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Overheard disturbing converstation
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Overheard disturbing converstation

Occasionally I baby sit for my sister-in-law who has three children. I have a three-year-old son who loves to have them over to play. Last night while putting them all to bed, I first laid my three-year-old son down with my six-year-old nephew. I then left the room to put the other two children to bed. After doing so I went back to my sons room to check to see if they had fallen asleep and overheard the two boys talking quietly. I heard my six year old nephew telling my son that if he got under the bed and showed him his penis that he(the six year old) would give my son a lollypop. I immediately opened the door and told my nephew that he needed to leave the room. I stayed in the bedroom with my son and explained to him that what his cousin was telling him to do was wrong and that if anyone ever says anything like that to always come tell his mommy or daddy. I am so upset about this, the thought of my child possibly being molested is so unexplainably terrible. I told my nephews parents when they arrived back what had happened and they were genuinely concerned and said that they were going to take him to see a doctor. I don't know how i should handle this situation. My son today, has not said anything about what was said last night and does not seem to be affected now. However, i am so worried that there could possibly be lasting effects from being spoken to in such a way. Also the thought of ever being around my nephew with my son is sickening. Any advice as to what to do to get through this situation as productively as possible is appreciated.
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Avatar_n_tn
hi,you are handling the situation as i would.you stopped it straight away,got your son away and most importantly told his parents!they need to take him to see the doctor asap!your child wont be scar'd by this as it was just words,and children can say alot worse things to eachother,although if it had gone any further atal it couldve been alot more serious,so "well done you for being so atentive!".
this is one of a parents worst nightmares,and dealt with in a calm,sensible way this will be resolved just like other hurdles(i hope this is reassuring).
if yor child does ever ask about this you just need to explain things,and reassure him that this isnt normal behaviour(which youve done).
id say carry on the way you are,youve dealt with this well,good role model to us expectant mothers!
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Avatar_n_tn
Just thought I'd add my two cents~

To me, this just sounds like kids being kids.  At a certain age, they learn that they have genitals that are unique from the other sex and develop a very healthy curiousity about them and about what others' look like.  As a very young kid I can remember my friends and I 'comparing' - there was nothing sexual about it.  Just a thought.



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Avatar_n_tn
Just a word of advice.  I have a 9-year-old son who was sexually molested by his step-sister.  I didn't even find out about it until he started soiling his pants and had him tested.  By from my personal experience if a child is doing this sort of thing it has been done to him somewhere by someone.  I would bring this to the attention of the parents.  I am not saying the parents did it of course.  It could have been anyone, babysitters, etc.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have to agree with Wildfire.  A 6 year old acts based on learned behavior.  How would a six-year old know to offer a lollipop to your son to get him to show his penis unless he has had that happen to him?  Of course, a more hopeful reason would be that he has seen it on TV, in which case his TV viewing should be monitored more closely.  I can understand kids being kids and comparing body parts, but not offering incentives that sound like something an adult would say.  I am a teacher and work with 6 year olds a lot.  I can tell you from my experiences that most children do not behave in that way at that age unless they have been victimized somehow.
I think you handled the situation very well.  AS for your 3 year old being traumatized, chances are he will forget it long before you will.  He is very young.  Do you remember many things that happened to you as a 3 year old?  I know I don't.  He would be more likely to remember it later in life if it had gone further and he had been physically violated.  But, luckily, you stopped things in time to avoid that.
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Avatar_n_tn
I experienced a situation along the same lines with my daughter last year when she was 5 years old.  Not the same situation, but the same feelings and fears as a parent.
I run the clinic in a very small village in Alaska.  Population 100, so everyone knows everyone.  Well, around 2:30pm one school day, I get an emergency call from a patient.  My girls are still in school, but my oldest(14) always walks her sister home after school.  On this particular day, my oldest sees that I am at the clinic, and she stops in to see what was up.  I am in the exam room suturing a patient's hand, when it dawns on me that my 5 year old isn't with her.  She has gone home by herself.  I tell my oldest to run straight home to be with her.  Small town, takes 5 minutes to get anywhere you want on foot.  I wasn't too worried.  Then my oldest calls me when she gets home to tell me that an 11 year old boy is at the house with my 5 year old when she gets there.  Now I'm worried.  I've always suspected abuse in his home, but could never report it with no conclusive evidence.  Just behavior problems.  When I finish with my patient, I go straight home and talk to my 5 yo daughter.  She tells me that they were home about 10 minutes or so when her sister came home.  They heard her coming up the stairs and the boy threatened to "beat her up"(my 5 yo) if she told her mom that he was there.  He thought it was me coming up the stairs and thought he could exit through the basement before I got inside.  They were in my daughter's bedroom when her sister walked in.  She told him to leave.  When I called his parents and told them the situation and that it was unacceptable to send their son to my house to visit without first calling and getting permission from me, she became very angry with me.  So, feeling that this situation wouldn't be resolved with my phone call to the parents, I FINALLY placed a phone call to Family and Youth Services as a parent, not a health care provider.  They took note, but nothing else they could do.  But the documentation process has begun.  Half the battle.  
There are only 15 children living in this town, 3 of them in my house.  All of the kids here are friends and I love every one of them.  However, I had that same sickening feeling when my daughter would go to school knowing he was there, too.  She was older than your son, and remembers well.  She is cautious as a result, which is good.  I don't believe that sexual assult occured that day, but mental/physical intimidation did, and that is a precurser to the sexual abuse.  So be cautious, but know that he is safer for your awareness.  Good job, mom.  Good luck.  I'm sorry you and your son had to experience this.

