Vaginal appearance changes after childbirth - Maternal & Child

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Vaginal appearance changes after childbirth

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seattlemom2plus

Nov 25, 2011

yeah I am more so worried about my stomach than my vagina :)

Lovefam

Dec 01, 2011

So incredibly glad I read this. 'Nuff said. It's been almost 4 yrs since my 3rd experience in childbirth, and my Dr also says it's normal down there, but the original poster summed it up perfect. When your vaginal opening is 3 times the size and you have some pink mucousy lumps that can be seen, it's NOT freakin' normal in my humble opinion. My husband also says he can't tell a difference, but it bothers me immensely to have the extra stuff there. Ugh

SIMONANDMARY

Dec 03, 2011

To: DOCTORS LIE ABOUT NATUAL CHILD BIRTH

IT HAS BEEN TWO YEARS AND MY WIFE STILL CRIES ABOUT HER NATURAL CHILD BIRTH EXPERIENCE BECAUSE SHE DOES LOOK OR FEEL THE SAME AT ALL. I SHOULD HAVE CRIED TO BECAUSE I CAN LIVE WITH IT LOOKING THE WAY IT DOES NOW BUT HOW LOOSE SHE IS NOW IS REALLY BAD. WE TALKED TO THE DOCTOR AND HE SAID IT IS VERY COMMON FOR WOMEN TO BE LOOSER AFTER GIVING BIRTH NATURALLY. I TOLD HER I CANT FEEL THE DIFFERENCE BUT SHE HAS TO KNOW BECAUSE I CANT FEEL MUCH ANYMORE UNLESS WE DO CERTAIN POSITIONS. HER VAGINA IS SO LOOSE. SHE DOES KEGELS BUT THEY DONT HELP. I WANT TO PUNCH THAT DOCTOR IN THE FACE FOR NOT TELLING MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE HAD NATURAL CHILD BIRTH.

angelbear82

Dec 19, 2011

To: specialmumma

Are you friggin kidding me simonandmary! Of course it's going to be looser! Your relationship should be a lot more than sex. I am pregnant with my second child and ended up on this thread as I was looking into baby sitting low and protrusions etc, I can't believe where this thread has gone from there.
I am shocked by the amount of women who are on here complaining about their bodies, it's horrible. I had my first baby at 26, no problems conceiving or anything but wanted children very much. I didn't even think about what pregnancy would do to my body, and saying doctors don't inform you enough, to be honest I wouldn't want to hear all the horrible details of what can or might happen as it wouldn't stop me from having children.
Simonandmary, can you honestly look at your child and say if the doctor had told you your wifes vagina would be left looser that you wouldn't have wanted to have them! and C-Section is not the answer, there are so many more things that can go wrong with C-sections than vaginal birth, IT IS MAJOR SURGERY, and you would just be on here complaining about your wife's hideous scar or flabby tummy, as once those muscles are cut not much you can do to sort that.
I had a lot of trouble at my first vaginal birth and took me a long time to heal and recover from it, but that's just the way it is, I don't look at my body and pine after the way it used to look, and it hasn't stopped us wanting to put ourselves through it all again ad have another child. I've even been told by the doctors that my problems were unusual for a first baby so I will def have the same problems this time and they will just have to manage it better knowing it's going to happen.
Still have 10 wks to go and a little anxious over the baby sitting low and worried I'll go early, and also worry about the recovery time again, but those times are short when you look at the big picture and SOOO worth it! Can't wait to meet my new baby!

jaz71

Dec 28, 2011

To: All the male posters

To all the men, thank you for your honesty.  I am into my second trimester now and my husband and I have had discussions about natural vs. C sections.  What is important to us is a healthy baby, no matter if it is done the hard way or the easy way.  There seems to be a pride in some women from their battle scars of natural childbirth, but no one is going to give you a cookie or trophy for pushing.

My husband and I are in this together till death do us part, and to not take into account our future sex life is ridiculous.  With all the stresses of parenthood, the last thing I want to worry about is whether or not sex will still be pleasurable.

I noticed that the male posters did not comment/complain about sagging breasts or flabby stomachs, like the women do. This is comforting for me to hear, as these changes are from the pregnancy itself, not the delivery.

And it is a good point that someone made that if you're going to have to get stitches from the episi anyway, you might as well just have the C.  They don't cut through the muscle anymore, according to my doctor.  And people commenting about the longer recovery time?  Judging from all the posts, it would appear that the length of time needed to Kegel back the vagina is a LOT longer than healing from a C section.

Mike_13

Dec 29, 2011

To: A note to myself, I guess

I don't know why I'm posting, I guess that I subconsciously think it might be cathartic. My wife had natural child birth with our son three years ago and I wish that she hadn't. I echo what the other men on here are saying, it is not the same. She is so much looser now than before that we have barely had sex since he was born.

Kegels. Tried them. No difference.

Muscle builders (little stress ball things she squeezes). Didn't work.

Different positions. Better, but limiting and frustrating.

Doctors? Talked to them. "Yep, that's pretty common. Nothing you can really do about it other than major surgery. Didn't someone warn you ahead of time that it was common with natural child birth? Oh well. Sorry."

Since then, she keeps telling me that she feels ugly. Everything I say is wrong. We don't have sex anymore. All we do is fight whenever the topic of sex comes up. She hates her body, mostly her vagina (I think her boobs look better. They sag a bit, but they are bigger). I don't think that I've seen her with her panties off in months. Life is not good.

