Why have children? Help me understand.

I am hoping you ladies can help me understand the desire to have a child.  I have never felt that yearning for a child.  Never wanted the responsibility.  I also want to say that I have never been pregnant and avoided it like the plague.  I have had men break up with me when they realized that I didn't want children and I didn't blame them for doing that.  I understood that I was different and would never want to keep someone from procreating if that's what they really wanted.

I have watched 50 yr old women get IVF to become first time moms.  I've seen women go through several miscarriages in the hopes that one will last and result in a baby.  To me, this seems like a lot of work and stress on a woman's body.  You have to really want this so badly to go through these things.

You all talk about your pregnancies and children with such enthusiasm.  Is it something that you one day just "had to have" or at a certain age suddenly felt this urge?  I know this post will sound strange to some of you, and I am not trying to be disrespectful, but I have always wondered about this side of myself and why I am so different from most people in this respect.  I honestly have no maternal instincts whatsoever.

Thanks in advance to those who answer.  

[cantwait4baby]

some women just are not maternal - do you love having your neices and nephews around?  or friends babies?  My sister is not maternal at all - in fact she will say "I am way to selfish to have children".  She loves my dd to death and spoils her rotton but happily hands her right back to me when she is done playing with her.

Not all women want children.  In fact many women who have children don't want them which makes a lot of sheltered kids.  It is great that you know and avoid having them.

No there is nothing wrong with you.  Enjoy your time - Travel :)

[peekawho]

At least you're honest about your feelings!

Sometimes its something that just hits you.  My kids just seemed to happen to me, I never had to consciously try.  I love them, don't get me wrong...but I never had a burning, overwhelming desire for children.

Some people don't want children until they are approaching the end of their childbearing years, and then get panicky that they may never be able to have them.  Others seem to know they want children from a young age.

Many times, I wonder if its a yearning for a baby, or for a child.  Baby yearning is very common, but people seem to be lost after babyhood is over and the yearning for another "baby" starts again.

[jenstam]

I knew by the time I was 4 or 5 that I wanted to be a Mommy (: When I played house, I was always pregnant and had a baby! I could not wait to feel that love...the love a parent feels for a child, to raise good children and experience my family, around the table, family activities, fun, etc...there is nothing more important to me than family.

Some people don't want that, and it's okay! I admire you for being able to express that and be okay with it. I just read an article the other day, that couples who don't have children are on average happier than couples who do. I was really surprised by that article. The article stated that people have children nowadays for emotional reasons. It makes sense...but in the defense of individuals (such as myself) that chose to have children, there is nothing like the love you feel for a child. I cannot even describe it! To me, that is priceless and something I cannot ever imagine not feeling. But if you feel like you can happily live your life without that and without the experience of being a mother, then there is nothing wrong with that. I would travel too! Oh, and have a clean house and actually be able to shop for MYSELF (:

[mayflowers]

thanks for writing.  Cantwaitforbaby, I'm like your sister.  I do love my neices/nephews and friends children but I happily give them back after a few hours.  One of my friends had a little daughter, and as a baby, she was so good.  We could make her laugh by doing stupid faces and I thought that was cool. Plus, she hugged me and that was cute. She's still a unique child and I like talking to her.  

Peek, I know what you're saying.  I've heard women say they didn't mean to get pregnant, it just happened and there were the kids.   I've never even had that baby yearning, the feeling of something growing inside me is scary.  

I just wonder if for some women it's a strong desire or urge and I never got that gene.

