Leep scheduled. I need support, I'm devistated.

I dont know where else to turn. No one can comfort me and I keep reading bad thing and I'm scared to death.  I had my baby 4 months ago and all I keep thinking about is not being around. I had a biopsy after several abnormal paps. Biopsy came back high grade. So now I have to have a leep done and I'm so scared. I found out yesterday.
Usually in my life, there are situations or people, I can turn to to make me feel better or make me feel like I'm making a big deal for no reason and thing could be worse.  But, no one and nothing can make me feel better or like this is a small matter.  I dont know how long I could have had abnormal cells because I didnt have insurance for a while.  I'm 26 now.  I know this may be the wrong forum but, I need someone to give me hope.  I'm terrified of not seeing my daughter grow.

[Me2mommy2b]

Prayers for good results.  Hugs and try not to worry.

[jazzyri]

I had a leep done in May of '06 and I too was terrified, but believe me it was not as bad as some nurses and doctors may make it seem.  I pray for good results for you.

[newbie2b]

my fear is not the pain. My fear is it being cancer and that it spread. I'm so worried that I cant function.

[Micah leah]

Im so sorry...but I will say that at least you went...at least you got it checked!!  They now know and are going to do further testing.  They can do sooo much!! I also had a leep, and got clean margins..cant remember if they had told me if it was high grade--it was years ago.  Hope all is well, hope you can find some peace.  I will also say a prayer....

[tomel]

whats a leep?

[shamanda]

I had a LEEP done last year and totally freaked out when I found out, like you.  It's important to know that abnormal cells does not necessarily equal cancer.  If I understand correctly, they cut out the abnormal cells and that usually takes care of it.  Leeps are fairly common, though I'd never heard of one until I had to have one.  I've now known lots of people who have had them and never heard once of someone actually having cancer; the Leep took care of it every time.  So try not to worry - get through the procedure (mine wasn't fun, I won't lie, but I was happy to get rid of those cells!), then go from there.

[baboojamaica]

I had a leep procedure about 7 years ago.  My paps came back as low grade then high grade.  I  had paps twice a year for a while then down to once a year since then and they have all been normal.  Good luck, everything will be ok.

[cantwait4baby]

wow, I am sorry you are going through this.  Mine never (knock on wood) got this far.  I had other procedures done and right before pregnancy I had abnormal results and refused the Colposcopy and then during pregnacy they started coming back normal and thank god still are.  It was like the baby made me normal.  I just looked up what a leep is exactly I was not sure.  When is it scheduled for?  I would be in a panic too so you are not alone.  I wish I could help you.  One thing that I can say is that there are many many medications out there and procedures so you will be around to see your daughter grow.. :)

[cantwait4baby]

wow, I am sorry you are going through this.  Mine never (knock on wood) got this far.  I had other procedures done and right before pregnancy I had abnormal results and refused the Colposcopy and then during pregnacy they started coming back normal and thank god still are.  It was like the baby made me normal.  I just looked up what a leep is exactly I was not sure.  When is it scheduled for?  I would be in a panic too so you are not alone.  I wish I could help you.  One thing that I can say is that there are many many medications out there and procedures so you will be around to see your daughter grow.. :)

[newbie2b]

This is one of the worst things I've ever been through. The only thing us and its really all we can think about.  I'm scheduled for the 28th of september. She even perscribed me xanax because of how anxious I'll be right before.  I keep staring at her sleep and worry that she will have to grow up with out me. Maybe it sounds like I'm thinking of the worse but, it is a possibility.

The baby is not feeling well either and I'm coming down with a cold.  I just want to crawl in bed and hide.  I feel like this is a death sentence.

[cantwait4baby]

I do understand the fear from when I first was diagnosed with whatever it was and I had the horrible colposcopy done and was told I would have a hard time gettng pregnant.  I was not trying to get pregnant I was waiting until at least 35 but I left that doctor appt.  Cried from all the pain slept with the help of xanax because I felt so sorry for myself.  All I could think was All I ever wanted was a baby and I waited to long.  Well as soon as I healed from that mess we started trying and boom pregnant I was on first try.  So you already have your baby girl - just think positive - you will be here there is so much treatment and even if the worst did happen - the cancer - they would know ahead of time and remove it before it could spread.  I am not a doctor but I do know that all cancer if caught early is treatable and most have a cure - this being one with a cure.

