Vasectomy ??

My husband and I are having a big debate over me getting tubal ligation or him getting a vasectomy. I am wanting to I think we have plenty of kids. i am 20 and preg with my 3rd child. I got preg, when I was 17 always in the hospital on IV's for dehydration and a few months after we had our first child (18) I found out I was pregnant again, I just turned 19 when I we had my 2nd child. And now 10 months after my 2nd child I am pregnant again. I have been real sick with this pregnancy. I just wish it was all over!! Well I think we have enough kids. We have our hands full! And really cant afford nomore. I would perfer he got the percedure done than me, but he is TOTALLY against it, so I guess I might have to. My husband would have as many kids as he could. He says we can use condoms and pills etc. Yes thats fine, but I am not a pill take, and i know i wont take them and we can use condoms but I know us (it dont always work out that way thats why i am on my 3rd kids). Well I hear alot of ppl say they regret that? Why? And I am just scared about that. And what do they do to the guys? And I was told that I have to be 21 before I can get fixed. how much does something like this cost?

[Mozartcowgirl]

Your husband is being VERY selfish.  I went in the doctors office with my husband when he was getting a vasectomy.. it took MAYBE 5-10 minutes.  
your procedure would take much longer.. and there are more risks involved. YOU are the one that was pregnant.. you gave birth.. surely HE can take 10 minutes out of his life and do this for you.  I will NEVER get my tubes tied.. its a personal choice.. dont do it if your gut tells you not too.  if you and your husband are at a stand still.. then you both will have to accept the chance that you might get pregnant again.  

are there other options for birth control for you ?  

[Mozartcowgirl]

sorry..lol.. i hit the wrong button.. the procedure went like this.. he gets to the office.......... they do his vitals... (  blood pressure heart rate ect ect) he goes into an exam room... he lies down.. nurse comes in..asks his to take his clothes off...( by this time hes whining and you can see sweat furrowing on his brow) they clean his pelvic area... ( doc STILL not in room yet) another nurse comes in with a tray... she leaves.. you wait as husband tries to make you feel guilty because hes allowing someone to "mess" with his family jewels) for you .. ( oh no!! not something hes doing for you!!)  the doctor comes in  as you sit there.. thinking.. wow.. i have had children.. been in labor ... had my insides cut.. had a 7 pound baby go through places where it shouldnt.. went through pregnancy. and he has the balls ( ok after today maybe not) to whine about this)

the doc then takes a needle filled with anesthetic... and injects it into the scrotum... ( make sure you hold your hubbys hand.. as this MUST be worse than the moment your baby is crowning.. )

after the scrotum is numb...( this takes seconds) but for you husband.. it MUST feel like DAYS. )  he then waits a minute to ensure that there will be no pain... he takes a scalpel and makes MAYBE a  3/4 of an inch long cut... he takes another doohickey and pulls out the tubes that carry the semen to the pee pee.. and burns/snips them off.. and makes sure that both ends are burnt off.. to ensure that both tubes are dead end streets.

he does this twice.

are you holding your hubbys hand still? telling him to breath? promising him bedroom delights after all this nightmarish stuff is over with ?

he is then sewn up.

the doctor leaves.  gives him a paper.

now. somehow.. if he can.. he attempts to get up.. and walk out.. and leave the OFFICE.  ( you know.. the place where MINOR things are done)


thats pretty much it.. OH .. dont forget.. you have to buy him girly underwear.. so his sac doesnt sway..

ok ok ok .. this is pretty muchhow it goes.. and yes... there is pain.. and i am sure that it is scary for a man to go through..

but.. do you remember.. john stossell on 60  minutes?

you know.. the one where he does a report and  says..

GIVE ME A BREAK!

im saying that as well.

[nalla]

My husband and I looked into getting him a vasectomy. I'm not sure about the cost.You should check with your insurance company and ask them if and how much they would cover.
With us, we had to have  several councling sessions with our Dr. We couldn't just go in and say we wanted it done. Our Dr. talked to us about the pro's and con's, what would be happening during the procedure etc.
When we first went to our Dr. about it I was pregnant with our 4th baby and he wouldn't let us decide while I was pregnant because of all the hormones etc. And then he made us wait several months after the baby was born to come back and discuss it further.
You and your husband should go to the Dr. and talk to him about it. Have him explain everything to both of you.
Also, for a woman to get her tubes tied she would have to have an actual surgery, but a man there is no surgery. He just goes in to the clinic and does it. So that is something to think about. My husband and I decided that it would be easier physicaly if he were the one to do it.
Also, with my Dr. at least, he wouldn't do it without both of us being 100% sure. It sounds like your husband isn't quite ready jsut yet.

You are still very young and you don't know how you will feel in 5 or 10 years. You may want another baby. You still have a lot of child bearing years ahead of you and you may end up regreting it years from now.
Maybe you should talk with your Dr. about other forms of birthcontrol other than condoms and the pill. Maybe something like the depo shot or an IUD. Those are some things that you don't have to think about taking everyday.

I would just hate to see you making this permanate decission and end up regretting it 10 years from now.

[NataliesMommy]

There is a birth control shot you can get so alleviate all this arguing between the two of you.  You get the shot every three months and thats it.  I would talk to your doctor about that.  I know a few women that get the shot and are very happy with it.  A plus with the shot is that there is no weight gain like you can get with the pill.  Best wishes to you and your family.