[mami1323]

It's hard to say what that feeling is.  I waited until 30 to have my first child.  I knew I wanted children but I didn't want them when I was young because I was having way too much fun on my own.  I wanted to go out and hang out with friends and go on vacation.  A lot of it had to do with not meeting a man that I could even remotely think of having children with, as well.  I wasn't the type of woman who yearned for a baby so much that I would just have a child with anyone.  When I found someone who I fell deep in love with and I knew that I could be with him for how ever long we lasted on this earth...lol....then I said ok, I'm ready for that next step.  I was with him for 4 years before our son was born so we had that alone time as well.  I loved children, I've always loved them.  I would see my friends having them and I loved being around them and watching them grow.  It's just a feeling.  Some women don't have that feeling and that's ok.  At least you know that and didn't procreate just because it felt like it was the "normal" thing to do.  Then you would have children and not really appreciate what it is to be a mother.  It's hard, don't get me wrong, it's stressful, it's tiring, it's constantly going with no time to sit and relax.  It's the hardest thing you will ever have to do but when you look into your child's eyes and you see yourself and you see the unconditional love that they have for you and you for them...it's all worth it.

[tiredbuthappy]

the Today Show is showing a segment on this as i type...

[mayflowers]

Thanks for the insight.  That's what I mean by people knowing at a young age that children and family were a necessity.  I think I played with dolls b/c that's the type of presents I got.  I remember getting an ironing board and easy bake oven for Christmas.  I also liked bugs and would put dead ones in my stoller.  I was kind of weird :o(

[1nana]

I, like cantwait4baby, have 2 sisters who feel exactly like you. Neither one had "maternal instincts" and NEVER wanted or had any kids. One of my sisters loved being around the nieces and nephews, the other, did not have any patience whatsoever.

I truly believe my sisters made very wise choices not to have kids, because if they had, they probably would have been the type to either neglect or abuse them. I know that sounds harsh, but lets face it, we're not all meant to be mothers and they both realized it very early on and prevented it.

I, on the other hand, always wanted kids.

[mayflowers]

Mami & Wannabenana, thanks for your thoughts.  I think I would have resented a child and somehow I knew this about myself.  

It's interesting to me that many women seem to understand that some  women are not "mother material" but I've known men who just think there is something terribly wrong with me.  I've heard men say "All women want children, that's how they are built" and I would roll my eyes and put those men in the cavemen category of my brain.  My ex thought I was a freak b/c I didn't want kids.  My current guy accepts it about me but I think he would like a child to carry on his name but it will never happen with me.

[jenstam]

Too funny...not weird! That is who you were/are! I actually enjoyed playing with all of those things, too (: Bugs, frogs, turtles, you name it! But that maternal instinct was very, very strong. I do envy you a bit though, for being able to do/see/experience everything that I have had to put aside to raise my children. I envy anyone who doesn't have the constant worry a parent has that their child is okay. I wouldn't give up that love for anything, but it does add worry and changes you in so many ways, both good and bad. So, get out there and experience everything!! (:

[cantwait4baby]

PS.  I was like the other always pregnant as a child playing house.  My barbies were always pregnant and I always had 10 babies in bed with me.  I also would love to visit all my mom's friends who had babies.  Meanwhile my sister who was 3 years older then me wanted to watch TV or ride her bike or just play in the park.  

My dd plays with dollbabies now and she is only 1.  It is cute until she gets mad at them and slams them to the ground. haha

Still not sure what direction she is going in.  haha

Good LUck - like one of the other posters said - Enjoy your clean house that is what I miss about being childless - CONTROL.  I no longer have it but I do love my life now.  

[mami1323]

cantwait - I was the same.  I even would make a fake pregnancy pillow out of a baby doll sleeping bag and blankies.  I would put it under my shirt and play like I was pregnant.  My barbies were always pregnant also.  I remember when they came out with the heart family doll where the mommy had a pregnancy shirt and she had a baby.  It sounds weird and it probably scared the heck out of my mom who thought for sure I would be a knocked up teenager.  But I was smarter than that but I was obsessed with pregnancy.  I guess I always thought it was beautiful.

mayflowers - my cousin is 16 and just recently said she never wants to have kids.  She loves children and loves my son but she said she can't see herself ever wanting children.  Some women want them and some don't.  Not everyone has the patience to deal with them.  Like jenshim said, the worry is mind numbing.  I worry about every and anything.  It's so scary being a parent and constantly being controlled by the very thought of something happening to them.  Some people are not built for it.

