When is a good time to try for #2? Is it a hard transition from 1 to 2 children?

Recently Dh and I have been talking about possibly trying for baby #2. My dd Avery will be 2 May 1st. I am going to be 31 in a couple months and I don't want to wait too long but I am curious how long other moms waited. Was it a hard transition? How old was your first when #2 came along? We are thinking of trying this summer. I am nervous and excited at the same time. Thanks for your thoughts! :)

[mami1323]

I have only 1 but I always wanted to try for #2 when my 1st was turning 3.  I think 3 years apart is a good space.  The 1st is older and more self sufficient and can always be a little helper.  Just my thought.

[waitingwithhope]

I think whenever you feel ready, go for it. It is totally a personal decision when to try again and how far apart to space your kids...My first two are very close in age (14 months apart) but my rest are spaced further apart...there are pluses and minuses to both situations.
There is a big difference from one to two. I found it similar to the difference between none and one. But, beyond that, not a big difference at all (from two to three kids and onwards!) The biggest change is just the division of time and the fact that it can take twice as long to get anywhere! However, it is totally worth it.
We're going to TTC our last soon (my DD is almost 8 months) but I am also almost 37...so time is not on my side!

[GNicole]

Thanks ladies! Anyone else?

[surprisebaby]

MY 1st two are 18 months apart...and they are now 10 and 9-1/2...and very good friends.  My brother and I are 2-1/2 years apart and we are not very close...so I wanted mine close in age.  We now have a 2 year old as well...she was a "SURPRISE"...and I gotta tell you...it is tough to go back to baby years...BUT...it is also amazing how AWESOME her big brothers are to her.  They look out for her, and have from the day we brought her home...EVEN the middle child!   I agree...there is no right or wrong answer.  When you are ready, go for it!  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I had my son when I was very young and was a single mother for a long time.  He is 15.  But my daughters range from 7, 6, 3 (4 in Feb.), and 19 months.  The first 2 daughters are less than 1 1/2 years apart.  They are pretty close, but it was really hard when they were little.  BUT, if you are only going to do it once, then I say that is just fine and a good age difference.  After that, the age difference is 2 years and 3 months.  That is perfect.  Infact, I got pregnant this time on purpose with that age difference in mind with my youngest.  I really like it and it is tolerable with a newborn.

[cantwait4baby]

The experts say one year or less or over 3 years.  In between that they really dont understand.  Needless to say mine will be exactly 2 years what the neurologist told me was the worst age span. hahaha - Oh well.  I am glad I am done.  I look forward to having my two babies grow up together and getting my body back.  As you know - I am not a fan of pregnancy - did not go well for me and although the outcome is worth everything (why I did it twice) I am very happy I am done :)

[GNicole]

Thanks ladies! Like Kim said I am also not looking forward to pregnancy again because last time was very scary but hopefully this time will be different!!

[40smama]

Hi Greta - the transition from 1 to 2 children for me was tricky but doable.  My 1st two were 24 months and 1 week apart to the day.  I got really sick 4 weeks after the baby was born so it's hard to know if the transition was hard because of that or because of newborn baby/toddler.

I agree that it's totally a personal decision on how far to space children apart - my advice is not to wait until he's 15 - ha, ha, ha!

[UmYusra]

well we only have girl she will be 3 soon (March 15) Dh and I are TTC now but the thing is i got my timing wrong to come off birth control (it was late when i remeoved IUD), i mean we have beeing ttc for 6 months now NO luck just yet, soo by the time #2 comes along our lil girl wil be alomost 4 years of age ):

[tiredbuthappy]

I chose to time my kids to be about 2 years apart. I'll let you know how it works out :)
as for closeness of kids in relation to age- i think it really depends on the kids and personality of the kids. my brother and i are 18 months apart- when we were little, we were inseparable. as soon as grammar school hit, we started to grow apart and there were a couple times in highschool when i genuinely hated him. Unfortunately, when kids are close together in age like we were (only 1 grade apart), competition is inevitable. Not that we were encouraged to compete with each other academically- it just happened. It set my brother up for a lifetime of underachieving.
here's the breakdown of my sibling's ages- 31, 29 (me), 27 1/2, 25... so on average 2 years between each. There's also a 16 yr old. We fought like cats and dogs all the time growing up. we got in to all sorts of trouble. But, we were never alone. We always had someone to play with. And while i missed out on many things because we never had extra money due to having so many kids close together, I never resented it. I truly value my relationships with all of my siblings, even the one I have hated at times.

