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My 3 year old does not listen
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My 3 year old does not listen

I have a three year old son that has his dad wrapped around his finger.  I am 'The bad guy' in my house...this being said I am the ONLY one my child will listen too.  He is rude and yells at other people.  He is becoming more defiant by the second and he is starting to act that way towards me.  I need some advice on how to nip this in the butt before it gets out of control.  Today I took him a a preshcool class where he goes in all by himself...I had talked to him all week about listening to his teachers and talking nicely to everyone in his class.  Well I hung around and watched from the window (very nervous) and he did not listen to his teachers either.  He was good for part of the time but they would have to ask him to sit down or listen repetitively until finally they came and got me and said he just won't listen to instruction...PLEASE HELP ME!!! I am losing sleep because of anxiety attacks
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12 Comments Post a Comment
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159354_tn?1286371288
I good whoopin might help....I'm just kidding.  People will start freaking out on me for that one.

You know I wish I knew...I have the opposite problem.  My 2 yr old daughter is an angel for others but boy does she test me and her daddy....not me so much but daddy definitely. ....he tells her to do something and she pushes back everytime....always listening on the 2nd time but never ever the first time he tells her something.

I really feel for you because if I just look at my daughter 'in that way' she listens to me right then and there....but I feel stuck in the middle of her and my husband....so I know how you feel about the teachers....I don't know what to say...it's such a tough spot to be in....are you sure there isn't a personality problem with the teacher and him...prejudice of some sort?
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156876_tn?1218634948
I am experiencing the exact same thing (with DH and all) and I anm trying to find answers also.
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Avatar_n_tn
Sorry to hear that, my daughter will be 3 in january and as opposed to you, she'll listen to pretty much everybody but me.
I know how frustrating it is, we tried time outs but she won't stay or she just entertain herself until it's time to get up and apologize (she's good at saying sorry exept that most of the time she just says it so she is done).
I've read the super nanny book but it didn't help me.
She is just all over the place, making a mess all the time but when her daddy tells her to do something, she'll do it! I can scream to the top of my lungs, she doesn't care, I tried the deep voice thing but she thinks it's funny.
My husband is harder on her than I am, if she is bad, he'll make her sit in her bed for a long time.
I'm sorry I'm of no help to you because if I knew what to do, maybe my kid would listen to me!
I'm just surprised that the pre-school didn't know what to do and just came to get you.
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159354_tn?1286371288
I think we all just may be in 'preschool' hell..I don't know....My DD really is an angel until her father walks in and tries to tell her something...man she pushes back so hard on him...I feel bad because he loves her so much and it breaks his heart but she's a mommy's girl.