About six months ago while on a business trip I was propositioned by a very beautiful younger woman and took her up on it. It was amazing. It was everything that I remember that my wife was before she decided that she needed natural child birth to feel closer to the baby. Or because it natural or mystically pleasing or because it's what her friends told her was necessary. Or something, even she can't remember. My affair, while terrible, made me realize just how much looser she is. I've had sex with two other women since that first time. Both while traveling and before you condemn me, I know its terrible, but it has kept us together because I've learned to get sex elsewhere and not pressure her about it. It works.

I understand that many of you want to have natural child birth because you think that it is the way things are supposed to be, but I think that we both know that is BS. Either way, a beautiful baby will be born and you will love it regardless of how it arrived. Tearing yourself apart, causing permanent damage and feeling less attractive because of it is no way to celebrate motherhood. I don't know what mystical thing might or might not happen if your baby is born c-section instead of the supposedly natural way, but think that most of it has become some sort of peer-pressure, anti-doctor movement that takes advantage of scared, soon-to-be-mothers and forces them into thinking that they are less of a woman, and that their child will be less of a child (if that is even possible), if they elect to think about their own future well being.

*** Women, you are beautiful creatures capable of incredible love, compassion and understanding. Please don't feel you need to sacrifice your future happiness because a loud, vocal minority knows exactly what say to scare you into physical martyrdom. Read the overwhelming posts on here and other sites from real people. Natural child birth negatively changes a lot of woman for the rest of their lives. Spending the rest of your life suffering for something that was ultimately unnecessary is no way to remember what should be one of the most joyous times of your life.

Morethanjustmom

Jan 04, 2012

To: To seattlemom2plus

I stumbled upon this post a couple years ago and check back in on it periodically, never posting myself. I am the mother of three, natural with the first and c-sec with the second and third do to tearing and complications with the first. And while I praise your upbeat attempts to encourage others to take the most natural route possible, the overwhelming response on here, and on a bunch of other similar sites with real people discussing this topic, seem to have the same conscious that a fairly high percentage of women have very negative and permanent changes to their bodies after opting for natural child birth.

When you take all of this into account, the advances in c-sections (my scar is almost non-existent and below my bikini line, not that I would ever wear a bikini in public) and the fact that there is no medical difference in newborns/babies and the risks are lower than being eaten by a shark in a swimming pool, your opinion has still never shifted. With an never ending flood of posts by men and women who are dealing with permanent problems that are much worse than a little scar, you still glorify those who wear the battle wounds of natural child birth while vilifying those who saw what real people are going through. It's clearly not a few isolated innocents, but a much more pervasive side-effect of natural child birth.

With my first child, I tried, I really REALLY did, to let my proud natural motherhood shine through, but never really believed it. After my second and third children, I realized that I got caught up in the unnecessary BS of trying to be an earth mother, keeper of the natural way and protector of sacred vaginal process. Now I see it for what it is, women (like me!) trying to do the right thing even though there really is no right way. I think that the last poster on here finally nailed it, "Either way, a beautiful baby will be born and you will love it regardless of how it arrived." So please, back off with the crunchy earth mom stuff, you're intentionally scaring new moms into your way and it comes across as you trying to justify your beliefs. Pregnant women have enough to worry about without you judging them for wanting to be more than someone's mom for the rest of their lives.

eenie77

Jan 06, 2012

Hey there, i'm 7 months pregnant and i am considering a c-section. My mom advises me to take c-section instead of a natural childbirth, based on her experience.

1st reason was she had 2 normal deliveries, then w/ the 3rd one she needed to be cut open bec of the child's position-which gives her 2 cuts one down there and the belly. So if your thinking of having many 3 or more children, you might want to go for for one cut.

2nd reason was that she was too loose that she could hardly feel anything..as she said.

I was really thinking at first..but when I asked some of my friends that gave birth, they said that they should have known earlier about the cons of having a natural delivery. Yes we can say this is not an issue..because of course the VAJJ is a sensitive topic.

My husband and I enjoy sex sooo much that it has been a major factor in our connection with each other. He is the silent-workaholic type of person, plus a virgin when I met him..haha that's why I want to share sex with him to the maximum level as long as possible especially after a hard day work for the both of us which is a stress reliever. Don't think im an addict or something... but come to think of it.. Sex is a basic need, a stress reliever, its something that you can share with your life partner for the rest of your lives.. After an arguement or after a tiring long day, its the best way to connect. Its not just the men, we women also needs it.

And with the motherhood issues on being cheated on c-section...it has never been an issue and never will be. There will never be discussions on whether 'my mom had me on a natural birth/c-section'.. Motherhood starts from the day your baby comes out in the world :)

jamesf67

Jan 07, 2012

To: The Women

Let me be the first jerk guy on here since so many have taken the high road. Sex with my wife after her insistence on "natural child birth" with our two children is terrible. She wanted to be all natural, at one with her motherhood, and it destroyed her vagina. Its loose, discolored and looks like something you would get from the deli counter of grocery store. Of course I lie and tell her its fine - and I guess that our intimacy is what is important to her. I hope that is all that it takes to make her happy, because I can’t feel a thing when we have sex. I've gone soft inside of her from lack of contact. And before you call me small, if I want to bring her to an orgasm, I use four fingers or an adult toy that she calls King Kong. Nice huh? But at least she was “natural.” Woo Hoo. Like either of our children care or would have been any different otherwise.

Luckily for me, I travel for a living. Escorts are cheap, easy to find and fully reviewed on many internet sites. For all I know, my wife picks up NBA players to satisfy her when I’m not there. Either way, our marriage is doomed. Sex is horrible, awful, embarrassing and not worth it since her insistence on "natural child birth."