[mommyof3mpls]

wow that's funny because I know lots of women who have gained weight on the shot, some more than 50lbs...

[ImmortalOne]

I'd also say the Depo Shot, as well as perhaps an IUD if you don't want any more kids at this time.  However, remember that you might want more in 15 years or so.  Also, if the two of you ever split your separate ways (I am not saying you will, but statistically it is possible); then what happens when either of you want to get married again?  You are both young, and the financial concern is always an issue.  However you have so many years in the future to make a decision so permenant.  Just my opinion though.

[5preg2B]

my husband had it done 8 years ago when we were in our 20's and had it reversed lastyear.  we are having our fourth..  I was always against it..  when life is better for you you may want another..  depo or the new implant may work for you..  

[overwhelmedmom]

I personally would encourage your husband to have the vasectomy.  I have recently found out that a vasectomy is actually more effective than a tubal ligation.  I had just found out that I was pregnant with our fifth child after having a tubal ligation.  Our baby died and I ended up having a D & C yesterday.  I wish I would have known beforehand but no one tells you until after the fact.  Still nothing except abstinence is 100% effective.

[Mozartcowgirl]

Another thing i would like to point out is the fact that birth control.. like the pill.. the shot.. etc etc... can  be dangerous.. the FDA is now looking at many types of hormone birth control.. DOtn just take your docs word when he says.. oh.. this is fine... the shot is great..  read up on all types of birth control.. KNOW the risks.. educate yourself.!!!

[surprisebaby]

isn't it funny that when men get sick ...they get REALLY SICK, and when women get sick, they aren't as sick as the man....big babies!  

[RockRose]

marie - I would be surprised if you could find a doc willing to do a vasectomy for your husband at this point.  

There aren't many good options,  I agree,  but I doubt you could get a doc to do a vasectomy on a man who clearly doesn't want it (even if he pretended too,  the counseling they do beforehand would ferret it out that he doesn't want it) and he's so young and you are currently pregnant.

Best wishes.

[AndiJ78]

My dh had his Big V done in Dec. It was pretty much exactly as mozart described, except i was joking with the doc and nurse and my husband actually told me to stop talking, apparently making him laugh was a bad thing.

He whined and whined, I simply reminded him I went au naturale with 2 of our boys and one of those actually broke my tailbone, and the first one caused me to have a 3rd degree episiotomy. It took more time to stitch me up from that then driving to the V appt, getting it done, and driving home. He learned quickly i wasn't having much sympathy. I nursed him back to health, getting him ice bags, giving him his meds, etc for the first day or so, after that he was on his own.

In his defense, he was the one that volunteered for the V, he did not want me getting tubes tied. Too many horror stories of messed up periods and such from female co-workers. But he also said after having gone through it, if it failed he was not going to get it re-done. We would have to find alternate methods of BC.

Speaking of which, until he decides to have the V done, look into Mirena. The hormones act locally, not systemically, it lasts for 5 years, and should you decide to have more, fertility returns right away after removal of it. Check out www.mirena.com and talk with your doctor for more information and to find out if you are a good candidate.

[pertykitty]

OUCH!!! can you imagine dh having to give birth? wow you are the woman!!

[AndiJ78]

No way, men would die during childrbirth. He whines like a sissy when he has a cold, he would simply die from shock if he had to experience that pain!

[Mozartcowgirl]

sometimes .. ok alot.. i cant STAND it when my husband complains.. ahh poor baby has a cold.. aww poor baby hurt his lil finger.. awww poor baby has a headache.. awww poor baby has to get a shot.. ect ect

its like we women are this race of females that are better than men.  we are the stronger peoples. I feel like i should be on some old star trek movie with william shatner.. and spock is saying.. this is illogical captain.. illogical. how can a race of females be able to handle such tribulations and see them with joy and love? while we as a race of men cannot fathom the pain they go through? illogical sir.. illogical. then kirk says.. but.............. they................................are so..................... attractive!

sometimes i want to wave a wand and let him feel what labor.. a period.... hormones.. etc etc are like.

i think i need some therapy to be more understanding towards men. maybe.. .....................just maybe.......... that would.................................................help me..................

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Mozart, I am going to read my dh your post.  He has been hedging, even though he agreed to have it done.

OP-- a vas. is a lot less complicated than a tubal.  Put your foot down.

[mrswest]

I really would not suggest something that may be permanent.  I know you think you have enouph kids but i must say reconsider.  Get the copper IUD its a wonderful device and after i am done having my baby, i will get it again.  Dont EVER do DEPO.  i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.  i gained 60 lbs and fertility didnt return for at least 2 years.  Also i bled constantly.  Save yourself from that tourture.  The IUD is great and fertility comes back the moment you remove it.  The copper one lasts for 10 years.  Good luck and I wish you the best.

[AnnieBrooke]

My husband imagines he has cancer any time he has a scrape or rash or ache or pain.  I could just see him if men could get pregnant, HA!

[ng1031]

Well you could always tell him no sex if he doesnt get it done ha ha. I think its very smart of you though to be considering this under your current situation. There are so many people that just keep popping out children and saying "oh well.. the government will take care of it". Bravo to you for being responsible.