Zanax is nice for you to relax but you should also request something for the pain.  For my last colposcopy they gave me xanex and hydrocodine.  Pretty much just give you that numbing feeling.  You still feel some pain but you really just dont care.  I would rather have another c-section that another colposcopy without drugs. hahaha  that was the worst thing ever.

Anyway - good luck and you will be just fine.  you have to get through the next two weeks so try to relax.

[newbie2b]

Thank you.:( The colposcopy for me was fine the second time (two weeks ago).  It didnt even bother me. When I was prego it was very uncomfortable.  Even the biopsy they took didnt bother me.  But this is all different.  They will inject my cervix (that should be fun) with anastesia and then do it. I'm hoping that the xanax does have me out of it because I'll be so worried .  I wish I could take them now but I cant, I have a baby to take care of.  

I feel like no one knows how to deal with me. I told my best friend and she put me on hold  (she was at work) and eventually I hung up (I was at work too) but, she never called back. It's unlike her. Especially if she knows how serious this could potentially be.

My bf is freaking out which, is not helping but, I'm freaking out to so, what should I expect.  MY mom is in total denial.  She thinks that the worse that could happen is that I cant have anymore babies which, after truly looking at the situation, I will be perfectly ok with as long as I'm here and healthy.

[jazzyri]

I totally understand, I wasn't terrified that it would hurt I was terrified that I had cancer and would die and leave my 2 girls behind.  The first nurse and doctor I spoke to after my pap came back hi-grade, basically told me I was one step away from cancer. I was so scared, I couldn't eat or sleep.  I don't know how I functioned.  Then when I went for the procedure the 1st time, they couldn't perform it because I wasn't prepared to pay the $100 co-pay, that I was not informed of before hand. The nurse that day scared me even more.  I thought I was going die before I came back for the next appt.  However, when I finally was able to have the procedure, the doctor who handled it was very nice and had a really good bedside manner.  I routinely have a pap every year so I was wondering how it could go from abnormal cells to cancer in such a short time, she helped me to understand that if I did nothing now then over time it could become cancer.  She was very comforting and made me realize it wasn't as bad as I thought.  Just hang in there, I know this is going to be a long 2 weeks for you, but take care of yourself and know that you are in my prayers.

[cantwait4baby]

You will be here and I think the same as your mom - that would be the worst case but I dont even think it would come to that.  With cervical cancer if found early enough - and yours would be because it is not cancer yet - just something that coudl turn into cancer. it can be treated and at worst they would remove it.  That was my worst fear because I would have rather died then not had a baby but like you I have my baby now so I count my blessings and take whatever is thrown at me.  I honestly dont think you should worry about you not being here for Soroya - if you are going to worry just worry about the procedures themselves.  You are going to be just fine - I also dont think it is a bad idea to call your doctor and explain your anxiety to him.her.  They can give you something mild to help you relax without it knocking you out.  You are very upset and I think it may help.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  Go for long walks after work - that is the best stress relief :)  Let me know if there is anything you need or want and you need someone to talk to just email me and I will give you my number :)

[AndiJ78]

I don't know if this will make you feel any better or not, aside from my own experience with it and my real mother's which both of us had cervical cancer. Both were caught early and until her death due to an unrelated cause some 15 years after her surgery and 5 years later for me, there has been no recurrence.

Cervical cancer kills less than 5,000 women a year and generally (though not always) those cases involve women who don't tend to have frequent paps or medical care in general, therefore going undetected for years. As with all cancers, early detection is key. This is even more important with cervical cancer. And remember, high grade cervical dysplasia is not necessarily synonamous with cancer, which is a common misconception.

And now for the good news, I had my surgery done in Mar 2002, 3 months after the birth of my first son and went on to have 2 more boys with no need for cerclage. It is possible to go on to have a normal life afterwards. If the idea of the procedure beiong done in the office is that stressfull, ask your OB to schedule day surgery rather than an office procedure. That is what I did and it was much less stressful.  The recovery was very quick.

