What do you think?

yes im still here. and still pregnant! so ill be 39 weeks sunday. (cant beleive it). my ignorant babys father (whos a marine) came into town yesterday for the babys birth (or so he says). hes only going to be here a month. from feb 14- march 13. i want him to at least get to spend sometime with the baby, because doubtfully he will get to later after he goes back to cali.  not to mention it took him a month to get the ok to come back to jersey. so im not dialated AT ALL, and feel like im going to go over my due date of the 24th.

my question is, on weds when i have my next doctors apointment, if im still not dialated do you think if i talk to the doctor about an induction do you think they will make me wait or try and schedual one earlier because of the babys father having to go back to the military? because i was told they wont usually induce you untill 41 or 42 weeks. and that will cause him to have less and less time with his son.

[houseofgirls]

I think it really depends on the doctor.  Some doctors seem pretty easy going about inductions, others avoid it all cost.  I personally don't think you should get induced unless there is some sort of medical need to, but that is just my opinion.  But it never hurts to ask your doctor about it though!

[Kim1989]

yeah ive been doing some reading and for the most part they say its better for them to be in there ( to a point) and it can cause problems for the mom possibly. but i dont want him to have like only a week with his baby rather than more, concidering who knows when hes going to be back to see him.

[houseofgirls]

Well, like I said, it never hurts to ask!  I am so excited for you!  You are almost there!

[Kim1989]

i will. thanks, i feel like im not any closer than like 20 weeks.. cuz im not dialated : ( but what goes into the process of an induction anyways

[houseofgirls]

Just because your not dialated right now, doesn't mean you won't be really soon.  It can happen really quickly, you never know.  During an induction, they sometimes give you something to ripen your cervix, if it isn't already.  Sometimes that starts labor.  After your cervix is ripened, then they will give you pitocin to start contractions.  I've never had any of this done, I had 2 c-sections.  So maybe someone can explain it to you better than I can.

[Kim1989]

its alright. i wonder why some doctors dont want to induce women. it doesnt sound that horrible.

[mami1323]

I was 41 weeks when I had to be induced.  I was only dilated about 2 cm for about 3 weeks.  So they went ahead and induced me because I wasn't budging and my cervix was only 50% effaced.  Effacement is the softness of the cervix.  The cervix has to be effaced at 100% and then once it is completely effaced the cervix dilates.  I was told that I would start off by being given 2 tablets (serbadol - don't know spelling), which they place right onto the cervix.  They give one and then 3 hours later they insert the 2nd one.  After a few more hours when the cervix is completely softened, they give you the drug petocin.  This makes your contractions stronger and closer together.  Well, all it took for me was that one tablet and I went into active labor on my own.  I didn't need the 2nd tablet and I didn't need the petocin.  I dilated so fast and my water broke on it's own as well.  I went from 2 cm to 4 in a few hours and then from 4 cm to 9 in only an hour.  I went from 9 cm to 10 in a matter of minutes.  So it all depends on the person.  Most doctors will not induce you unless there is a medical need.  Meaning that there isn't enough amniotic fluid left or if the baby is in distress.  My son still had plenty of room although I didn't think that he could grow anymore.  He was a week over due and he was 9 lbs. 2 oz. when he was born.  I wish my doctor had induced me earlier.  

[peekawho]

If you aren't dilated at all, I would not ask for an elective induction.  That's the quickest way to wind up with a C/Section.

Of course, any pregnant woman in the US stands about a 30+ percent chance of having to have one, but if you get impatient with mother nature and get induced with a closed cervix, you may easily up those odds to 75%.

If that isn't a big deal to you, then it doesn't matter.  Some women don't mind at all.  Others do.  

[Kim1989]

well i dont really want a c section because your in the hospital slightly longer and the healing process. i would rather have a vaginal delivery, however im assuming that hurts signifcantly worse. i would rather not have go with a c section but i think that the daddy spending as much time with his lil mans more important than my comfort level.

[mami1323]

It's true, many women who are not dilated, dilate slowly and then sometimes stop dilating at some point through labor and they have to be given a c-section.  You are only 39 weeks.  A lot can happen in one week of pregnancy.  Take more walks or have sex.  This will help with dilation.  

