~~~~Open Forum for Sunday~~~~

Here is the Open forum for today ladies enjoy...

I just want to say thank you to all you ladies I'm glad there is a place to come to online to talk to people you don't know but yet has been throw the samethings or atleast know something about it you have all helped me and Monday I'm going to the doc. I just like comeing here and telling ya'll whats going on because you all listen and that is all I need is just someone to listen so this is what I need to say today or ask...Does it make me a bad mother because I have bad thoughts I mean horefing thoughts about my child even though he has been through what he has...I mean I belive this head ache has alot to do with it but I mean it feels like the thoughts and even the head ache is getting worse I mean nothing seems to help I am going to the doc but I just want some advice for today I mean when I get in one of these moods I lay my son down and walk out of the room its just some times I'm affraid to touch him I'm affraid to look or even get near him I never want to hurt my child he means so much to me I do love him its just something that you can't explane and its so scarry when I get like this I call my husband at work or my mom or his mom and just talk so I might feel better or even come on here and talk about it I'm even in that postpartum chat group I go there and talk about it also I just don't want my son to hate me I don't hate him I just guess I hate myself I dont know how to explane it why is it so difficult.

Melissa

[Sews]

What you are explaining is PPD and it is a real condition that should not be taken lightly.  You are doing the right thing by going to the doctor tomorrow. There are medications to help you get through this.  Does your husband know what is going on?  I think it would be good to have him and/or your mom/mother in law aware of what you are going through so they can help you out with your baby etc.  You are not a bad mother by any means and this will not hurt your baby.  You simply are one of the unfortunate woman who are experiencing PPD.  There is help and it will get better.  If your feelings or headache get worse today you can always go to the ER.  But if not make sure to have people around you today and helping with the baby, etc.  I know a woman who went through the exact same thing.  She was having thoughts of how she could get rid of the baby in a way that didnt harm the baby but because she felt she was capable of caring for it.  She went to her doctor and went on an antidepressant and felt healthy again.  Take care of yourself and KNOW you are not a bad mom at all!  This is chemical and something you cannot control. Get to that doctor tomorrow and let others help you out right now!

[Melissa Prevost]

Thanks for the advice and I promiss I'm going to the doc I can't take much more of this and yes my husband knows all about it and both my mom and his mom knows his mom is coming over today to take care of him while I rest last night I told my mother inlaw what was going on she new I had ppd but she didn't know that i had it this bad last night when I told her what the thoughts were in my head she said you make an appt to see your doc asap she said I'll be over there tomorrow and if I need a brake before then and just can't deal with it to lay seth down let him scream and call her and don't pick him up until I have calmed down she would rather him cry then me harm him which I don't see my self doing it just thoughts going through my mind of how peacefull it would be with out him here but my thoughts are more violent then just getting rid of him like putting him up for adobtion or something I mean these are hateful thoughts that I didn't think I would ever have. But I hope I will get on some kind of depressiant medcation.

[nurse12hr]

Melissa
You are a brave young lady, and you are doing the right thing.  

Your instincts are right; if Seth is just crying and crying and you feel like you can't take it anymore, just put him in his crib, call your mom or husband, and let him cry until someone comes over to help you.  

This doesn't make you a bad mother or a bad person.  Your hormones are just screwed up right now.  Let us know if there is anything we can do.

[Melissa Prevost]

You are all doing enough just being here at this site has helped so much ty for responding...(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

[capermom]

OMG, I know how you feel. I went through PPD with my first son. It's aweful, it lasted about 8 months with me. I just thought I was going crazy. I wouldn't tell anyone because I really thought they would think I was nuts. It got to the point where I couldn't sleep, couldn't think strait. I was actually pyranoid too. I just felt totally strange. I wouldn't talk to my Dr. about it because I was only 21 and I was not comfortable with it at all. It took a long time so don't wait. Just get help so you don't have to take as long as I did. I think it was a shock to my life having him, he was cranky too, colic and I was exhausted. My husband at the time was useless. It all factored. Take care Melissa and make sure you talk to your Dr. Let us know what he had to say.

[capermom]

Hey girl, congratulations, a little baby boy. Finally!!! Gees, you had some easy labour, good for you. Enjoy your little angel.

[murray28]

I did IVF and had 2 blastocysts transfer on day 6 which was 11/15
on 11/20 i had a hcg level of 16, on 11/22 it went to 78, on 11/25 it went up to 189 and confirmed I was in fact pregnant. I went again on 11/28 and it only went up to 315. It was close to doubling but not exactly..do you think this is ok? I have read that normal pregnancies will about double w/in 48-72 hours..any advice would be great.

thanks

[Onceinawhile]

Melissa I too was only 21 with my first baby and had severe depression following birth.  You truly are not alone and you have made a HUGE step acknowledging how you feel.  Reach out wherever you can and know you will not be judged. It takes a very brave woman to reach out.  I will be keeping you in my meditations and hoping that your doctor can help you through this.  There are many medications and support groups that can help you go through this time you are not alone.  Marina

[Brandy Lynn]

I am so glad that you have family that can help you through this tough time until you can get to feeling better.  I am so proud of you for being honest with your feelings, it takes a BIG PERSON and a WONDERFUL MOTHER to ask for help!  I have never been through what you are going through but am here to listen any time you need it, my personal email is ***@**** (for anyone who might want to talk out of the forum).

Lots of Love,
Brandy

[xradspel]

Marie Osmond wrote a REALLY good book on PPD.  It is called "Behind the Smile".  I don't know if you know it, but she suffered severly from PPD after the birth of her last baby.  

If you are unable to get a copy for yourself, I would be happy to send you my copy.  I have never had PPD, but when my sister-in-law got it really bad, my mom bought all of her daughters and daughters-in-law a copy.

Good luck at the doctor's office tomorrow!

~Crystal

[nurse12hr]

I had forgotten about Marie Osmond.  Thanks for the reminder.

[machellebrown22]

Just wanted to know what happend to you and how you are feeling. let us know.

Machelle'
edd 8~6~04

[Melissa Prevost]

Hey,
   I'm also 21 and I didn't know what was going on until yesterday when my husband asked me if I thought I might have it so I went to that website and took a test I scored a 99 they didn't call it ppd they called pnd and I looked it up and that pnd is the worse case of it so that really scares me well my headache has calmed down some well ty for your thoughts.

Melissa

[Medquestions]

Hello, my name is shanna and I am new here, but I have seen how you have been so nice and helped everyone. Here is my story.

I am 25years old and I have always had irregular cycles that range from 19-42 days.
Last month I had intercourse on the 10-22-03 the next day I started my period 10-23-03. Which was normal.
I have not gotten my period this month. I am wondering when could I take a pregnancy test and have it be accurate. I am not sure because I have such irregular cycles.
I do have an appointment on 12-2-03 for a paps but I was just wondering what your thoughts were