Low sex-drive during pregnancy

I've been reading a lot of pregnancy books and it seems that most women have heightened sexual experiences and higher sex-drive while pregnant.  I am 19 weeks now and I still feel like I rarely want to have sex (just not in the mood). Before I was pregnant I felt like I had a good sex drive, I thought the low drive was just due to the morning sickness I had during my first trimester, but I'm no longer sick but still just don't have that urge like I used to. Has anyone else felt like this while pregnant or am I the only one? Any advice?

[Trentonsmom]

I know exactly what you are saying. Before my husband and i got pregnant with our first child, we had sex pretty much every night and when I got pregnant, it seemed as though all of the desire was lost. I know a lot of it has to do with your hormones being all out of whack while you body is adjusting. I guess it all depends on how your body reacts to the added hormones.  I had my husband do a lot of the same reading I was doing. It gave him a little more understanding as to what my body was going through. Just be patient and ask your husband to do the same. Make sure you have an open line of communication. I know that my husband didn't understand at first why he wasn't "getting any" and I felt guilty because I didn't feel like it.

[Angiconda]

I have experienced the same thing. I think in my case it just dosent seem to be as good and as you get bigger you have to get creative to find a position that works and we just cant seem to find a good position. I beleive it is normal to have a lower sex drive it can go either way. I am sorry I dont have any advice on how to make it better. Good Luck!

[ni-ki]

i just wanted to share my thoughts. When i found out i was pregnant i was 9weeks along already and for the entire 41 weeks i was pregnant i did NOT have sex. My baby is now 18 days old and i still have not had sex. I think i completely lost my sex drive LOL just kidding but i seriously had no desire to have sex while pregnant and even now (still recovering) i don't have the desire. I am sure you will get it back so don't worry

[sweetthing]

HI I am 31weeks pregnant and i dont have a very good sex drive either I believe this is normal I have had 5 pregnancys before and I have never felt this way I believe it will come back after the baby is born good luck!

[blessed06]

I know exactly what you are going through.  I am 19 weeks pregnant and during my 1st trimester, I had a really good sex drive.  For the last 5-6 weeks, I don't even want to kiss or be touched at all.  I was thinking about asking my doctor for some advise, because it has truely taken a toll on my husband. I still find him to be very attractive, but I just "don't be in the mood."  Nothing works.  It has become stressful for me because the more I try to explain to him, the more fustrated he gets.  Any advise someone???

[prettyenough]

i am 32 weeks pregnant and i went through ups and downs sexually. in my first trimester i was uncomfortable everywhere and didnt want sex at all then in the beginning of my 2nd trimester i wanted it all the time and the orgasms were amazing-physically and emotionally. from then to now i am so-so about feeling sexual..if it happens, its nice, if not, then its alright. it gets more uncomfy for me physically which takes a toll whether im "excited" or not. my bf also has a fear that if we have too much sex it will put me into labor. ha. as far as my own feelings go, as i said its been up and down. its hard to answer whether its "normal" or not to have a low sex drive or high sex drive during pregnancy. so much is going on inside of us. however, it is always something you can talk to your doctor about or do research on. hope you feel better.

[Dawnicole]

i am 3 weeks pregnant.  WEll i just found out that i was pregnant about 10 days ago but for the last 2 or 3 weeks i have had absolutely no desire to have sex is this normal. i mean it beginning to be really stressful for me and my boyfriend. anyone have any advice

[ImmortalOne]

3 weeks late for your period?  or 3 weeks since your last period?

[apaulinaria]

I am 14 weeks pregnant and I have had no sex drive since I got pregnant.  Nothing turns me on anymore. I think it could be your body saying "He got you pregnant, and now you're changing in a drastic way.  Why would you want him to make you go through that again?"  I guess it's kind of a joke, but you never know...  Like your body knowing that being attracted to him and turned on by him (or by man/anything) is what caused the nausea and whatnot, and then having a natural aversion to him.  After you get wasted, do you want to drink the next day, or does your stomach turn if you even think about drinking?  But luckily, it goes away after a while because you "forget" how "bad" it was and so does your body...

[megamom19]

I'm haven a baby and im 36 weeks along an i feel as if i have sex drive at all
it's not that my husbands not good or anything it's just i can't bring myself to want it as much and i think he feels like it's him but really it's just i can't bring myself to want it as much as i use to and trust me i husband looks good in every way there is his bodys banging and his parts are fine to lol
but i need help getting this sex drive back before i have no one to get it back for!!!!!!!! please help please

[sad951]

I have the same problem.. is it even a problem? It seems to be a normal situation. Although I'm not having a great experience with my husband about it. He has been so mean to me, he makes me cry all the time because I'm not in the mood telling me I'm not in love with him anymore and how he doesn't feel the marriage is going to work if this no sex desire continues... I'm sad just typing about it...

