When to let baby 'Cry it out'

[DFB05]

Hi All!
I was wondering when any of you let your baby "cry it out" at night.  I've read or am reading both the Ferber and Weissbluth books, and Ferber says not to try it until 4-5 months, but Weissbluth seems to say that around 6-8 weeks is ok.  My pediatrician said we should do it now, but I feel badly if it's too soon, and of course we're getting all kinds of feedback from family on it.  My daughter will be 10 weeks on Thanksgiving, I don't want to try it too early, but don't want her to start waking up again in the middle of hte night or to destroy her great sleeping now.  She does well sleeping through the night, anywhere from 7-10 hours, but getting her to sleep in the first place can be as short as 1/2 hour or as long as 1 1/2-2 hours!  We have to rock her to sleep, and put her down asleep, but then she either wakes up as soon as we put her down, or may sleep for a few minutes and wake again.  We had a humidifier running in her room, which may make it too cold for her, so I'm going to stop using that, but any suggestions or more info from anyone would be greatly appreciated.  I started a little routine with her (bottle, change her, rock while reading a book or 2, then to bed while playing music).  With Thanksgiving coming up, and family coming to visit, I was wondering if I should even just wait until next week when the schedule will be more normal again.  Thanks in advance!!

[2songbirds]

I have a 3yr old, and a 14 month old, preggo with my 3rd. I've never let my kids 'cry it out', nor will I. They cry for a reason. I know my pediatrician recommended me trying this to eliminate the night time bottle feedings, but instead, I let the kids stop the feedings themselves when they're ready. My 14 month old still has 1-2 bottles at night. My 3 yr old had 1 bottle at night until she was 19 months old, then all of a sudden, she didn't 'need' them anymore. Follow your own instincts.

[Kel Kel1]

Good morning...i to ask myself the same question...my dd is alittle over 3 months and my mother has told me from the start to let her cry it out....i would not...now i can see she "knows" more and is developing a sense of what she can get away with and now sometimes i do let her cry.  Unfortantly if she starts to get louder i go in because she will get too worked up and puke!!!  It also can take me a min to put her down or 1 1/2 hours...so i just wanted to share my experiance because its really up to you and your comfort with letting her cry...you'll know when she is starting to use it as a spoiling tactic....best of luck.

[ni-ki]

I have a 6mth old son and i wont let him cry it out. I rock him to sleep until he falls asleep then hold him for about 15 mins after that then put him down. He doesn't sleep through the night yet and thats fine with me. I feel when he is ready he will do it. I am not one who believes your child should cry themselves to sleep (my opinion). If he is 15 when he finally sleeps through the night then so be it hahaha.

[happymom3]

I'm no doctor but I would wait until you have a normal routine to try again. Seems like 10 weeks is a bit young to let her cry it out. Again I'm not doctor but I would say let you be the judge of that, you already said you felt it was too young, that would be a good indicator for me:)

[2songbirds]

I have to also say that my 3 yr old still sleeps with me. My 14 month old has to be held/rocked by me when I'm home and he's sleepy. I don't mind for the most part. They're babies, we're supposed to nurture them. My 14 month old sleeps in his toddler bed, but every once and awhile, he crawls in bed with me, and it's ok.

I can't stand the thought of letting them cry it out. It would break my heart knowing they're crying for me, and I was ignoring them.

NOTE: I DID try this once when my 3 yr old was around 9 months old,and never again. The look on her face when I went in to get her, it made me cry. She stayed up for HOURS crying and screaming. Never again.

[jifnif]

my ds is 3mths old and our dr said its ok to let them cry it out for a bit but that you cannot hold or comfort them enough at this age.  We have never let him cry it out.  He has needed that extra comfort of knowing that we are here and I am ok w/ that.  He slept in bed w/ us until just a week ago and never slept more than 2hrs at a time.  Just 3 nights ago he is sleeping 7 1/2 hrs in his own crib!!!!  We figured when he was ready he would go.  Now if it went on up to 6mths I would think of it differently.  I say trust your instincts.  Its your baby and you have to feel comfortable w/ what you decide.  best wishes.

