Sorry not pregnancy related....Need advice please! Long!
Hey ladies! I'm sorry, but this isn't pregnancy related, but I need your advice. You've ladies been great in answering my questions, so I thought maybe you could answer something for me. Right now I live with my parents and am going to college full time. However, they've already told me that there won't be a baby in their house, so I have to move out when it's born. The problem is..my parents are divorced (dad lives out of state), and my father is required to pay for my college tuition as long as I live at home. See the problem already? My fiance has horrible credit, so the only way we could move into any place would habe to be under my name. My question is, if I get a place under my name, would I have to change my address? My mom and stepdad want me to somehow be able to say that I still live at home so that they don't have to pay my schooling, but if my address changes then there's no hiding it. Hope this isn't confusing. Any advice would be great! I appreciate it, thanks again ladies!
First of all, I would not recommend lying to your father. I would be open and explain the situation to him, he may surprise you. He may decide to no longer pay support. That is entirely up to him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are a parent now and you have to be responsible for your own self as well as this child.
I personally think you mother and step-father are being unfair about makingyour leave and down right despicable about tricking your father into paying support when he no longer has to. If you do this and your father catches wind, the courts would order your mum to pay back all the money to him anyhow.
If you are mature enough to raise a child, you need to be mature enough to pay your own bills. I would investigate grants, low interest loans, etc.
How old are you first of all? Secondly, I have to agree talk to your biological dad about what is going on at home with Mom. Also, look into getting help from the state for living/food/medical/child care while you finish college (some states require you to be 18, others say that if you are under 18 your parents are still responsible for you and your mother could end up paying YOU child support for yourself!). What reason does your mother give about being on your own with a newborn? Perhaps she might change her mind the first time she sees her grandbaby, hopefully. It's really hard to do it on your own suddenly with a newborn, its hard enough on your own without one!
You are supposed to change your address when you move, but you can get away with out doing it. I moved 800 miles away at one point and never changed my address. So Just don't change it, and all should be good.
Does your father intend to keep paying your tuition? If he would be likely to stop if he got a chance, won't you moving be the opportunity for him to stop? Or is your mother asking you to pretend to your father that you are still living with her so he will be fooled into continuing to pay? I think if this were the situation, I wouldn't move out until I finished school. Your mom shouldn't be able to force you out for other reasons if it means you will lose your rights to college money from your dad. I'd talk to the judge who ordered the child support.
If your dad promised to pay for your schooling then he will probably still do this--even if you move out--do you really want to be lying to your dad? It is kinda funny that he is required to pay for your college--usually once you turn 18 all chid support payments are ended----if your mom wants you to lie to your dad--what does that say about her--you should look into how to pay for school if your dad does stop paying--or maybe if he doesn't pay your tuition he would help you with rent on an apartment for you and his noew grandchild...Good Luck
Hi there, I also don't think that you should lie to your father even if your aren't close with him. You may be in the future and that could cause problems. I am a full time college student with three little ones and one on the way (I'm 23) the grants they have now are great, if you don't get enough grant money there are always student lenders that don't look at credit and repayment begins 6 months after you graduate. Best Wishes in your decision.
Can I ask why your mom doesn't want a baby in her house?
As I know, my father is planning on continuing to pay for my college by continuing to pay for my child support. But, that's only if I still live at home. My stepdad/mom want me to "pretend" I'm still living at home so that my father will still be paying the support for my schooling. They don't want to tell him the truth that I moved out, because he's been known to take them straight to court even after saying that he was okay with stuff. And we can't talk to the judge who did the support, because that was over 10 years ago that it was filed I believe.
No offense but I think that is really wrong of your mother and step father to kick you out of the house because of the baby but then expect you to lie to your dad so they don't have to pay for school. Will they have to pay for school if your dad doesn't or will you have to pay? If they will I would change my address just for the fact of what they want you to do. Thats just me. To answer your question I think your supposed to change your address but my husband was out of the house for years before we were together and I still think his mail goes to his moms. Good luck and I'm sorry you have all this stress when you should be enjoying your pregnancy.
I personally wouldn't lie to your dad and can not believe your mother would suggest it...sorry but to me that is bad parenting skills.
I would be so appalled at the request.
I'd be open with your dad, he may not pay child support for you but may help you with classes.
He is your father and wants the best for you, I'm sure. If he sees you as the woman you seem to be, a full time student who decided to keep and raise her baby....he may surprise you with his generosity.
This obviously is a personal decision but I would be horrified by what your mother is suggesting to you .....
It's hard but my parents allowed my sister to stay with her daughter until she finished school...she got pregnant at 19 and needed to finish 3 yrs of school....they didn't kick her to the curb.
Now granted they didn't pay for her school....she had to get a grant/loan but she had free roof over her head and food.....
Hey everyone! I don't know if anyone will see this or not. Thanks for the advice...I'm with you all on looking into getting loans or grants. That's not a problem for me, especially since I only have a year more to go that won't be paid for. I'm 20, btw. Someone asked why my mom doesn't want a baby in the house....well it's not her, it's my stepfather. Just all the words from him get relayed by my mom since the two of us don't talk. They already have 3 little ones (10,8,6) in the house, so that's why they say they don't want another. Also, my biological father and I don't have a relationship at all, and he's been looking for a way to stop paying ever since the beginning, so I know he won't help out with an apartment or what ever else. In his opinion, it's my mother's job to do all that, not his. I'm prepared to do it all on my own, with school and getting my own place, but I was just asking because my mom keeps bringing the subject up. Thanks everyone!
I wouldn't lie to your dad. Seems like he'd just get really mad if he found out the truth. If you are upfront with him then he may just get angry with your mother, but continue to pay for your tuition! If he does stop paying, you should still get lots of help through the state and federal government. They are really wonderful when it comes to giving single moms a hand in getting a better education! And even though you are still with your boyfriend, make sure you set up an appointment with child support enforcement. If something should happen between the 2 of you (heaven forbid) then he will be responsible for child support for your baby!
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