Pregnanies and marriage

I have a question. I am 22 wks and Me and my husband are active military he is overseas and wants to come home and take more time off which is away from me. I got emotional and told him no. I need some advice if this was wrrong or rigght of me

[Harley-girl]

Gotcha, you know since he is going to be back here in Aug I would encourage him to visit his family. Let him get it out of his system now so he can be there for you during your final months of pregnancy. I am also pregnant and know those hormones are wicked and I am sure he loves you so much and wishes he could see you as well but it is very important that he see his folks too.  That is just my opinion and I hope you cheer up soon.
(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

[sariee]

He was home in May and no we both cant take the time off his family isnt far away. Like 3 hours that is why I dont think he has to go for 2 weeks we can go visit them on the weekends instead of him visiting me on the weekends. Maybe Im being selfish. Its just hard sharing the excitement with him when he isnt here. Its like he doesnt care. IM getting tears right now. LOL. thank you for the words of advice

[Harley-girl]

Don't cry. Why can't you go visit him and his family on those 2 weekends he is away? I bet they would love to see you and your pregnant belly!!

[Jenny77]

Your DH needs to learn about the concept of "leave and cleave". When a man gets married, he needs to leave his parents and cleave to his wife.  I know its a more traditional thought, but is needed in a marriage. If he is very young its probably even harder for him to understand the importance that you come first now, not his Mom. My DH was 28 when we got married and it still took him a while to get it ( I'm jsut glad we lived a few States away from his family or there would ahve been more problems). I think it would be good if you two could get a chance to sit down and talk together about it in person, I know that can be hard for people who are in the military as he doesn't have much time at home. I wonder if he'd be willing to go to a marriage counselor or pastor etc, someone who could give you some advice. I think its worth trying to save a marriage, but if he is really just not willing to commit to you and a baby, it can be better to let him go too.

[JJety]

Yeah, I agree.  With the family being relatively close (no pun intended, haha!) there has to be some middle ground and you two can come to some kind of arrangment with this.

Imagine though how much is own mom must miss him too.  I think it's good for him to visit them, and you two can work out something to see each other too during those 2 weeks.

[mami1323]

Let me get this straight, he wants to take time off and leave you?  First I don't know why he would want to leave you while you are pregnant.  Second, if you need to tell him not to leave you have to think if this is the right person for you.  Being pregnant, you will need all the support you can get, especially being in the military.  He should be standing by your side right now, not trying to get away.  If he wants to go then let him go...you can do this without him.  At least you won't have to wonder if he is just staying because you are forcing him or if he really cares.

[sariee]

He is already gone. We were together for the 1st month of pregnancy and he has been away since and wants to take leave to his family for 2 weeks. We got married 2 weeks before I was pregnant and were both young. I dont know what to do Im so emotional

[Harley-girl]

I am confused is he stationed overseas and you are here and when he comes back stateside he wants to visit his family for 2 weeks and then he goes back overseas????

[sariee]

He is overseas right now and Im in the states. He will be coming back to be stationed here in august and wants to go visit his family before he comes home. I feel like when we got married and pregnant this was his family and I guess its hard to explain to him without crying,

[JJety]

Can you go with him to visit his family?  That way you can have him, and he can see them.

[mami1323]

I agree with JJety, can you go with him?  When you marry a man you don't just marry him but his family as well.  They are your family to.  Think how you would feel if you hadn't seen your family in so long.  I know you miss him and want to see him and he is coming home to you.  He just wants to spend some time with them.  I can imagine that you are very emotional with all the hormone changes.  Maybe you two can compromise.

[NVS]

HI
I am going through IVF cycle.My pregnancy test came out positive on 07/ 14 / 06 on 07/ 25/06 at the end of 5th week I saw slight red to brown spotting. My Dr did ultrasound,there is NO embryo sac, and there is no sign of pregnancy. HCG levels came out as 900 on same day blood test. my Dr told me that miscarriage is in progress. From 26th I don't see any spotting. Is there any hope for me?. Dr is going to do another blood test tomorrow to check my HCG levels.
Please give me your suggestions.

Thanks in Advance

[Berko]

well it sounds good that you have his mother's backing. maybe the two of you can try to get him to understand the importance of him being around you, especially now. and then the two of you can go visit his mom and family (i'm impressed with her though - usually mom-in-laws see only their "little boy's" side of things)i bet if you all work together you can figure out a good plan for him to get the best of both worlds and for you to have him at your side. i know how hard it is when they just don't get it and it may take years (if that) for him to get it and see that he now has a new family to take into consideration too. i really hope you guys can work this out - i bet when he sees your pregnant belly he won't be able to leave your side. he probably can't even visualize what's going on b/c he doesn't actually see it - Men!! Sheesh!! but really try to talk to him - communication is the key. good luck!! get a big box of tissues for the "talk" - you'll probably need it - and no mascara - you don't want it running all over your face (i know from experience - i'm trying to have a serious heartfelt conversation and i end up with smudgey black all over my face - it really helps me seem real serious about my cause :)) thinking of you!!

