'The No-Crying Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley...anyone heard of it?

Hello.  I've been trying to find a good book on training my daughter to fall asleep on her own.  I came across this book and wanted to know if anyone knows something about this book or has heard of someone using the methods described in this book.  I've been trying to train DD to fall asleep on her own.  We've tried the cry it out method but it's not working since I can't take the crying and I feel terribly guilty for doing this to her.  DD is almost 4 mos.  I know that some of you may say that it's too early for her to be trained but I went back to work and it's such an issue for her to fall asleep independently that we've got to do something about it.  She's used to falling asleep while nursing on our bed.  She will not nap until I come back from work which is around 2 pm.  By that time she's already all cranky and tired b/c it's way past her nap time.  My m-i-l who sits with her while I'm at work, can't do anything about it b/c she won't fall asleep with anyone but me.  I would really appreciate any feedback on the book and your suggestions on any books that offer a better solution to this problem.

[janeforest07]

I have read that book... I only liked it okay. I did not let my son cry in his bed until he was 7 months old because I felt sooooo bad. It only took 3 days once I did and he has slept through the nigh ever since.

I suggest the book (the baby whiserer).

If you don't like to leave the room while she is crying, try staying the room while she cries but not picking her up.

This is such a tough thing. DO what is best for you. Whatever you do, stick with it or nothing will work.

[Me2mommy2b]

Thank you for your input.  I have heard of the book "the baby whisperer".  Do you know who the author is?

[girlybuff]

I've posted this before but I will post it again.  
You mention "The No-Cry Sleep Solution".  I'm wondering if you've read this passage......

"He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionless. He screams. He is afire from head to foot, with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head if filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. NOTHING HELPS. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. He falls asleep again."

I am certainly no expert and this is only my OPINION but babies have one way of communicating that they need you, and that is to cry. If we don't go to them when they need us, we are only teaching them that they can't count onus at an early age and that stays with them forever. They do not have the thought process that we have. They have an overwhelming need throughout their whole body to have comfort and our job as parents is to give them that comfort. I know how much my head hurts after a hard cry so I cannot imagine how it feels for an infant.
I LOVED this book.  My DD is just about 5 months old and wakes up here and there. We have good nights and we have horrible nights. I'm still nursing BUT I don't think you can train an infant at this stage and as hard as it is for us we just have to deal with it. It does get better (so I hear).  I just think we get to a point where we say "my son/daughter should be sleeping through the night by now because so and so's child is" or things along those lines.  I truly believe that the child will sleep through the night when they're ready.  
Again, it's just my opinion and I don't want people to get angry with me for posting what I just posted, but I don't think it's possible to spoil an infant.  You're simply meeting their basic needs.
Good luck to you.

[janeforest07]

I agree with girlybuff becasue....that is what works for her. You have to do what is best for you and not worry about what everyone elses baby is doing. If you can handle the sleepless nights, keep rocking her to sleep (like i did for 7 months). If you have had it up to here and are going to lose it, then you need to take action.

You asked to the author of the Baby Whisperer... Tracy Hogg.

Good luck.. and remember...do what's best for you and never take any author too seriously.

[decogrl]

I still have not moved DD to her own room (She is 4 months on Sunday) But thank GOD she does sleep on her own.  We put her in the crib stroke her head, hold her hand and stay with her.  Do not put a sleeping child in the crib.  You are sure to have her wake up.  Put her down still awake.

Good Luck

[jennifer1977]

Out of five my las ds is the only one who seems to have trouble sleeping on his own, and falling back to sleep once he is awake, without nursing.  My mom said she read something about babies stop crying when they're left to cry it out not because they learned their lesson, or they have been trained, but because they get DEPRESSED!  I wonder if she read something from that book, and I wish I had known that before my other 4!
How sad!

[girlybuff]

I agree.  I've read many things that say they've purely given up out of exhaustion.  And what does that teach them?  Studies show that it teaches them that their cries go unanaswered so that's why they stop.  Even if they're just crying because they want to be held and comforted, isn't 4, 5, 6, and even 7 months too young to deny them this?
I couldn't bear the thought if my DD EVER just giving up!
A child of that age doesn't have the capacity to feed herelf, change herself or take care of any of her own physical needs, why should she be expected to be able to comfort herself? Spoiling means "ruining" and you cannot ruin a child with love and affection, you ruin her by abandoning her and ignoring her needs.