[pertykitty]

kim the baby being ready to come into the world is most important here, dont rush nature. i understand you want him to be part of the babies life for now, but what is another week you know?  i cant believe you are so near the end, soon we will read your post on your delivery! is he coming to camp pendleton?

[peekawho]

*shrugs shoulders*

You call him "the ignorant daddy", but think its important for him to spend a lot of time with the baby?  

Just b/c some man put his sperm in you does not entitle him to inconvenience you in regards to how and when you deliver.  

Just my opinion, of course.  

(sending you some good vibes, btw.  I always follow your posts!)

[Kim1989]

well tried walkin a few days ago. that near KILLED me. never felt so bad in my life. and sex ha done with that for a long time. babys daddys got a girlfriend so i dont think hes gonna be really tryin to help me anytime soon. : )

i kno i shouldnt wanna rush nature but i really dont want the baby to get here and have his dad GONE. it took 8 months for him to finally want to be here for the birth. i just dont want him to miss it. and when he goes back, i dont think they will be wanting to let him come home for a long time and he starts schooling in april. i kno right now hes at twentynine plams cali till like june or july then he said hes gettting station back on the east coast in va i think he told me. so i have no idea if hes comming ot camp pendleton

[Kim1989]

he ignorant because hes soo imature. like they say tho, anyone can make a baby. he doesnt know what he wants and hes always been that way. he doesnt want to be here for the birth. now he does. he hates me. then he doesnt. hes also ignorant because he knew i was pregnant. and decied to have another girlfriend, and cheat on us with another girl. WHILE I WAS 6 WEEKS PREGNANT! ugh.

but i guess yoru right just because he did get me pregnant doesnt mean he should incovenience me. but then again i want whats best for the baby. i want his dad to be there and get to spend time with him. because the issues we have with eachother shouldnt interfere with the baby and his dads relationship

[peekawho]

As I said, its up to you.

The baby will never remember, so it really isn't for the baby's benefit for him to be at the birth or during the first couple days.  Its for the benefit of the ignorant baby daddy who you don't like, and who has another girlfriend anyway.    

If you want to be so kind to him, that's terrific!   If not, it won't matter to the baby.  

[have 2 kids]

Kim- the baby isn't going to know if daddy is at his birth or not.   From the way it sounds he may not be very involved in the babies life.    Don't try to make things more convenient for him.   You need to be strong for you and your baby.  
I've followed your story and you have matured alot during pregnancy.   Be proud of yourself and don't let this "man" run your life.  

[pertykitty]

the military can get 2 weeks off for baby leave (the navy does anyway), so if you go over and its important for him he can be here.  this early in the babies life him being here would be just for him not the baby (baby has mommy!) so dont be so nice as to do that to yourself and the baby just to please him.  you will find it a long battle with a dad that isnt in the picture at times, so start now putting the baby and yourself first

[houseofgirls]

I think a lot of women would be bitter in your situation.  While I think it says a lot about the type of person you are, that you care that your son gets to be around his daddy as much as possible, don't go overboard with it.  Right now, it is all about your son and yourself.

[pertykitty]

here here have 2 kids, i applaud you kim for your ability the past 9 months to see what you need to do for your baby and yourself.  have you two discussed the financial aspect of your baby??

[Kim1989]

no we havent. his ex told him that i cheated on him and that the babys not his. so hes like up in the air about if he even thinks the babys his. he knows he was with me all the time. the boy lived in my house. when did i have time to cheat on him. i was faithful months and months after he left me. he wants a paternity test and he knows hes paying for that. we have talked about that.

he aruged with me one day about me not taking child support or he was going to want partial custody! i flipped out. i do not want a boy who wanted me to kill my child having custody of him. plus hes in the military, how is he going to raise a baby when hes going to be away for 5 more years!!! then we talked about it a little bit more. and he was like the only reason why he said he wanted partial custody was because he thought i didnt want him to get to see the baby. i was like yeah um thats why i wanted u here for his birth and in his life, because i dont want you to see the baby. so stupid. but the last thing he said to me on that was if i want child support he wants some custody which is NOT somthing i want. so im scared to go after him for child support. then u have my mom whos like hes going to pay child support. so i dont really know. i dont know anything about the law in that regaurds.

