People dont think I should have this baby

[Madison99]

Okay so I am 25 and pregnant
I have spent my whole life being anti abortion not for anyone else but for myself. The thing is I am now pregnant to a one night stand I have told my family and none of them are speaking to me. To be honest its my group of friends who are being the most supportive. I have told the father  who Is 27 he is English and was supposed to go back to England last week. He really thinks I should have a abortion as he thinks his family would disown him if the found out. He has now decided to stay for another 3 and a half months to help out and said he would support me financially if I have the baby. My family, the father, various friends and accountancies think I should have a abortion and I am only having this baby to be selfish because I don’t want to live my life having had a abortion. Please some advice is so needed.

[tlh777]

the choice is yours.if you feel that abortion is wrong then don't do it.but if you cannot take care of your child adoption is the least selfish option for you and your baby.abortion is more selfish than adoption and keeping a baby you cannot care for is more selfish than adoption.if you want to keep your child then do it.

[peekawho]

You should not have an abortion if you don't want to.  If you want to have this child and are willing to make all the accompanying sacrifices for the next 20+ years, you should by all means have the baby.

[Lou25]

The choice is yours and if you don't want an abortion then don't, no one else has the right to decide for you! You are the mother and if you are willing to take care of this baby no matter what then you have answered your own question.
Abortion is a big thing and you do have to live with it for the rest of your life, regrets and what if's would be hard to cope with!!
Hope it all works out for you.

[plankers2]

No matter what anyone says to you it is the Mothers choice as to what to do - not your family, not the father, not your mates and no one else.

Seek professional advice, maybe a bit of counselling as well, to make sure you make the right choice because it is something that you can't undo once the choice is made.

You wther make a go of it as a single mum and hope you meet a father figure one day who will support you, or you decided that a baby now is not right for you and your circumstances and decided to abort but please think long and hard about it before you decided.

x x good luck x x

[deanne11]

I am anti-abortion, however our country has given the Mother the choice, not everyone in her life.

If you want to have an abortion and can live with it, then the choice is yours.

I do not believe that is what YOU want however - it sounds like that is what every one else wants for you.....well, good for them.

I chose to go against my parents and friends and decided to have a child with my then boyfriend prior to getting married.  We were both ready and didn't see the harm.  Well, we did realize our mistake and got married before our daughter was born, and while my family and friends (devote Christians) were horrified that we decided to get pregnant before we were married, they all came by my side and supported me 100%.....

It's a different story but I to felt the rejection and criticism you are feeling.

If you want this child, it is your right to have this child.  It is a long hard journey raising a child but it is also a long hard journey living with the fact that you had an abortion.

I have 2 friends that were in your situation and both opted for an abortion.....all I know is neither have been able to shake that loss.  It haunts them to this day.

Don't let people pressure you into any decision, other than the decision that is right for you and your child.

Many Blessings

[lynne1276]

I agree with the others.  It is your choice, not theirs.  If you don't want the abortion and have one because everyone in your life pressured you into it you will never be able to live with yourself.  It will be hard doing it by yourself but you'll get through it.  Good luck in whatever decision you make but my advice is to think long and hard before jumping into anything

[Jay_Leron]

I completely aggree with the others. if you are against abortion, it may haunt you in the years to come, many women have been known to suffer from derpression after having an abortion. If the father is willing to stick around for awhile to help out, then it sounds like he is willing to respect whatever choice you make. if you can raise this baby, then by all means bring the lil guy/gyal into the world. You are the mother, its your responsibility. Everyone may be angry now, but they will come around...Good luck!!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

It sounds like you want this child.  

Talk to someone like Birthright and get some good counselling and then make the decision that feels right for you.

I was a single mum for 10 years.  It was hard, but very rewarding.  My bf also told me to abort.  I am so glad I didn't listen.  My dd is now a healthy, well-adjusted 16 year old.  

[newbie2b]

First let me say, 25 is not to young to have a baby. I'm 26 with an almost 5 month old and I think I'm doing well so far.  This is your body, your decision.  And ultimately, whatever decision you make, you and only YOU will have to deal with forever.  If you choose to have the baby, you will have a world of responsibility on your hands especially being a single mother.  If you choose to have an abortion, then you will have to live with that choice as well.  No one has the right to pressure you into anything because where will they be if you choose to have the baby? Will they be there when you need a break? Help you buy diapers or make mid night runs to the store when the baby has a fever?  This is all on you. I'm not trying to scare you either way but, I just want you to understand that no one but you should be making this decision.  

