Vasectomy or Tubal?

[Kassimom]

Okay, my Dh and I are at odds about this one thing. We know this is our last child and so we know we want some form of permanent birth control after he's born. What we don't know is which way to go.

First of all, we are waiting a year after he is born to get either procedure done so getting my tubes tied during the c-section is out.

I have argued that with a tubal, it's more invasive with a longer recovery time. I have also heard (please correct me if I am wrong) that when you get a tubal, you will eventually HAVE to get a hysterectomy. I have also argued that a tubal is NOT reversible while a vasectomy is (should there EVER be a WAY off chance that for some CRAZY reason we want to reverse the procedure)

HE argues that vasectomies are very expensive and that he doesn't want anyone with anything sharp anywhere near his "boys".  

Frankly, I am sick of the birth control being all up to me. He wants me back on the Nuva Ring after baby is born if I won't get the tubal. UUGGHHHH....I don't want to have to be responsible for BC every month when it's just as easy to just get him snipped!

Please!!!! Weigh in!!!!

[FIREMANSWIFE]

Good Morning!
I am pregnant with my first so any decision made won't be for awhile but my DH and I have talked about it and he is all for a vasectomy!!! I know I lucked out! There are a few guys on the Fire Dept. with him that have had the procedure done and said no problems and with their sense of humors they said they would rather have it done then thier wives go through menopause and be BEASTS!! Can't say that I blame them. To give you an idea of these guys humor a few of them brought a video camera into the room for the procedure EWWWW!!!!!

Talk to ya later.

Emily

[nurse12hr]

First--Just because you have a tubal you wouldn't necessarily have to have a hysterectomy.  I had mine done 22 years ago, and I still have my uterus.  No plans on removing it, either.

I recovered quickly from my tubal.  Worked the night before, had the tubal that morning, home by noon.  Worked the next night.  A little sore, that's all I felt.  But I tend to get up and around pretty quickly, even after major surgeries!

Expense--Most insurances cover a tubal ligation.  I don't know about a vasectomy, but I'd have to say they probably would, b/c it is discrimination if they cover female permanent sterilization and not male.  So call your insurance and find out.

Sharp instruments around "the boys"??? Tell him this ain't high school.  The urologist doing the procedure has probably done it like 50,000 times before.  He will recover really quickly, and if it is done on a Friday, he won't even miss any work.

As for vasectomy being easier to reverse...if you are even asking this, I'd say DON'T get any form of permanent birth control done yet.  While SOMETIMES either form can be reversed, it is very expensive, not covered by ANY insurance, and many, many times not successful.  The ONLY reason to have any form of permanent sterilization done, is if you are 1000% sure you will never, ever want more children.  Even if, God forbid, something happened to your children, that you would NEVER want any more.
If you can't truthfully say that you will never want more children, EVER...you aren't ready for permanent sterilization.

That's my 2cents.  Sorry to get on my soapbox!

[platinum]

I had a tubal done 3 years ago and I was NOT told that I HAD to have a hysterectomy.  I was told that it is permanent but there is a reversal process.  I have seen posts on here actually where women are getting pregant after the tubal which by the way scares me to death.  Not to scare you but 7-10 days before I get AF I have really bad PMS symptoms (including anxiety) which I NEVER had before I had the tubal which is the only negative thing I can say (right now) about my experience.

[nurse12hr]

Also remind him that YOU have carried these children for 9 months, thrown up and had all the "fun" joys of pregnancy, and gone through major surgery to have them.  The LEAST he can do is have a simple, 15 minute procedure and some soreness for a day.

Guilt is good.

[manman]

I found your thread rather interesting. Isn't that the typical male response to something like that, I wish most of them would lose their macho egos. They seem to forget who has to carry a baby for 9 months and try to push something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon...
I called my sister in law and asked her about the tubal because she has had it done. She said that it can be rather painful but she didn't think that everyone who has it done has to have a hysterectomy. She did inform me that my brother also had a vasectomy done, I guess they wanted to take make sure that there wasn't gonna be anymore babies.... She said he had the procedure done on a Friday and was back to normal by Monday.
I just think that it's the least a man can do to help us women out..  Maybe some of this info will help you a little..
Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

                      Mandy

[Kassimom]

I am all for the guilt thing! That's what I have been trying! I have been on BC since we met. I am the one who carried the babies for 9 mos! I am the one being cut open to remove said babies! He LEAST he can do is let them make one teensy incision in him!

