Need help - premature twins

Some of you may know this, some may not - we are in the adoption pool... Long story short, there are twin girls that are up for adoption.  They were born 6 months ago at just over 23 weeks gestation, weighing about 1.4 pounds each.  Personally, I am surprised they survived. They have had heeart surgery to correct a valve problem and appear fine.  They are currently in the 6-7 pound range.  One of the girls has a cleft lip/palate and is scheduled for her first surgery in January 2009.  Here is the thing - the social worker told us that they could have issues, developmental, who knows.  I was wondering what stories any of my cyber sisters had!

If we say yes, then we will be placed in a pool with two other families for the birth parents to chose from.  It would definately be in God's hands...

There are so many variables!

[grammy64]

I am not much help, but I just wanted to say - how exciting - the possibility.  I have twin nieces but they were only 6 weeks early at about 33-1/2, in the 4-pound range, are now 25 and perfectly beautiful.  I think the only one on here who I know who went pretty early (but with a singleton) was Cheyenne with Ashtyn, but I think he may have been closer to 30 (sorry Cheyenne if I have that wrong - hard to keep everyone straight).  You may want to PM her.  

Either way, what a big decision for you to make.  Best of luck....I have a feeling you will make a perfect decision for your family...  

[RockRose]

Do you have a chance to talk to their doctors before making this decision?   I would want more information before making this decision.

Best wishes with your decision - this is not easy.

[ZevasMom]

There is so much to think about... The biggest thought needs to be Zeva... She is almost 2yo5mo - how is she going to handle it... Will DH freak out trying to take care of twins and Z?

I wish I had God's answer book!

[waitingwithhope]

I honestly believe that if you feel led to say yes, then say yes (if you are open to facing whatever challenges these babies have). The fact that you are being cautious tells me that you are not just jumping into it without being honest and real about the complications these babies might have--which probably makes you more equipped to handle it. Say yes (if you think you can do it) and then leave it in God's hands- if it is meant to be, it'll continue to happen for you and the doors will be opened and if it is meant to be a no and you have another child or children waiting out there for you, that will happen....

[waitingwithhope]

oops, my last sentence should read that if is is meant to be a no THEN you have another child or children waiting for you....(note to self- read the post twice before posting :) All the best on your decision!!

[AndiJ78]

I agree, you should speak with a pediatrician and a variety of therapists to get an understanding on what to expect.

There are so many variables and the likelihood exists that there will be some significant delays, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Speaking the therapists will give you an idea of what to expect for time required to devote to treatment and potential for overcoming some.

I say once you have really thought this through, you will have your answer. I am excited for you, but I know you are aware of the challenges this could represent for not only you, but also Zeva.

[ZevasMom]

I spoke with my neighbors - they had twin girls at 25 weeks (who are the picture of health... now)... I did some research online - seems like, when born prematurely and survive, all the stories are glowing... Still waiting to hear back from my OB/GYN and Z's pediatrician... Called the social worker - have a few more questions...

[ZevasMom]

I have to go for the day - I will be back online tomorrow - pray for us... please :o)

[amberd5191]

I wish you the best of luck. My cousin had a baby at 28 weeks, he is now the picture of health. In whatever you decide my prayers are with you.

[Cheyenne_08]

Ashtyn was born at 31 weeks, and although he was born "healthy" he has developmental delays, including a severe speech delay. He is very happy and healthy but it has been a long road of tests after tests, doctor's appointments, and uncertanty. Ashtyn is amazing and I wouldn't change him for the world, but we are actually one of the lucky ones. Most kids born premature end up with significant problems and delays. Look for them both to be in Early Intervention Services. It was really stressful and hard only having one with delays, two would be much harder. I hope you guys make a decision that will be good for you. Good luck, and let me know if you want to know anymore about Ashtyn's journey.

[kellym]

Yep, for sure a toughy... If you and DH are up for the challenge I say go for it! Zeva will adjust but it will take time. She is used to being the shiny star and 2 needy babies are going to take a lot of time and dedication.  You know my kids are 19mo's apart and still I have issues w/jealousy. Even tonight I had my hands full and Lily just kept whining, up mom, up mom and I physically couldn't drop what I was doing to fulfill her needs. In a way I feel bad but on the other hand it's just part of a growing family.  I am one of 5 siblings and there was a lot of sharing of time going on.  At her age now she would be such a fantastic helper. I always wanted my mom to have twins, one for me and one for her. I say go for it!! & GOOD LUCK..
God won't give you more than you can handle :)

[energy_train]

I think some of the health issues you may face may not be known until later on such as speech delays, vision delays, developmental delays, etc.  My little guy has all of these- wasn't early though- and sometimes you don't know the delays until they are a little older.  A friend of mine has a little guy born at 24 weeks and he has a lot of feeding delays and well as physical delays.  Every child is different and if you are willing to take on the challenge of a child with delays, I say go for it.  I think it's great you are thinking about all options.  As a parent of a child with delays, I can tell you that my daughter has learned SO MUCH from our son.  She has learned that not everyone eats the same, talks, etc. and it has definately had it's challenges but she accepts everyone for who they are.  She has learned a lot and it's great for him too. Yes, it's a lot of work but every minute of it is worth it.  I'm happy to help if you have any questions.  