Regards,
Shelly
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Avatar_n_tn
I have a 3 year old son as well, I also have 5 nephews that have been molested and my son has NEVER been left alone with them for any length of time. That is just something that has to be so I can keep my sanity and not wonder. However, my 3 year old is also extremely curious about his penis and talks about it all the time. I have always been a stay at home mom so I know that something has not been done to him. One time I was kissing my way down his body naming body parts, I am gonna kiss your ears, face,neck,chest etc and he said mama kiss my penis!!! Well I was stunned and if that child had been in anyone's care but mine I would have freaked. After thinking about it, it really made sense that he said that because that was the next body part and he doesn't think of it as something "dirty" they way we do. I have learned alot and eaten alot of crow since becoming a parent. I have a friend with a boy who is 4 who doesn't know what his penis is called and doesn't care. There are some kids that are extremely inquisitive and some that aren't. My 3 year old knows what his testicles are because he has asked us repeatedly what are these mama? If you don't answer he just keeps asking!!! I do agree that you are better safe than sorry and wouldn't leave the kids alone again, however I am also not convinced that this means something was done to the 6 year old. The more I try to convince my son that his penis is his private parts and that everyone has private parts the more he wants to talk about it. That taboo thing that they just pick up on what you don't want them to talk about. Hang in there!! Raising kids is so hard!! You always have to try to do what is best for them and it sounds like you will make the right choice. Good Luck!! Ginger
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I just want to clarify something....I do not think the 6 year old was molested just because he asked a 3 year old to show him his penis.  I think it is a "possibility" only because he offered a lollipop to show it to him.  If they were just comparing and being inquisitive, I would not have thought it.  But it sounds like an adult talking when you try to offer incentives such as candy for inappropriate behavior.  Keeping in mind that the boy did not say anything other than "show me your penis", then hopefully, it was just inquisitive behavior.  If I were the child's (6 year old) mother, I would want to explore all options, especially since she has other children.
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Avatar_n_tn
I work with kids who are either sexually abused or are sexual offenders and I agree with the last couple of people. I think that this boys has been sexually abused somewhere down the road. I think that if it was just normal boy behavior he would not have tried to bribe the boy with a lolipop but it would have been just simply i'll show you yours if you show me mine. The fact that the bribe was made means that it was a thought out behavior... I would try to bring this up to the parents and see what they think. I'm not suggesting that it's the 6yr olds parents but from what I've learned in my line of work that 80-90% of victims of sexual abuse is by someone they know, family or a family friend. Hope that helps, and good luck with everything!!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
I have to agree with wildfire and kck a 6yr old wouldnt know to call his penius a lollypop there aint no way unless he heard it from somewhers or it was said to him by someone else. You might have his parents have a hiden cam in the house while someone baby sits him to put a stop to this or even like kck said " he beeds his television montered more frequntly.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi I'm new here but wanted to add my 2 cents as well. I agree with the view that the six year old was just being curious. I dont think that just because he offered a lollipop to the 3 yr old that that is enough evidence to conclude that he had been molested himself. He may have been bribed by a lollipop at one time to do a chore or something and just carried that over. Or he may not even been bribed with a lollipop but something of interest to him and thought that a lollipop would interest a 3 year old. I know i encourage my 7 yr old stepson with things he would love in order to do well in school.So i'm sure a six year old is smart enough to know the concept of bribing someone to get them to do something. I suggest having the school counselor talk to him, but i wouldnt go jumping the gun with a doctor just yet. You may embarras him for just being a curious child. It is something that his parents should monitor for anything further than normal child behavior. As a mother i know it freaked you out hearing and even thinking about that happening to your child.I believe you handled it very well!
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