[Tattyana]

I am 17 week along and not sexual desire. My husband has started to complain. He says to be worried that I don't love him any more. My firt trimestrer was a nightmare! I had a lot of nauseas, vomiting and heart burn. I had very difficult time sleeping. My sensitivity to any kind of odor or scents was a trigger to all this as well. I used to wake up in the middle of the night go to the washroom and return to find that my husband's odor bothered me. I am very sad about all this and feel very guilty even when my doctor told me is okay. I want to go back to what I had with my husband. Some times I wonder if I will ever be myself again.

[mamom15]

I know exactly what you mean.  I am 35+ weeks and I don't remember the last time I felt desire.  I made DH change his soap and shampoo cuz like you I an sensitive to odor.  Nothing helps other than the fact that I want to throw up all the time.  I don't think I iwll ever be the same again.  I think DH's [arts are black by now out of disuse - LOL

[cuteness3]

you have had 5 pregnancys were they girls or boys because i ws told that on boys women have high sex drive and low on girls did you find this?

[knowbdysbisnis]

Just know that it is perfectly normal if you have a low sex drive during pregnancy. There is nothing wrong with you. If you have a partner that cannot understand this and is making  you feel guilty, they are the problem. The partner should be understanding. There are many changes going through your body that you have no control over. So if your partner is basing your entire relationship over this temporary set back, they are ignorant and selfish.

[sansann]

I'm about 16 weeks pregnant, and my sex drive is ZERO. I even dread being touched or kissed by my husband. I dread going to bed and waking up in the middle of the night by him trying to get some. I can't remember the lasat time I had an orgasm. And when I let him try, I'm so dry down there, even when he touches it or tries everything; right now, I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with no sex, and that will not bother me at all, but my poor husband is suffering. He told me he could not live without sex. Last night he tried and I kept pushing him away, he took it personnally, and got so mad this morning. I can see the lack of sex cannot help him focus. He let the faucet on in the bathroom and when I pointed it out to him, he didn't even care turning it off!!
I feel so bad for him. But at the same time, I would feel violated if I let him do his thing.
Cannot wait to have the baby so everything can be back to normal.

[TDKeller]

Im having all of the very same problems as most everyone here!!! This is our second child and EVERYTHING has been completely different from the first one!! I dont understand how my interest in sex can just vanish?? I have been getting very frusterated with myself because i feel like its my fault! I know its not but its still hard. Luckily my husband is an extremely understanding person and he would wait the rest of this pregnancy( Im 19 weeks) and longer if i really didnt want to. Right now I just let him do "his thing" i guess because i do feel bad that nothing he does entices me anymore, I just feel so horrible because he cant "turn me on" or evoke any sort of physical response from me!!  Im starting to question if its me or with the way Im feeling is this lack of sex drive making me lose my feelings for my husband???!!! Help!!

[mamabear7210]

this is my second pregnancy and i have completly lost my drive as well. Very different from my first pregnancy where i enjoyed sex alot! its been so bad this time around that its not just my husband suffering but i cant even get myself off! i let him do his thing about once every 3-5 wks but i feel bad that i cant get into it. it seems that this is all pretty normal but idk about the whole all by myself thing, maybe thats just me... any suggestions?

[sillyyy]

I am 8 weeks 2 days pregnant. I feel like I have lost my Sex drive completely. Idk what to do to get it back . Im not turned on ever and always sick to my stomach and miserable :( :( I feel bad for bf I know its not his fault . I just feel so bad ideas anyone ?

[sillyyy]

I have read a lot about sex drive and pregnancy and I agree with you it does seem normal to loose your sex drive. The only advice I van really give cuz I wish I knew more myself but is to explain to ur husband it's just ur hormones n many ppl feel same way such as myself good luck n I'm sure itll be normal after baby.:) good luck again.

[Simmom2001]

I am 22 weeks and I have no desire to have sex. I am tired. I work full time nights as a nurse, we have two kids already 12 and 13, and then there is this house to take care of, top that off with being big as a house pregnant and who could blame me. I do realize my husband has needs and we have discussed my lack of interest which has nothing to do with him. So we have compromised--he still gets something 2 to 3 days a week but if I am sleeping he leaves me alone. I keep reading about thie "heightened sex drive in pregnancy" but it seems to have skipped over me.

