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Stay-At-Home-Dad
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Stay-At-Home-Dad

So... knowing I need to return to work in about 4 weeks now, the husband and I have been trying to figure out what to do about daycare... Currently if we go with a daycare and Nadezdha needs to be in one full time we are looking at about $140.00 a week in daycare costs.  That adds up to nearly $600 a month.  While we are looking into ways to lower that... (adjusting hours and my parents helping out when able).  I just am not sure that I want to (or we can afford to) pay that much a month.  I'm also not sure I'm comfortable with leaving the baby with a nearly complete stranger.

My husband has a 2 year college degree, I don't.  I however make about 3-4 times what he does at his job (he makes about $1200 a month on a good month).  So, I'm trying to decide if it makes sense to take him off work totally and have him return to college while I work to get his bachelors... and to stay home with the baby (I am very uncertain on this).  Or if he should just go back to school an work full time while looking for another job... either way, I know I'm stuck.  But cash is already tight and I'm not sure if losing the 1200 totally a month is worth gaining the 600 we would if he worked... I also know I will probably get resentful and very jealous that I can't be with her and he can...

So... what do you ladies think?  Is anyone else got a SAHD?  
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19 Comments Post a Comment
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173939_tn?1333221450
That`s a tough question, mainly from the financial point of view. Aside from that I am really old-fashioned and believe a newborn needs her mommy as much as possible but if the choice were between fulltime daycare and the daddy, I would rather choose daddy. My brother was a stay-at-home-dad for a full year and he wonderfully bonded with his son. His son would rather turn to him later on for comfort than to his mother for a while but after age 3 or so there was not much of a difference in bonding. Personally I would be too jealous to give up the bond but that`s just me. Do you think you could make arrangements between all of you, including your parents, to work part time and have both your husband and yourself take care of Lilith alternating? Just to avoid the daycare for another year or two? Good luck with your decision. It must be hard.
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134578_tn?1383690151
For me, it would depend on how well and carefully he watches the baby.  My husband has been known to leave the baby in the front yard in a stroller while he wanders off to the back yard "just to move the hose," and kind of get lost in what he's doing, and leave the baby alone.  It's hard to be full-time with a baby, and you have to know when to pay attention and when it is possible to look away, and my husband is not one who is really alert to that.  Monetarily, it sounds smart for your husband to be home.  If he's good with the baby, and won't see it as largely time for himself with the baby just sort of there, that might be the way to go.
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176285_tn?1206069158
I have to return to work in a week and I am so undecided what to do about daycare.  We have a sitter lined up but the thing about it is is that my husband's family swears by her but I don't know her.  She will only charge $75 a week compared to $161 a week were my niece works at.  At the moment we can not afford the $161 a week since I've been off work for 3 months but knowing that my niece is there to check on him would make me feel alot better since I work 50 miles one way from the daycare.  If it was up to my husband I would quit my job and stay home but how do you quit a job you've been at for 14 1/2 years.  I've even asked my husband to quit and stay at home with the baby but with his patience my little boy would sit and cry all day because he doesn't believe in holding a baby alot.  I have a week to think about it and come up with something.  Hope everyone takes care.
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Avatar_f_tn
my dh would love this situation, but since he doesnt produce milk and the navy will keep him for one more year, he cant lol.  i have several neighbors that are the sahd while mom goes off to work.  like annie said some men do get blindsighted and may not do things the way we want them to, but daycare may not either.  you have to consider with that $600 left how much would he save on gas?  does he tend to eat out for lunch?  are their dues he pays?  in my opinion i think when you are only bringing home a few hundred extra, you can cut corners at home to make up for that and the baby gets to have a parent and their own home.  
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220238_tn?1210596817
I would strongly suggest the s-a-h-d situation. When I had my 1st child, DH quit his ft/day job for a pt/night job and stayed home with dd while I worked. It saved us on daycare and it gave dh a new appreciation for mothers and women in general.  DD just turned 9 and they have a remarkable relationship and I know it's because he was her primary caregiver those 1st 2 years.  Good Luck!!
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195145_tn?1255640047
THAT'S US!!! My DH is an excellent sahd!  We had talked about it before we even got pregnant, and he had said, eh, no.  Then, when we were pregnant he did a complete turn around.  For the first 10 weeks, I stayed home.  When my leave was up, it was all him, and he has done an EXCELLENT job!  I would pump at work so she could continue on breastmilk.  DD just turned 14 months and boy oh boy is she a daddy's girl!  There were a few reasons for the sah situation... I made more money and love my job... He made much less and wasn't too crazy about his job - like pertykitty said, the cost of gas, union dues, business clothes... Coworkers always complained about how the kids in daycare share sicknesses... And daycare is SOOOOO expensive!  My thought is, if we can tighten our belts for a few years, why not.  Not to put anyone down for using daycare, I was just glad that we were able to do the alternative.  Don't get me wrong... Having a mother who taught kindergarten, I know the importance of DD being around other kids... Our plan is to have her begin daycare at 3yo.  
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151154_tn?1208134182
I would never let my husband stay at home only for the simple reason that my house would look like a tornado hit it....lol...
I worked the past couple nights and he stayed home and what a mess!!!
I am in the same situation as you with daycare.  My husband makes more than me because of his built in overtime with 24 hour shifts.   I don't have any help at all with family or friends and don't want strangers taking care of Ayden.  Our decision was for me to quit my job and go back to bartending a  couple nights a week on the opposite days of my husband.  I bartend for Disney so its a fun job and the hours are great.  