To all of you women who think that you’re doing something special and "natural," you are doing it at the expense of your sexual enjoyment for the rest of your life. Don't listen to the women on her who spout unscientific fear-mongering or tell you that its "natural." All of that is just a load of BS so that they can convince themselves that what they've ruined was worth it or that the intimacy somehow makes up for highly probable changes that occur in almost all women. The only thing "natural" about "natural child birth" is "natural" stretching, discoloring and disfigurement that comes "naturally" and never "naturally" goes back the way that it was.

Simmom2001

Jan 07, 2012

To: jamesf67

Let me be the first to bite on this-- at least you know what you are a jerk of man who deserves none of the blessings in his life or a marriage to any woman. Hopefully you will die alone of STI or AIDS from prostitutes. Also stop hanging out in womens childbirth forums its frickin creepy.

jamesf67

Jan 07, 2012

To: Simmom2001

I didn't come by being a jerk easily. It was years of no longer fitting in my wife because she decided to have "natural child birth." Did you read my post? Four fingers to get her to the promise land. Do you have any idea what years and years of that is like? No, because you're probably another woman who decided that "natural" was the right choice no matter what the repercussions were.

Also, look at all of the anonymous posts in here by non-jerk men telling the truth about their wives "natural" choice and how it has ruined their lives. I may be frickin creepy, but at least I'm part of the honest side trying to tell women what's coming and not just trying to scare them into "natural child birth."

Simmom2001

Jan 07, 2012

To: jamesf67

No one here appreciates your opinion or agrees with it. No one here cares if you ever have sex again. You need to wake up and realize what you have, two children and a wife who probably loves you even though you are morally bankrupt. Having a baby is the biggest sacrifice a woman can undertake, it entails of months and months of discomfort, pain, and loss (loss of control over her body, loss of things looking the way they always have from her genitals to her breasts) You can't possibly understand that. The only other choice is cesarean section which gives a woman a permanent scar, a scarred uterus, possible urological and intestinal damage, and weeks of pain. You are not a doctor and no woman needs to be scared by you "telling things like you see it".. or by any man. Keep your thoughts to yourself, find somewhere else to hang out. There are lots decent men out there who think of more than just themselves, and are thankful for the sacrifices women make to give them children. Something tells me that you will learn this lesson someday--seriously grow up.

jamesf67

Jan 07, 2012

To: Simmom2001

With my post there are now 170 posts on this subject. Over 50 of those posts are by unique individuals telling their horror stories about how doctors, friends and family didn’t tell them what would happen and now they have to live with the permanent changes that occurred when they decided to have “natural child birth.” Feel free to scroll up and count them. Those are real people, with problems that will last for the rest of their lives.

So congrats on deciding that from now on you just wish to be a mother and not a wife, because, if you go off of just this board, you have a 1 in 3 chance of disappointing your husband and yourself for the rest of your life. Well, at least you don’t have a tiny scar (we both know that the rest of what you said is unscientific BS). Read the posts on here instead of just attacking me. Because I may be an insensitive jerk, but post after post on here, by loads of men and women, tell the same story: “Natural child birth” will leave you physically changed for the rest of your life.

Read those stories above. Those aren’t doctors or people pushing an agenda, they are real people who cry at night because, for the rest of their lives, the most intimate action between loving couples has been permanently damaged. That is what “natural child birth” does to real people in real life.

You speak of sacrifice, to whom are you sacrificing yourself and why? Do you think your child would be any different born c-section? Aren't you just trying to convince yourself that what you are doing is for the best, even though it ultimately doesn't make any difference in the health of the child?

Read all of the individual stories above and feel free to call each of them jerks too. I'm sure that their "opinions" on how their lives have been changed for the worse just means that they need to grow up too. All those insensitive, opinionated jerks with their destroyed lives.. ...what a bunch of losers.... ...how dare they not fit your unrealistic mold of "natural child birth?" They should be happy to have children. That's all that counts. Once you're a mom or dad, you stop being everything else! Right?

marthamcbride

Jan 07, 2012

To: jamesf67 & Simmom2001

I don't know how both of you found this board, but I found it because I was searching for other women who had a similar experience to me. After I had my son Daniel (naturally, no drugs with a midwife at home) nothing went back to where it was. I read the new posts on this board every couple of months, but this is the first time that I've ever posted. I could easily be jamesf67's wife. My husband and I of 10 years never have sex anymore. I have a gaping chasm that I am deeply ashamed of. We tried everything and nothing worked. I have shed so many quiet tears over the years wishing things had been different. I'm 38 years old and I never want to have sex again. I love my son and my husband with all of my heart, but my son's birth stripped me of my womanhood. Right now tears are running down my face because I think that you Simmom2001 will just mock me for not thinking that my beautiful son is all that I should need to be happy and that jamesf67 will insult me for doing what I thought was best for my child. Before either of you do that, let me say, Simmom2001, it's not. I want to want to make love to my husband again. Jamesf67, I know now that it wasn't necessary, but at the time it felt like the more that I tried, the more that I sacrificed, the more of myself that I gave to my son through the process, the better he would be. I know that is foolish now. He's beautiful and would have been no matter what. Please, both of you, I understand your arguments, but this page is so much more than your argument. It is a place where people like me can come and find solace in knowing that we are not alone.

jamesf67

Jan 08, 2012

To: marthamcbride

This was still on my screen when I woke up this morning and I refreshed thinking that Simmom2001 had written something snarky again, but was floored by your post. My wife and I have never talked about our problem. I tried a couple of times, but there is just no good way to say, "Honey, your vagina is huge and it turns me off." It must turn her off too because she is the most unsexual being on the planet. We're like a brother and sister at home.