[Kim1989]

thanks for the support!

[mami1323]

First off, I'm not judging you or your situation.  I'm sure it must be difficult being pregnant and having this baby by yourself.  I just have to say that you should definitely not make things convenient for this man, who obviously has some major relationship issues, over what's safe for you and this baby.  If he's not there then too bad.  He didn't really care about you when you were pregnant now did he?  I think you are trying to have him there because maybe you have this feeling like it's going to bring the two of you closer but in reality this is not someone that you should be close to at all.  Secondly, he threatens to take custody of the baby...yikes.  No judge in his/her right mind would give this many joint custody.  The best he would get would be visitation rights.  Seeing that he's away in the military, he really doesn't have much say in this matter.  Also, child support and visitation are 2 separate issues in the court system.  You can take him for child support, that is not giving him visitation rights.  He is legally obligated to financially support his child but he is not obligated to see his child.  I would start reading up on your rights if you feel like he is going to make things difficult.  He would need to provide this child with stability and he would not be able to do that while being stationed in the military.  Unless of course the two of you were together.  I think the best thing for you to do right now is focus on you and the health and well being of your baby.  These last few weeks are very critical.  You must try to be well rested and begin mentally preparing for the birth.  It is not an easy thing to do but well worth it.  Once you see your little babies face, the last person you will be thinking about is him.  Trust me on that.

[Kim1989]

well him being back is not making me any more rested. he hasnt even come to visit me so far. i havent seen the boy in 8 months. i would love it if he just came  (he lives in the next town over) and felt his lil man move. its neat. see the babys rooms. etc. but hes not going to, at least right now. him just being near by but not here is hard. ill tell you that.

but i didnt kno that being induced is not good. for the mom or baby! i had no idea.

my moms looked things up online under the marines and their policy and legal rights. she tried to explain to me there is a difference in visitation and custody. and she doenst think he really knows the difference, because im not going to try and deny him visitation. yeah hes legally oblicated to financially support his child but not many men want to do that! so im worred about the effects of that. what would he want to do then?

[mami1323]

I'm sorry to hear that he doesn't want to be involved.  Frankly, it's his loss.  Don't feel sad, at least you got to experience you're son moving.  It's probably best if you didn't see him because all these feelings may come back and really that's the last thing you should be focused on right now.  Stop focusing so much of your energy on him.  This is your time, you will not get this back ever again.  Your last few days of alone time.  After the baby is born it's all about him.  It's going to be very difficult but wonderful...so please stop worrying so much about this man.  Stop wondering about whether he is going to be there because really if he's this flakey now, what happens after the baby is born.  Is he going to be in and out of this boys life.  Rather him not enter it at all then constantly be a disappointment to his son.  Don't keep him from him but if he's not making much of an effort then you should stop stressing yourself out thinking of him.  Hope I'm not being too harsh but I just know how hard it is being a first time mom.  Heck my son isn't even 3 months yet and it's a tough job.  My son is #1 and I think about him before I would think about his father.  Try to do what's best for you right now.  You will be a great mom.

[pertykitty]

look at you beautiful!! let me tell you from experience with my ex in our divorce, they will try to tell you they will take the child, do this do that.  they dont know that the judge doesnt just say "ok" to what they want.  they will see who the more fit parent is and since your baby is going to be brand new almost always (unless the mother isnt fit) the mom will have the baby.  i know we all give advice, but you have to really think about what is best for the baby and unfortunatly sometimes that means turning off your heart and using your head.  make notes of all the things he has said or done. ex. what he said about the baby in the begining, him not being there throughout this pregnancy, it might make all the difference in the future.  hopefully he will grow up and want a relationship with his baby, he will need a dad.  but remember sometimes a bad father is best left out than to be there and make trouble.  kids need both parents but can get by with one really good one :)

