I am self employed. As such I am not entitled to any maternity benefits here in Canada. If I was an employee I would have a year off.
Fortunately, my dh is employed by the federal government and he can take parental leave of up to 37 weeks. His employer will top him up to 93% of his salary. My office is in our home so he will be hands on in my office and with our three kids. He will not be on vacation, he will be working his butt off.
Today my fil tore a strip off my dh and told him there was no need for him to take paternity leave.
That it was ridiculous and in his day there was no such thing. (he's 78). Of course there wasn't as women didn't work when they had kids they stayed home. He thinks I am being lazy and that I should be able to handle running a biz (I manage 200 clients in the film and tv industry) and take care of a 16 year old, a 3.5 year old and a newborn.
It is a good thing I wasn't there as I would have lost it. This is my third child and with the first two I went back to work when they were days old. It was brutal on me. I remember nursing my ds, answering phones and emails all at the same time. I work very hard and I contribute to my family. But I guess because I work at home it doesn't really count.
Having my dh home will mean I can take some much needed time away from my office. I may even get a chance to get some rest. I don't understand why his parents don't see that this is a valuable thing for our family. I think it is wonderful that he gets to spend this time with his kids. How many dads get to do that?
Anyhow, I've had a crappy day all around and I figured it was just my turn to vetch and complain.....
You vent as much as you like!! What an idiot your FIL is! Good thing for you that you DH is nothing like him and is going to take the time off.
I am a SAH mom, I have a 3 1/2 year old who is dissabled and a 6 month old. I live thousands of miles away from my family and friends and have no one who can even babysit for 1/2 a hour. My husband works like 12 hours a day and doesn't help out at home at all, I even do all his washing and ironing, and he doesn't even see the kids mondays to Friday, I am up and out with them before he even gets out of bed in a morning (I get up at 6 with them, he doesn't move unitl 7.45) and they have gone to bed before he gets home at night.
5 weeks after I had my c section I was saying to my MIL that I didn't have time to make my husband a packed lunch every day (she thinks I should) and she asked me why not, she did for her husband when he worked and she had 2 kids.....blah blah blah.....her husband came home from work in time to give the kids dinner, play with them and bath them every night, my hubby doesn't and she didn't have Occupational, Speech and physio therapy to do with her child every day either.
In laws, they have not got a clue sometimes that things maybe different to when they had thier kids!
Oh goodness, that's not very nice! (just saw peek's response-Lol!) You know, in your fil's day, EVERYTHING was different! The expectations for each gender were much different, as was the marriage arrangement/agreement. You and your dh have a much different marriage than his parents have I'm willing to bet. If you two are in agreement over how to proceed after the baby is born, great for your family! It is wonderful he can take that time off, for 93% of his salary, even! I hope the two of you are strong enough to move forward despite what his parents may think, say, etc.
I think I may have to change my handle when the baby comes......any suggestions?
And I am very thankful my dh can be with me. He's great with the kids, he has a magic touch with cranky babies. At church mothers pass their screeching babies to him and they instantly settle. I don't know how he does it......
Now he's rebuilding a pump for the local mental hospital and he just informed me he has to bake some kind of gear in my oven at 200 degrees for 2 hours.....I think that is going to smell. This is a side job, not his regular gig, he is a marine engineer for the Canadian navy (yes, we do actually have one)
You are very lucky to have your husband be able to do that! Mine is just checking to make sure he'll get 2 days off lol. We are putting my school and work on hold but luckily I don't have other children to handle. It sounds to me like you bring in a good portion or the income and why WOULDN"T your husband take leave if he gets such an amazing deal 93%? My dh would be all over it! I like peeks idea about telling him he's having sexual identity issues... heh heh. That would shut him up!
no reason to ever get up TO go thru a doorway with that thang on!!! I would hunker down in my La-Z-Boy and just read your run-together names all night long. the "myhusband....ababy" was great, but myovenisstinky?----O--my--ever---lovin'---lord. I was rollin....**wipes tears from eyes**
It's helped me through some really rough times and provided me with laughs and lots of warm wishes. You are all incredible women.
