SIDS...ttc after losing my 10month old son to this....anyone else been though it

I lost my son who was 10 months old to sids on June 17th 2006.
I still can't believe what happened and at times feel very upset.

He was my 3rd and last child, but after he died all i wanted was to have another baby.

I concieved in September,i had my first scan at 8wks and everything was ok.I had my son's inquest on 28th of November and then m/c 2days later at 11wks.
Im not sure why, i have m/c 2 times before for no apparent reason.I just had so many different mixed feelings about this pregnancy, where i wasn't fully happy about it. I felt like i was replacing my son,as he was to be my last and i know that i would not be trying again if he didnt die.I was feeling guilty and worried all the time, just thinking about my son being dead, just hurts too much.

Since the m/c, i have decided that i think that i would like to have another baby, because i know that nothing in this earth would replace my dead son.

I just wondered if anyone else has gone/going through this and how your feeling?

xxx

[stephd]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have never personally went through it but I imagine it is very hard on you.  I know I worried about that all the time when my son was little.  This is so very sad!  Maybe god knew that you werent ready to have another baby right now and that you were having these mixed feelings about this because of your son passing away.  Maybe that is why you m/c.  I dont know but I feel terrible for you....my heart goes out to you!  I would say if you are ready to have another baby and realize that you arent going to replace the one you lost then go for it.  Only you can make that decision!!

[sam2]

I will not pretend to know what you and your family have been through this past year and can only hope that 2007 will be a better one.  All I can say is that after I lost my daughter @ 16weeks, I wanted to conceive to the point that is all I thought about, so I understand how you feel about that.  I think when you are ready physically and mentally it will happen.  Again my condolences,  Sheri

[Allie1980]

Hey, Sam---

I remember talking to you before....  aren't you pregnant now?  Or at least you were pregnant and taking baby aspirin?

How are you doing?

[sam2]

Yes, I am pregnant 27 weeks and a few days now and still taking my baby aspirin every morning.  Are you still TTC and you have MTHFR also right?

[thendricks]

I'm so sorry to hear your loss, I to have been in your shoes, I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks and i had to be induced, it was so hard going home with empty arms, the moment the doctor coul;dn't find her heartbeat and the ultrasound confirmed she had passed away my thoughts were I have to try again, I knew nothing could replace her but I just had to try again.... It was my 5th loss in a row but the losses were all before the 10th week except for my pregnancy with her, so i was devistated needless to say by the loss... Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times, a freak accident they called it, exspecially at 20 weeks..We underwent a tone of genetic/chromisonal test the following week, all came back negative and they gave me the ok to try again after my next period, I prayed about it...My daughter who is 7 left for church camp the week I ovulated and God blessed us the next month with a possitive test the next month, I have been a nervous wreck this pregnancy needeless to say I rented a fetal dopper online and I see the OB every 2 weeks, and I attend a parent support group for parents who lost babies as we have, I am now 29 weeks with a little boy, I think about baby Ella every day and  we will never forget her, I honestly feel being pregnant helped me cope with her loss better, many will disagree with me on that, BUT for me it was the only way I could cope, God bless and baby blessings to all

[Allie1980]

Congrats on how far along you are!  

Actually, I don't know if I have MTHFR....I have had two early miscarriages and suspect it might be due to blood clotting or something....  so I'm TTC and taking baby aspirin...  I'm on 6 dpo, so in a week, I'll test!  WOO HOO!

Wish me luck!


And I'm so happy for your pregnancy.

[Mozartcowgirl]

I lost my son Richard when he was 9 weeks old.. i knew i wanted a baby immediately after it all happened... sometimes i felt like i was trying to replace him.. and other times.. i knew that I could never replace him......... Danial is now 7 years old.. richard would have been 8.. i know now that i could have never replaced him.. however.. I will say  that I am very glad about the decision i made to ttc again after my sons passing.. in a way it healed me ...

[thendricks]

I'm sorry for your loss, I feel just as you do....Exactly...God Bless

[emilysmommy]

I lost my Little Emily at 22 weeks and was induced also. That was on 12/14/06, I am not sure about another baby it is way to early for me to think about, especially after burying my little Emily on 12/16/06. This has been so hard on my whole family. My husband does not want anymore Children, the hospital told us that it was a Freak accident also and the Umbilical cord was wrapped so tightly around her neck arms and stomach, it totally cut off her lifeline. But to be induced and have her and then get to told her and she is lifeless is so tramatic. I had to see her and touch her, she had been so perfect in everyway on the ultrasounds.  I admire the woman that continue to try to have a baby, I just don't know that I will ever be to that point! I visit Emily's grave daily, I know she is not there that she is with God, it just helps to go by there for a little peace in my heart and soul. I will be praying for everyone, you all have my thoughts and prayers!!! Also to 1pool I am so sorry for your loss and my heart is broken with my stillborn child at 22 weeks I can't imagine 10 months and then loosing him/her. your in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need to talk please find me on here.

Tina aka emilysmommy

[thendricks]

Thank you very much, I to got to hold Ella and we layed her to rest near our home in a beautiful [place called babyland, we visit weekly. I have her pictures all over the house, she was so beautiful, God bless us all and baby blessings to us all

[Mozartcowgirl]

I am so very sorry for your loss as well.. its hard for me at times.. to know what to say to others when they have lost a child like I did.. while I cannot say that I know exactly  what you went through.. and what you are going through now.. I do know.. that I can relate.. and at times.. it can seem very difficult to know what to say to others who have experienced the same type of loss..  I still have a difficult time dealing with my sons death.. and there are times when it feels like it was yesterday.. If i sit here and just think about it.. its horrific.. Every loss a woman goes through is so very traumatic..  I just wanted you to know that I am so very sorry for your loss.. I just wish we never had to go through m'c's.. still births... losses  of our children.. no parent should ever have to go through what so many of us here go through.  STICKY... very sticky baby dust to you .. I hope and pray that whatever you do.. that all goes well.