[milkmommy]

i just nursed my 24 month old to sleep and she is laying in my arms as i type this. i will gently lay her down in a few minutes. i also nurse her to sleep at night. She sleeps in our room.

i am 43 years old and have been a mother for 24 years. they grow up faster than you can possibly imagine. hold them as long as you can and as closely as you can because one day they will leave and you will have regrets.

never leave a child to cry, ever. they learn you don't care. does your husband leave you crying and walk away???

never put a child in a room of their own until they are at least 4 years old. (my son would be dead if he had been in his own room. at 13 months he got rsv during the night and couldn't breath. we heard his tiny gasps and got him in an ambulance to the er and his life was saved...dr said he would have died by morning if he had been in another room, probably would have been called sids)

never leave your child crying with a babysitter, ever. stay until they are happy and then leave. if they don't get happy, go back home. if you have a job and need to leave, sell that car, stop buying junk you don't need, and stay home.

your kids are the single most important thing you will ever do.

[Me2mommy2b]

You mention sleeping through the night.  That is not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about her being able to be fed, changed, and put to bed so that she can fall asleep on her own.  That's the issue with us.  I am not there for her afternoon naps so it's a huge problem.  It has nothing to do with sleepless nights, I just want her to be able to fall asleep when she wants to...Dh used to be able to rock her to sleep on his arms and that's not working anymore.

[girlybuff]

I agree with a lot of what you said.
I also nurse my daughter and she sleeps with my husband and I.  It's easier for the both of us.  I actually get more rest this way.  I know she loves the closeness as do I.  
I am fortunate enough to not have to work any longer but I do understand that there are many women who do have to work and who do the best they can under the circumstances.

[Me2mommy2b]

We do put her to bed awake only she starts screaming her head off b/c she's used to being nursed to sleep.  Unfortunately, I created this habit and I now need to break it.  Like I mentioned a few times before, this is not an issue when I'm home.  This is an issue when I'm at work and cannot nurse her for her afternoon naps.

[Me2mommy2b]

I was just gonna ask you if you work...You beat me to it.  WEll, I don't have the luxury to stay at home and like someone mentioned, sell the car...well, I don't have the car to sell.  We don't need one living in NYC.  Girlybuff...Some of us need to work and this arrangement of nursing 24/7 doesn't work out anymore when you go back to work :)

[girlybuff]

I think she just needs a little more time to adjust.  She'll get there.  It's only been a few days.  
Give her a chance to get used to mommy being away for a little while.  
Best of luck to you.

[Agiesmom]

I'm with girlybuff and milkmommy.  I never let my son cry it out and I won't let this baby either.  At 4 months old, they only know that they need something and no one's helping them.  Yes, they give up because they eventually realize that there's no point or they tire themselves out crying until they pass out.

I have a 10yo, well-adjusted boy who has been sleeping in his own bed, through the night, since he was 5.  We let him sleep in our room for a long time, then he transitioned to starting out in his own bed (I stayed with him until he fell asleep) and if he woke up scared or lonely, he would come into our room to sleep on the crib mattress that was made up with sheets, pillow and quilt on the floor next to my side of the bed.  He eventually stopped waking up and stopped coming into our room.  But even to this day, he knows he can always come to us if he needs to, but he very rarely does this (only if he has a bad dream or is sick).

I think it's better to get them to sleep on their own by helping them to feel confident and secure that you are there if they need you rather than having them give up because needing you is ignored.

JMHO, mind you.

[Me2mommy2b]

I went back to work just this wednesday.

[Me2mommy2b]

What's JMHO?

[milkmommy]

Maybe your mom can push the baby in a stroller at nap time.

[Me2mommy2b]

Tried that, it's not working...she doesn't take the pacifier.  The only other way she will fall asleep during nap time without the breast is if she's taken outside for a stroll.  It's gotten very cold in NYC so that option doesn't really work some afternoons.

[Agiesmom]

JMHO = Just My Humble Opinion

[girlybuff]

We've tried the cry it out method but it's not working since I can't take the crying and I feel terribly guilty for doing this to her. DD is almost 4 mos.

I'm sorry.  I saw this and thought sleeping was the primary issue.  If you're only talking about her nap time I don't understand where the crying it out thing comes into play if you're at work.  I guess I just misunderstood your post.

If she is only having a problem with nap time because you're not there, maybe try a bed time routine that can be implemented during the day so she can associate it with sleeping and going to sleep; i.e., sotries or singing or bath or things like that.  And maybe you shouldn't be the one to do these things so she gets used to the routine with someone else.  Maybe just for the time being until she gets into a schedule.  Maybe she will grow out of it.