[AnnieBrooke]

Why does he want to be there for so long?  Is there a fishing trip in the offing or something?  I don't disagree that he should get to see his family, but why does it need to be the first two weeks he is back?  What if he came to you then, and then goes to visit his family after a couple of weeks?  And then when he was with them you would come up for the weekends?  I also think they would love to see you and your big beautiful belly and to fuss over you while you are pregnant.  If I were his mom and he came to see me before going to see his preggers wife, I would beat him about the head and shoulders and send him home again and tell him not to come back until he grows up.

[Angiconda]

Is there a specific reason why it is so importent for him to go see his family before coming to see his pregnant wife? I agree that there has to be some sort of compromise the 2 of you can reach. If you dont mind me asking how old are the 2 of you do you think that he is maybe just scared or something? How far along are you?

[siren of the sea]

well i feel for you. it has to be hard to marry then deal with pg and hubby far away. im sure he might be a little scared as well. however he chose to join the military and he chose to marry you and you both chose to have a baby. kudos to your mil for being so loving to you. please try to keep your feelings open with the hubby and i hope he can as well. how old are the both of you? it doesnt matter really just asked. remember these hormones will get the best of you with the tears. you deserve his love and attention and i hope he comes around. you never know how men will act. there awas a poster that was married and scared her dh would leave cause she became pg. well he is excited as can be...and never returned our questions lol. good luck to you sweety. are your parents in the town you live? are you alone? if you are would you consider moving close to his family?

[myproblem]

You have every right to expect him to put you first, but you just have to be careful how you say it if you don't want an arguement. It sounds like his mom is on your side, and maybe she could explain it to him. Why can't his family come see you guys instead? Or you could both go see them together on a couple of weekends. Is it just his family he misses, or was he expecting to go hang out with the guys while you're home alone and pregnant? He needs to be considerate of your feelings. Try to compromise, but don't get walked on. Tell him how much you love and miss him, and that you really need him right now. Hopefully, he'll be mature enough to listen.

[sariee]

LOL. Yes he is very young. His mother calls me daily she thinks I have every right to tell him to come home cause he has missed so much. He deploys for another year in january so I dont know.

[Elicam]

I am so sorry that you have to go though this. It could be that it is just to early to see anything with the u/s. Also I have read a few different forums where Dr's have told people that they are probably having a miscarriage and a week later they hear a heartbeat. i don't want to give you false hope though, but it is possible.

I had m/c in January I am 5w5d now. I had to have another blood test today to check my HCg levels are increasing. I am so scared of these results coming thorugh today.

But fingers crossed for both of us. Goodluck and let us know what happens tomorrow.

[sariee]

Thank you all for your advice. He is 20 and Im turning 23 in October Im 22 weeks pregnant today. But thank you all for making me feel like I wasnt being rude to him and his feelings. I hope everything is alright.

And to the other question. I have no idea but I will keep you in my prayers along with the rest of you.

[ima1]

I dont know if you will check this today or not, but since his mom is on your side, why dont you suggest that she and his family come to you for a week, then he can go to them for the work days when you will not be home and ccome in on the weekends.  I married a 20 year old, and although i understand where the other gals are coming from, the rules just arent the same when you marry someone so younge, still basically a teenager.  He hasnt seen his family in a year, and hes probably thinking that you will be away all day long anyway, so whats the big deal if hes not there.  He doesnt want to sit around an aptmnt all alone all day long, he wants to see his family and thosethat he has missed since shipping out.  Especially since he will leave again soon.  If you are supportive of his need for his family, he will respect you for it and it will strengthen your relationship.  Take it form me.  I am married for 7 years now, and we are happy.  But it took a couple of years for my husband to reach the place where I was priority number one.  I didnt get mad about it, just let nature take its course, and now we r hapier and closer for it.  This is your first child, he probably doesnt have any idea whats going on with you - how could he?  Give it time hon, thats what he needs right now.  I think if you force himto come hom it will only make him resent you and the baby.  Give him what he needs now, it will make you happier in the long run,  this DOES NOT mean that your dh is selfish.  Think about what Ive said, it comes from experience.:):):)

[sariee]

Im not trying to be mean but if he resents me for wanting him home then our marriage was never meant to work. He was just home in may to visit his family for a month. His family is 2 hours away. Were both in the army BOTH of us so taking time of isnt easy. If he takes this time off he wont be able to do it when the baby is born. I know that last comment as to help but honestly if my husband resents me for asking him to come home then he doesnt need to come home.

[jifnif]

while i agree that everyone needs time to figure it out...he shoulda figured it out before he got married.  why should women always have to be patient and calm and wait for men to come around.  Since you are 22wks pregnant and alone it takes a toll on you emotionally.  You need to be w/ him and share this time w/ him as much as you can.  He should be more understanding.  I believe that he should be w/ you now.  sorry, I just had to put my opinion in there.  I hope that it all works out for you and husband or no husband....think about you and your child and keep that as your number one priority.