Oh and grammy you are right, my mil did all the raising of the kids....Fil brought home the bacon and she took care of everything else. Normally I love my fil, even if he is a dinosaur. Pregnancy does seem to bring out the b***** in me.
Tell him you are thinking of buying the house next door to use for your business, which is so successful and is expanding. Or tell him it was just bought by a lovely transsexual couple who will babysit if your husband doesn't get paternity leave. Explain that they have better decorating taste than he does.
Tell him you are thinking of buying the house next door to use for your business, which is so successful and is expanding. Or tell him it was just bought by a lovely transsexual couple who will babysit if your husband doesn't get paternity leave. Explain that they have better decorating taste than he (fil) does and you're looking forward to them as role models for the kids because they are better ones than he is. Hmmmm... I guess that might sound a bit harsh, but I know some lovely transsexuals.
Tell him the house next door was built on some ancient Indian burial grounds. Or that it used to be a Pet Cemetery years ago. Borrow from the horror movie of your choice. With your connections, hire a couple of actors to come over and spookify it for a couple of days.
Hey girl, I think it's great that your hubby gets paternity leave! Sounds like FIL is very old fashioned. They weren't as involved back in the day. I had to jump on real quick to put my two cents in. I didn't read all comments though...seems all I do is pump these days. So, my new handle should be pumpqueen. Or, allshedoesispumps (: I hope you are feeling well. For how prego you are, that is. **hugs**
LOL - ok long day at work and then I came home to read this thread and it just made me laugh - I have a great new name for you - filissmokingcrack - good grief - I think I want to move to Canada just for maternity and paternity leave. As for famous Canadians - can you get me an intro to Michael Buble?????? And then I read that you FIL wants to buy a home next door to you - has he ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond - love your heart - sending a hug your way cause you need it after all that!!!
you guys are really funny, I LOVE YOU ALL! tell your FIL that you are moving to live next to them, so they won't move and by that time the house will be sold! or that you are moving to another city and you are not staying in the same house, because it is not enough for five. lol
How did I find the funniest women in the world on one single forum....
My dh now wants to buy the house and turn it into two flats....it needs a fair amount of work. He says we'll put my parents in one flat and his in the other. He is trying to send me into labour!!! I love my mother, but she would be buried in the pet cemetary if I had to live next door to her.
I do feel very blessed that my hibby can take leave this time. With out son he was working at a university and they didn't top up, so he would have had 67% of his salary. It made more sense for him to stay at work and me to hire an au pair. She was wonderful, answered phones, took care of the baby and loved to clean my house.....
Jen, I've been reading all your blogs, just wanted you to know that you and Brody are in my thoughts and prayers today and every day. I'm feeling pretty good, just very pregnant and very cranky as you can no doubt tell by this post. I had a planing score last Thursday and everything looks great, lungs are mature she is head down, so if I go into labour at this point they will just let me go. I go every thursday for an us and nst.
Reno, never met Michael Buble, he was just here in the spring for a huge concert, a lot of my friends went.
i think it's up to both of you on how much time your dh can or should take off. it is amazing that he can stay home and bond with the baby and still get paid. children are children once and whatever you miss out on, you can never get back, so take all the time you both need and love your baby very much. oh, and as fas as unwanted advice or opinions, just do selective hearing.
No I've been on "Rest" since July 6th because of severe Vertigo and mild heart problems (my heartrate drops down to 37-44 bpm). And I've had several days of contractions, but they weren't productive and seem to have eased up mostly.
If all goes well I probably will have to go back to work October 1st (they are looking at inducing me August 6th or 7th - 20-21 days early). I post now and again but I'm hardly on line at all these days... so much to finish, so little time (getting married August 3rd!)
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