[ZevasMom]

Thank you ladies so much for your words of advice... I still have some more digging to do and more questions to ask... By the way - if we are chosen (the birthparents will pick one of three families) - the girls come home SUNDAY - as in 3 days!  Who is coming over to help organize the boxes!  Moving, babies, mess... oh my :o)

[Annice1234]

Okay, so 9 weeks ago, I had a baby a couple days before 23 weeks.  He's still in the hospital so I don't know how he will be later..but as of now...he is thrivinggg.  And he's a white boy..they do the worst in the NICU.  He also has brain bleeds which isn't a good thing...but the Dr told me when they are that little, their brains hae so much plasticity.  So we wait and see... :)  Do you know if they have brain bleeds?  That's a huge (good) deal if that don't! It also helps that they are girls since they do better.  Good luck and just pray about it!!  God told us what to do!  :)

[Cheyenne_08]

Wow....3 days! I wish you the best! Keep us all posted!

[amberd5191]

Good Luck! I can't wait to hear what happens!

[peekawho]

Knowing if they had brain bleeds is critical.  As is the entire history of their NICU course.

I know you believe that if these early babies survive, the stories are always glowing, but that's pretty far from the truth.  

The truth is, the chance of damage is significant.  You may be signing up for a life that you would never had chosen. Your child may have to take a back seat to these babies if their needs are overwhelming on a daily basis.   Or you may find this to be the most rewarding experience of your life.

You need facts about their entire neonatal course.  I'm sure they will not give you access to their records, nor will they let you speak to their pediatrician, but thats where you would get the best chance of looking at the future realistically.  

[tina1111]

Are you allowed to see them? Wow! I can't imagine how fast your mind must be going! I am reeling and it's not even me! Sunday!!! Wow!  I thought my world was moving fast right now. That is REALLY fast. What does dh say? He's so terrific with Z, I can't imagine him not jumping right in. Wowie! You have so much to think about! Keep me posted!!! I am so excited & happy for you!!!!

[ZevasMom]

I am reeling... this is so sudden... and I have SOOOOO many questions... One of them being - the brain bleed, and if so, what grade... I am waiting for the social worker to call me back... Thing is - even if we say yes, the yes is only to allow us to be part of the pool that the birth parents look at - they could choose some other couple... DH said yes - I told him that it is going to be A LOT of work!!!

I will keep y'all posted... I just want to make sure that we are making an informed decision - and hopefully it will be the right one :o)

Peek - you are right in that we don't want Z to take the back seat... that is why I am trying to make sure that I have my "i" dotted and "t" crossed - however, even then, I am sure that it would be a roller coaster ride...

As far as my family, I have 1 yea, and 3 nays... HOWEVER, I don't think two of the nays count because their reasoning is that we should "hold out" for a boy!  I thought I was going fling something!

[grammy64]

If you dont get access to the info you need ASAP, then maybe you could make your decision based on the worst case scenario for you and your family.  Then, if you decide to hop in the pool and are accepted as the adoptive parents, any improvement in the situation or less than worst case scenario would be what any parent waiting on medical news for their children would be elated to find out?  

Oh, please keep us updated.  

[have 2 kids]

I wasn't going to comment on this but I keep thinking of your daughter.   She really will be taking a backseat to two babies all the sudden.   It will be so hard especially not knowing if/what disabilities they will have.   I realize this could happen even to a child you gave birth too but it seems like an awful lot to take on.   If they do have severe disabilities in many many years your daughter will ultimately become responsible for them (when you and your husband pass away)      Good luck with your decision!

[Cheyenne_08]

I really hope you are looking at the big picture! I love my little man, but not sure I would "willingly" take on a baby born that premature. Especially two born that early! They might seem okay right now as far as health goes, but only time will tell and you might be in for a world of hurt as they start developing/or not developing in that case. I am not trying to be a debbie downer but I really think that this should be a decision made over a long period of time, and to not even be in the "pool" yet and they come home sunday, I don't want you to make a rash decision!

[GNicole]

Good luck with whatever you decide! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep us posted. I do know a woman that delivered her son at 27 weeks and he is perfect. In fact he is a big kid now and he started out weighing under 2 lbs.

[RockRose]

Zeva,  along with the brain bleed,  there are some other questions you need to ask that will help you make your decision.  I'm sure there are MANY good questions,  but here's a beginning:

1.  How is their vision?  Do they have known visual impairment?
2.  What was the heart valve surgery?  Was it replacement?  When will they need to have their valves replaced again (valve replacement isn't permanent).
3.  How are their lungs?  Are they breathing without assistance?
4.  Are they eating normally?
5. Any other health concerns the doc might have,  such as drugs or alcohol used by the mother?