As for the reversal, WE do not want any more children. The ONLY reason I was thinking we may not want a permanent is not if something happens to one fo the kids but if something happened to one of us and we were to remarry someone with no children. I personally wouldn't want a thrid child but I was thinking he might if he re-married. But after more in depth talking about it, he said he wouldn't re-marry anyway (what a prince). SSSOOOO...here we are back to permanent sterilization....which way to go! LOL

[nurse12hr]

You go, girl.  Give him that guilt.  

(Don't er...give him anything else until he sees things YOUR way, LOL!)

[nanakay]

i have to say i agree with 2 things....christie is right until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE you don't want any more babies don't do it at all, and i would suggest serching every aspect of the what ifs.

and as far as i'm concered my dh can at least get poked one time, since everytime i'm pg they poke me with needles constantly.

oh and if he does decide to do it....don't let him play mr. macho and try and do all kinds of stuff he was told not to do the day after the procedure!  it will only make the healing take longer, and make his "boys" swell up.
(my old boss tried to go back to work the next day.....he ended up sitting on ice by the time he got home that night..haha)
~nanci

[Steeley Ann]

My Dh and I decided after we have one more baby, He is getting fixed lol. I think it is only fair, I go through labor and he goes through a bit of pain by getting clamped or even sniped. I don't know much about tubel, it hasn't been an enterest to me because dh told me before ds was born that after 2 kids he would get fixed, I also told him that if he didn't then we would just pop out babies when the good lord wanted us too.

Good luck and God bless.

[blondie72]

Good Luck in your decisions you have to make on this topic.  I have always said if we were done I would be the one to go through it.  I have always had an issue with trust, bad relationships in the past and even though my DH has NEVER done anything to make me think I should NOT trust him I still have it in the back of my mind that if HE gets fixed he can go out on me and not have to worry about anything except maybe an STD.  I do not know why I feel this way because if he is going to cheat he will do it with or without a vasectomy.  Well that is my 2 cents worth.  Not much help I'm sure in making your decision.  Keep talking with him and let us know what you have come up with.   I am not doing anything just yet because even though we said this was our last we have actually mentioned another.  We'll see.  Talk to you soon.  Good Luck

[Emma1]

This is my opinion.......A woman basically goes through 9 months of her body being changed in every way possible. Then to turn around and give their husband the most precious and irreplaceable gift that someone could recieve. You've taken care of this gift for 9 months, gave life to this gift, and will continue being the major care taker in this persons life for eternity. Having said that, the husband can endure 1 hour of uncomfortableness and 1 day of "Recovery" time and go on about his business. BTW, a "V" does not in any way cost as much as a tubal. You have be sedated for a tubal whereas a "V" takes nothing but a little humility! Tell hubby to get over it, and that he is more of a man not to make you go through something major than for him to have to show his dinger to a Dr. for an hour.

Like I said.....this is only my opinion and I will glady voice this to my Dh when then time comes!!! Good luck girl, and stand you're ground! You've gone through enough for him, now let him do some of the work.

[Angel4JohnnyB]

My DH says the same thing as yours.............
No one is going near 'my boys'......UGGGGGGG...get over it already.
We are not ready to take that step because even though I say I'm afraid of having a third boy, I think there is a chance we will go ahead and try for another. Hubby is already 37 and was never blessed with children of his own until now. He always wanted children but didn't get them. He says 'if the good Lord wants us to have more then we will' but he also says that by the time Talon is 20 he will be almost 50 and I don't think he likes that idea.
Anyway, I'm still trying to talk DH into having the "V" when we decide FORSURE that we are finished but he says "NO, NO, NO"....

I think I will listen to what the girls (Christie I think) said and go with the guilt........LOL
He's a rough, tough Army guy, he can handle it.....hehe.

Why is it that ya'll are going to wait for a year after the baby is born before having something done??

Good Luck to you,
Vikki

[nurse12hr]

Tell him if he leaves the birth control up to you, your chosen method will be....ABSTINENCE!