I wish you all the best....I'm so sorry you go through this...it's amazing how loving one little person so much can be so stressful.
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Avatar_n_tn
I also have a 3 year old son who isn't always an angel.  My husband and I tried many different things regarding discipline and things are really starting to sink in and his behavior is so much better now.  He's always been a little shy around strangers but for a while if someone would tell him no, he'd yell and kind of "argue" with them, not so fun when you're out visiting family or friends.  I think the biggest thing for us was being consistent, very consistent with punishment and discipline.  Every time he would yell at one of us or if we're at someone's house, he would be put in a room or a playpen/crib or somewhere by himself and we'd set the timer for three minutes, which will seem like forever, and if he got out or yelled he'd sit another minute.  At first it didn't seem to help but after weeks and weeks of it, it's worked wonders.  He needs to know that there are consequences, even if he's not at home, and he can be disciplined anywhere you go.  I'll take him into a bathroom in a store and we'll sit in a stall until he's calm and ready to behave.  It's going to be a lot of work for you and you'll have to get dad to help.  Just don't let him get away with any bad behavior, consistently discipline him and he'll learn the hard way.  We tried swatting his bottom once in a while and found that he started hitting his little brother when he'd get angry so that didn't work for us at all.  Hope this helps some.
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Avatar_n_tn
I forgot something in my earlier post, it sounded kind of harsh all this talk about discipline that I forgot how it seems so important to also remember to mention when they're being good and playing nice and mention how that makes mommy and daddy so happy.  When I give our son a time out, he always says "but I'm a nice boy." and this made me think of what was mentioned in an earlier post that I've heard it's important to tell them they're not naughty, their behavior is naughty.  I'm so thankful for all you other mothers who have concerns about parenting, it's nice to know I'm not alone.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am a teacher working with 4-5 year olds and find the main thing is to be consistant. Explain to your child that if they do some thing wrong they will have a choice, i.e. if you continue with that behaviour you will have to (for example) sit quietly on your own for 1 min, or you can play nicely with the other child sharing and taking turns(for example) then say it is your choice what are you going to do?? Follow this through with all adults having the same reprimand know by all adults that all adults stick to including your pre school (be advised by them). Children are very bright if they know that you are likely to back down or change your mind they will push and push the boundaries. They are also very aware if different adults have different boundaries and if they can't get there way with you they will try with your DH or other adult. Goodluck!
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Avatar_n_tn
I agree with staci888. Time outs work, but they are hard work and you must be consistant. My son who is 3 is very well behaved unless he is tired, than he becomes a butthead, and we have always given him timeouts. My stepdaughter who is 6 is another story. Because we share custody and she often goes to Gram's we have a hard time with her. Gram spoils her rotten and she just does not want to listen. She always wants attention. She babies her knee for hours if she falls, she cries when she thinks things aren't fair, like if daddy picks up the boy and holds him in line at the grocery store, she gets upset and wants to be held too. She is very big for her age too. She loves to wrestle with daddy but she is too rough and he often gets hurt and mad. We have tried to explain this to her, but nothing changes. She also only does choes that she wanst to do, when she wants to do it. She plays games with her brother and sometimes she is mean. Consistancy is such a hard thing with her because of our situation, and I am the evil stepmum most of the time because I am the only one who is constantly repremanding and getting irratated. She is trying my patietns. Any suggestions??


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154929_tn?1196191338
I have a three yr old son (4 on christmas eve) we wnt through this part of last year in pre-school and still at times at home.  He will not listen to his dad if I am around.  And then I have to be the bad guy also--My DH doesn't think time outs work and willjust spank him.  I told him that we are trying to teach him not to hit and that is what he does to him (on the but).  I on the other hand use that as the last resort.  I first try timeouts  and trying to switch what we are doing, then I may take away something he loves.

One thing I noticed that worked with Ty is we would talk at night at bedtime.  He would sometimes ask me why he was so bad all the time.  So I know it upsets him..I would try to reassure him that he wasn't bad but the stuff he does is bad.  I also told him I still love him no matter what.  He has a really strong bond with me. He knows if I say we are not having this cartoon or movie or we will leave where we are at if he is acting up repeatedly he knows I will do it.  I try to never threaten if I can't fufill the threat--ohterwise they no they will get away with everything.  
Sorry about the book--but just my thoughts
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Avatar_n_tn
my son 's pre school teacher also spoke with me about my sons behaviour and let me tell you there is a huge difference in maturity levels in boys and girls . you cannot compare apples to oranges i have two daughters who are 13 and 11 they were great as preschoolers and grade school but watch out you moms of daughters wait till they are teens then its your turn. i'll take the wild little boy !!!!thank you very much
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Avatar_f_tn
I would rather have a boy any day. I'm pregnant mith my second child, hoping its not a girl, my mum used to yell at me when i was a teenager saying, "i hope you have a daugher as horrible as you!" its fully put me off wanting girls, i was a cow as a teenager but apparently an angel baby. My 3 year old son on the other hand...he makes me wild! I'm sure his ears are painted on, too much tv for that kid, its gng away today!
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Avatar_m_tn
Hey - all you parents who logged in in 2006 with 3 year olds - can you come back now and update your stories?  How'd it turn out?  My 3 year old now has the same behavior.  Doesn't listen at all, and things often escalate.  Does it come to an end and when??
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