[decogrl]

I go to sleep still very early (9PM) and Hubby gets DD from that point on until he brings her in my room around midnight.  When he gets her, I let him feed her and walk away.  I let him do the same routine with her so that no matter who does the hand holding, etc she knows it is associated with going to sleep.  If I am around and he tries it, no luck--she is looking for me.  It was hard at first but it works now.  Like the other poster said, when you are around try something with her other than nursing to comfort her to go to sleep--whoever cares for her to put her to sleep in the day should follow the same routine.  I let DD cry it out in the daytime--she almost always stops crying after 5 minutes and has learned to sooth herself to sleep.  If not, I go in hold her hand stroke her head and walk away again.  My mom let me cry it out, and I feel no less secure than any other kid.  

THe way I see it, is that if you are miserable, and cannot sleep you are not going to be able to be a good mother for your child.  You need to take care of yourself, so that you can care for the child.  Children sense stress in a mother.  It you let the baby cry for just a few minutes, it won't hurt anything and they learn then to go to sleep.  It works for me now and I don't feel like a terrible mother.

Good luck it is tough---my DD is now waking up from teething (just a month ago it was colic!)

[tiredbuthappy]

hi! i have worked in daycare for many, many years now. while most of the time i have worked with older children, i have worked with infants as well. these little babies are dropped off with people that are complete strangers to them and their routines, and for the most part we manage to get them all to sleep. i have applied some of the techniques i saw there while babysitting and have found them to work as well. one thing you may want to try is to gently rock/shake the crib. the motion may put the baby to sleep and you won't have to worry about moving her.  as decogrl said, many babies can be soothed to sleep by gently rubbing their backs. they feel your presence physically, but again, you don't have to move them. also, like decogrl said, it sounds like if you want the baby to learn to fall asleep when you're not there, you may have to change your routine a little when you have her so that your MIL can do the same thing. once she's used to falling asleep with MIL, you can go back to your old routine.

i also need to say that there are always those babies who just can't be consoled by anyone but mom. within time, with consistency, she'll get used to it.

[Me2mommy2b]

Thanks...I really needed to hear someone say that working is not going to effect my child in any bad way.  I mean, I'm sure I"m not the first or last mother who leaves her child at home to go to work.  At  least she's with her grandmother and I'm not gone the whole day.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

HOney, it's just been a little while, you, the baby and your mil are all trying to adjust.  It will get easier I promise.

And don't let anyone make you feel bad about working, you baby is being given the gift of alone time with nanny, how wonderful for both of them.

[Trialanderror]

I very much followed all advice of "The Baby Whisperer" which also has a long chapter about "not nursing the baby to sleep". Your baby is still very young and habits are not fully carved in stone but around 6 months they pretty sure will be. When my son was 4 months old, he still had a tendency to fall asleep after nursing. I made an effort to put him in his crib just after the first yawn but before he was fully asleep in my arm. The reason is that your baby needs to be aware of the transition. It is harder for a baby to trust falling asleep if she always finds herself in a different place than Mom`s arms after falling asleep. It will be hard to trust sleep that way. Around 4 months, my son used to jump up again the moment I tried to put him down and wanted to continue to nurse but I put him down anyway and stayed beside him. Next time I stayed beside him a bit shorter, then a bit further away and finally I just gave him one of my T-shirts as a cuddle blanket. He felt comfortable and actually never cried. I should add that I did sleep in his room during the night but I made sure not to respond to each and every sound he made. Long story - if you want to do yourself and your baby and your MIL a favour, try the putting-down method mentioned above.
Naturally your baby will miss you during the day, no doubt about it. There is not much you can do but it gets better.
Also, check with your MIL what exactly she is doing. She may try to put baby down too soon or too late, or keep running in at the slightest sound and disrupt baby`s attempt to fall asleep. Or maybe you can play certain music while baby is falling asleep and your MIL can play the same CD and both of you make sure to create the same naptime ambiente with dimmed lights. Good luck.

[2songbirds]

I just wanted to say that I work as well, opposite shifts from my hubby. My kids will not sleep without me at nighttime, so I sleep w/ my 3 yo and 16 month old in a full size bed. I'm also 26 months pregnant. As for nap times go, I work evenings so I get my 16 month old down for a nap before I leave.

Is there a way you can change your child's sleep schedule around a bit? Let her stay up a little bit later at night so her nap time will be when you get home from work.

I only mention that because that's what I had to do for my kids to adjust to my schedule. It works out perfect now.