Toddlers in Restaurants

The other day DH and I took our son to a restaurant to kill time during our open house.  At first DS is okay sitting in the high chair but then he wants to sit in the booth and less than 10 minutes later had to be held and then that wasn't sufficient he wanted to get down.  Now... I will admit that I was one of those people in my younger days who would look at a family and think "why can't they control their kids?!  I will never let my kids run around in a restaurant!"  And while I don't intend to let him run around... what do you do when a child won't behave in public?  Another great example is whenever we go to Wal-Mart he throws a fit if we put him in the cart and then DH ends up carrying a 30 lb toddler around.  It is very frustrating - do you just box your food and leave?  I really have no idea what the best way is to handle it.  On Father's day we were eating and this same thing happened (he freaked out when I left the table) and my dad said he'll just have to fuss for awhile but I felt embarrassed because people were looking at us!  DS did eventually calm down but had to be held and - well it is not very enjoyable going out to eat or to Wal-Mart.  What do you do?

[Tanker Chic]

I have read it is best not to take them out of the highchair or the shopping cart because then they will come to expect it.  I think being consistent. I also bring tons of snacky type foods.  

I think most of all it probably takes lots of practice, consistency and patience.  

[BearHitch]

Well... what do you do then when they are having a complete fit because you left them in the cart?  I told DH that was what we should do but once people start giving us looks I buckle and want him out so people stop staring at us....  :S  

[2ndBaby]

Just last Saturday we took our kids to eat dinner, and when our 21 mo old had to get in the high chair he started screaming.  Immediately the man at the table next to me said in a raised voice "Take him outta here!"  Man, was I ever p*ssed!  My son does have a temper to be sure, but we always do our best to distract him until he is calm.  This man didn't even give me a chance.  

Anyway, when in public, our first goal is to distract him.  If at a restaurant I'll play peek-a-boo, sing a song, give him the sugar packets, blow through a straw at him...anything to make it fun for him.  Last resort is always to take him out/pick him up.  That lasts for a couple minutes and then he wants to get down and run.  Not an option!  

I never take him out of a shopping cart.  It just isn't feasible for me to carry him while completing my shopping.  I have a cart cover that has a bowl built-in, so I always give him a treat in the cart.  If necessary I give him a toy or something from the shelves to keep him occupied.

I try to time shopping for early morning when possible, so he is 'fresh.''  As for dinner, if he didn't have a good nap, we don't go.

[RockRose]

We rarely went anywhere "nice" when the kids were that age - we'd go places like kiddy pizza places where it was acceptable for them to run around.

Joe's Crab Shack has an outdoor play area now,  just off the outdoor balcony,  which is great - good food AND a play place.

I've seen restaurants like Fridays or Chilis place families with little kids in a different area from families with only adults,  which works well too.

[April2]

Boy, this is a tough one. I'm not sure it even gets any easier when you have a strong willed child who throws tantrums (like I did with my daughter).
When my kids were toddlers we actually didn't go out to eat much but when we had company, etc. then we would bring snacks and quiet toys like books, etc. and that would usually entertain them for awhile. If they got fussy in the middle of the meal, one of us usually would take them out and walk them around for awhile while the other tried to finish eating and take turns. Not always fun, I know but it can be hard with a toddler because their attention span is so short.
As for stores, we would walk them out if it got too bad. My daughter used to throw awful tantrums when she was 3 and 4 and it was terribly embarrassing because sometimes I had to pick her up and carry her out, screaming, but I would warn her ahead of time and then take her home and put her in her room. Usually, I'd promise a treat if she'd behave but if she didn't, then we had to leave. It's not fun and we've had to leave carts of stuff before but I didn't want my kids throwing fits in a store or restaurant. Fortunately, only one of my kids was particularly hard headed, lol, the boys were easier for some reason!

[jennyb473]

I'm so glad you asked this question because we've been dealing with the same thing!  Jillian is 13 months old and we used to go out to eat 1-2 times per week.  Not any more!  Now that she is walking, she wants nothing to do with sitting still.  You'd think after trying it for 3 weeks we'd give up, but I guess we are thick headed too!  She does ok in the beginning usually but then when she is done - she is done!  she wants out of the high chair and will try to climb out if we don't let her!  So many restuarants don't have good straps on the chairs so we can't even strap her in - or they don't adjust or she just figures out a way around them.  It is getting really frustrating....she does the same thing in the grocery cart too - but so far we've been lucky and not had to leave a cart full of food.  I'm hoping once the walking thing is not so new and interesting that we'll be back to normal.....