[Kim1989]

thanks. your right tho. i dont want him in his life if hes going to be in and outta his life. its not fair and i dont want our son to go thru that. i dont even want to have different boyfriends because i dont want my son to see mommy bring another man in and outta his life either. but not matter what. keith (the dad) is going to be in and outta his life. unless we magically get marriend. which is not going to happen. hes stationed in cali for now and then maybe va. who knows. hes not going to see his son for periods of time. his friends think hes going to change after the babys born. hes very subborn so i dont really kno. i gues i have to take it one day at a time.


im not so much worried about him being there in the future. right now. or the financial aspect. i mean i guess i should be but thats too much extra baggage for me to be worriing about right now. ill start worrying after the baby comes. but i gues ur right maybe it is better if i dont see him right now anyways. because regaurdless of what hes done, and said. i did love the kid. and i still and will always have love for him. he is giving me the greatest gift possible. even if he didnt really want too.

i hope i will be a great mom. i have two newborn books and this one has soo much information in it. im only half way thru it!

[Kim1989]

: ) thanks. i have a bunch of friends who have only a mom and they turned out ok so far. so i kno its possible. my moms always said you take a mans age and subtract 5. so the dads really only 13 so . maybe in like 5 more years he will grow up. and i do kno they usually are in favor of the mom. usually. hopefully when he takes that paternity test and sees for himself i was faithful and the baby is his, he will look at things a little bit different.

[pertykitty]

subtract 5 i love that !! lol.  you know kim i had my son at 26, seems forever ago but even at that age i had so many questions.  one thing that helped me so much was a girlfriend who had a baby 3 months before me.  she had answers to things and experienced what i was going through.  maybe find a support group of moms your age so you can meet others with the same challenges you will face.  even at my age now of 36 i still have questions!! lol.  plus let me tell you being alone at home with a baby really is what i have dreamed of, but a support group of others that you can call when you need someone to talk to or even to meet others whos kids will be the same age for playdates when your baby is older might be something to think about.  

[mami1323]

I can tell you still have feelings for him and are probably hoping he will see you give birth to his son and decide that he wants to be a family.  It's all picture perfect but it isn't reality.  Let me tell you that my fiance and I had a outstanding relationship before our son.  Having a child changes the entire dynamic of our relationship.  We disagreed on a lot of things with our son.  I felt like he was too old school with letting our son cry it out.  While I was more into the attachment parenting idea.  We nearly broke up a million times.  A baby adds so much stress.  The lack of sleep, you become irritable.  I was doing most of the work.  Getting up in the middle of the night, changing the diapers, giving the baths.  He didn't do as much either...so I would get annoyed.  Like hey, you're this baby's father, why am I the only parent here.  But now we have learned to listen to eachother.  He never lets the baby cry anymore because he sees that my style of parenting was actually working.  He started helping me more.  My point is, a baby is not going to bring you two together.  You will probably do better on your own since if you talk to a lot of women on this forum you will see that a lot of the men are not as nurturing as they are.  Not saying that there aren't a ton of men that do help and are wonderful fathers.  We are just very nurturing by nature.  Hey that's why we carry the babies.  

Just a thought...there is a wonderful baby book called "The Baby Book", which really helped me learn how to listen to my baby.  It gave advice that made me feel less neurotic, made me comfortable with the choices I made and also made me understand that there is nothing wrong with my child.  I think that you would really appreciate it as well.

[Kim1989]

there is no way i want to be back with him. i do and always will love him. but i cant be back with him. if he dropped down on one knee and ask me to be his wife. i would tell him no. i have never in my life had anyone who made me feel as horrible and as worthless as he has made me feel. yeah he was prince charming for awhile...then it all went down hill. he told me to go ahead and kill myself.  i had enough problems thats not something you would want to tell someone whos tried that before. just a few weeks ago he told me im a  "nonlife deserving beast" then he told me he "doesnt want me in or anywhere near his life"...a few days later he calls to tell me hes comming home.  he would call me fat. and ugly and told me he didnt kno why he ever went out with me. he might grow up...but people dont change. i cant be with someone who makes me depressed. i already have trouble with that (even tho ive been doing really really well during this pregnancy). i cant risk even being wtih someone like that. for my sake and even more the babys sake. he still gets me upset when he says things like im nonlife deserving but i kno i am. i kno i mean something. even if i didnt to him or anyone else before...i mean something to this baby. my baby. our baby. hes not a nice person at times. and hes treated so many people that way. im friends with his ex and she cant even beleive how mean and horrible he is to people.