[metalstar83]

I don't think you will be able to live with knowing you had an abortion.  Keep the baby or give it up for adoption.  You are an adult, the others will come around eventually.  I have had 3m/c this year and am pregnant right now (11wks)  I treasure this baby inside me because I know it is a miracle.  Every baby is a miracle, and never a mistake, no matter what situation it is born into. Good luck, you will be a good mother.

[wannabenana]

Ditto !!!!

[Lil Pig]

This is your decision and your decision only. If you dont' want to have the abortion, then don't.
I'm sorry your family isn't being supportive, but maybe they'll come around. Lean on your friends -it sounds like they are there for you.  
This is a difficult place to be in, but it is your body and your life and NOBODY can make you do something you don't want to. Your family has to understand that.
This is a very difficult decision, but it seems like you already know what you want to do. Don't let someone else push you into a decision that you'll regret the rest of your life.
Good luck and take care!

[nikkicole827]

I agree with everyone ultimately.  I also agree with Newbie that 25 is not too  young.  I am pro choice but would not choose an abortion for myself.  Perhaps when I was much younger I would have... i don't know... Irregardless, it is your choice.  Still, I think that at 25, if you want to have this child (and it sounds like you might) you should DEFINITELY not abort because of pressure.  You could take care of him or her or you could put him/her up for adoption.  Just think of what you could live with.  I would hate for you to live a life of regret either way!  Just be strong.  If the father will help you and be involved let him (if you decide to have the baby).  If not, you can totally do this.  My husband and I move3d our wedding up due to pregnancy but if he had not wanted me to have the baby, I still would have.  Today she is my world (only 7 weeks old).  She's a gift from God.  I am not saying this to sway your decision one way, it's just my feeling about my daughter.  I'm 25 and I feel I'm a great, very capable mother.  While my husband is here and helpful and supportive, I would still be a great mom even if he werent!  I sound very pro you having this baby... I'm just stressing my situation being someone your age.  The decision is yours.  Don't be a stranger, this site will be supportive either way and we will love to keep up with your decision and we will be here for you.  the ladies here are amazing.

[rubyolivia]

If you have spent your whole life being against abortion then you are really against it.....don't let others change your mind and talk you into a decision you will regret the rest of your life. Think this through! As a new mom, I can tell you that there is nothing better in the world and I don't think you will regret having the baby.....I do think you'll regret the abortion. If not right away, you will when you finally do have a baby!

[CYW]

25 is definately NOT too young tp have a baby.. I am 21 with a one month old on the 12th...being a mother is amazing...if you feel that giving birth to this child is what you truly want then so be it...you know maybe it shouldn't of happened but I dont care what anybody says...children are never EVER mistakes...everything happens for a reason... to add a little humour have you seen the movie "knocked up"...they made it work but hey its hollywood lol...but who knows maybe thing would work out or maybe not but i hear from alot who feel as though either abortion or adoption was the right path up until they do it and they regret the decision and then it's too late to take back....my father suggested an abortion for my little one and now he regrets it...I would have too...It's wierd and amazing just the love you have for that little person....All in all I think you will do whats right for you...best of luck and keep us posted...

[Van73]

I am just in shock that parents are still so narrow minded about single mothers this day and age.  It's not like its the 50s and they send women to the convents to be "in hiding"...lol

Anyhow, it IS your body, your choice, your HEART.  Do what you think you could obviously live with.

[RockRose]

Is there another part to your story that would help us understand?  For your family to not be speaking to you,  and all your friends and acquaintances think you should have an abortion - is there something else going on?

Do you have a health concern,  or a history of being extremely flighty and unreliable?

I would be so disappointed,  and sad,  if one of my boys did what you've done - gotten a girl pregnant at this age and hav no desire to marry her - but I wouldn't stop speaking to him.  Also,  the thought that your entire family feels this way too . ..  it's unusual.

Is there something else going on that makes their reaction make more sense?

[nikkicole827]

I think it's possible that they are old fashioned and may just need time to accept what she has done.  Knowing it was a one night stand would be very disappointing for my father and I could see him not speaking to me for a while but I feel he would eventually accept my mistake... I hope.  But i can totally see someone's family acting this way over a pregnancy that was due to a one night stand.  

[jenstam]

RockRose does bring up some going points. I was thinking along the lines of the same thing, but it could be like the above poster said also, more to "save face" of the family and not be an embarassment. Maybe they don't want a grandchild in that way and it isn't what they had hoped and dreamed for their daughter.