[nanakay]

an abstinence threat would send my dh running to the doctor...;o)  hahaha
~nanci

[Still_AndiJ]

Ooops! I cut myself off! Anyway the chance of getting pg is the same as with sterilization. If you do change your mind, you will return to the same fertility as someone who has never been on bc. I like this option as I don't have to even think about it for 5 years. This is not an option for people not in monogamous relationships, but I assume as you are married that that isn't an issue : )

Anyway, check out www.mirena.com for more info. Even after we have our 3rd child, I plan on going back on it. I hate the idea of permanent sterilization for either of us. I have seen far too many people regret it later in life, especially if their marriage ends for some reason and they remarry and decide they want more children.

So far I have had mirena in for almost a month and aside from some sparse spotting, I have loved it! No worries about condoms, no hormonal side effects (mirena has a very low dose of hormones, safe while breastfeeding!)and the pressure is off of both of us to remember birth control. Perfect for a new mom who has to juggle a 2 year old and a 2 month old : )

Andrea

[JustME9]

I SO wanted to use Mirena too.  My ob AND her nurse have it and LOVE it and I would have gotten it but it's a contradcition w/ ectopic so i'm no longer a candidate! =( I tried the nuvaring but w/ so many pregnancies/births etc the thing kept literally sliding out (sorry tmi) so I couldn't do that either.  Tried the patch HATED it..B/c pills...tried a bunch hated them ALL! So at this point i'm seriously considering asking my doc to just go ahead and do a tubal.  I dunno..i'm still back and forth and don't know if I wanna do that..but my hubby is terrified of a V and i'm not gettin any younger!!!

[clevelandlady]

My dad had it done...I know,might be tmi,but he has a young trophy wife...lol...He said it was really easy and painless.They don't put you out,your on "twighlight" meds, like liquid valium...and he was in and out in 20 minutes...he was able to leave 3 hours after he got there...he said the pain after was very slight...this from a guy who dreads going to the dr.He convinced my dh to go get his done this month...it's virtually painless,and ALOT less invasive than ours...and i figure,if
i'm going through my 4th pregnancy,this is the LEAST he can do...lol...[obviously my pills weren't working that month]...lol
hope this helps~
            laura

[Kassimom]

We are going to wait a year to be sure the baby is healthy. I know that sounds crass and careless, but that's how we feel. We are positive we want a second child and also positive we do not want a 3rd!

Oh and BTW, I think it was Christie who said threaten abstinence....trust me..I have *evil giggle*

[PregnantAGAIN]

My hubby just got his paper work in with info about Vasectomy. He has a consult on the 9th of Sept to talk about getting it done, and to schedule the date :c) We were both going to get "fixed" but when we talked to my dr the other day he said he would prefer to not do surgery on me, since I have history of post partum hemmorage. Im a little stumped but not going to argue LOL. If anyone wants more Vasectomy info feel free to email me and I will tell you whats in this pamphlet. The total time for it is 30 mins, 10-15 being the actual procedure. QUICK! So anywho, ***@**** if you want any info :c)Oh yeah I am 37 weeks and 1 day. Think I might go soon, lots of pain today!!!

[cmn]

My BIL and a friend of mine have both had Vesectomies, they were sore and bruised for a few days but were fine. They told there wives it was easier for them to get done then us ladies, i do agree with that since we have to get cut open for the procedure.

[Kassimom]

WOO HOO!!! Another baby born in here!!! Makes me even more anxious for my little one!! Let us know!!

[Baby_X_4]

I've also heard that a vasectomy decreases the chances of prostate cancer.  Has anyone else heard this as well?  That alone might give your hubby a little incentive to have it done.

[Kassimom]

Hmmm....That is something to look into. Hopefully someone will chime in with knowledge of that fact. I would be interested to know..

[colawyer]

Your husband hopefully has reconsidered his opinion by now, and aided with facts, is more willing to consider the vasectomy. I had a vasectomy in 1999 and it was only $500, took less than an hour, and no down side at all.

[rivka cahndy]

i want to know if  i can still get pregant even if i had my tubes tied and burnt at the ends

[Tina_its_a_boy]

It's way more expensive for the woman to have her tubes tied. My husband just had a vasectomy on Friday and it's much cheaper and it wasn't that bad. Tell your husband that you had to go through child birth, this is the least he can do. :) 2-3 days, he will be fine.