Venting- Jaden fractured his elbow....

Well, the first day of school got off with a bang for both of my kiddos.  Kindergarten went great and so did preschool however that night, the kids were playing and my 6 year old tripped my 3 year old (on purpose unfortunately) and he must have fallen just right and he fractured his elbow. I took him to the ER (a Children's Hospital I might add) and the did x-rays of his whole arm however, there was no radiologist to read it so they would read it tomorrow and get back to me.  So, after 3 hours, they sent him home.  Got a call yesterday (the next day) about 10am and they said he had fractured it and I needed to bring him back.  We were there from about 11:30 until almost 5pm. They had to re X-ray it which took forever, then they splinted it and this was the terrible part. They were trying to train a young male nurse which I am all for training however, Jaden was SCREAMING, KICKING, etc. and they ended up having to do the splint 4 times before it was done right. 3 nurses did it and FINALLY a supervising nurse came in and did it. After the third time I said "Can someone else please hold him?"  Being 6 months pregnant and holding a kicking screaming 3 1/2 year old isn't the easiest.  Plus he had laid on my belly for 3 horus in the ER the night before and then slept on me all night that night as he was in pain since they sent us home and then laid on me again all day in the ER.  So, how do I discipline my daughter for this, or do I?  I had asked her so many times that night to be nice to him and she just kept acting like she was playing but was doing those mean little things.  She's been very jealous of him because she started Kindergarten (which is a long day- 8:36-4:23) and he's home with mom when he's not at preschool so she's mad at him for that even though we discussed how when seh was that age she was home with mommy.  She also gets mad at me if I hold him, etc. (he has delays by the way) and says to me "Mom, put him down and love on me because you won't see me all week."  It breaks my heart and she's never been this way and I try to give them both equal time but he has always taken a lot of time and now especially with a splinted arm and sling.  Any ideas will help!   We see orthopedics on Tues. morning and they will re X-ray and then decided whether to re-splint or to cast it.  UGH.....  Hope everyone who has kiddos in school had a better kick off!!!  

[RockRose]

How does she feel about tripping him?    If she's even a little bit remorseful and compassionate,  foster that by getting her to do things he can't do right now - put on his socks . . . other stuff that takes two hands.  

If she's not at all remorseful,  you need to get her there somehow.  i don't think "punishment" - as in no TV,  or being grounded,  etc., is effective in situations like this because it fosters defensiveness and anger,  rather than guilt.  And she's guilty is the thing.

Can you have her make him  a get well card or some other sincere form of apology?  Have you also told her how much it hurts you to see your son in pain,  and he's facing a long recovery and possible permanent loss of some of his elbow function?

She didn't intend to break his arm,  but she did intent to trip him and hurt him.  Getting her to feel guilt would be helpful.

Best wishes.  

[kjbutcher]

rock rose has a good idea with the punnishment, but in the mean time with the jealousy, you may want to schedule some time maybe after the baby goes to bed that will always be mommy and me time with her.  I think it is only going to get worse when the new baby comes if you dont have a scheduled time that she knows she gets you all to herself.  if she knows it is coming, she wont try to steal it at a different time.  She apparently has been pretty good at voicing her concerns and you want to listen to her words before she uses actions to get your attention.  I remember being like this when I was 5 and my brother was little and all of my life, my brother got a ton of compliments and I really had to do something spectacular to get good attention so I did bad things to get any attention I could get.  Make sure to compliment her on her school work daily and on other things she does in general.  Even go a bit overboard with the good attention and hopefully she will back off of the bad.  Good Luck!

[energy_train]

I totally agree but she gets TONS of attention and we are always praising her for her coloring, artwork, helping around the house, picking out her own clothes, being able to take a shower on her own....the list goes on.  Plus, we do SO many things with her. For example, she asked to make sugar cookies (the homemade ones that take 3 hours in the fridge, have to be rolled out, cut out, baked and then frosted) and so while she was at school, I made the dough so tonight we spend  time just her and I baking cookies.  We spent a GOOD 2 hours together doing this, talking, etc. and it was great and when it came time to get clothes picked out for tomorrow and brush teeth she just had this "No, I'm not doing it, not wearing that, don't want to brush my teeth" Attitude.  It's frustrating when you do nice things and spend quality time with them (and the cookies are a TON of work and clean-up) and then they don't appreciate it. She's a super sweet kiddo and this just started.  We discussed it tonight when she had calmed down and I asked her what was so frustrating.  She said when I love on Bear (which is what we call Jaden)  For the record, she gets just as much loving on she just chooses to get off of our lap or is too "busy" and we do snuggle with her every night reading a book and I rock her every morning as she always gets up before Jaden.  I tried to remind her of these times and tried to explain we have to share Mommy and that I love them both lots and lots and exactly the same amount.  Hopefully this will help and I tried to open it up so that she feels she can tell me when it's bothering her that Jaden is getting attention but it's hard as with his delays, he can't do a lot on his own. I have to feed him, change his diaper, bathe him, dress him, etc. and she can and wants to do all of those things on her own.  A lot of the time spent with Jaden is on daily necessities and needs.  Thanks for the advise. She is VERY into crafts so I think I'll have her make him a card. We haven't discussed it any further, I've just dropped it but don't know if that was the best situation either as I know she intentionally tripped him but I KNOW she didn't intentionally hurt him. She would NEVER do that.  Thanks again girls...the sibling struggles are beginning.