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Pros and Cons of being a stay at home mom
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Pros and Cons of being a stay at home mom

I'm not sure if this is in the right area but I know there are a few stay at home moms on here and i have a few questions and need some opinions. I am from Canada so we get a year off work for MET leave and I also when on sick leave with my daughter(so I have been off work since April 09) My daughter was born in Sept. 09 and I am 13weeks pregnant right now I must return back to work in two weeks in order to get my 600 hours of work in order to get MET leave again for this child. Now my problem is this my husband has found another job hoping I would not return back to work. But I do feel very guilty about staying home and my husband working so many hours and being away from his family. My worries are though that my boss will not give me enough hours in order to be eligible for Met leave or that if I start bleeding again my doctor will pull me off work and then again not be able to Met leave. In order for me to return back to work we must buy a second car and pay insurance which I think everyone knows can be expensive. I am in a very tight situation and I need some help figuring all this out. HELP please...
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Avatar_f_tn
I firmly believe that being a stay at home mom is the best route.  It is not the easiest, but the best.  As a teenager, I worked as a nanny for about a year.  I later worked at a daycare center.  Now, at 36, I am a stay at home mother of two boys (four and three).  I know many people who put their kids in daycare.  I would not want my kids to have to deal with what I've seen go on there.  I also would not like my kids to turn out the way I have seen most of those kids turn out.  If I were you I would choose the stay at home route.  If that means you have to downsize a little, eat at home instead of eating out, etc.  I think it is still well worth it.
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Avatar_f_tn
i gotta agree with Gina04 on this one. I'm pregnant with my 1st child right now and i already told my boss that after the baby comes i will not be back to work for him. I'm going to be a stay at home mom. My husband believes that we will do just fine with him working and me not working and it's my job to trust him on this decision. After all it's the mans job to support his family and the wife has to raise the children, make sure they are fed, dressed and well mannered. Plus would you want to miss out on your kids childhood? i sure don't. It only happens once in a lifetime. You don't get any redo's in life. But it's only what i believe in. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
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1368291_tn?1299633404
I am a stay-at-home mother of two boys and working on a third. I wouldnt have it any other way as it does help your children. In daycare it is constant sickness because of all the shared germs and with so many things like pertussis, RSV, and even staph infection on the rise...I prefer to keep my children in environments a little less germ active. Also, when young they either dont communicate or cant about things like other harming them and this can cause permanent emotional scarring and in some cases physical scarring.

I have to say that today I am double glad for my decision as my oldest son is been different and just recently diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is on the autistic spectrum. He is 7yrs old and can talk but he does not convey his feelings and other things at all. A little boy on his bus when he was in Kindergarten dug his fingernails into his arm and he laughed about it but once home he went into his room..closed the door and cried. When we question him he just says.."nothing's wrong". Even today that is his phrase for everything so it is hard to know when others have been emotionally or physically abusive to him so my choice to be a stay-at-home mom is best for me cuz it allows me to have more quality time with my sons and watch for changes in behavior that indicates they are agitated by something and then I work to figure it out and try to help them as much as I can.

I think being a stay-at-home mom is the best job in the world but I also think it depends on individual situations and beliefs. Just ask yourself what is best for you and your children and your answer is there. And just for the record...feeling guilty that the hubby does all the work is understandable but then look at the work you do at home (all day..no breaks..lol) and then weigh the pros and cons of that choice..like less trips to the doc office; less potential of harm coming to your child resulting in couseling later in life or worse; and the money saved from vs you working and hiring a daycare/babysitter/nanny. It actually equals out in the end!  

Good luck making your decision!!
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Avatar_f_tn
I have done both, and I don't think you should worry over your children either way.  Mothers find a way to make special time with their children and to bond and to make sure their children are cared for and loved whether they work or not.  It really is a personal choice and there is not a wrong answer.  