I think if he's willing to quit his job and stay home then let him.  Daycare is so much money.  Its like your working just to pay it.
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154929_tn?1196191338
My husband was laid off for a short period of time and he stayed home with our son--it worked out great--I think they have a great bond--and now that he is back to work on some weeks he is off during the week so the kids stay home with him--they do a great job and have fun for the most part--my husband is a neat freak so my house is never a mess with him (lucky).  I think if your husband wants to take care of his own children then let him do it--it is great for both of them.
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Avatar_f_tn
when my sis and i were little i remember my dad being laid off work.  my mom who was a sahm went to work and he took care of us.  it was great! our hair never looked worse but we loved every minute of it!
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220217_tn?1209683277
I know this isn't really the same since it will be me staying home, but we were looking at about $1200 a month for day care with the twins and I only make $1400 a month.  It didn't make sense for me to continue working for basically $200 a month.  We have decided that I will be staying home once the twins are born.  

I think you could cut corners where necessary to make him being a stay home daddy would work.  He could go back to school and get his degree and that would benefit the entire family.  It about what't best for baby - I believe.  I would trust my husband over day care any day if I were in that situation (but I'd have my parents come check on him - hee hee).
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175662_tn?1282217256
Some of you guys made me laugh a whole lot and I really appreciate the comments and suggestions.  I think to get through the holiday (don't want to drown in the lack of income being off has caused, and don't want to gyp the other 2 kids out of Christmas) it might be something that would be really good for the family.  Especially if he can get the FASFA filled out for financial aid to return to school.  I guess that it really isn't that much of a loss of income, after all I did take a 40% hit for most of my pregnancy and the post partum... and 100% hit from my income when I had my first surgery.  So we already know what its like to tighten the belts some.... Thanks ladies.
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177465_tn?1288242063
I think it would be a good idea to have him stay at home! Like others mentioned, he'd have to spend gas money, food money, etc. which wouldn't amount to much of a paycheck in the end. Plus, the first couple weeks at daycare Nadezdha will be exposed to all kinds of fun germs so you can expect to have to keep her home a few days (even though you'll still have to pay for those days) and then the whole family will pick up what she's got, which will result in more days off work. Whenever I'd start a new daycare job I could expect to be sick the first couple weeks just due to adjusting to the new germs!

If nothing else, he could work on doing some online classes during the day while he's home and find something part time in the evenings until after the holidays if need be! :)

Hope you get it all figured out! :) We're back at work today already! I got sick of sitting at home!
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Avatar_f_tn
money is tight with us as well right now.. im in school.. and.. craig works nights.. so that we dont have to havea daycare provider..

how about him working part time nights? and you work days? mix it up? full time for both? i have no idea what you are going to do .. just thought that i would suggest the night working.. as craig does it.. and its working out ok where money is concerned... i dont like the fact that i have all the kids.. by my self.. with no help at night... he gets all the quiet time with zane in the am...lol... BUT.. maybe its his time to do this!!  he relaly enjoys quiet mornings with zane.. while all the kids are in school.. .. i get home from school.. then..he goes to work.. and gets home at midnight.. hope things work out for you!!!
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175662_tn?1282217256
I work retail, and especially going into the Christmas hours, my hours are not predictable.  I have to work 2 nights till close a week... and 2 days of opening... but other than that... yeah very unpredictable.  We were going to try to get my parents to pick her up off days so they'd have time with her and we might pull off part time care (with creative scheduling) and save $$ too.  Thinking that even if it is $25.00/week... that pays for diapers...  
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175662_tn?1282217256
Holding Lilith.  Anyhow, I honestly want him to be working... I hate to do it that way... even if its part time.  This weekend was daddy training weekend... it went okay.. but if I hadn't prepped things... yeah he'd have been lost.
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177988_tn?1266802499
My husband would love to be a stay at home dad... whether or not I would feel comfortable with it is another issue.  I would probably be jealous and worry that he may not hold her enough... but then again, it would be such a better situation than putting her in daycare! Fortunatly, he made more money than I do so I am doing the stay at home thing myself for a while and I have a friend that will watch her for free when I am in classes in January.  But I definetely think that since you make more money and he is willing to be a sahd, that you should do it!  We would if we were in your situation for sure!
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154929_tn?1196191338
There was an interesing article in Parents magazine I beleive last months issue or the one before--it was an article on stay at home dads--that just because they may not do the things the way we would it is not neccessarily a bad thing... they need a learning experience phase also.  And that dads may do something we would n't do at all but works for the kids better than the way mom would have done it.  I think as long as daddy knows where the formula and diapers are your baby will be fine.  My boys when they wake up every morning when my husband is gone to work the first thing they ask is where is daddy--I miss him--i just love him..and I am sure that is true probably in every household where the parent loves and takes care of their children...
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177988_tn?1266802499
i think i read that too!  And it (or a similar article) talks about how even though they don't have that gentle motherly way about them, kids still respond great to their daddy's because they have a more trusting, rougher (in a good way) way of playing with them and are more apt to let them learn things on their own.  Immortal one, if this is an option over day care I say def. go for it!!  
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Avatar_f_tn
My husband would be a  better stay at home parent than I would! lol  He cleans house, cooks, etc  But I think I too would be jealous that he'd get to be with the baby and I wouldnt.  I say go for it because day care costs are OUTRAGEOUS!!!  I dont see how people afford it!!!
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