[lpool]

Thankyou and i am so sorry for all your loss's also.

I know now that nothing could replace my son. I guess when i got pregnant, it may have been to soon for me.I did nothing but cry and think about Curtis pretty much all of the time. I can see him in every room and when im lying in bed, i can see him crawling up to my end and pulling himself up and laughing with his big bright smile with his 2 new teeth and his big bright blue eyes peering out at me.
Then when i try to sleep i relive the day he died over and over, like it was yesterday.I have so many regrets about what happened from the day before and what followed....

I guess thats half my problem about trying again the amount of guilt i carry and no matter how times people say or the same as what i would say to anyone,if this had happened to them, it doesnt really work.

I feel under pressure that if i did have another baby that i can not have a single mone about anything. Like wanting the baby to sleep through, having some time to myself, just taking a break or anything. As i do find myself now preeching to anyone who mones to me about that kind of stuff.
I tell them so what if your baby doesnt sleep through, so what if your baby crys and so what if you have to spend 24-7 with them, why did you have them, isnt that what you have to do.

I would give anything to have that back, but at the same my babys were all so good in that way, that it didnt bother me anyway, but i can see how people would feel if there baby wasnt as easy!

It has taking my m/c to realise how much i do want another baby as i know that it will never replace my son. I will be so lucky if i can have another baby.

xxx

[lpool]

so sorry for your loss! I think having another baby will help to heal me too? does that sound selfish? being only six and half months since my son's passing? that's how i feel sometimes.
Did you have just have the two? or did you have more?
How did you feel/handle the second pregnancy after your sons passing? Can i ask what he died of? Was it also sids?

xxx

[Mozartcowgirl]

Richard was my fourth.. I also have a 16 year old dd.. a 13 year old ds.. an 11 year old ds.. a 7 year old ds.. and a 5 year old dd.. this baby is a boy .. Richard would have been 8 years old..

richard passed away 7 days after getting his first series of shots.. the medical examiner found slight congestion during the autopsy.. and later on .. when i had danial. my 7 year old.. his pediatrician suggested that we wait until he was at least a year old to have his shots..
I will say that I did feel guilty about having another baby.. but.. it went away.. all those feeling about replacing your baby that passed is normal.. and believe me.. nothing can ever replace the baby you lost.. there isnt a day that goes by without me thinking about richard.. there are times when i blame myself.. when i blame the shots he got.. when i blame just about anything.. i blamed myself alot as well.. ( i was working when he passed) i kept thinking... if only i had been at home.. i would have known something was wrong.  no one can change what has happened.. and having another baby i think.. is  a wonderful thing to do .. it has been so very healing for me.. i went to counseling for a while. because i still have nightmares about the day he died.. and there is one thing.. that i always keep in my mind.. if it were not for the sacrifice Richard made... then danial.. and hannah would not be here.. a minister that i was talking to said that to me.. and it has helped me alot.. my mother passed away 28 days after richard passed.. and.. that helps me as well. i like to think that they are together.. a massive amount of feelings are perfectly normal for you to have.. I have them all the time.. losing a baby is such a hard thing to go through.. and in reality.. i dont think any one of us stops going through the pain and the heartache...
feel good about yourself.. your baby who passed knows that you love him.. and that you will never stop loving him.. i am sure that he or she would not want you to stop living your life.. try to think of only the positive things.. and when something negative enters your mind.. just think of the good times you had with your baby.. hope that all is well.. here is my email if you want to talk about it more.. ***@**** take care!!

[pale green star]

Hi, I know it's been a while since someone posted on this site... I'm hoping to be able to talk to someone.  I lost my beautiful baby boy to SIDS at 6 weeks old on April 12,2007.  It is by far the worst thing I have ever had to go through.  We are currently trying to pregnant again.  It is such a hard time, going through the grief of losing my son, the only thing that keeps me going is the hope that there will be new life growing inside me soon.  Anyone have any experiences or advice they would like to share..... Thank you...

[tmv]

You may want to go back and post this question yourself. A lot of people don't read the old posts bc of the dates and yours seems important. Just click on the ask a question and go from there. I hope this gets you a lot of responses. I am so sorry for your loss. However, I don't have any experience to offer you. Hopefully others will see your new post and respond. Best wishes.

[lilypad143]

I'm sorry about your loss, but I did want to know how does SIDS happen? Is there anyway to prevent it ?

[tomel]

mabye start a new post...alot of different theories on why sids happens...have actually read that co sleeping can help prevent...also obviously sleeping on their back

[pale green star]

S.I.D.S claims the lives of about 2,000 seemingly healthy babies in the United States alone each year.  The diagnosis of S.I.D.S, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, is a diagnosis of exclusion.  When there is seemingly no cause of death it is termed SIDS.   Not too long ago a "Back to Sleep" campaign has helped to reduce the # of SIDS cases, but since then the #s seem to have plateaued.  Currently there is no way to predicts or prevent SIDS.   However there are ways you can reduce the risk.  Breasfeeding, putting baby to sleep on their back, not smoking, and some say co-sleeping can help reduce the risk.  In my case none of these things prevented our tragedy.  All of these guidelines were followed.  My son was breastfed, I never smoked or was around anyone that smoked through my entire pregnancy.   He simply stopped breathing sometime in the middle of the night.  Researchers have some theories as to what is happening, but there is no clear understanding as of yet.  For more information see http://www.bmc.org/pediatrics/special/SIDS/
Thank you for your responses.  
I think I will take your advice, tmv, and post a new question.  Thank you...
Take care everyone...