I read your profile blog post on here talking about what happened to your vagina after your "natural child birth." It was really good and could have been from my wife, except you didn't write it all in CAPS. I've been so mad at my wife for so long because she ignored anyone who told her that she didn't have to have a "natural child birth." Five minutes on the internet and you see hundreds if not thousands of women complaining about how "natural child birth" ruined their lives. Five minutes more and you realize that the only drawback to a healthy c-section is a tiny scar. The logical choice would be the less risky, baby still born healthy, not ruining your love life forever c-section. It's been years and I'm still pissed. She should have known better.

I know that there is nothing that she can do to stop being the four finger queen. I'm completely emasculated around her because I know that it's physically impossible to sexually please her and will never change. "Natural child birth" stretched her so much that it takes King Kong with doing oral to please her. I hate "natural child birth" for making my wife so unhappy and sexually dead. I can't remember the time that she's been naked in front of me.

And before Simmom2001 you tear into me, I have never NEVER said anything to her about her vagina or how "natural child birth" was a choice that she didn't have to make. NEVER. She knows. All of those women above who have posted similar stories know. I'm guessing you do to, although you choose to see your sacrificed sexuality as some sort of badge of honor. Like your children know or care what you've done.

Here then, help me stop being an opinionated jerk. I will never in my entire life be able to sexually please my wife. What do I do with a wife I'm no longer sexually attracted to because I'm too small for because of her stretched "natural child birth" vagina? Do I stay and be her supportive eunuch, simply appreciating that she unnecessarily sacrificed her vagina to our child, or do I leave and hope that she find someone with a penis larger than my four fingers? Tell me what to do, because I'll probably be alive for another 60+ years and that's a long time to live hating that my wife's choice of "natural child birth."

workingitgirl

Jan 08, 2012

My mother and Aunt have been trying to convince me to have a caesarean and told me that most women end up looser after delivering naturally. This is the first page that came up in Google and almost everything that I needed to read. Every mother that I talk to in person who isn't some sort of West Coast Woo-Woo Crunchy Activist has told me the same thing. Actually, even my hippy sister did say that her natural birth left her a little looser, but she only said that after she explained the super mystical bond that happened between her and her daughter during the third hour of pushing. That was about the same time that she started screaming that she wanted fudgesicles and mac-n-cheese too, so I'll take her super mystical experience with a grain of salt.

I don't want live the rest of my life looser. I don't want to destroy my body when a caesarean only lives a tiny scar. Life is long, especially when you hate yourself or have to keep telling yourself that what you did was right. I've decided: I'm getting a caesarean because I want to keep living after having my child. Mom was right. As always.

Simmom2001

Jan 08, 2012

I had two vaginal births 12 and 13 years ago. The first one resulted in a horrific episiotomy front to back. Now I am 7 days from delivery again after having an ablation 3 years ago (0.7% chance of pregnancy), I am having a c section. I am having the c section becasue it is very likely my placenta may be attached to my muscle wall in my uterus. Needless to say this pregnancy has been a roller coaster and I am scared about dying during childbirth , because there is a small chance of that.
Martha I would never mock you and I am sorry for what happened to you, sometimes life is cruel and having a baby changes a woman in ways she cannot control, but it should not prevent you from having sex the rest of your life. You could not have known what childbirth would do to your body, but I know I am safe in saying hat having your son has brought you some of the most fullfilling times and memories in your life as well. I am assuming you have talked to your doctor?
And also James I am an RN, nothing of what I said is unscientific BS, it came from my OB textbook.Every time a woman has a c section it weakens her uterus from repeated scar tissue that renders the uterus weaker every time it is cut open, increasing risk of uterine rupture. Other smaller risks include urological damage (bladder nicking) and intestinal damage and infections. You are 3.6 times more like to die after a csection than natural birth. But even with these risks I do believe it is a womans right to choose a c section. There are also risks of natural childbirth but this is considered safer (not major abdominal surgery) and some hospitals are banning elective c sections.
I do resent you being here though james.Women are here in a vulnerable time and instead of doing something about your marriage you post here about how your wifes vagina affects you, even going as far as to say you cheat on her and justifying it with "I'm a jerk". The only one who can change your life is you, if you are that miserable talk to her and decide what you are going to do.Scaring women on a forum board is the worst kind of faceless cowardice. You have also never mentioned that you love your child or your wife, which leads me to believe you blame her for what happened. Maybe you should seek professional help.
I am not always snarky and judgemental but I am going through alot in my last days of pregnancy, having kids isn't my whole life. Although it has taken up a great deal of it. I do not feel comfortable discussing my sex life with strangers, not due to lack of it or any problems I am aware of other than life (work, kids, mine and hubbies occasional sickness or surgeries). I think I will go back to the ablation board though, I don't think I have helped anyone here....

CathywithaC

Jan 09, 2012

To: Simmom2001

I am more freaked out that people like you pretend that the changes that occur are alright or justified. I'm glad that I found comments from people about what will happen because my doctor has told me none of this. James F. is a jerk, but he's just one person in a long line of people on this page that told honest stories about would have happened to me if I had decided not to elect to have a c-section next week. I'll take the scar and super low risk over messing up my love life forever, TYVM.

