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Should I be over losing my baby by now?
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Should I be over losing my baby by now?

I lost my baby earlier this month and I am having a really hard time and no one but my boyfriend understands.  My parents think I should be over it right away.  No one I know has ever lost a baby yet everyone thinks that I should forget it and move on.  I just can't though... Earlier this year I spent months in the hospital and almost lost my life and I never expected to make it to have babies.  Ever since I was little I have wanted a huge family and it has been so hard on me.  I think about it and cry everyday and I really try not to cry infront of my boyfriend anymore because he has been so strong for me and I feel like it's time I'm strong for him but it's hard... There are days where it's more okay than others and then there are days where don't think life would go on.  If I didn't have the love of my life right here with me I don't know how I could do this.  Im just tired of people telling me to get over it or acting like it was no big deal.  It is the biggest deal I have ever gone through.  I just can't accept it... I just want all the pain to go away!  
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173145_tn?1301704450
I dont think that you will ever get over it god knows i havent its been almost 3 years since my first and i have had 2 more since then last one wasin January it just gets easier to deal with when you start for another child or when you concieve (conceive) you will have other things on your mind but i hope that it does get better for you
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147803_tn?1234403260
First of all, let me tell you that I am sorry you have to go through this. I have been there 5 times. The first time I went through this was back in 2004, I lost my baby at 5 months due to low amniotic fluid...the baby didnt develop any kidneys, bladder, or a liver. So I was faced with the question of if I wanted to terminate and move on, or see if i make it until delivery and deliver a baby who would either be dead upon birth or dead in a matter of minutes after birth. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about that day and my decision. I went ahead and chose to do a d and c, I have to live with that every day of my life. Sometimes I question if what I did was right, and I honestly think that was the right choice for me. I would not want to see my baby suffer any more than he was. Anyway, the last 4 never made it to 9 weeks. I do have one daughter who is the light of my life, she is 19 months old now. I am pregnant again and just hoping and praying this one will be good. So, all this to say that you never forget and get over your lost children. You will think about them almost everyday. Ya know what really helped me a lot was miscarriage jewelry. I have a necklace that has all my lost babies birthstones on them with a heart that has babies footprints on them and all the dates i lost my angels. That really really helped me, it let me know that i was not forgetting them, just trying to move on with them in my life. I think something like that would help you a lot. I never take mine off, I have worn it for almost a year now.I am sorry this is so long, i just wanted to spill my story to you and let you know that it is ok to grieve, you need too...if you need to talk, i will give you my email address so we can talk. Take care sweetie.
Amber
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Avatar_f_tn
i am sos oory 4 you, you are not the only one, we have a lot of women who suffered from loss on this site, and millions in the whole world. i lost my baby at 36 weeks pregnancy, and my family was telling me that i have to get over it from the first day i delivered her, believe me. they did not even let me cry for her, i waited until i go into my room and cry as crazy, it is hard. even my husband did not want to see me crying, he was so strong and did not show to me what he suffers from, but i know it is hard on him as me.
the good thing is i am trying now to live my life eventhough i can't never forget her but we have to live and live go on. try to be strong and do it to yourself, you don't want to lose yourself, you will have 100 of babies soon
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel like everyone thinks that because Im so young and didn't plan this pregnancy that it doesn't hurt.
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147803_tn?1234403260
How old are you? That is not right for people to do that. I was 19 when I first got pregnant and that one was really unplanned. He had just proposed to me and our whole family ended up thinking we got married because we were preggo...which was not the case. You know how you feel in your heart and if people cannot be supportive of you, then you should tell them how you feel. You were a mommy just like them! So sorry you have to go through all this mess.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Im 17... and it's not fair.  There are days when I just have a really hard time and I get grumpy and my parents don't understand that so they just yell at me...  I think out of anyone my parents don't understand at all and they are the ones who really think I should be over it.  My dad hasn't said a word about me losing my baby and my brother never said a word about me being pregnant or losing my baby.  The day I lost my baby, my mom said "so now your starting on the pill"... like she didn't even care what just happened and I need to suck it up and move on.
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147803_tn?1234403260
I am really sorry that you have to go through this. They should really be more understanding. My parents were and are still the same way with me. I really honestly know how you feel. Maybe you should try and tell them how you feel. Losing a baby is hard enough, but when you cannot talk to anyone about it is all the worse. I am here if you need me.
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221025_tn?1332558946
Take as long as you need to grieve.  Everyone grieves differently.  After fifteen years of trying, we finally got pregnant in February this year to lose the baby in April.  It still hurts and I still cry.  We were able to find out that if our son had been born, he would have been born with an extra chromosome causing a rare disorder.  Doesn't make it much easier.  There is no body, there is no funeral, there is no grave, nothing, its like he never existed.  What I found helpful was that I named him.  Now, when I think of my son, I don't think of "it", I think of him with a name.  It makes him seem more real to me.  I also planted a plant in the yard - and whenever I see it, it reminds me of what we had, if only for two months.  If you find that you grief is debilitating and you cannot function and complete normal everyday tasks, then I would suggest speaking to your doctor and asking about grief counseling.  You have to move on, but you don't ever have to forget your baby or stop loving him or her!