[BearHitch]

Well I won't take him into the store to do actual shopping - we do grocery shopping in the evening and just one of us goes... I can't even imagine doing that!  For some reason he does better in carts at a smaller store than a Wal-Mart  :S  Maybe its less intimidating.  Thank you everyone for the posts!  I think that for our next open house we will eat somewhere that doesn't require too much waiting for your food and somewhere more kid friendly.  Its easier when we are out for like my brother's birthday because then the grandparents entertain him and pass him around so he doesn't have to sit still.  We've really gotten into if we are wanting to eat out without actually going there to get like Applebees to go and that ends up being $10 cheaper anyway because you don't have drinks or a tip  :S  

Anyway, thanks again for the comments!  I look forward to more!  =D

[tiredbuthappy]

For restaurants-
DD is 2 this week, and does pretty well. Right now a straw and mommy's water glass are often enough to keep her busy. when she was a little younger, we made sure to go at an slightly "off" time so that it's less crowded and service is faster. Something like dinner at 5.
I always bring a small backpack of toys. She loves books and coloring, and loves her travel magnadoodle. I let her pack it- it's a small toddler-sized backpack. If it fits in there, she can take it. She loves to wear it to wherever we are going.
I make sure to order quickly, and ask that the courses be delivered quickly. I don't mind if my salad isn't cleared before the entree comes out. Waiters are not supposed to do this normally and may not assume you want it done.
I never took her out of the highchair, so she never expected it.

Now... for my secret to shopping...

...I know it's not the best habit, but we don't go shopping that often...

dumdums! I discovered this a few months ago after we visited the Easter Bunny and he gave her a lollipop. My kid will sit quietly for a good 1/2 hour while she silently and patiently licks a lollipop down to the stick. May not work for a young toddler, and you're in trouble if your little one bites the lollipop, but for us it works. I am now willing to venture just about anywhere with her alone because I know she'll be an angel. Granted, my little one has a very mild temperament compared to some other toddlers. Ask me again in a year or so when the next one hits this lovely stage and I may be just as frustrated as you :P

[pertykitty]

the more you take them out of the cart they will continue to use screaming to get their way.  after a few times of telling addison tough that is the way it is she doesnt do it anymore.  now a restaurant is different.  people shouldnt be subjected to that.  i take toys and again remind her she needs to sit in her chair.  all kids are so different.  my sis is the one that does what is easiest, let them yell and run around. needless to say she gets mad when i tell her kids to sit their butt down now!

[mysty2001]

I say you have to be firm.  Talk to your hubby - draw a line and keep it.  If he won;t stay in the chair or cart and that was the line - then take him to the car.  It will only take one of two times of tough discipline and he will quickly get the message.  If you keep rearranging the line - he will always push
good luck

[April2]

tiredbuthappy, those dum dums work great for when you're getting their hair cut too, by the way! I discovered this trick when my son was around 2 and 3. He will sit quietly working on the lollipop while they cut his hair!

[Me2mommy2b]

Well, I'm glad we're not the only ones dealing with this.  I have to admit that we simply stopped going out with the kids to restaurants.  Luckily we have both sets of parents living not too far away so dropping them off to them is always an option.  As for shopping, I do it quickly, just throw my things in the cart and run before the kids start having a meltdown.  DD doesn't mind in the cart (almost 3 years old).  My 16 months old DS is a totally different story.  He screams his head off and the second I take him off the cart, he runs off (sigh).  Pretty soon I'll have to shop with no kids.  I agree, it's very stressful but I hope it passes soon.  

[BearHitch]

Well that is good to know that I am not alone in this battle!  :)  We've pretty much eliminated taking DS to a restaurant except for the past 2 weekends when we had an open house just because it was so hot, we needed food and our car doesn't have air  :S  I can't imagine if Isaac was the type to just run off, that would only add to the problem so much!!!

Thanks for all of the comments / stories!

[tiredbuthappy]

I'll have to keep that in mind for the future. Luckily, since I have a girl, we haven't had to go get a haircut yet. I'll take the scissors to her bangs every month or 2, but she doesn't notice if Noggin is on. Since her hair is ringlets, I think i'll be able to avoid haircuts for quite sometime. It grows, but doesn't really get longer.

[ImmortalOne]

Nezzy started this the other day in a restaurant.. we just boxed our food and left.  She is 22 months old and starting with temper tantrums and insisting on getting her own way.  My response is usually to hold her (without hurting her of course!) and let her know she isn't going to win... but my husband insists on putting her down immediately "Your just upsetting her more".  This is probably one of the first times we have come across parenting differences.  I kinda wonder if he lets her get her own way while I am at work and its contributing to it... Gonna have to work on that one myself.  

[heatherlynn22]

dh and i's boys are 11 months old so we don't take them anywhere "nice". we'll go to eat n park, denny's or olive garden (for lunch during the week when it's mostly quiet with very few people). for the most part they are very good babies but towards the end of the meal they do get fussy and don't want to sit anymore. i ALWAYS make sure i have a few different toys in their diaper bag to keep them occupied or snacks. gerber graduate puffs, arrow root biscuit cookies or other things like that tend to keep them happy while waiting for lunch/dinner.