[DFB05]

Thanks everyone!  I appreciate your input,and any more anyone else has too!  I can't stand to see her little face all scrunched up like that, frustrated trying to get to sleep.  I'm going to try to slowly ease off the rocking etc, and maybe even put a heating pad to warm up her crib before she gets in.  She's still so little, I really don't mind rocking her, but just wish she wouldn't keep waking up when we put her down!!  It gets so frustrating for us since we just want to go to sleep too, but we just need to remind ourselves that she's just a little infant.  She sleeps through the night now, has anyone had the experience of having their baby sleep through the night (after being rocked etc to sleep), and then around 4 months start waking in the middle of the night again & not be able to get back to sleep b/c they expect to be rocked again?  (That's what the books say will happen around 4 months--since they;re more aware and remember you rocked them to sleep originally, they want to be rocked again.)  I hadn't ever heard of that problem before I had my baby.

[Tasha456]

"My pediatrician said we should do it now, but I feel badly if it's too soon"

That statement tells me that you do not need to let her cry it out.  Because if you listen to what someone else tells you when you dont feel it is right.. it will just put alot of emotional hardship on you.  

I feel that your issue isnt of letting her cry it out. .it is "how can i put her down without her waking up.   When you are rocking your child to go to bed wrap her in a blanket so when they fall asleep and you put them in the crib the transition wont be so drastic.  Because you are taking the child from your warm body and then placing her in a cold crib.  That would wake up and upset any child.  Keep doing what you are doing... it sounds like you have her on a good sleep schedule already.. which from what I've read is hard to do at such a young age.

[Lilu]

I did it with my DD when she was 4 months.

[Kel Kel1]

also sometimes she'll just cry a few moans and stop...but if she really starts i go in right away but i do not pick her up (unless i think she has to burp) but instead i put my hand on her stomach and rub her face...it really sooths her back to sleep

[Liza55]

Aaaah...so many moms have gone thru this. I too have a baby that needed me basically to fall asleep. We did the cosleeping thing until around 3months when we disturbed her, and tried the crib w/ good results. I would never let them cry it out. It is their only means of communication. They don't understand anything beyond "I want my mom, I cry". They certainly don't get "Well, it's night time, or my mom's had enuf today". If you don't respond, they'll stop crying sooner or later, but you then only taught them that you won't come. They're crying b/c they need or want you and that is the most natural thing in the world. A baby crying until it falls asleep is nothing to be proud of. I have been tempted so many times, but I can never do it. You'll feel what's right for you...

[bonbon197]

Dont ever let your baby cry it out, they do not understand. They feel scared and alone. Babies need lots of love and connection. Letting them cry it out is cruel. And teaches them that you are not there for them!! Please hold, love, and comfurt your baby, forever!!!

[JoyRenee]

Every child is different and should be treated different and not Textbook. What works for one child will not always work with another. You need to find out what is right for you. Personally, I don't think a small tiny infant should be left alone, in the dark, to "cry it out". You are their comforter and when you don't show up, it leaves them frightened. They don't understand.

There does come a time when a baby/child knows how to get what they want, they understand "nigh-night" and will cry just so you'll come and get them. There are times when my child fusses herself to sleep for just a few minutes (she's 10 months, not 10 weeks), but I never let her cry herself to sleep. I go in and get her and hold her a bit more, talk to her, comfort her, let her know she isn't alone and I'm right there!

My first daughter slept in bed with us for the first year of her little life, would wake up for her binky constantly and here she is at 2 1/2 years old, in a big girl bed (since she was 18 months old) sleeping through the night WITHOUT her binky.

You fear your child will never sleep through the night, on their own, but they will. There will not always be this way. I became really proud of my daughter AND myself when she began sleeping through the night and I MISS THOSE NIGHTS I'd rock her to sleep in my arms. She's not a baby anymore...

So to end this novel... ENJOY THIS TIME WHILE SHE IS AN INFANT! It will not last forever. Soon she'll be running around with Barbie dolls and pigtails and rolling her eyes at anything you deem funny. That is what I tell myself with my second daughter who is still a baby. I hold her a little bit longer every night and enjoy the closeness because this time is fleeting.