11sophiasmom

Jan 11, 2012

To: all the men

I gave birth to may second and last baby 10 months ago. My first child is about to turn 13 years old. I have read all the posts on here.... I am 5'5" and I weigh 116. I am athletic and in perfect shape, toned and muscular. Everyone has always referred to me being a living "Barbie doll", even now. I ran laps throughout my pregnancy. Shoveled snow off the driveway at 9 months pregnant. I was back down to weight within 2 weeks of having each of my children. I workout 6 days out of 7, including Kegels with weighted cones and have breast implants and washboard abs. I cook for my family daily and keep my house immaculately clean as well as doing a lot of what are considered mens chores in and out of the house. I started reading these posts because I feel that things are not the same down there lately as far as appearance and tightness. My husband swears that it is, but I just know that it is not. I love my children very much and think that women that put down women such as me that work so hard to maintain their appearance and satisfy their husbands are either jealous, too lazy to work that hard themselves, or crazy. What I am asking the men here is if they think that it is still in anyway possible for me to satisfy my husband as much as I used to. Satisfy him as well as a woman nicer "down there" could. I have been argueing with my husband as of late because I want to have vaginal rejuvenation... $8500 by a very reputable surgeon, and he does not want to spend the money. Its just that I always want to be all he ever dreams of wanting in bed.

11sophiasmom

Jan 11, 2012

To: everyone

Oh, and yes, even though before this I despised women that had elective c-sections and did not breastfeed when they could... Oh boy have I changed my views in that department. Sexual gratification is a natural and neccesary need for a human being and for a relationship and some things such as natural childbirth can totally ruin them if they cannot afford surgery to put things back to a more pleasing state afterwards. My husband still satisfies me completely in bed but I do not think that is does as much for him.

HogJaws720

Jan 12, 2012

To: lovefamily

Not all c-sections are not that bad. I had 2 because of pelvic disproportion. I did absolutely great! I went home with no help... Not that I had the option, but did not need it! I had a sister in law who said I had it easier because it was a c-section! I don't think that is true either. Child birth is not easy!

MarkMarkII

Jan 12, 2012

I want to thank you all for your posts. I found this page from the Yahoo Answers post: http://*****************/question/index?qid=20120112072425AANNdW6 where a very nice Dr. Carrol, an OB/GYN of many years, finally said what I always knew.

My wife gave birth to our two beautiful boys 3 and 5 years ago and I have been lying to her ever since. She is looser now than she was before having birth and every time she asks, I tell her that she's not or that it is better. I love my wife and children more than anything, but sex has been disappointing for years. All that I remember our doctor saying is that things will go back to close to normal after a period of time, quicker if she would do kegels.

My wife's insistence on having natural child birth was overwhelming. She was terrified of not being able to and thought that our children would be still-born or born ill. It was all that she could think of and ended up having both of them without drugs or a c-section. Since then, I think that we have both realized that those beliefs were unnecessary and foolish. It doesn't matter how you have your baby. I only wish that my wife would have considered the c-section at the time, because how loose she is is all I think about now when we make love.

MarkMarkII

Jan 12, 2012

Those ******* should be answers.yahoo if anyone wants to see what the doctor posted.

JessicaTals

Jan 12, 2012

To: Women!!!

I loved my c-section! My scar is tiny, my child is perfect and my hoo-ha is the same!!!!!!

My doctor gave me the choice, and after talking to my mother, I decided NOT TO RUIN MY HOO-HA! Duh. Like some earth mother's organic, free-range, gluten free child birth is going to make a different child. NOPE!

My child is perfect. My hoo-ha is the same. My husband and I can keep having great sex. Thank you c-section!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11sophiasmom

Jan 14, 2012

To: MarkMarkII

Is it so loose that you cannot feel it even when she flexs the muscles down there?

MarkMarkII

Jan 15, 2012

To: 11sophiasmom

My wife and I can't feel much in missionary position, even she she squeezes as hard as she can. When she is on top she can move around in kind of a circle and I hit the sides pretty well. When I'm in back and her legs are together is probably the best. The problem is that before she had natural child birth she only climaxed when she was on top or when I was on top and never when I was in the back. Now that those two positions don't work so well because of how loose she is. Now she only orgasms during oral sex. I love my wife and our boys and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I wish she had never had natural child birth.

11sophiasmom

Jan 16, 2012

To: everyone

I want to thank MarkMarkII for his answer on the specifics of the problem. I may be wrong but I do not think I am quite that bad after having had the children. I guess luckily I had already had the one before marrying my current husband as well. If only u guys could tell all of us women the truth and not lie to us about it Let us know if there was anything at all we could do to try and make our sex lives a little better even with this problem. I am sure that many women besides myself have become worried over their bodily changes. I know my husband and I before this used to sometimes have sex 7 or 8 times a day, and now he doesnt even want it every day.

MarkMarkII

Jan 16, 2012

To: Also to everyone

My wife was consumed by the arguments by people like seattlemom2plus on here. All she could think about was being "natural" and found like minded women to keep out any dissenting views. You could have shown her all of the research in the world and she would have chosen not to see it. The natural child birth crowd reminds me of those people who think that Bigfoot exists, President Obama was born in Kenya or that global warming isn't real - once those people make up their mind, no amount of facts from experts can change their mind. It was creepy and I was helpless to stop her. Honestly, I didn't see any harm in it. I wish that I would have found this forum before because I would have at least tried. I don't know what I could have done. She was so blinded by her new friends determination on being natural that I don't think anyone could have dissuaded her. I love my wife and I don't want to spend the rest of my life disappointing her in bed because I no longer fit her natural child birth stretched vagina.

jaz71

Jan 17, 2012

To: james67

James, do not be discouraged by "attack" posts.  The truth is the truth.  There are some women who live in denial that being a wife is just as important as being a mom. In all likelihood, these same moms will be inviting their children to sleep with them until they're 4 years old, having sex with their husbands about 4x/year.

