Quetion

Ok, don't kill me for this one.  Most of you know me.  What can I say to a friend that is considering an abortion at 16weeks.  It is so late in her pregnancy and I have said everything on this earth to get her not to but the law says it's her choice so it is.  She calls me all the time and asks me what she should do she is around negtive people who say she can't do it and she calls me and I always tell her yes you can.  The thing is she is doing street drugs here and there.  This is not me and you guys know me K

[kris123]

opps messed up on spelling question.  BTW in the state of FL she can get an abortion up to 24weeks - crazy

[AndiJ78]

Kris, think of it this way...will you be there to pick up the pieces if it turns out she really can't take care of this baby? If not, be a supportive friend and let her make her choice. I know it sucks, but this is her choice. Given what you said, with the drugs and the people she has surrounded herself with, does it sound like an ideal situation to bring a child into? If she has habitually using drugs, there is a chance it has impacted the baby on some or many levels.

I don't know that I could do it, but it is not my choice to make for other people.

[have 2 kids]

I think as her friend all you can do is support her decision even if it isn't what you want her to do.      

[kris123]

I guess you are right.  My views always cloud the big picture.  I didn't want to start anything that is why i titled it Question.  She is doing crack and I had to distance myself from her because I can't be around that.  I am trying to talk to her now because she needs someone to dump on (her problems).  I can't seem to handle talking to her any more because it is just to much trying to deal with her, ryan, home life and bad Kala hehe

No question in my mind that the baby will be hurt by these drugs and she is getting no care.  i think it is time to let her go :(

[kris123]

Yep, i support her but my thing is letting her go.  I think i will be there for her i would want someone to be there for me.  I really hate to see her this way you know.  I don't hold it againist her.  Everyone does what they have to.

[jenstam]

It's a shame, but like the above posters said, it is her choice. Be a supportive friend and help her get through this regardless of her decision. It wouldn't be my choice either, and sometimes I have to separate myself from these situations because I know how formed a baby is at this stage. Wouldn't be for me, but either would street drugs while pregnant (or any other time!). Like Andi said, it might not be the ideal situation for a child anyhow...and who knows the damage that has already been done to the developing fetus. It's a tough one...just try to let it be her decision and help her get through it either way.

[deanne11]

Everyone here knows me too Kris and knows my Christian views.

I too had to support 2 of my best friends since kindergarten with this decision.

I just prayed through it.  You can't live someone's life for them.  They need to live with either decision.

While, I don't and never will agree with abortion, child abuse is very real.  And even more real with people who didn't want to be parents in the first place.

[AndiJ78]

Let her go Kris.

[BabyHardiman]

Suggest that she view the video "Silent Scream", and see then if she wants to have an abortion.  My baby was sucking her thumb, and kicking around at 12 weeks gestation, I felt her kicks at 22 weeks.  If you want I will send you a link to this video, it is an ultrasound taken during a 12 week abortion.  It was heart stopping.  If anyone can go through an abortion after seeing that little baby go through what it went through, they do not have a heart in my honest opinion.

I am suggesting this to you because you seem like you are struggling with this.  She keeps coming to you because you are the ONE who tells her to fight for that baby's life... it doesn't seem she really wants to end her childs life.  

[BabyHardiman]

I didn't read all your posts before I commented.  I do not know much about crack, other than it's a form of cocaine.  I know a woman who snorted cocaine her ENTIRE pregnancy and still had a healthy baby (I do know that all the true effects that these drugs sometimes to not show until the child is much older)  I am not saying that your friends baby will be healthy, but it might not be too late for her to clean herself up, if she gets the right help.

[MOM2B24]

Wow!! I know a lot of different, crazy kinds of hippies. But I have never known anyone who smokes crack. I know it's one of the most addiciting narcotics out there. I don't know how babies react to crack. But the reaction people get from it should tell you something.
As for abortion, Everyone is going to hate me but i am pro choice. I am pregnant and couldn't give him up for anything in the world. But I am prochoice. Take a look at this situation. Kris, you're helpless. There really isn;t much you can do. But would you want to watch a crack addict take care of a poor defensless baby? And where's the dad? Is he anywhere to be found?
have you talked to her about putting the baby up for adoption? She would have to quit smoking crack. I just don't know how the baby is going to be ok smoking crack through an entire pregnancy. But then again, Im not a doctor. I don't know, this whole situation is like it came off a movie on the IFC channel or something. Well, I guess you have a difficult decision to make. But in my opinion, don't turn your back on her. God brought you together for a reason. There is a reason you are in this situation with her. I hope everything turns out ok!!!

[kris123]

Crack does not deform a child - it cause smaller head size (i guess that is a deform) and it can cause withdrawl (withdrawal) and addiction - if the mother does it every day - she does it twice in two weeks - she does want the baby OMG i feel for i really do - as you can see i go back for forth on this.  I want the baby to live i really do she said adoption is out of the question because she knows how hard it was for me but then again sees how wonderful it was. Dad wants an abortion.  I

[BabyHardiman]

Of course the Dad wants an abortion, it's not him that will be commiting the murder of this baby, and it is NOT his body that will endure the abortion.  He had his fun, now he wants to undo what he did, and what he doesn't want to take responsibility for.

Kris, regardless of what she decides to do you will feel emotional pain because you will feel that you did not do all you could have done for the child.  Thousands of little babies die a day from abortion.  I just read the "God brought you togther for a reason" from another poster, I am sure he brought you together because of your passion for the life of your friends baby.  I am sooo very happy that someone is pulling for it's tiny little life.  It brings joy to my heart.

I have a cousin that is mentally handicapped, he is 35 years old.  Our family could not imagine life without Shannon.  Even though he can not talk to us, and he has the mentality of a 3 year old, he is still a part of our family, he still has a beating heart, he still can eat, he still sleeps, he still smiles, and he still enjoys life.  At 35 he does work, and he makes his own money, and will go to the store with his mother and pick out his own food.  He has medical insurance that HE pays for through his job.  How many of us have health insurance through a job right now?  How many of Americans actually HAVE a job and are FULLY capable of taking care of themselves, but refuse to do it because it's easier for the government to do it for us?

My point, and my opinion is, is that EVERYONE should have a chance at life.  I believe life starts from conception.  Have you ever seen the Discovery Health Channel program called "Building Babies"?  It's amazing to see the transformation that we all go through from conception.  I think that many people go around advocating "It's my body, it's my right", without fully understanding what happens during the miraculous formation of our hearts, nervous system, our brains, our bodies... we are amazing, the creation of a life is amazing.

[kris123]

I agree it is murder - you are killing a child with a heartbeat - you can't agure with that and I don't give a **** who says no - just what i feel and think.  I love my friend i really do.  one says i killed the ant, i killed the bug well they kill babies everyday - it is however their choice.  OMG please don't be mad i started this post please sorry

[peekawho]

What did you think would happen when you posted this?  You've been here long enough to know what happens.

Be supportive of your friend.  You don't have to agree with her decision.  People get that concept confused.

[kris123]

Oh i knew but you know free country ;)  i really want to support her - i told her i didn't agree with her but that i loved her - i don't hate people you know - peek you are great and i love it when you speak you mind just as i do ;)

[kris123]

free enough country that she have a right to chose and the same as i would ;)

[peekawho]

Good.  I'm glad to hear that you see it that way.  Its very hard to watch someone make a decision we don't agree with.  

But be there for her, whatever she decides.  Unless the relationship becomes toxic to you.  Then you need to protect yourself and do what is necessary.