perty- it seems like two months ago...everyone of my friends was finding out they were pregnant. its weird.  my one friend had a baby in december tho so i kno i can always talk to her. shes that not that far away either. plus my moms best friend baby sits. all different ages. so i can always go over there for some baby 411 help.

[2ndBaby]

My doctor scheduled me for induction because my baby was getting so big.  But we needed to wait for my "Bishop score" to reach a certain point.  As I remember, it is the combination of dilation and effacement used to come up with one number that can suggest whether or not induction is likely to work well.  Ask about that, maybe.

[dbestone]

i know they can do a test to determine if the baby can tolerate the contractions and labor. i forgot the exact name of it. i was induced 5 days after my due date because the cord was around my dd neck. i wasnt dialated at all, but they stripped my membranes and gave me pitocin.that was my first pregnancy and i was in labor for 27 long hours. i begged for them to give me a c-section. but that wasnt the case. i was told some dr's will do it for certain reasons, like distance from the hospital, a past fast delivery, and sometimes even for the convenience of the parents. i mean it is elective, but at the dr's discretion. i would just suggest walking as much as possible. You can even try the raspberry leaf tea. im 37w today and my dr said i could start drinking it. she said it helps the uterus prepare for the contractions. but i googled it and lots of woman mentioned it helped them go into labor. anything safe at this point doesnt hurt to try. good luck to you, and who knows any day know you may start dialating. take care, and keep us posted!

[JoyRenee]

dbestone, was it called a stress test?

Honestly, you'll be a few days away from being 40 weeks when you to your appointment on Wed. You're considered full term at 37 weeks and the risk of your baby having problems is so low, almost nonexistent. Most docs will induce a woman ON her due date if she hasn't gone on her own, or unless she begs not to.

You could try taking a luxurious bubble bath (you're not dilating, so it's cool), keep walking (up and down stairs may help), bouncing gently on an exercise ball (just sit on it with feet shoulder width apart, maybe a little more since belly is in the way, and bounce up and down softly).

Also SQUATS should help, but have someone to help you, or hold onto the wall/chair.

[grammy64]

I know I am late hopping in on this thread, but I just saw you posted you would be 39 weeks on Sunday and I was so surprised!  I wanted to say good luck to you and your little one!  I scanned thru the threads, and BOY have you matured during this pregnancy!  How nice to see.  Sounds like you are very much getting it together.  My one comment is:  Do what is best for you and your little one, many years from now you will be glad you did.  There should be not one other aspect to consider other than the health of your baby and yourself.  Who is there and not there will not matter the minute they hand him to you...

Good luck sweetie.  I have not one doubt you will do great. Please post your pics ASAP....we are here cheering you on!

[kjbutcher]

I did not read everything so I dont know if someone mentioned that if you are induced before your cervix has changed, the risk of needing a c section greatly increases.  It is something you should decide if you are willing to go through for this man.  I would think about the answer before you mention it to the doctor or make that a question you ask the doctor.  good luck and enjoy your experience!

[K1990]

I would at least ask because your doctor might do that due to the situatuion.

[pertykitty]

are you in labor now??

[Kim1989]

lol no im here. still pregnant. i just havent really felt like talking. not very happy. im not going to ask about an induction because im sick of being nice to the babys dad. my moms CONVINCED the babys commin on friday and im going to go into labor on thrusday because of the full moon. but i went out with my friends (babys daddys friends too) last night. and we ran into keith (the dad) he didnt even say anything too me. 8 months since he left me and since i saw him untill last night. and he couldnt even say hi. says hes comming home for the babys birth. did stop by or call since hes been back. just playin with his little girlfriend. he should be here. helping install the carseats into the cars. looking at how pretty the babys room is. makeing sure everythings ready for the baby. and maybe ACTUALLY reading a book or two. ive been reading all the time. who woulda known u need to point a baby boys penis downward in the diaper. shoot blew my mind. so the longer the baby takes, thats fine by me! hes cumfy up in ther anyways.