[CIAMom83]

I know what you ladies are saying I feel like I don't have a sexual drive like I used to.  But at the same time I do want "it" and I think it is just because I want the attention.  Attention may not be the right word affection might be a better word.  I have tried everything to get things going just to get myself in the mood when we have the time and sometimes nothing will work.

[Suffering_Husband]

How about a darn solution?

All I hear is you preg women saying how you lost your sex drive.... I want to hear some answers....

Sex drive or no sex drive, women don't be foolish, unless its physically painful for you to have sex, if you want your marriage to stay strong, you need to show your husbands love and give them what they need, emotionally and physically.

Suffering Husband

[Lwood0304]

There should be a commitment to a strong and healthy marriage on both sides. Yes, maybe us pregnant women could seek to care for the needs of our husbands more so, but, there should be a desire for the husband just as much to seek to care for the needs of  his beloved wife as well. Having a child isn't easy for anyone, it took both people to create a wonderful blessing of a baby, so both need to care for each other working as a team during the pregnancy and after as well!
Both sides can learn to sacrifice for the other just a little more!

[Cadenza87]

I'm 8 weeks and found that I don't like the idea of having sex at all, but then when I 'forced' myself to come onto my boyfriend I found it more of a turn on than him trying to come onto me! Once it all gets going it's enjoyable and nice to be close in that way! And of course keeps him happy. Lube definitely helps lol :)

[sufferingprego]

Guess what SH...a little compassion and understanding goes a long way!!!

No, it has not been physically "painful" for me to make love to my husband, as you so stated...but guess what!! I have to actively force myself to stop from VOMITING while in the act!! How's that for you!

Yes, it is like torture!

Fortunately, my husband isn't a cold-hearted creep, and the "strength of our marriage" is not defined by our physical needs alone! In fact...his gentle, kind, and caring understanding has been the biggest turn-on I could possibly have at this moment. And has given me greater "oomph" to go the extra mile for him! Even if it means more blow jobs or hand jobs (hand jobs being a little easier at the current moment) when he least expects it, if sex has been more difficult for me.

I have sympathy for your plight, but have a little compassion yourself, and stop being a jerk. The woman is suffering too, you know.

:)

[puradrea]

I'm sooo grateful for these posts.  I was just reading about how women carrying boys have an increased libido and better orgasms and feeling really bad because it has been the exact opposite for me.  The hubby and I used to go no longer than 2 or 3 days without sex...ever since my miserable first trimester, I've had very little desire and we're lucky if we do it 1X every 10 days or so (seems to be less often as time goes by--I'm 35 weeks now).  

I used to have multiple o's, but that ended with the pregnancy.  Everything was VERY uncomfortable until the 3rd trimester--it's a little bit better now, but no where near how good it used to be.  This, combined with my ambivalence, has been a death blow to our sex life!

I must say, interestingly enough, our emotional intimacy has grown and I feel closer and more in love with my wonderful hubby than ever before.  Also, my husband has been super understanding since the beginning, and as a result his libido has decreased as well...he used to want it practically everyday, now he seems content with a weekly b-j.  Must be suffering from sympathy lack of libido!!!

To suffering husband--I feel sorry for your wife.  My husband doesn't really enjoy sex that much if I'm not enjoying it.  He gets his rocks off by rocking my world.  Knowing that that's just not in the cards now, he's patient and loving, and as a result gets b-j's when requested (which is not very often).  Demanding sympathy sex from your wife is sad...just service yourself and use this time to cultivate emotional intimacy!  She is having your child, which is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining--the least you can do is 'sacrifice' by going without for a few months!

[Lifewithnopink]

