My vagina is messed up

I had my third chid 16 months ago and had to have an episiotomy.  Just recently I decided to look down there because with my other children I knew it only took a few months for my vagina to look normal again.  Well, I cried when I looked.  The doctor apparently cut upwards towards my clitoris and didn't sew it back.  You can actually see what looks like my guts (sorry if I am too grafic).  Is this my fault?  I have been doing kagel exercises and am as tight as before the deliveray.  Will this heal eventually?  I made an appointment with the doctor and am scheduled for next month but I don't have insurance now but I have to do something.  This has really messed with my head.  I am embarressed and really sad about this and have asked my husband why he didn't tell me that I am a freak now.  He claims everythings fine but I know it's just cause he loves because it's not fine.  It's gross

[Crritter]

I am so sorry, it's not fun to see a mess.  I tore back thru my rectum, so had a totally different mess going on, but I'm sure there are some gals here who have been thru this.  I did have repoair work done, but in the end, the gap was too large & when I had baby #2 had another episiototmy & was stitched up & repaired then.  My husband always told me it didn't bother him, I don't think it did, but I felt like a freak.  I did tons of kegels & it helped the inside & helped pull everything back up & hold it in, but I still needed to be sewn back up too.  My first baby was a pretty rough birth & I was such a mess I think it was hard to piece me back together with all the trauma, once I healed some, it was much easier to see how bad it was.  Go to your Dr., I would wait for insurance if you can as it can get spendy- but go & talk about your concerns.  You aren't alone, I think there's a lot of gals who got beat up down there too.  Feel better.

[tam2girls]

I am of the opinion that as long as everthing works well down there then leave well enough alone. I had a ceaser with my first and even after that with the pressure of pregnancy on the pelvic floor it never looked the same again. I also think that as long as you relationship with your husband is good and nothing hurts when you have sex he is probably telling the truth and from his point of view everthing is fine. If your pelvic floor is good an you have no incontenence problems them this is probably a psycological problem and maybe the answer is to talk to someone not reconstructive surgery. Remember especially after child birth we all have things to do with our body image we don't like but I think you should wear it with pride because in spite of what the pregnancy and birth did to your body you now have 3 wonderful children. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you.

[ReallySad36]

Thank you ladies very much.  I felt like I was the only one going through this and had feelings of embarrassment.  I'm glad that I found this sight.

[JackJohnson]

Thats disgusting. Go see a ******* doctor and stop having kids. keep your ***** legs closed.

[JackJohnson]

Thats disgusting. Go see a ******* doctor and stop having kids. keep your ***** legs closed.