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Avatar_f_tn
It's hard because we never knew what it was... we will always have to remember out baby has "it" not he or she...  It's hard not having a name or anything.  All I have is an ultrasound of a tiny white dot... that is my baby!
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134578_tn?1404951303
I think you could name the baby, there are a lot of names that would do for a boy or a girl, and the baby won't mind if you give him or her a more androgynous name.  It would help you feel the grief and possibly let some of it out.  As for your parents and brother, you are probably right that they are thinking you have "solved a problem" instead of realizing you have a legitimate right to be sad.  I would give yourself some time to heal and then make some plans to move on in your life.  You can still have all the things you dream of, including the big family...now, though, is the time to rest your body and to heal.  Good luck and (((HUGS))).
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Avatar_f_tn
you could name it baby angel or angel, it will take time. i know what they are telling you, my family always told me" it is ok, you did not feed her, you did not give her a shower, you did not see her too much she has to be nothing 2 you, you did not  even hear her voice or see her eyes." but please how come? i've been with her for almost 9 months and even befor i was planning for this pregnancy, i wanted it. why i am not supposed to grief while all moms whom loss their child grief...., is it just because my baby was born still...., just because she weighted only 6 pound..., but she is my baby..... she lived in me 9 months.. i felt her from the begining...you will never forget that baby, but time will help you to deal with your pain, i don't want to tell you that you are still young, and you will have a lot of babies soon, because in hurts me when somebody says this 2 me. take your time, grief...but it is ok you know have an angel in the heaven. i am so sorry for every one who lost their babies, it really hard, and takes time.
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219836_tn?1213547452
ITS OK NOT TO GET OVER IT. I UNDERSTAND I HAD A MISSCARIAGE FOUR MONTHS AGO. AND THE FIRST DAY I WAS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL I WENT HOME CRYING I FELT EMPTY INSIDE. THEN THE DAYS PASSES I WOULD SEE A BABY IN TV, OUTSIDE, MY FRIENDS ETC. AND I WOULD END UP IN TEARS. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED A BABY AND WHEN I HAD IT I LOST IT. IT IS HARD TO GET OVER IT I KNOW THAT. WHAT I DID WAS I PLANTED A ROSE ON ITS MEMORY AND I SEE IT GROW EVERYDAY AND THAT HELPS A LILTTEL, THAT IS MY BABY RIGHT THERE GROWING EVERYYDAY JUST NOT INSIDE ME. NOW IM PREGNAT AGAIN IM 5 WEEKS AND IT SEEMS LIKE I WILL LOSE THIS BABY TOO IM DOING EVERYTING I CAN TO NOT LOSE MY BABY. I DONT KNWO IF I WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE AGAIN. THANKFULLY MY BOYFRIEND IS WITH ME AGAIN. WHEN I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN I DIDNT WANT TO TELL UNTIL I WAS THREE MONTHS BECAUSE I KNOW HE IS HURT AS WELL. JUST HOLD AND REMMEBER YOU BABY LOVES YOU. AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A MOM EVEN THO YOU DONT HAVE A CHILD IN YOUR ARMS. GOOD LUCK AND IF YOU WANT TO TALK IM ALWAYS ON
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Avatar_f_tn
I lost my baby last year in April. I was 28weeks pregnant when she just stopped breathing.
How I wish I could know what went wrong. I cry everyday
I miss her so much. I have a 10year old son
Whom I love so dearly. How do I get over this loss?
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202436_tn?1326477933
You take it one day at a time.  Give yourself time to grieve.  For some people it takes longer than others.  I would suggest you check in to a support group or grief counseling.
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1268736_tn?1270412901
hi im going through a misscariage right now, and im so sad and angry and have knowone to talk to but my partner and i dont know why im being so horrid to him , cause i love him so much and i know he is also so sad , i just dont know how to explain to hom how i feel , and that i cant just jump back and be normal in a few days , i dont even care if i live or die at the moment and that is so stupid , im not even cross at him , why do i do it ?
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202436_tn?1326477933
Because of grief.  Everyone handles grief differently. I would suggst that you too would benefit from a support gruop or grief counseling to help your channel yoru feelings in a more healthy manor.  Losing a child, at any stage, takes a very heavy toll on a woman, especially if she has been trying to conceive to any length of time.  It took me a few months to move on after my first m/c, it took me closer to a year to move on after we had a full term stillborn and it took me a couple months to move on from my last miscarriage...the only reason that one was so fast is becuase I got pregnant again 2 months after.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm so sorry I just lost my baby boy two nights ago.... I have no idea what I'm doing. Or how to go on he was 7 wks old it was the first time I put him down and let him sleep alone... it feels like its all my fault. On top of that my floor had a hole  in it that I hadn't gotten fixed yet and dss tried to take my other two girls. They have to stay with my mom right now so I feel like ive lost my entire family... I have mo odea how i can ever get passed this. I dont think being yoing has anything to do with you getting over it or the fact that urs wasnt planned neither was mine i didnt even know i was pregnant until 6 months he got here and was gone so fast. Some people are posting about having more children how do you even fathom that? Is it normal to want another. And even so soon is it posible to have another without feeling like your replacing the lost. I'm so confused and upset and probably not even making sense. I know this is the worst year of my life and I feel like it can only get worse. I lost both my grandparents within days of each other in Jan and now my precious little angel will lie beside them.. its  just so unfair
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