ex is being a butthead!  I am glad I am here with my parents right now though because they are a big support for me, plus my oldest sister is moving back in town so thats exciting