Ready to Cry

I'm at my wits end already with my son's sleeping habits.  I know I posted this before but we have tried everything and don't know how to go about it.  My son now hates to go to bed.  I try to make it a fun experience so he would want to go to sleep but he dreads it.  Maybe it's my fault and I caused my own issue but we usually lay down and fall asleep in our bed and when he is asleep I used to be able to just pick him up and put him in his crib.  I know I should've just started by making him fall asleep in his crib originally but the damage is already done.  I used to be able to put him in there awake and he would just lay down and go to sleep.  Now this is not happening.  The minute he feels me pick him up, he wakes up and as soon as I put him down, the sh!t hits the fan.  Crying, on and on, we even let him cry and he starts talking and talking and then crying again.  Last night we even took down one side of the crib and placed the crib right next to our bed, like the co-sleeping basinet.  He refused to stay on his side.  He wanted to be in our bed, on top of me.  As much as I love to cuddle with my son, I need my own space at night.  I like to cuddle with my fiance and we like to be intimate and lately it's been a serious challenge.  My son acts as if he's scared of his crib.  I don't even know what to do anymore.  I feel like crying because I'm so frustrated.  We get no alone time, we get no grown up time because every night putting Jayden to sleep we are up until midnight with him.  I'm tired, Richie's tired and I'm sure Jayden is as well.  Last night he wound up right next to me.  We just ordered a new bed because the one we have is too small.  Please any advice, I'm about to tear all of my hair out.

[Cheyenne_08]

I am going through the same thing with Ashtyn but the circumstances are a little different. Ashtyn has NEVER slept in the same bed with Mike and I, but he also refused to slepe in his crib. He too would scream and cry the minute he got laid down. Well, he ended up sleeping in his pack and play for the longest time. Well, now it is time to transition to a "big boy bed". I have a CARS toddler bed at my house in Columbus, and a spongebob toddler bed at my house in Michigan, and Ashtyn WILL NOT sleep in them. He cries and screams. Well, we are out of options so we are gating him into my bedroom and he will have to sleep in his bed. If he falls asleep on the floor, I will move him to his bed. He can not sleep in the pack and play any longer and he needs to be a big boy. Ugh, it is SOOOO frustrating!

[Jenny100]

Jezi...sounds EXACTLY like Jameson!! Ive always done the same thing as you--lay down with him to fall asleep. He WONT go to sleep without me there. He loves to play with my hair to fall asleep. which is really sweet, but like you said---We NEED our alone time!!!!!!!

If I try to put him in his crib--asleep--he also wakes saying "Mama bed! Mama bed!"
I always tell myself how I need to deal with this, but I am just so tired that I guess I just give up and do whats easiest.

The intimacy issue is also big for me. Even though I am 8 and 1/2 months pregnant, and dont feel like TOO much intimacy--lol--Id still love to be able to cuddle with my husband and not have a toddler between us EVERY NIGHT.

Its so hard...and I dont know quite what to do either. But you arent alone!! LOL
It seriously sounds like Jayden and Jameson have been comparing notes--theyre probably calling each other in the middle of the night discussing what works best to get us to give in  and what pushovers their Moms are!! lol

[mami1323]

Man it sure is.  I thought I was so lucky.  I never had sleeping issues with Jayden.  He was always a very good sleeper.  I had him sleeping through the night at 2 months and we only had issues when he was teething or sick.  He went straight from the bassinet to his crib with little problems and would sleep in his crib all night.  We had little phases here and there where he didn't want to sleep but we were able to find solutions but now, there is no solutions at all.  GNicole actually said maybe we should buy him a toddler bed and I lie in it with him until he falls asleep.  Which may be an option.  I'm just so exhausted and I dread putting him to bed every night.  

[mami1323]

Jenny - ok, glad I'm not alone.  I guess it's the toddler stage.  They are too aware of us being there or not being there.  I tried putting him to bed for over an hour last night and the minute his dad does it, he's out like a light.  WTF?  He uses to go to bed with me only and now he refuses to, I guess because he wants to be on top of me and with his dad, he knows he can't play that game.  I used to get him to sleep by 8:30 pm and the rest of the evening was ours.  Now, I'm lucky if I can get him to sleep before midnight.  Ugh!!!