I will say that it is a little difficult being pregnant with a toddler at home. But, I am surviving, even with the constant nausea, vomitting several times a day, heart palpatations, extreme fatigue, etc... in addition to working and taking 2 grad courses. The only reason I am surviving is because DH is extremely helpful and supportive, taking on most childcare responsibilities and housework when he's at home. In addition, DD has learned to play very nicely and entertain herself. I think these factors need to be taken in to consideration as well, in case you have another rough pregnancy. If your toddler is very demanding or DH is not super helpful, you may be better off waiting a little.

[grammy64]

Good morning.  Its been a long time and I had very ordinary pregnancies other than delivering both post dates.  Mine were 22 months apart.  No probs.  I never had a problem one way or another.  I actually had them close together as my sis and I are 4 years apart and have never been close.  Mine are now in their early 20s and are not close either, so I am not sure the age diff has that much to do with it.  It really was no more difficult w/ 2 than 1 little one in the house other than the initial exhaustion from delivery.  

Hope that is helpful,
Good luck.  

[Jame0223]

I don't have any kids but I am 3 1/2 years younger then my brother. For the first 3 years of my life, we were inseperable. Then when I got to talking and became the annoying little sister...everything went way down hill. This may not be the way with everyone but my brother was spoiled by my grandmother and my mom wouldn't let that happen the 2nd time around. He had a really bad temper problem, so technically my brother hit me a lot from 4-9 years old(my age). He had to be put in counseling for it. I was a very well behaved child too...so I didn't understand why I was always being hit by my brother lol but that stopped once I hit about 10 years old. We moved away from my hometown right then and it was lit he just suddenly matured! lol We were never really close, but we stopped disliking each other. Now that I am 20 and hes 23...we get along just perfectly, but don't see each other much. I love my brother and I know he loves me and that's all that matters now. I'm glad he's my brother :)

[Whitneylauren]

I agree with mami1323- 3 years is the ideal age difference. I am currently pregnant with our second son, and he will be 4 years younger than our first. Ideally I would prefer all our children to be exactly 3 years apart, which is why we will start trying for our third when this baby turns 2.5. I am a firm believer that each child needs personal time to grow and develop before another is introduced, then when he/she is more autonomous your new baby can demand more attention from you.

[YoungMom130]

My second child was born on Dec 19th of 2008, my son is turning 2 this Friday, and it has been HARD. The first month was a nightmare. Not only are you sleep deprived, but toddlers that age don't understand what's going on. All they know is that they have to share mom and dad and they'll do whatever is necessary to get your attention away from the new baby. My son is starting to do better, but it is still a struggle. Going anywhere alone with my two children is impossible at this point, I always travel with either my husband or another "helper" because my toddler is SOOOOO busy and I am nursing my youngest. It's a balancing act, and a tough one, but I am told that in later  years they'll be good play mates and friends....I've got my fingers crossed! My husband is older than I am, he's 39, I'm 26, and he is stressed out from teaching children all day at school. When he comes home to our own little circus he's worn out and he's said he would like to stop having children. As tough as it is to think straight right now I'm young and would like to maybe have 1 more. We'll see how we both feel about it in two years, then it might be snip snip for husband!

[GNicole]

Thanks so much ladies!! I am nervous because I know the first few months with a newborn and a toddler will be difficult but I want Avery to have a sibling close in age.  Avery is very demanding but she will be at least another year older before we have another baby and I know she will love to "help out".  Thanks for all of your input! Please keep us in your prayers!