[Cheyenne_08]

Ha, I learned early on to point Ashtyn downward or he would pee right out the top of the diaper and soak through all of his clothes!!!!

[CYW]

i was induced and thought it sucked really bad..i was a week past my due date and 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced...i had been dilated since about 35 weeks...we thought this baby would be early but nope...good luck if you get induced..

[Kim1989]

lol. i guess it would be more frustrating to be like dilated and effaced for weeks and weeks and weeks. One day..i will be dilated!

and fyi i have completely givin up on the babys daddy. he sat there tonight and told me "and jus wana hurt u" and "he doenst give a ____ wether or not hes commn" "and he was just tryin to get home" so hes not here for his birth and i dont want to be near him if he wants to hurt me. and i sure dont want him near the baby if he wants to hurt me. the baby doesnt need someone like that in his life. daddy or not.

[K1990]

Make sure the hospital knows that you don't want him in the delivery room, because if he is going to say that and pull this stuff then you don't want him around.  People say that the dads change once the baby is here well, don't let him pull that!  He hasn't been there this far and has no intention to be there in the future, and he will regret that one day.  Hold on to your boyfriend, he seems like a great guy!

[peekawho]

Kim, sweetie....he doesn't want to be a father, plain and simple.  I'm sure he's scared and immature, but the bottom line is that he doesn't want to be a father.   He made a bad decision not to use protection to prevent your getting pregnant, and he's obviously bitter and resentful.  But what's done is done.

You will have to be very careful, sensitive, and delicate with your child as he grows up to address and work with this issue.

Work with a counselor to find ways to get along with him for your baby's sake, or the baby will pay in the end.

[Kim1989]

yeah my moms been telling me that i need to raise the baby carefully. because i cant have my hate or issues for the boy reaching the baby.

but the thing is. last night i was soo upset at what he said. "that he wants to hurt me" "and that he doesnt care if the baby comes or not" i did show my mom the conversation that he had with me and she FLIPPED out. because of all the pregnant woman lately that have wound up dead by their babys fathers who dont want the babies.so now shes extra cautious about where i am and she doesnt not want me anywhere near him. and the issue about that is...i dont think im going to call him when i do go into labor as horrible as that might sound. i mean the boy just told me he wants to hurt me, didnt come home for the birth, and basically doenst care about the baby.

im scarred of this guy. even more so after he said he wants to hurt me. i have been nothing but nice to him and his only reasoning in saying he wants to hurt me. and when i aksed him why. he simply said because its ME. why do i need that stress when im tryin to have a baby. but then late last night i got to thinking. what about about the baby!? the babys dad is violent! and if he wants to hurt me. and doesnt care "wether the baby comes or not" leads me to think he doesnt care at all about this baby. and if he wants to hurt me....will he want to hurt this baby hes been denying for so long? it scarres me. i dont want him to like hurt or god for bid try and kill the baby! maybe i am overlooking things but now im like he shouldnt be at the hospital at all!? and to make things worse im scarred to death of him. its hard to want a person...babys dad or not. near this child, your child, when your scarred of him.  i mean i really dont know what i should do,

[pertykitty]

if you are scared and really fear for your life, get a restraining order.  at the very least have it documented by the police or such so you can keep tabs on this should he ever become vengeful and try to take the baby, because he knows that is one thing that will hurt you most.  im serious this guy sounds like he has issues and its better to be safe than sorry.  i dont want you to be the next lifetime movie.