[newbie2b]

Thank you all so much.  I am in such a dark hole right now that any bit of information (positive) helps.  I'm so affraid to do research because, everything that i've researched already is scary so I stopped and made my bf stop.  But my mind is spinning. I have so many questions. I should call my dr back and maybe even move up the surgery. I was brave enough to look up what the symptoms are of cervical cancer and I seem to have none of thme (although it says there can be no symptoms at all) I've been telling my bf everything that you ladies have told me and it has made us feel better.

AndiJ78- Thank you for sharing your story with me. It helped ALOT.  I would like to ask you a few questions if you dont mind. Again, I really appreciate all the support. I am in need more than ever before.

[Sashasmama]

Hey newbie, I had the same thing happen to me about 4 years ago.  The colposcopy felt worse than the actual leep procedure, it hurt more when they were scraping in there with those bristly brushes.  I was so worried about getting leep done, that I cried and cried.  But it turned out to be a quick painless procedure.  The cervix doesn't have many nerve endings, I didn't even feel the shot, and then the actual procedure took a couple of minutes.  I was freaking out and crying the whole time, but then the dr. was like "all done!" and I was like "whhhaaat?"  The only thing is that you have to sit/lay very still, and it's hard when you are worrying about it.  Just take a couple of advils about 30 minutes before getting it done.  I know how you feel.  I had this done before I had a baby, so I wasn't used to anyone being down there, and I felt very violated ( I don't know any other words to describe it), so that was my biggest thing.  You are not supposed to have sex for about 4 weeks after getting it done.  They also put this yellowish medicine on your cervix and it's going to be leaking out, I hated that.  But the recovery was quick, just cramped normal menstrual cramps a bit.  But it's nothing like being in labor or having your perinium cut with no anesthetic, lol, that's what happened to me.  Just remember that you are not the only one!  

[Sashasmama]

Oh yeah, it took me about 2 weeks to heal.  It didn't hurt too bad, I kept taking advil, I could still do things I normally did before, just took it easy.  I mean, after I had my daughter I felt about 10 times worse than I did after leep, if not 20!  And I was still able to take care of her.  You'll be able to take care of your baby, so don't worry about that, it actually is a minor procedure.  Just trust me.

[newbie2b]

If anyone else is still reading this, I have another question. After they do the leep test, they are going to test those pieces for what? To see if it goes further up then what she took out? Basically could there be more bad news to come after they do the leep? That is what my fear is.  Is it only high grade or once they examine what they take, could i get more bad news? this is my concern

[newbie2b]

If anyone else is still reading this, I have another question. After they do the leep test, they are going to test those pieces for what? To see if it goes further up then what she took out? Basically could there be more bad news to come after they do the leep? That is what my fear is.  Is it only high grade or once they examine what they take, could i get more bad news? this is my concern

[Sashasmama]

They use a solution on your cervix that highlights the area that needs to be removed.  I'm not sure whether or not they test the tissue they remove, because they already tested it in colposcopy, but they do schedule you an appointment to get colposcopy or biopsy, depending on the dr done once again to see if they have removed all of the "bad" cells or if you need a repeat procedure.  I had the cells that they said were in the last stage before being actual cancer, pretty scary.  But the worst news you can get after getting this procedure done is going to get colposcopy/biopsy again, and the worst news after that is that they didn't remove everything and have to repeat leep.

[jazzyri]

They test the pieces to determine the extent of the damage of those cells that were removed.

[ksanden]

you are not alone the same thing happened ot me in june of 2006 i had the leep done. i was scared and i felt so alone. my bf was there but he didnt understand the pain i was going threw. i had my four yr old. it was high grade to. i got pregnant w/ my son in sept.06 and had the worse pregnacy. i had my son in june 11 07 just last wk i got another pap done. it came back again had biopsys done and this time the doc talk to me  about just tying to tubes beacuse another leep would cause me to not carry a baby full term. w/ my son i struggled to carry him, they thought id have real early. i was on meds and 20wks bed rest. i had him 2wks early. i am happy i have my 2 kids. but for me to give birth to another will never happen and that hurts when u have this plan for 3 kids.
it  is scary and you do feel alone. but you will make it, your strong you have ur kids to push to live.
ill pry it comes up just dylasia and not cancer. i am 22 myself  im young to i feel no one should have to go threw any of this. your in my thoughts. keep me update i am here if you need it.