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1326493_tn?1292292278
I STAY AT HOME TO, WITH MY 4 DAUGHTERS AND I'M 21 WKS PREGNANT NOW. MY HUSBAND DOES WORK MON THRU FRI  AND SOME DAYS 12 HRS A DAY .I DO FEEL GUILTY SOMEDAYS THAT HE WORKS SO MANY HRS. BUT HE SAYS HE DOESN'T MIND THAT IT'S HIS JOB TO PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY. IT'S ALOT OF WORK TO STAY HOME WITH ALL THESE KIDS SOME DAYYS THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY . BUT IT WOULD ALSO BE VERY EXPENSIVE TO PUT THEM IN DAYCARE. AND I LOVE STAYIN HOME EVEN THOUGH IT'S HARD
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719902_tn?1334168783
I completely respect both positions, but since most comments were made by sahms, I wanted to speak for the other side.
I have four kids, and I work full-time as a teacher (with summers off, of course.)  I feel like some people are better suited to stay home with their kids and some are better off working.  Personally, my kids are my world, but I am 100% sure that I am a better mom to them because I do work outside the home than I would be if I stayed home.  If that sounds weird, it is hard to explain, but basically it boils down to valuing the time I spend with them more and making that time count.  I am more fulfilled, relaxed, and happier because I work, and that translates into being a better mom to my kids.  Also, I feel I was meant to be a teacher, I value my job and my students so much.  Do they come before my own kids?  Of course not, but they do mean A LOT to me.
My daycare expereince has been amazing.  My children have all attended the same family, in-home daycare, starting at 6 weeks.  They are truly blessed by having their "Linny" in their lives, she is now a member of our family, and their daycare "brothers and sisters" are friends for life.  She loves and cares for these children as she would her own, provides healthy meals, a stimulating environment, and lots and lots of love.  No parking the kids in front of the TV, uh uh, they are given toys with which to be creative, LOTS of time outside, and are encouraged to solve their own disagreements, with her guidance.  I know there are some less-than-stellar daycares out there, and I've never liked the idea of centers, but I have been truly blessed to have found the ideal situation for my kids.  BTW, once my kids start school, they are out of daycare, as my mom works at the elementary school where they go-- she takes my elem age child home with her, and I work at the middle school, so my middle school age child goes with me.  Just my youngest 2 are still in daycare.  
It is a VERY personal decision, and asking for people's opinions and experiences is a great idea.  BUT-- try not to let other people sway you, only YOU will know which is best for YOU!
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1128483_tn?1277343886
I'm a working mom and honestly I would go insane if I didn't go to work every day.  It's just my personality.  My husband on the other hand is a stay at home dad.

If you can afford it it's a nice option as so many said before.  (For us we actually can't afford for my husband to work as he doesn't have his degree yet and can't find a job making enough to cover the costs of childcare).

Being a stay at home parent is a full time job, if you decide to go that route then look for a group you can join where you can socialize with other stay at home mom's (maybe even have play dates for your child).  The key to being a happy stay at home mom(or dad) from my experience is making sure you have some sort of adult contact outside of your spouse.  Also, with kids who aren't in daycare they do suggest you start them in pre-school at about 3 to help get them ready for school as they don't develop the social skills as well when they aren't around others there age.

Also, when your kids go back to school, you might want to start thinking about what you want to do job wise if you plan to go back to work once there in school.  My husband is working on finishing his degree and hopes to start some internships about a year before our last starts school to help him transition back to the working world.  If you want to keep your same type of job then try to stay up to date with those skills.

Good luck!
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171768_tn?1324233699
I don't really have a choice. Iguess technically, I do, but for me to stay home we'd have to cut ALL extras like cable and cell, and we would probably have to seriously consider moving to a bad area or another, less costly part of the country away from our families. My house is as modest as they come in our area. Anytime anything went wrong, there'd be a lot of stress about where to get the money to make basic repairs to the home. We wouldn't be building any savings, and we would probably accrue credit card debt. We're on my insurance, so we'd be paying more to be on his. I could choose to be in this situation, but I  choose not to be. Instead, we are saving for our retirement and our kids college funds. Instead, we have good insurance coverage. If we don't have dinner, we can order a pizza without wondering which bill we won't pay. When we discovered a serious leak in our roof, we didn't have to stress about how to pay for the repairs. We are not at risk for defaulting on our mortgage or losing our house. We do not stress or fight over money.