Best wishes!

[vsentz]

Have you asked them if they would be willing to give one baby to one family and the other to another? maybe that'll make it easier to deal with one baby with dissabilities than two...?? that way Z is not AAAALL the way in the back seat... but maybe in the middle seat?? ;)

Just a thought =)

[jenstam]

OMGoodness...I could not do this but I just wanted to say that you deserve a huge hug for even considering such a huge responsibility. Twins alone would be such a big change but knowing that they (and your family) may face disabilities and the fact that you are still considering being responsible for them and loving them makes you an angel in my eyes.

[ZevasMom]

I have asked a lot of questions... One of the girls had a minor brain bleed, the other did not.  They both had heart surgery early on and are now "all clear".  Neither of th girls have shown any signs of sleep apnea.  Both girls were on ventilators but have been off for some time and have no lung issues.  Neither of the girls require oxygen; however, we would be sent home with oxygen "just in case".  One of the girls has a "minor" cleft lip and palate.  Neither of the girls have had seizures or infections.  Both girls passed the hearing screening.  Neither of the girls show evidence of blindness.  The are both on a high caloric formula and one of the girls is on medication for acid reflux.  Both are getting monthly shots for RSV.  We have been put in the pool and will know by tonight whether we are extending our family.  If we are chosen we will spend two days at the hospital bonding with the babies, having a refresher CPR course, learning how to clean/feed with the g tube, etc.

Thank you ladies for all your words of wisdom, be it for or against the adoption.  I agree that this will be a radical life changing experience, but I truly believe that it is in God's hands and that he would not give my family something we could not handle.  

[ZevasMom]

Vsentz - loved the middle seat comment - you made me smile!

[Cheyenne_08]

I am on the edge of my seat....I hope you guys get the babies if that is what you want. Good luck! Please keep us posted!

[melimeli]

OMG I am so praying for you!  a gal at work had a girl with cleft pallet last year a month before parissa was born (may) and she brought her and her sisters baby to school the other day (same age) and I couldn't even tell which one had the cleft pallet... the operations are amazing now... good luck!!!

[Annice1234]

Just letting you know that the heart surgery that the preemies usually get isn't usually that big of a deal.  And if the bleed is grade 1 or 2, that usually isn't so bad either.  Although anything is possible...
Fortunately, my son doesn't have the heart problem, and as far as we can tell...no Retina of Prematurity.  Buut, we have to deal with the bleeds...and he's still on a vent.  God is working magic though!  HE chose this life for us though, so we know we can hande it!  
And if the parents choose you...then God knows y'all can handle it too! :)

Good luck!

[1nana]

I wish you ALL the luck in the world!!!

[Linzola1]

I think what you are doing is amazing and have been following this since you posted  but have not commented until now! You are a AMAZING person and those girls will be lucky to have you and your family! I wiah you the best of luck and cant wait to hear the news! I will be popping in to see what the results are! God Bless

[vsentz]

I echo Linzola and Annice!!! if the parents choose you guys is because God himself is choosing you... because whatever challenge that they will or will not bring with them, is going to be handle by two (well, really two and a half ;0)) AMAZING people.....
I admire you SO MUCH, for even thinking about it... for giving it a chance to save, love and forever protect these two little life that chose you and your dh as parents from the 'other side'....

(yeah yeah yeah... i know i smoke crack....) ;)


glad i made you smile girl.....=)

but i was dead serious! lol

[have 2 kids]

I'm excited and scared for you at the same time!   Can't wait to hear what happens.
Good luck!!

[melimeli]

Oh my is no news good news??? are they just too busy with their new girls???

[kellym]

Gosh, I almost missed out, I want an UPDATE :)

[KellyTexas]

I can't be of much help - my twins were only 5 weeks early and are ahead of schedule.  They seem smarter than me at times.  

I just wanted to say good luck - twins are a blessing and I have loved every minute with the 2 crazy boys.  OK, I'm a little worn out, but wouldn't trade a minute for the world!!

[ZevasMom]

No twins... I guess it just wasn't in the cards for us - BUT, thank you ladies so much for your words of wisdom, foresight, and kindness :o)

Keep us in your prayers :o)

[Helen72]

I am so sorry...  You are such amazing people!  I am confident that you will be chosen to care for a beautiful child some time soon.

Hugs!

[1nana]

Noella, you'll get the baby that is meant for you!

[Linzola1]

I am so sory! I will keep you and your family in my prayers!

[melimeli]

ah, I know that baby is out there waiting for you, I had a friend that was all ready to adopt a little girl and at the last minute the mom backed out but the very next week she got a little boy and then 2 years later the same mom got pg again and she adopted her son's real sister now they have two beautiful children amazing...

[Annice1234]

As I said...God knows what's right for you..and it wasn't these babies!  But you've got one (or a few?) coming!! :)

[ZevasMom]

:o)

Thank you ladies!