Pregnancy

[Mediteranean Girl]

My hubby and I have been friends with a couple 4 over yr. We used to hang out on WK & took few trips 2gether..Before we even start trying to get pregnant, me and her were very worried that we’ll have pbs conceiving since we both had irregular cycles.few months later I concived; she seemed she was ok with it, although she asked me if I used anything that helped and I said no, it was normal. At that point our relationship had started to deteriorate although I used to enjoy'em lot. Unfortunately I ended up miscarrying after 6wks.5 mths later she called me to let me know she was pregnant. Honestly I felt a bit jealous!I feel bad to say that.Few weeks later we got 2gether 4 dinner; she was very protective and didn’t wanna talk about her pregnancy. She claimed that she'd not used any medicine or any help to conceive; although her dh told my dh that she did. Since then I feel like I don’t wanna see her, don’t wanna talk to her or anything.My dh keep telling me that my behavior is not acceptable & I should call her & ask about her since she is pregnant. I listened to him & called, she acted like a *****. She was like oh we don’t know the sex yet (she's due in 4 wks)oh we haven’t chosen the name yet….and she started asking me if I was pregnant yet & what was wrong w/
me in a bad manner & she said “maybe u don’t know how to do it”

she's due in 4 wks & I don’t know if I should go see her. I’m both jealous(hate to say that & hope it’s not very uncommon)& don’t like her behavior. It doesn’t mean I whish her bad.I know that if I go see her she will make me uncomfortable. plz advice

[clevelandlady]

Personally,If a so called friend acted that way to me,I would steer clear of her.Not only did she seem unsupportive of you after your miscarraige,but to be rude to you is just over the top.And if your dh asks why,just tell him how she made you feel,and you don't feel comfortable around her anymore.

[Angel4JohnnyB]

I agree totally with Clevelandlady.......after the way she treated you or spoke to you I would not have anything to do with her. I would not call, I would not go to the hospital and I would not go to her house once she brings the baby home.
I would not wish her bad in any way either but she would not be one that I would call a friend any longer.

If dh still wanted to hang out then that would be his choice but I would not go!!! And if your dh feels that your actions are 'unacceptable' then I would just tell him exactaly how she made you feel. He probably won't understand but I would tell him anyway.

Best of luck to you and I don't think you are the only one that has ever been jealous when you couldn't get pregnant and a friend did. I think that is pretty common as long as you don't let it eat you up.

[cinnamonheart]

Its very common to feel "jealous" after you lose your baby and some one else is pregnant. But try not to let it show.
She was probably offend when you concieved "normally" and she didnt. Now the tables have been turned, and your feeling what she felt. All you can do is try and if she still acts bitchy well then it was her doing.
Good Luck--

[Debra_Maine]

I wouldn't bother with her. She seems quite insensitive and you have every right to protect yourself. Why should you put yourself in a position that will leave you feeling badly? You tried. That's all you can do. Best of luck to you and lots of baby dust!
Debra

[Cheti]

I don't know your whole history regarding TTC and losses. I have struggled with similar issues as you are facing now. My husband and have been TTC for over 2 years now. I've had two missed miscarriages and two surgeries for fibroids in the past 14 months. It seems to me that EVERYONE I know has had a baby (or is about to) in that time. Some of my friends who weren't even married or dating, when we started, have gotten pregnant in that time. I have struggled with intense jealousy at times. It's understandable---how could someone in my and your position not feel jealous when others are more easily getting what we long for? I have dealt with this by taking care of myself. I avoid social situations that involve babies when I'm feeling particularly vulnerable. I have been direct about this with some of my friends--sharing how difficult it is to see them---at times when I'm intensely struggling. Other friends, who aren't as close, I just avoid altogether. I think it's ok for you to do what you need to soothe your hurt.

It doesn't sound like this woman is acting like someone you want to be friends with at this time---but if your husband has a hard time with this---maybe there are other ways around it (ie: send a note when she delivers, send flowers, etc). Some women can't understand the pain of losing a pregnancy or the agony of wanting a baby and not getting one---I think some women just don't want to go there for fear that someday it could be them. I wish you strength through this and hope you'll soon have your heart's desire.

[Debra_Maine]

So well said. Sorry for your losses and frustration.

[MandaJo111]

I understand where you are coming from.  She is not a real friend.  TTC is hard, a true friend would respect that and not pick on you in any way about it.  That is in no way approprite.  Even if she claims she is only joking (My father-in-law always says there is 90% truth behind every joke.  If you have the thought in your head to think it up, then you really feel that way.)  I would not go by and see her.

Your DH us unreasonable in thinking you should.  

I had a friend who got extreemly jealous of me when I married my husband.  I stuck with this friend through her marriage and divorce and later pregnancy as a single mother.  Things were great until I met my husband.  Then she started being a real witch.  My sister (and later my husband) brought it to my attention how unappropriate her comments and actions were.  

Everyone needs friends -- don't get me wrong.  But you need real friends, and a negative influence is not what you need in your life right now.

I would cut ties and move on.

Best luck to you!

[mimik]

i had a similar situation, i became pregnant and my friend got real upset bc she was trying. i then mc. Within a couple weeks i became pregnant again. When my other friend asked her if she knew, she said "ya i dont want to talk about it". It hurt my feelings she was like that. A few weeks later i mc again, and to my face she was upset but behind my back she laughed. So i said next time i wasnt going to tell her when im pregnant. Well she called me a few mo. later and said she was preg, so i laughed and said oh me too. I am about 2 weeks further than her. So then she was upset i was " ruining her thunder" You dont need unsupportive friends. Hang in there, and do your own thing!!! GL