I think it is a culmination of things that lead to a decreased sex drive during pregnancy.   To Suffering Husband, the resolution to revving up a low sex drive may not be simple.   In my case, I am pregnant with my fourth child, and I have all boys so I think we can rule out how gender makes a difference.   In my case, it seems that I don't completely shy away from intimacy with my husband but I do find myself resisting being touched when he is in the mood.   I get uncomfortable when my body is touched.  I do want to be intimate with my husband at times but we never seem in sync and it seems that we are only willing to "get on the same page" twice a week.   I cannot speak for everyone but pregnancy can be very hard on a woman's body.  This is my fourth pregnancy (back-to-back no less) and I feel exhausted and huge.   Sometimes I just want to lay around on the couch and count the days until delivery but I have to keep in mind that I have a husband that loves me and deserves for me to attempt to show intimacy.  It is worthwhile to try different solutions, 1) talking to your partner (i.e. being honest about physical discomforts or what you feel is missing from the relationship, if anything), 2) spending one-on-one time with one another (in my case this is hard because we have small children in our household and arranging time away from our children is hard... some people recommend at least 20 minutes a day, 3) try something new the next time you're intimate, 4) write each other a note about your most memorable sexual experience together, 5) try exercising together and showering together (if you can fit in your shower and can stand your partner looking at your naked, pregnant body, it may give them a chance to understand how your body has changed and what you are going through... or it may just make them want you even more... you have to be prepared for that).   If there are any men reading this post, please know that your wives and girlfriends will not respond to you skipping opportunities to show affection and intimacy throughout the day and allow you to just skip right into bed to make love.   Sometimes a little effort can go a long way.  Ask her how she is feeling, rub her back (or her feet if you dare) and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her.  Above all else... enjoy the fact that you have a blessing coming and that challenges like this will come and go.

[tryingtosurvive83]

thanks ladys for ur comments !!!!!!
im on my second marrige soon to b ,, ( i was cheated on after 13 yrs of marriage an have 3 kids already from smae person)   an the gf an i have been going thru the same thing ,, we never fight an al a sudden couple nits ago were going at each other .. i  got really scared . thinking she was leaving .. she said she wasnt attracted to me anymore . an everything i did pissed her off ...she said some things about not sure if we loved each other on the same level an .. i think she was starting to doubt the relationship , cause on her first go around her x an her had sex all the time an yes she had a boy but she was never sick....here lately every time we were together we bickered all the time ... i have never felt so low n my life ... so i started reading up on this an i told her an showed her some comments you guys have made about not being sexually attracted . .. she has totally changed her attitude towards me she is a beautiful woman an being pregant she is even more ... we even went out today an had some us time she is a home body an being sick it makes it even worse ..i was getting ready to leave for work an she came on to me ..it was great i know she prooly didnt feel like it but it makes me think how glad im with her .. U MUST TALK WITH UR MEN AN TELL THEM HOW U ARE FEELING ... if u dont they think its them .. we talked on our us time . an we laughed it was a great day .. communicate with each other thats the key ..
thanks everyone u have helped a bunch

[Missprisskm]

I'm 13 weeks along now. The biggest problem for me has been a) I couldn't take his smell. I used to love the way he smelled (he uses old spice, so he always smelled really good!) but it was just too strong. And b) I was (and am!) tired and often sick. First, I made him change deodorant and body wash to something much more mild smelling. Then he tries to "get me in the mood" as soon as he gets home from work, or even in the mornings on weekends. I usually feel best in the afternoons and his body wash smell has mostly worn off, so he can usually get my attention then lol. The last few weeks I haven't been sick except at night, so especially if I get a nap, afternoons and mornings I feel pretty good. So I would just say, be creative. Don't make your guy sleep beside the woman he loves and NEVER get to touch her...it will drive him nuts! Just work together so both of you get what you need :)

[Beckaboo1983]

Thanks for all the comments ladies! So helpful to know that I am not the only one out there. I thought during pregnancy there was supposed to be heightened so sex drive so this makes me feel a lot better. My husband has been incredidly supportive and understanding. I think as long as you keep the lines of communication open, things can me much better. I feel terrible for you ladies out there that have husbands that don't understand what you are going through! I wish I had advice on how to help. Maybe have him read posts like this? Or have him go with you to one of your prenatal appointments so he can hear from the doctor this is normal. As for Suffering Husband - shame on you! Good luck ladies!

[father2be]

Ok so Iam a first time Father/Dad to be and I'am very excited about that, so in my girl friends first tri it was hell she had morning and night time sickness (The worst) but as a man I was there for her and still am helping her thru this whole Task she going thru. she's now 23 weeks before she got pregnant sexually everything was great I'm talking sex whenever I wanted twice a day I mean doing all sorts of sexual things, I myself have a very high sex drive since she's been  pregnant EVERYTHING HAS STOPED I'am here trying to understand whats going on I mean she wont even do as much as give me a simple hand job I mean nothing.

I don't even like going out with my friends to drink anymore because I know ill come home wanting to have sex shell then turn me down and ill be very annoyed and upset Iam really trying to understand whats going on, there were times when I thought it was Me I thought she just wasnt into me anymore for some reason, I cook I clean i take good care of her every needs and I vow to always do that. Iam here basically really trying to understand whats going on with her Sex drive. How do I tell her I need something, hand job, maybe a ** here and there a little dirty talk something??????????????????????????????????