Madison99-I was in a similar situation when I was 17. Though not a one night stand, my boyfriend and I had only been together for four months when I found out I was pregnant two weeks before I graduated high school. My whole family thought it would be best to have an abortion, as did my boyfriend. He didn't want to have to tell his family and my family didn't want that for me. Needless to say, I stood my ground, kept my daughter and she is now almost 16. I love her dearly and cannot imagine what emotions and turmoil I would have gone through if I had listened to them. Looking back, nobody even really remembers that that's what they wanted for me-for us. They love Chelsey with all their heart. If you do not feel in your heart that it's what is best for you, then don't do it. I'm not against abortion in certain circumstances, but I do believe if you do something that you aren't sure you want you will have a lifetime of regret. If there are other circumstances, adoption is also a very unselfish option. Good luck, I wish you courage, strength and wisdom. You are in a tough situation and I'm sure the emotions are running high. **hugs**

[lilypad143]

I wonder if this a bogus post again, she hasn't responded at all to anyones comments or questions.....

[Cheyenne_08]

She posted it today, not every one has a million and one chances to get online during the day. Give her time before everyone starts jumping the gun.

[lilypad143]

I just made a comment, I was wondering about.... no ones jumping the gun... I was just wondering :)

[tatorbug40]

It is not selfish to not want to go though your life living with that!  YOU are the one who will live with it, not the rest of your family!  I have had a few friends who have had abortions and it is something they do live with, and trust me...  if you chose to have this baby I don't think you will ever regret that decision-  not so sure about it if you go the other way...  the joy a child can bring into your life is amazing, and your family will turn around once the baby is here,  I've seen that happen a ton of times (mostly in my family--- I think I was the only cousin/sibling to actully have a baby in her 20's!  :))...  the family always worries and gives a hard time, but that baby will bring them around and they will support you!!  I say have the baby-  but it is your choice---- YOUR choice---  noone elses!  remember that!

[have 2 kids]

Rockrose does have some good points and I was wondering the same.  Even if your child does something you don't approve of most families don't stop talking to them.  Perhaps there is more to
this then we know.  
I do agree she shouldn't have an abortion if she doesn't want to but could consider adoption if she isn't able to care for the baby.

[Avas Mom]

ABORTION is so wrong. Only under certain circumstances i think it is ok and yours is not one of them. Not to come off rude but its not that babies fault you and your partner were not more careful! There are millions of single mothers out there doing just fine and you will be one of them. For your family i dont see why it matters so much they are not the one carrying and raising that baby.

[JustMe0925]

I am totally against abortion.  And, I think that you would regret having an abortion.  If your family and friends are against you having this baby then they are not really your friend.  They should be there for you no matter what you do.  It is toltally up to you.  I think if you have the baby they will all come around.

[E83]

Hi,
My heart goes out to you.  I hope you know that this is your decision, not your family's.  I am a 24-year-old graduate student, and I was in a similar situation in July.  I had been dating this guy for a few months when we found out I was pregnant.  My family tried to be supportive after I told them, but I could tell that (out of love) they wanted me to abort the child, especially my mom.  I continued planning to have the child, but after spending lots of time with myself, considering my values and what I want from my life, I chose to have an abortion.  I didn't do it because my mom wanted me to, I did it because I want my children to be born into a loving, secure family.  The would-be father was definitely not somebody I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he doesn't have the values I would like to be instilled into my children.  I also didn't want to look at my child and see him in them.  And, I definitely didn't want to engage in custody battles with this guy.  Yes, these are very selfish reasons, but (and I risk sounding like a two-year-old having a tantrum) this is my life, and I get to decide.  I still have a hard time knowing that I could have a beautiful little one in just a few months, but I am content with my decision.  I think I made the right decision.  

Good luck to you in making your decision.  I hope your family comes around to at least help you think through this issue.  If they don't, just make sure you do things that make you feel good about yourself- read, sing, eat good food, go for a walk, or whatever else makes you feel balanced.  I hope this helps.