[jenstam]

Brody goes to bed great in his own crib at 22 months. We read him a story, put his lullaby CD and night light on and he does right down and falls asleep. BUT, come 2-3 am and he is crying and standing in his crib. He will not go back down and will cry and cry. We are both dead tired so we always just bring him in with us. He ONLY wants to cuddle with mama, so I lose my comfortable spot :\ We don't sleep with him crying, so the quickest and easiest solution is to just bring him in with us. I'm very concerned how this will play out with a new baby coming in November! Just wanted you ladies to know that you're not alone with sharing your bed. At least we get to cuddle and have our intimacy before we go to bed before he has us up (: I just keep telling myself that these precious years are such a short period of time in our lives. I cherish every moment, but at the same time I am tired of being tired!

[mami1323]

I'm wondering if I should try soothing sounds and see if that would help.  We're desperate at this point.

[Hunny25]

im no expert but you could try buying him his own bed instead of the cradle, mabe he would like that

[mami1323]

He's in a crib but it's a convertible so it turns into a toddler bed.  But thanks, I'm willing to try anything.

[jenstam]

I read somewhere that someone was having problems with getting their child to sleep in his own crib and added an extra pad to the bed and it did the trick! The baby was just uncomfortable and knew mom and dad's bed was softer! You could try an extra mattress pad!

[mami1323]

We actually padded it with a comforter and gave him a pillow and I'm not sure if to him it's still uncomfortable.  I'm wondering if a soft mattress all together will be better.

[deanne11]

Hey Jezi -
This sounds strange...but Abby went into a toddler bed at 19 mos and Jake is just about to go in one next month at 20 mos....
My kids acted the same way right at 19- 20 mos with the crib (not about wanting to sleep with us but just not wanting to be in that crib)....we just quit cold turkey and took away the crib and put them in toddler beds....worked awesome with Abby...

Not so sure with Jake....

Plus my kids are big...Jake is already 35.5 inches tall at 19 mos...crib just isn't working.

[mami1323]

We were thinking that.  I guess we will test out the bed.  Jayden is big as well.  He's 33 inches as well.

[baboojamaica]

Oh Jezi, bless your heart!!!  Does he sleep well if he is in bed with you?  Did he used to sleep all night in his crib? You know, my stepson slept wonderfully in his own bed until he was about 3 and had a nightmare that he still remembers.  From that point on, he never slep in his bed again!  I swear he was almost 11 when we FINALLY got him back to his bed!!!!!  I'm so sorry I don't have any advice, but it souonds like you are doing all the right things.

[AnnieBrooke]

If he's awake late, is he possibly getting too much rest in the day and is just not tired?  Or, the converse, is he getting enough exercise in the day so he IS tired out at night?  We had to make a point with our toddler of running him up and down in the day so he wouldn't be so darn wide awake at 11 pm.  Once we got going on more active play and a lot of running, he started sleeping much better and earlier at night.

[mami1323]

Thanks baboo, yeah he seems scared of the crib.  Not sure what's going on there.  He sleeps fine with us, but he tosses and turns a lot with us as well.  I think it's because he wants to twist and turn and there just isn't room for that with us.  But he only wants to be with us.

AnnieBrooke - well, my mom is with him during the day and she takes him to the play room with all the kids in the morning and then he's drained and takes a nap from like 11am-1pm but I don't think she does much with him after that. He runs around the house and she'll take him out for errands sometimes in the afternoon.  I try to play with him at night but I come home from work and have to cook dinner before I put him to sleep.  He usually falls right to sleep when I'm laying down with him in bed but the minute I move to leave, he wakes up or the minute I move him to put him in bed, he wakes up.  

[AnnieBrooke]

Dr. Sears has a whole lot of good stuff on getting small children to sleep.  You might try the Ask Dr. Sears website.  He even talks about the very thing you just mentioned, a sleeping child who pops awake if you put him into bed.  The only thing I would add to what he says, is the part about exercise.  I've noticed in my own life that it is easy for the adult running errands to think the child is getting activity when he has really mostly just been sitting in a car seat.  I know you feel like your mom is the only choice to take care of your son, but you might at least talk to her about ways to get him more active.  (Only partly so he'll be tired out and sleep for you; also just because it's better for him.)