My husband and I have very open discussions about things we see happen with other couples.  Sooooo many men cheat when babies are born!  (Your original post arouses fear, and it's justified).  I asked my husband to round up answers from his male coworkers and friends to address this issue, because I don't want the same problems to happen in my own marriage.  My sex life, even pregnant, is very active and it's something I look forward to at the end of the day.  Aside from the orgasms, it helps me sleep better and bond emotionally with my husband.

Being a "supermom" for some women is all they have, because they've disconnected from their husbands.  I think we all know marriages like those.  If having a C-section and missing out on a few hours of (painful) "magic" will prevent a destroyed sex life (and then eventually a destroyed love life), give me the C.

oldmomma7676

Jan 19, 2012

I had my son 17 years ago. My vagina did not change much after giving birth. I have been "complimented" on how tight my vagina is. I can't say how long it took my vagina to be normal. I didn't have sex for almost a year after my son was born. What I do know is that I my exes always want to come back for my tight vagina!

Lydia537

Jan 19, 2012

I have 4 children- 3 were vaginal, 1 was a c-section, and the last was a VBAC. I feel really sorry for the women posting who have all these "problems", but honostly, my vagina is absolutly no different than it was before I had children. Want TMI? I can squeeze it almost shut so it is difficult for my husband to "get it" and I can tightly squeeze one finger. I am small (under 120 lbs) and gained 20 lbs with each pregnancy... maybe that is a big factor? A couple years ago, I actually asked my OB/GYN if I could get "fixed" down there, and he checked me and said there is no way he would do it, because I am tight and don't need it that it would only cause problems. My inner and outer labia is normal looking too, so I have no idea why so many woman have all these issues after childbirth. My problem is my breasts are smaller (not really saggy though, they are small but perky as long as I stay around 120 lbs, when I went down to 115 my boobs got smaller) and I do have a lot of stretch marks so no bikinis :( I wear a "tankini" just fine... and that will have to do.

BunnyGrrrl

Jan 19, 2012

My boyfriend and I are considering having children and I have been looking at what to expect should we have a baby. I am very concerned about the appearance of my vagina after birth. My boyfriend works for a company that makes sex toys (Say what you will about that. One of their products was mentioned as above as an alternative for guys). I am comfortable with what he does for a living but it does involve seeing many many different molds of vaginas from many famous porn stars. I've been to his work, I've seen how many variations they offer, absolutely no two were quite alike, they all had unique characteristics.

He compliments me on the way mine appears (I won't go into detail but he mentions specifics) and I appreciate it even if it is just to flatter me but after seeing what they offer and comparing them to my own I feel pretty confident in my appearance (not that I didn't feel secure about it before but it was nice to see so many differences and I found it reassuring). He pointed out a few that he thinks are not very attractive yet one can't say too much because these women are incredibly famous in the industry that they work in and make TONS of money so there's that for what it is worth.

We have a great sex life, it's very important to me and I don't want that to change. Is a c-section really the best way to go for this (possibly very selfish purpose, criticize me if you so choose to, you are entitled to your opinions). From the guys here it seems to be a resounding "YES!" But I also have to wonder, the guys who are happy with their wife's or girlfriend's post-baby vagina aren't going to end up looking for questions and answers like this because it's a non-issue for them so we most likely won't hear from them here. Although I would love to hear what they have to say...

I once hooked up with a guy who I later found out was married (again say what you will, it was a horrible mistake and I sincerely regret it. His wife is awesome and never in a million years did she deserve that). It only happened once, not that that makes anything any better. I know... :( He is now a friend of a friend so I see their family around regularly. I didn't understand why he would cheat on his wife. She is beautiful and they have a gorgeous 2 year old daughter, she was 1 at the time. His wife teaches fitness classes and I think she has a great body. You could never tell that she's had a baby by her outward appearance. She had a natural home birth and now I am wondering if he is just a cheating ***** or if there is some other reason why he cheated on her??? Not that I condone his decision either way.

My question is, do women who had natural births wish they had a C-Section? Do women how have had C-Sections regret it? What advice would you suggest to someone who hasn't had a baby yet?

CaraBrown

Jan 21, 2012

To: BunnyGrrrl

I had natural child birth and although a did stretch out a bit, it returned close to its original tightness. What didn't return was the shape. Everything looks stretched and I have a lot more outside of me then before, if that makes sense. I don't think its pretty at all anymore. I never really considered a c-section because both me and the baby were healthy, but didn't think there were any consequences like this. I don't think its ugly, but I wish that it looked like it did before. I was at the hospital when my sister had a c-section and hers was very smooth. I wish that I had had that experience. Her scar is very small and everything else, according to her, looks and feels the same afterwards. Her husband, who has another child with his first wife, was relieved that my sister had the c-section because his first wife was one of those crazy natural, Southern California people who eat wheat grass and talk about how eco their lives are, and her natural child birth did a serious number on her bits. I wouldn't be surprised if she was one of the people on here who finally got a clue and regretted her actions.

If I had to do it over again, I would probably have the c-section. Its not like you are going to love your child any differently or that they will be different in any way, but you still have to be comfortable with who you are after you have that child. Since your baby will never know the difference, go with the c-section and keep your bits as they are now.