Please help me thanks

[LittleMamaRush]

I am in the same situation. I am 21 weeks pregnant and we have only had sex once (which did not pleasure me) and I cannot bring myself to try again. It is actually putting a damper on the relationship and i do not know what to do. It is more than just the sex drive that has lowered too, its the attention I gave him before that has dissapated. I just feel preoccupied with the baby to pay much attention to him or try to have sex again... I feel horrible!! I have been told that I just need to suck it up and have sex...HELP!

[HOLLYPWR]

I HAVE NOTICE IF I WATCH PORN BEFORE MY HUSBAND COMES HOMES I MUCH MORE APT TO ORGASM

[Jetblondie]

Oh!  I am tempted to call your partner names here, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he's just terribly uninformed (and selfish, for starters!).  I would seek immediate support since you're obviously not getting it at home.  Even if it's just a family member or friend you trust, having someone to talk to (not just the internet) will help tremendously -- it did for me.  I reached out to a psychologist since my friends all went MIA after learning about my pregnancy.  A professional may be able to help you to inform your partner and make him aware of all the changes you're going through right now and that, no matter how hard it is for him, you need his unflinching and unquestioning support.  Any man that makes you cry and feel bad about yourself doesn't deserve you, sister.  Good luck to you!

[Jetblondie]

Let me first applaud you for being proactive in trying to find a solution to your situation.  In my experience, the best thing you can do is sit down and have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend.  My boyfriend and I are in a similar situation:  We had sex several times per week, more than once a day sometimes, for the first year and a half of our relationship.  Even when we were working opposite schedules, we would gladly make time for each other -- even if it was 4:30am and I woke him up out of a dead sleep.  Fast forward, and I'm now 20 weeks pregnant.  At about 15 weeks I kind of lost my sex drive.  I've tried to supplement intercourse with oral sex, just so he wouldn't feel totally neglected, but he finally told me how much he missed actually making love to me.  He was worried there was someone else (as if!!!!) and I felt sooooo guilty for my sudden and total lack of desire.  I don't even feel like kissing!  After talking for a while, we discovered one of the reasons I'm never in the mood is because the last few times, it just wasn't comfortable (because of my new belly, its size, and its new gastrointestinal issues!) and the last time I wasn't able to achieve orgasm. We came up with several ideas to try and incorporate a little sex back into our lives, even if only once a week.  What is most important is that you're both 100% honest with each other.  If, after trying everything you we can think of, sex is still physically uncomfortable for me, I know my boyfriend loves me enough to settle for the occasional oral fix.  

Just be warned, to be fair, no girlfriend really wants to give her man what he wants sexually after a night with the boys.  Especially when she's pregnant, can't drink, and most likely, can't even stay up past 8pm.  Just saying :)  Try to be a little more sensitive to the little things.  

[Jetblondie]

First of all, if you want a "solution," maybe you should seek out a doctor, not go onto some .org website throwing blame at others who are just on here trying to vent and get some answers!  Seems a little hypocritical.

Second, I'll tell you what worked for my man and me.  We've had a VERY active sex life our entire relationship before my libido did a sudden and complete nosedive about 4-5 weeks ago (I'm 20 weeks now).  After 3 weeks without sex, we finally talked about what was going on and got down to the real issue; sex just isn't even physically comfortable for me anymore, much less pleasurable.  And yes, truth be told, I'm self-conscious of my new body, no matter how many times my honey tells me how beautiful/sexy/hot I am.  So, we went down to our local sex shop (thank you Condom Kingdom in Philly!) and browsed their selection (it's wayyyyy more than just condoms) and picked out a few things that looked like fun.  We even looked at some of the pregnant-girl porn (eww).  It was fun!  We got home, broke out the accessories, eventually tried some different positions to find one that was comfortable for me, and found that our little mission was a success!  

Listen, if you "don't do it for her" anymore, don't take offense to it.  This is one of those times when "it's not you, it's me," is the truth!  Get over yourself and stand in her shoes a sec: she's probably feeling fat, nauseous, bloated, gassy, self-conscious, sore, tired, weepy, emotional, hormonal...need I say more?  The point is, be open and honest with each other, and don't be so serious about it.  You may discover something new and fun that she never even knew she was into!  And if you're too embarrassed for sex shops, go online together and see what piques her interest.  Be patient and sensitive with her.  I'm sure deep down, she misses a good orgasm as much as you.  I know I did!