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

carmine NEVER slept a whole night in his crib he didnt want to go in it until he was 8 months old and wouldnt sleep the whole night, he alway slept on the bed with dh and me, now i bought him a toddler bed and he sleeps in it. Maybe thats what jayden needs. I would give it a try. I wanna pull MY hair out, I never sleep lol my daughter cries all day and night and I have to deal with my son, I'd rather have the problem you're having lol. Don't worry too much! Best of luck hunny

[mami1323]

Thanks ladies.  Well last night I decided to start putting him to sleep on an early schedule again.  He had dinner at 7 pm and in the bath right after and then we have his crib set up pressed against our bed with one side removed and he slept.  Ladies he slept from 8:45 pm until the morning.  Only once in the middle of the night he awoke and crawled next to me but I put him right back in his bed and he slept until 7 am.  YES!!!!!  Thanks for all your advice.  Anniebrook - we actually are getting him signed up for a gym class at the Y so he can release some of that energy.  You are right though, he needs to be tuckered out.

[vsentz]

Girl! that is great!!!
I was gonna post about it yesterday but with Maddie so sick... and me so sick... I barely had time =( sorry!
Well, turns out Maddie was JUST like Jay.... we would actually have to lay her down in OUR bed for her to fall asleep, otherwise she would THROW hellish tantrums.
Then I had to rock her with a bottle to sleep but if she would wake up... forget it! all over again... or even worse.

After she started daycare, and I heard the stupid babysitter would let Maddie CIO, she started actually going to bed by herlsef. So I'm thinking that 'helped'.. altho I still curse that lady left and right.... for many other reasons...
Anyway, she didn't want to do anything with me rocking her anymore now!... so I'd put her down and she'd sleep... BUT, she'd wake up in the middle of the night and throw a hellish tantrum again until I'd pass her in bed with me... and if I'd put her back, then she'd wake up again and the same....

Then one time I actually tried to put the same little comforter I'd lay her on in our bed, in her crib... and she slept right thru! lol... but that didn't last long.... she did the same days after...

So what I started doing was forcing myself to NOT put her in bed with me. I started on a weekend.. due to lack of sleep the first couple of nights, and when she'd wake up, I'd just go pick her up, let her know I was there and I would kiss her, rock her a little and she'd go back to sleep....
But she still woke up...

Then little by little turned into me just standing up to hand her her sippy cup (I found out part of it was because she was thirsty at night!) and she'd go right back without me picking her up!

So now to this day, I just place the sippy cup in a corner of the crib, where she now knows she can find it... and she sleeps right thru the night!!!! (well with the exception of these past week of course)

I was at my witts end! but that seemed to work for me.....

How does he go to take naps? do you have to rock him? does he just go down on his crib like that?


MUCH HUGS to you girlie!, hang in there! I promise you'll find a way! even if it's gradual, nothing really works overnight... I think.

[CYW]

well Cameron has been sleepin in my bed with me for a year now..He used to sleep in his bed the whole time until one night it was all done and in the end the most important thing was that i needed sleep...i do have a king size bed though...so there's alot of room and personally it does not bother me that my son is in my bed.. it didnt bother my ex either...the important thing is that sleep is important and when it comes to arguing to sleep...i Can however put cam in his bed for naptime but not at night...and i think now at this point it's no longer cam's issue but mine.. i have tried him in his bed a few times and after he woke up i didnt even attempt to put him back to his crib...i just felt lonely...bad thing to meet my needs i know..but i strongly believe that there comes a time where children just...well outgrow it..i used to sleep with my mom and dad and i did until the age of 3-4...I wouldnt do it any other way if ever i had another child i think after a while i would want my baby in bed with me... but that's just me...i feel as though they grow up too quick and cuddling him is just i dont know...amazing...they are only babies once and before you know it they grow up...but thats just my view