[mami1323]

I remember my son was 3 days old and my fiance believed in the crying out method.  He thought that you will spoil your baby if you pick them up.  We had him in his crib and he was so small for that big crib.  Needless to say, he's had two kids before ours so I thought he knew what he was talking about.  He let our son cry and cry for like 20 minutes.  I was hysterical crying hearing my son screaming at 3 days old.  I thought it was cruel.  I made him go get him and bring him into bed with us.  I explained to him that he was in my belly all tight and warm for 41 weeks and is now out in the open away from me, probably cold and unable to hear my heartbeat.  I refused to let him ever do that again.  It was horrible and I will never forget that night.  They need us for comfort and nurturing.  They cry to communicate and trust that we will respond to their needs.  It is a disgusting method and after reading to my fiance "The Baby Book" where it says that letting a baby cry out is a horrible method.  He now understands where I was coming from.  Also being a mother there is a chemical reaction in our brains that forces us to comfort our crying babies.  Now he is 10 weeks old and I can tell when he's just fussing because he is tired and all I do is leave him in his chair or swing with a bobo (pacifier) and a blankie and he falls out.  Other than that I don't let him cry long.

[jjerzeegirl]

I started my dd at about 5-6mths...
It was the best thing we ever did...for all of us!

I put her down awake and she's able to fall asleep on her own..she's now 18mths....so this has been working for a while.

It's VERY difficult but well worth it!

[anothermccoy]

I think she is too early to start now, but I do believe in the 'crying out' method.  Of course, your maternal instinct should basically be able to tell you if something is actually wrong or if they just habitually are crying.  We did this at about  7 month and it only took 3 nights.  However, when she would go stay at my husbands parents' she trained herself to wake up at 2:00am everytime because she knew (even at just 9months) they would get up and go in and bring her to their bed.  As your daughter grows you will be absolutely amazed at her ability to decipher things such as this.  Of course, we told my dh's parents that she is to be sleeping through the night and it took a lot longer for her to sleep through the night then because she was so used to them and they gave in too easily.  Consistency is really the key for all parts of parenthood.  * side note --- she also completely acted like she couldn't eat with a fork for a long time at their house when she had been eating with one for months, because she knew that they would feed her if she acted like she wouldn't!

[BearHitch]

We let DS start crying it out at around the start of 3 months, as I recall and it didn't take long until he was sleeping through the night.  I got him taking regular naps in his crib without my having to help / put him to sleep at 4 or 5 months I believe.  This worked fine for us.  I don't think you can comfort / love a baby too much but I do think that they need to learn to get into a bedtime routine and learn to fall asleep on their own.  I just finished reading a book called Becoming Babywise and I would recommend it.  I am planning on putting to work the things they recommend in it with this next baby, which is similar to what I did with DS.  Everyone does things differently and I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer.  I do know though that I would go nuts having to spend 1/2 - 1 1/2 hours each night putting DS to bed.  

[Angie_2boys]

There is a book called the no cry sleep solution. LOTS of great tips and they work! Good luck!

[ashley012609]

Hello.

I have a six month old son and my husband and I are having trouble getting him to fall/stay asleep. He use to go down for naps, night time with ease but now he seems to have gotten into the habbit of reaching for anything he can grab onto to keep himself awake.
We have tried everything (giving him our finger to hold on to, a blanket, a stuffed animal) but nothing seems to work.
Advice please!!!

[Victoria01]

I think you have to do what you are comfortable with. My son, who is 3, is a very good sleeper and has been since he was four months old. My pediatrician also recommended letting him cry it out, though I wasn't totally comfortable with it. I let him cry for 5-10 minutes then went to him but did not pick him up. I think most babies, those that are not hungry or need a diaper change but are just crying, want to know where mommy is. I would pat him on the back, sing to him, whatever came to mind, until he calmed down. It took about a week for him to begin sleeping through the night (8-10 hours at 4-5 months)  He has been sleeping through the night ever since. Good luck to you. :)

[snagglepuss1]

this thread was started november 2006! i would imagine the child is probably sleeping thru by now! for her parents sanity anyway! lol

[apple619]

It is difficult for those that have 2 or more kids. I have a 2.5 year old toddler going thru terrible twos and there is no way i can leave her for 30 mins alone while i put the baby to sleep ( 4 months) She didnt need us before now but now she is getting more aware of her environment and that makes it more difficult for her to fall asleep. Also she went thru a growth spurt and that is when i got her used to rocking because i didnt know how else to calm her down when she was fussy/hungry until my milk supply increased. Alot of us go wrong at this stage. Now we are doing cry it out and we will not stop until it works. I wish we did it with out first - she still needs us to fall asleep ( 2 hr ordeal!)