[vsentz]

We don't go out to eat much... mostly because of economy. But when we treat ourselves, we do take Maddie. I try to aim it for her dinner time (or lunch) and just give her a snack to hold her off while waiting for the food. Usually she's so hungry by the time food arrives that she is eating with us at the same time. I works well! then when she's done, I pull out her drink, and her favorite snacks. I give her little 'tries' of my juice (I don't drink soda) or give her the straw to play with. She also loves shredding napkins, but I make sure the floor is clean when we leave (I hate parents that leave a mess behind).
She's usually good in restaurants and is laughing and flirting with the people around her (she gets quite a bit of attention...).
We just gotta make it a little quicker than when we didn't have her... ;)

As for the grocery shopping... she loooooves me to carry her! OMG, is she ever heavy now... so, I bought one of those cart covers and usually toss her drink in there and grab a toy or something for her to hold and play with while I do my groceries. Sometimes I'd grab a banana (this is last resort...) and peal it for her to eat in the meantime! lol she loves them. I also hand her the groceries (that won't break) to her and she knows she has to toss them back into the cart... she loves this!

I think the secret is to keep them busy. They start to feel 'important' and 'helpful' at this age, so the more you give them 'tasks' and stuff to 'help' you around the better.

Yesterday my husband asked me to bring a jug of water out and two cups while him and my FIL were working outside... I'd usually just stick Maddie in the highchair, or block her in the living room (baby proved now) and run real quick. But I figured, she would love to help me carrying the cups and I can get the door with a free hand!... I handed her the cups and we both walked outside... and she was the happiest!

[heatherlynn22]

ohhh yeah we clean the floor when we're done as well...or as we go. i HATED when parents would leave the HUGE mess on the floor when i was a waitress. my aunt always yells at me and says "it's their job. it's what they get paid to do." but they get paid 2.83/hr here in pa and i know a lot of those parents left rather small tips (i know having kids and leaving huge tips is usually not an option) and the huge mess just made my day HORRIBLE. so if i could help out even a little bit and pick up what my kids throw on the floor.....i do it. but i'm completely ocd about messes so i clean up the table to. lol.

[Tory3363]

My son is 16 mos. and we've been taking him out to restaurants since he was a few days old.  We never take him "nice" places that are expensive and where adults expect to have quiet meals.  

That being said, we don't go out when he's tired or really cranky.  We always bring snacks.  Gerber Graduates Crunchies are great snacks that look and taste like cheese puffs and our son loves them!  We also feed him little bits off our plates and bring him a sippy cup so he can have a drink since he doesn't drink from a straw, yet.

He's usually pretty good for about 20-30 min.  Then he wants to get out of the highchair.  One of us will usually walk with him in the lobby or out front while the other one eats so he doesn't disturb others.  Most of the time, we have no problem with him.

My feeling is, being in public and learning to behave in restaurants, stores, etc. is part of his socialization.  So we don't avoid going out.  BUT, he also has his limits as he's still so young.  I wouldn't expect him to sit still for an hour without getting agitated.    

Snacks, toys and patience are key to dealing with toddlers in public.

[waitingwithhope]

I didn't have time to read through everyone's comments so sorry if this is a repeat, but..as far as dining out with kids/babies:
Bring a ton of snacks and toys- I bring along special toys that only make their appearance at a restaurant- that way they are not bored with the toy
Ask to sit away from other patrons- usually they do this anyway, but if you can get a corner spot, there is less distraction. It also helps if you have a really noisy restaurant and then you go unnoticed.
Make a reservation for a corner table- we often call ahead and let them know we have a baby and we'd love a table out of the way. When I was nursing, I let them know that I needed to be in a corner somewhere so that I wasn't nursing in the middle of the room (even if I did nurse with a blanket over me).
We eat lunch or dinner at odd times- usually at 2 or 3 in the afternoon when the restaurant is less busy and the service is quicker.
Order your food right away, including ordering something for baby immediately. It makes it so that the wait is not as long.
Skip dessert- we rarely get to dessert and we'll get something at home later if we're starving
Be prepared to pack it up and go with it. There are times where our daughter has had it and we pay for the food and leave with leftovers.
Don't go during a nap time and don't leave the house if the baby is completely over the top starving either. A quick snack before you exit home can tide them over.
Leave fancy restaurants for when you are a couple and having a special night out. Deliberately choose places that are kid-friendly.
Buffets can work well too- you can eat your food quickly, choose what your baby can have and be able to scoot out when you need to.
Don't let them down to run around unless you are ok with it long term. Once our DD is "done" we leave or one of us leaves to bring her outside for a walk or to go to the car. We don't want her to get into the habit of thinking that she can run around or run under the table. If she is still calm enough to be held, we'll do that until the bill comes.
We try and be respectful to everyone else who is eating, on the same hand, if she fusses a wee bit here and there, that's kids and I think every parent understands.
I do like heatherlynn does and I clean the floor as much as I can before I leave- gathering it all up with a wet wipe. Wet wipes are great for cleaning the table too before my DD decides to try and put her mouth on it (ick).
I think it is good to introduce them to restaurants early in life so they understand how to behave, but you also have to know your own child's limits and what they can truly handle. If they can't handle it, skip it for a while and try again and just do picnics outside :) There have been times that we have realized that our DD is at a stage where she won't handle it well and we've avoided taking her until she came out of that stage. We praise her too when she's been great- even if she is little and doesn't understand everything we are saying, we do think she gets at least part of the fact that her mommy and daddy are proud of her.