[Kim1989]

yeah. i mean i dont think he would try to really harm me in anyway. his friend said hes not that stupid. but hes clearly dumb enough to tell his pregnant ex he just wants to hurt me. hes hurt me in the past. but nothing too serious. if i do get a restraning order on him...he has to know about it right? what does getting one involve?  i kno hes going to try and take the baby away because he does know that will hurt me the most. i really wish i didnt have to get a dna test done because then he will be able to see the baby. and i really dont want that. why would i want the guy who wanted me to killl this baby and doesnt care if he comes or not around my baby?

[peekawho]

This is exactly why I never named the father of my first son.  Exactly why.  I just said I didn't know who it was.  

Some people don't deserve to know their children, and many children do NOT benefit by meeting their sperm donor daddies.  

[pertykitty]

"hes hurt me in the past. but nothing too serious. "

kim this sentence alone scares me. they all start out small, then eventually blow up.  please dont take this lightly, if you were my daughter id do all i could to convince you to protect yourself and this baby.  we just had a father here in my city kill his baby boy, everyone thought he was a good guy, in the military, all the token things that supposedly make a good person. now that you are a mother its your job to make sure you are here for the lifetime of your baby, and that your baby is never put in the middle of it.

[vsentz]

ya know, after all this drama,...... aren't you kinda thankful you had opened your eyes to the REAL DEAL, and realized that being with this __hole is not good either for you nor the baby????!?!?!

You say you wanted him to be there in his birth, and read a book or two.... why? what for? to see if like that he changes his mind??? HE WONT!... i mean, what makes you think that a punk kid d*cking around with a acne-covered-face, big hat and pants down to the knees is going to change?!?!

Sorry, he won't. And hun, you better, for the sake of your son, stop thinking this guy is the 'father' of your child.... a true father doesn't need to be biological.... this guy just donated some sperm... that's all he did!

Good that you have your mom beside you... you will soon have a little one to take care of and take your mind off this punk once and for all..... focus on the important: YOUR BABY'S ARRIVAL....
don't just induce because you feel like it.... the doctor will know when you and YOUR BABY will be ready for labor. Period.

Sorry if I sound a little harsh.... girl, im the kind of person that doesn't take sh*t from people, and seeing you taking all this load right on your head p*sses me off...


Ok... and some added preggy hormones too! lol ;)

good luck.

[Kim1989]

dont worry im not getting induced. c at first when i wrote this....things were ok. he was comming home, and acted like he wanted to be there. then after he got here and hand even tried to make an effort...i was basically like why should i. but then after yesterday. i dont want him around me at all. or the baby.

me sayin "hes hurt me in the past. but nothing too serious. "  was me saying hes said some horrible things to me in the past and yes i would get angry and out of line and hit him for it. but he would hit me right back and usually twice rather than me hitting him once. the most hes ever done was bust my lip. nothing too serious was being...ive seen horrible abuse. like borken bones. shattered things. causing hospital stays. etc. thankfully it hasnt been that. thats what i ment.

my baby does come first. i just am still kinda confused about what is best for him. a part of me is like he needs a daddy. but yes its tru just because he donated his sperm doesnt mean hes a real daddy. and one day hopefully my baby will have a daddy. my bfs been the closest thing to his daddy so far. hes the one that asks me all the time am i ok? is the baby ok? is it time? rubbing my belly and feeling him kick and move. and hes the one that wants to be there to support me in labor. which is so sweet.

my mom is here for me and so is my family and all of my friends (even the babys daddys friends and family).  my mom thinks that he just tries to hurt me (mentally) and mess with my head. he prob does. and is doing this just because he knows its time soon. and i need to be under the least amount of stress possible.  THANKFULLY the boys stationed in cali! so i dont have to deal with being scarred and him (face to face) shortly.

oh and its even more scary to hear about that MARINE....(just like the babys father) who killed that woman he raped in i think south carolina. whos now on the run in like mexico. so i know babys can bring out the WORST in men. i do really wish now he didnt want anything to do with this baby. it would be 10x easier if it was that way. but he does want a dna test and that gives him the right to see his son. i am thinking about a restraining order. but i dont kno how one works. if i do get one does that give him less of a chance in seeing the child. because im not so much scarred of him harming me. but hes been telling me for like 7months he doesnt want this baby. and i should do him a favor and abort this baby. its like because of that i really really dont want him near the baby.  he said he doenst care if the baby comes or not. i think i need to do some research on restraning orders. i am scarred tho that if i do get one, he will try and fight me in court for this baby. and i REALLY dont want to have to deal with more drama with this boy. and court is just more drama

[Kim1989]

o and does anyone kno if being slightly depressed shortly before labor and birth, does that put you at a higher risk for post partum depression.