[Madison99]

    
Hi Everyone,
I have decided to keep the baby its the right thing to do and I know I will love this baby. I just hope and pray the father will turn around but if not I will do this alone. In response to my family being the way they are they are very shocked and disappointed that I had a one night stand To be honest its extremely out of character for me and they are very disappointed and upset. Also My Mum had me a 17 and then when she married my step dad it didn’t work out and she has really struggled to raise my sister and I. She is angry that I have now put myself in the same position. My Mum also hates Babies.  I know that sounds crazy but she had really bad post natal with my sister and cant stand babies. The ironic thing is I took the morning after pill and still got pregnant, I hadn't seen the father since the  day I slept with him and assumed he had returned to the UK and ran into him the day I found out I was pregnant bizarre ha. Considering he initially said he was leaving and wouldn’t support me and he has now turned around extended his visa and will financially support the baby makes me hope he will stay. His family are devout Catholics he has told his father but is scared that this would ruin his family. Its hard because ironically enough I have feelings for him now and wish he would at least try and see what happens. Oh well what's most important is the health of my baby.

[Madison99]

Hi everyone ,
My pregnancy brain is apparently making me really rude ha ha ha. I forgot to thank everyone for there advice and not judging me. I know I made a mistake by having a one night stand it was wrong but I am not going to make it worse my killing my baby. I rang my grandparents (My dads parents) they believe I should have the baby and they said they are not disappointed in me, rather happy that I realised I did something wrong but am taking responsibility and not making my baby pay for my mistake. Hard because they live in another country.
Sorry I don’t respond immediate but I live outside of the United States so huge time difference.

[Avas Mom]

im so glad you have decided to keep your baby. It might seem tough but it is all worth it when you see them smile and you and all their firsts. You can make it on your own and who knows maybe youll meet a man who wants to be with you regardless of your situation., Best of luck.......

[JustMe0925]

Hi Madison,  I am sooo happy that you have decided to keep your lil one.  I really hope that everything will work out between you and the father.  How far along are you?  Where do you live?  The only reason I ask is because I am now 6w3d pregnant and I lived in the U.S my entire life up til about 4 months ago.  My husband is in the Air Force and we are now stationed in the UK.  Much different here that's for sure. Well, hope everything goes well

[Madison99]

Oh Congratulations. I am 8 weeks and 2 days now, wow it goes so quickly doesn’t it? I live in Australia yeah I can imagine that the UK a is totally different from the US. Where in the US are you from? Have you atleast made some good friends? Wow you are amazing to move so far away I think I would totally freak out.

[JustMe0925]

I am from the south ( Louisiana) and my husband is from Texas.  We actually have a really good friend that lives in Australia around Sydney.  I haven't really got out much to really meet a bunch of people but one of my friends from the U.S got here 3 wks after I did so that was nice.  We have only been here since June 28th of this year.  Well, keep us posted on how things go for you.

[Nicole624]

I dont know exactly what you are going through but I can relate a little. I am 20 yrs old and was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. NOONE except my mom wanted me to have my baby. Everyone was mad when I decided to keep it. Well, as time went on, and I started getting bigger everyone began to accept it, My bf didnt accept it until I was 7 months pregnant. Now our son is 5 weeks and everyone constantly tells me they are so grateful I did what I did. I just couldnt abort my son. The thought of it still makes me cry. I am so glad you are going to keep it. It will all be worth it. There is no greater feeling than being a mother. Goodluck!!

[tandria03]

I posted to you on the other boards, but I wanted to say again that I am so proud of you for choosing to make the best of this situation and for your courage.  As some of the others have said, your family will come around.  No one will be able to resist that little baby!  Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.

[whishingwell]

Just want to give you a little hope should you choose to go on with your pregnancy.  I have a cousin (male) who had a boy at the age of 22 which also was a 1 night stand and also debated on abortion with his acquaintance.  He ended up hiding the pregnancy for the entire 9 months and shocked everyone with the news the day his son was born.  The day his parents and some family members found out they vowed that they would not to accept the (innocent) child into the family and totally dissown their son.  7 yrs later my cousin and the girl are not together BUT have raised him together, With respects to the family, they yelled and cried but after a few times seeing the child they couldn't help but fall in love with him.  We all make mistakes and God knows our parents have made several themselves, but owning up to your mistakes and lying in the bed that you have made yourself is what will make you a respected individual.  So having said that, should you choose to go on with this pregnancy and although the father of the baby would like you to have an abortion - he has also told you that he will support you either way, so you listen to your heart and do what you believe is right.   The choice is soley yours!!!

[Madison99]

Thanks so much for all the advice and information,
That’s really interesting about your cousin and amazing that he stuck around especially at his age. It gives me a little hope that My baby’s father will turn around eventually and come clean with his family. The weird thing is his dad knows I think that’s a pretty big thing to keep from your wife. Nicole you sound amazing good on you for sticking to your decision. I am really glad I have decided to keep my baby.

[Nicole624]

thank you! Im glad you did too! goodluck!!!!