This is why I choose to work. However, I am also fortunate to be a teacher and have a LOT of time with my kids, and DH's job allows him to be home with the girls 2 days a week, so we only need care on 3 days. If we could comfortably and securely live and have me stay home, would I? I honestly don't know. I feel very happy when I am home with my kids over the summer, but I am also very fulfilled by my job. I also feel like I value my time with the kids more when I am working.

However, in your case I would consider going back at least long enough until your next leave would be covered. That is quite a gift- to be paid to stay home a year with your children, and I would make the sacrifice of working a few months so that you could receive that benefit. That way things will be less "tight" when you are home and the whole family may be less stressed. And if you can swing it, then stay home a couple additional years after that leave.
A few questions. Do you like your job? Do you feel fulfilled when working? Because if you don't enjoy your work and you can swing it, then don't do it. You would just resent everyday of it. But if you like it, then do it until next leave.

As for childcare, I also have lots of experience. I worked in a wonderful center and always thought I'd send my kids there, but decided not to because of cost and distance. I tried a large chain and hated it. We also had wonderful experiences with in-home providers like Jenkaye. Mine also never used TVand had the kids engaged all day. I have moved on to a nanny because of convenience and because I haven't found a good, new in home center locally (my old one moved).

Good luck with your decision. It is a tough one, but feel lucky that it is your choice to make! I just couldn't risk losing the house or having to move from family, or the stress of financial problems. We are happy and comfortable, and are working on a secure future. My kids are happy (never once tears at separation) and well adjusted.

Oh yea- I did want to comment on the illness thing. I teach 4 and 5 yr olds. Those who were never in daycare are constantly sick, constantly missing school. Their parents always have to take off of work. Those who were in daycare generally do get sick much less at that age. Not that that should be a factor in your decision making process- I just wanted to clarify a point made by another poster.    
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134578_tn?1404951303
These are great posts.  

I am a SAHM, although I do some of the work I used to (remotely) and get a salary.  

My son is now 3 1/2 and began Montessori school in May.  He hated it, announcing he wanted to stay home with Mommy.  This was a problem, because I was dying to have even four hours a day for two days a week to myself!  It is a huge production to get out without him otherwise.  There are no babysitters on my street or even in my sector.  

For example, yesterday for an appointment 45 minutes from my house, I had to pack my son and his gear, drive him to my sister's house 40 minutes from my house, drive to the appointment 30 minutes from my sister's, have the appointment (45 minutes), drive the 30 minutes back to my sister's, and pick up my son and drive home (which then took more than an hour because of traffic).  All told, I think we were gone five hours just so I could have a 45-minute appointment.  If he had been in school, I could have just dropped him off, gone straight to the appointment, and come back and picked him up.

Today it was really hot.  I was exhausted, and certainly didn't feel like taking my son outside in the heat and kicking around a soccer ball, so my son sat and watched a lot of t.v. (the very thing I would be furious about if a day-care provider did).  

I realize that not everyone has day-care problems, but for me, if I had set it up differently and was working out of the house, I feel like it would have been possible to get a lot of the side stuff done without having to drag a (pretty patient and very loving) 3-year-old to every darn trip to the bank, post office, store or doctor appointment.  What it does is make me less likely to go, because I hate to spend half the day with him strapped in his carseat.  So I've tended to be a little bit more hermitlike than before, and this doesn't translate into tons of extra time and attention for my son, either ... he can mess up the house faster than I can clean it, and has so much energy (that he is not burning off with other kids) that he has plenty of oomph to do it.  When Daddy takes him to the park or fair or gym, I get a lot done at home and the rest of the day (when they are home) is serene.  But days when my son is home all day, I fall behind on a lot of stuff and he winds up watching t.v. at my suggestion just so I can pick up the trails he leaves behind.  (At least when he is watching t.v., he is not dumping over the entire box of farm toys, or dragging things out of the kitchen cupboards.)

I realize I'm not talking about a baby and that a lot of people don't live far away from help, so maybe these comments aren't that helpful.  But if I had had it to do over, I think I would have continued to work in an office, even if only part time, and have hassled with finding some kind of care, just so I could be happier with the time I have with my son, if that makes sense.
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