[peekawho]

Talk with your mother honestly and tell her the things you've told us about him busting your lip and other things.  A man should never hit a woman.  Ever.  Regardless of provocation in any form.  

Ask her to help you find out about restraining orders, if you both agree it might be the right thing.  

[vsentz]

............

*eyes wide open*


ARE YOU SERIOUS??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!


You saying 'but nothing serious... the most he's done is bust my lip...."

ARE YOU DAMN SERIOUS?.........................

That's called ABUSE!!!! For LESS than that a man can get convicted!... how in the hell....or here, let me rephrase it: WHAT in the hell were you thinking when you want a freak like that in your life or your baby's life!?!?!?!?!!?! with the first time he'd held his hand high to try to hit you.... you should have ran!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This guy's a FREAK!!!!
How could you tolerate that??? I don't wanna even imagine someone just tucking her tail between  her legs after this...... Kim, seriously, you need a counselor, you need someone that knows law (also) who can guide you thru all this! I mean, could you imagine what this freak'd do to your baby? why would you go ahead with the DNA test IF you say you don't want anything to do with this traier-trash punk? Just cut the umbilical cord from this freak!!! desapear from his eyes!

My GOD!!!!! this just scares me.....

[Kim1989]

she took me to the hospital when it happened. i called her my whole left side of my mouth was hudge. she took me to make sure i didnt need stiches or didnt have a chipped tooth.

but yeah i kno a man should never hit a woman. my friend sugested i get one as well. ill talk about it with my mom and we will c.

[have 2 kids]

With the things he said to you the other day and the abuse of the past you should get a restraining order.   Do you think any of the other women who have been found dead thought he would really do it.    I am scared for you.   Please get some help.

[Kim1989]

yeah i guess they didnt think he would do it. dont be scarred. im sure we will get one shortly. i just helped my mom put in the carseat so i didnt talk to her yet about it. but i will.

[mami1323]

Kim, you seriously need to not have this man around your child.  If he is violent towards women, you don't want your son picking up on this behavior and follow in his father's footsteps do you?  Abuse is cyclical.  Plus, would you really want your son seeing his father put his hands on you.  Go get that restraining order and keep this man away from this baby.  This is a very scary situation.  This man has serious issues.  I just can't wait for him to leave, he needs to stay away.  

And yes, if you are depressed now then you are at higher risk for post partum depression.  Please talk to your doctor.  It gets really rough.  You are going to be overwhelmed with a new baby.  Night and day are intertwined, you are going to be sleep deprived, the baby is going to cry and you will not know what to do.  Since the father isn't around you are going to feel very lonely.  You really need to lean on your mother and I'm glad you have her there to help you.  Even when my fiance was there, my mother was 1000 times more helpful then he was.  It's not an easy job taking care of a newborn, but it really is the most wonderful experience ever.  

If you need to talk please send me a private message at any time.  My son is 3 months, and I'm not an expert but I can try to do my best to help you with whatever you need.

[K1990]

Do we have a baby yet??  Give us some good news!

[Kim1989]

no no baby yet. i did get hit with two shocks of pain in my lower lower back along my spine. and now im left with pressure back there and lightinging like bolts from the middle of my stomach downward. so im thinking hes on something. but its a dull pain and i just tried a warm bath and it didnt do anything

[Kim1989]

and these shooting "lightning" pains heading towards my thighs are no funn either. im getting quite a few of these

[JoyRenee]

In the hospital they'll ask you to privately sign a paper that says you're not afraid of anyone hurting you or the baby. Make sure you're honest about filling that out (I know he doesn't live near you, but it might be wise to have support from the hospital on that end).

Good luck! He'll be here before you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!