11sophiasmom

Jan 21, 2012

To: BunnyGrrl

After reading the other posts and talking to my husband and doc. I really do not think it is that I am loose down there, but it did look better before. However I have read that just pregnancy itself can affect all of that. I have found out something that the tons of reading I have done did not mention at all and that is Pelvic Organ Prolapse. I am having the problem somewhat with my bladder and vaginal vault according to the doc, and it turns out that 40 to 50 percent of women have these problems at some point in their lives and the only real fix is surgery which tends to have a high relapse rate unless the uterus is removed at the same time to decrease the strain on the other pelvic organs. Also, the doc says that the larger pieces of surgical mesh that is used by a lot of surgeons for those corrections is a bad idea. The reason I am mentioning POP is because the highest contributing factor seems to be vaginal birth. Other than that, no matter what you decide make sure you do those Kegels every day because they work best in preventing problems like I mentioned... not as much for fixing them once they have occurred. I wish I would have been more diligent about them before.

11sophiasmom

Jan 21, 2012

To: BunnyGrrrl

My mother had all four of us natural. One of us at home even "my father delivered him", and she said that everything always went back to normal. I think that it is just different for different people. I have seen women entirely nude before that had children and not only looked as though they were still 15 years old but did not have the slightest hint of even a stretch mark.

Nurse_Jacky

Jan 22, 2012

To: BunnyGrrrl

With health caesarean births the risks are incredibly low and side-effects are a small scar and a week more of recovery time. The draw-backs of a natural child birth are all much worse and are completely random. You've got a 50/50 chance of becoming permanently looser. You've got 50/50 odds of your vagina never looking the same again. There are higher odds of other problems down the road, like the one mentioned by 11sophiasmom... the list goes on and on. The reason that so many women push the all-natural birth on here is because they've convinced themselves that by sacrificing themselves unnecessarily to bring their child into this world, it will somehow be better. The truth is that a healthy child will be the same no matter how it is born. The natural birthers are a click that is veracious and mean towards those who don't see things their way. What they don't understand is:

A) There is no scientific provable difference in healthy births

B) Natural child birth has extremely high odds of negatively changing a woman's body forever

C) It leads to a "best way" mentality that is unsustainable throughout motherhood and leads towards depression and other problems

The easy choice for everyone but those sucked into the natural birther movement is to elect for a caesarean birth and an extra couple of days in the hospital. Because a few days lying in bed is better than a lifetime of natural birth caused problems.

Sadwoman26

Jan 23, 2012

I had a baby born stillborn he was 1 pound I was 8 months along. I dont feel tight down there anymore and when my hubby and I have sex it gets really wet like someone truned on the water and its num I dont enjoy sex anymore. Its been 5 years since I had the baby. I dont feel sexy or even like a woman anymore. Im only 26 and hate feeling this way help what do I do I cant afford surgery.

a_okvajayjay

Jan 24, 2012

Ladies, this is one of the hands down best threads I have ever read. No one attacking each other, just women supporting women and discussing a very uncomfortable subject. I laughed and cried reading these posts.

I had baby 1 at 18, No changes to much, no stretch marks. Snapped back to a size 2 within 6 days...but Got a cute anal tag that I still have to this day. Looks like an itty bitty penis or that hanging uvula thing at the back of your throad hanging out of my butt... sweet prize, huh?

Baby# 2 at 22, just got fatter for longer but recovered fine.

...And twins at 23. Stretch marks all over, boobs sag and disappeared after breastfeeding. gaping V. Years after my husband and I divorced (unrelated to my huge V and his tiny P), I started dating who would become my second husband. He has never had a complaint. Things just look weird to me with a bright light and a mirror...

Now I am 35 and we will be trying for a baby... I am horrified after reading this. maybe I was lucky. But MEAT hanging out of my Vagina? OMG! If I let my man read this he will get a vasectomy quick!

SeattleNurse

Jan 29, 2012

Why do people think they actually have a choice in delivering c-section vs. vaginally? Elective c-section is quickly not becoming an available option in our society. A safe delivery should be everyone's priority! Thankfully large percentages of women don't die in childbirth anymore due to modern medical intervention.

SeattleNurse

Jan 29, 2012

To: BunnyGrrrl

I had my first child vaginally four months ago.  Things have changed
"down there", but I wouldn't have done things differently.  There are MULTIPLE risks involved with having a surgical procedure like a c-section.  They far outweigh the benefit of having "nicer" lady bits.  Vaginas were made to birth babies as well as facilitate their creation!

One of my friends had her bladder perforated during her c-section.  She had multiple complications because of this.  She went home with a urinary catheter and ended up back in the hospital with an ileus.  All of this while trying to care for a newborn.  Another friend had a hernia after two c-sections.  She had to have further surgery to correct this.  The risks go on and on, one of which being death.  It is a major surgical procedure, not a minor one, and there is a reason why OBGYNs do not electively give all women c-sections!

jaz71

Jan 29, 2012

To: SeattleNurse

I think you are twisting statistics.  One third of all babies are born C-section in the US now.  Your two friends who had complications with C's are obviously the exception to the rule.  Besides, hernias happen no matter the method.

In California, we most certainly have the choice of C or vaginal.  This is between you and your doctor, not the nurse.

One huge side effect of vaginal birth that you are ignoring is the number of men who cheat.  Two men have already posted that this was their solution to the problem, and I think we all know enough stories of cheating/divorce to know that this is not some isolated or new trend.

Bottom line is that we as women need to consider ALL the possible outcomes.  And if married, we need to include our spouses.

And by the way, our bodies wouldn't rip and tear if they were perfectly "designed" to give birth vaginally.  Maybe they're only "designed" to handle 4 lb. babies?

11sophiasmom

Jan 30, 2012

To: jaz71

I second that one!

pssdofff

Feb 01, 2012

To: Mike_13

WTF!? You have a serious problem Mike. You think women are being coerced into having natural childbirth and it's better for them to have a baby cut out so their vaginas stay tight for you? You are a self-centered worthless a-hole, a piece of **** husband and father. Cheating on your wife because her body has changed is awful, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your wife and child would be better off if you just disappeared. You obviously don't love and respect her and appreciate one of the most amazing things a woman can do, bring a new life into the world! Go f*** yourself a-hole!

jaz71

Feb 01, 2012

To: pssdofff

You've made your fear loud and clear, and no, life is not fair. So why not address it with your husband? Ruining your sex life and then eventually your love life in your marriage is hardly good plan for your children or your family.

One solution, if you absolutely must have this personal mystical moment for yourself, is to plan ahead for the corrective vaginal surgery (saving the 5 grand, and discussing it with your husband and the surgeon).

You get to have your "moment" and still keep the love alive in your marriage. Win-win.

qwe3nz

Feb 01, 2012

To: jamesf67

Not every woman has a loose vagina after delivering. I don't.. but in saying that i was extremely tight before and my partner use to tear me all the time and rip the tip of his manhood . After my 1st child i was at a "good" tightness and he prefers it this way because apparently i was far to tight before. Before you say hes lying I can tell you that hes not hes far to selfish to lie. I choose not to have a c section because i didn't want that hideous scar or my muscles to be cut, not because i'm some sort of hippy who thought natural birth would bring me closer to my child. I don't look like the typical "mummy" or have the mummy body as most mothers get as i looked after my self extremely well because appearance means something to me. Any way if your unhappy with your wife's appearance down there or wherever, you need to tell her as gently as possible. Instead of paying for escorts save the money and give your wife the ultimate present of surgery. Pay for her to get a new vagina, new **** and tummy tuck etc BUTTTT tell her if you WANT surgery youl pay for it DO NOT say you SHOULD get surgery. I bet you she would take you up on your offer and youd get a new wife so to say. its a win win situation

SeattleNurse

Feb 03, 2012

To: jaz71

I'm not "twisting" any statistics.  I don't know how things are in California, but here in Washington the OBGYN makes the call on how the baby is delivered.  (Did I say the nurse made that decision???)  If c-sections were truly safer than vaginal deliveries I'm sure my OB would offer all of her patients c-sections.  My own OB delivered her own children vaginally and suffered tearing, and she is well aware of the risks of childbirth.  By all means women should make that decision if they are given options.  But do you think insurance companies are going to pay for unnecessary elective c-sections in a country whose medical decisions are commonly driven by the insurance companies?

The current trend in this country is to reduce the amount of c-sections being performed.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44148964/ns/health-pregnancy/t/hospitals-take-hard-stop-early-elective-c-sections-inductions/#.TyxMbxyRMco

As for your justification that the vagina must not be intended for delivering babies because it tears. . . I can't believe what ignorant reasoning that is.  The vagina tears for a multitude of reasons.  The number one reason women died in childbirth before modern medicine was because of obstructed childbirth.  I myself would have suffered that same fate had my child not been delivered via vacuum delivery.  Because the vagina did not have time to stretch, it tore.  Midwives and OB's have techniques to stretch the tissues during delivery to prevent tearing if at all possible.  Tissues are also meant to heal.

I'm sorry to all of the women on this message board who have suffered disfigurement and are suffering because of this.  It is truly unfair.  Sadder yet are the husbands whose sex lives are more important than their wives' feelings and the fact that they have a healthy child and wife.  I count myself truly blessed that my husband is so grateful to have a healthy baby and healthy wife post delivery.  God bless you ladies who are dealing with these issues!  You are not alone.

jaz71

Feb 04, 2012

To: SeattleNurse

My statistics come from the CDC, which shows that in just one decade, C-sections rose by 53%.  http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db35.htm.  Just because a couple of hospitals have changed their policies does not mean the rest of the country has or will.

Your comment about the insurance companies was naive.  These are the same companies that would love to remove birth control from policies because more babies = more money for them.  Having a vaginal delivery seems to have numerous short and long-term health consequences, thus, more visits and more money.

I'm also annoyed with the number of women who write that men should worship their wives for having their babies vaginally.  What on earth does one have to do with the other?  No sex life is no sex life, no matter whether you delivered vaginally, C, or you adopted.  If the sex is lousy because of size of the vagina (or the size of the wife), then fix the problem rather than shifting the blame to him.

When I made the comment about vaginal births being not so unnatural, it was meant as a joke.  If there has to be a whole army and equipment to deliver your baby, then how is it that animals deliver their babies out in the wild with no problem?

kathycat1

Feb 07, 2012

To: JessicaTals

good for you.. it is my dream to have c section ,, im pregnant (40 weeks) with my first baby.,., and always i was scared to have baby with no c section.. but my doctor not approve that ,,:(((( they told me hospital and insurance not doing that with no reason.. so i have no choice.. im 7 days late from my due date and im goin to the hospital tomw .. they going to use drug first,, i hope nothing happen and thet take me for c section...

11sophiasmom

Feb 07, 2012

To: all

From my experience some ObGyn's are more modernized and will ask a woman if she would like to deliver her baby via C-section vs vaginally and will adher to her choice. I live in Ohio and it is my experience that if you have a doctor thats main concern is based upon medical neccessity over personal preference than no, they will not give you a choice but, if you have a doctor that realizes that a persons choice is just as important in medicine as any other aspect than yes they will.

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