[cantwait4baby]

That is my life now WORRY - I have tons of pictures of my life from the age of 25 - 30 when I traveled, bought a house, had lots of fun with friends.  I have them in a collage on my wall and I was in such good shape and so happy but all along all I ever wanted was a family.

Now that i have my little girl all the pictures of me I hate because I still have weight on and all I do is worry worry worry.  I make up things in my head it is crazy.  Yesterday she was playing out front with me and I had this thought that a car would come down my street jump the curb and hit her so I took her around back.  I am NUTS!  (mind you that really did happen in my neighborhood about 3 years ago but killed the mom baby was fine) so I guess that is where that came from.  

I am happier then I have ever been but worry more then I could have ever imagined.  

The Heart Family - I remember them - they had the twin boy girl babies - I had their little car with the two car seats in the back.  I still know exactly what they looked like.  Lets not forget skipper who never got to have a boyfriend because they did not make young boy barbies back then just Ken.  Now there are TONS I cant wait to play again with dd.  haha

[mami1323]

Haha, I also think about cars jumping curbs.  Here in New York like 3 cars did that in one day in 3 different areas.  I'm also afraid of a freakin crain falling onto my head with all the dang construction and faulty equipment.  I guess I'm a psycho nut case as well.  Guess it comes with the territory.  You should see me when we get into the car, my nails get stuck in the arm rests because I'm on pins and needles watching cars coming in and out of lanes.  UGH!!!

Yes, poor underdeveloped skipper.  She did have a tough time....lol.

[have 2 kids]

My sister has no maternal instincts.    She has one child but it happened because of failed bc.    I know another person that has no desire for children.    I've always known I wanted children.    I still have the baby yearning but don't want another child.    I don't think there is
anything wierd about you not wanting kids.

[Hope2OneDay]

I know a LOT of people who don't want kids...whether it's because they're more focused on their career, traveling the world, or just plain hate the idea of taking care of another human being for 18 years! LOL

Then again, I know people who were exactly like you, who SWORE they'd never have kids, who ended up having at least one. They were a bit older, and I believe it's like someone else said, they realized their biological clock was ticking and figured they didn't want to miss the chance while they had it.
Turns out, they didn't resent the kids at all!

I say to each his own. If you don't want kids, don't have them. They'll only make you miserable and resentful, and they ARE a lot of hard work and responsibility! There are days when I miss my "single" life when I could just run to the store without having to strap in a one year old and drag him with me. But I wouldn't trade him for the world. The good definitely outweighs the bad when raising children.

[cantwait4baby]

See - not having materal instincs is perfectly normal just as being a super nut crazy psyco mom that thinks the whole world is out to hurt her babies is. haha


One or the other I guess.  My sister told me she is so glad I am having babies because now my parents get to be grandparents.  haha She is a nut.

[deanne11]

I always knew I wanted children.  Always had that deep desire.

Then one day it changed and for years I swore I'd never have children.  I helped my single father brother raise his son and it left such a bitter taste in my mouth.  

Of course that situation was all wrong.  A brother and sister can't raise a child together.  It was horrible and almost put a permanent rift between my brother and I.

Well, I moved away (across country) to find myself again.  And with 2 years, after being Deanne....it all came flooding back.

I think it's fabulous for you to stand up and say....I don't want children, don't have that deep desire.  Don't have any desire really.  Not many people can say that and find themselves in situations that are not good for them or the children.

I bet, however that if mommyhood would present itself to you....You'd do wonderful!

Mommyhood is so exhausting but so so rewarding....I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.  My children bring me the most joy (except last night between 12midnight and 3am - teething) I could ever imagine.

[mami1323]

Dealing with the teething also, 11 pm, next waking 1 am - daddy had to take the baby out of the room so mommy could get some sleep.  It's the worst.

[jenstam]

LOL...Deanne, I was up with you! Brody is working on his top teeth also, and had us up from about 3 am on...I had to get up at 6 am for work. Great fun! What was rewarding about our middle of the night fuss session was that once he finally settled in, it was for a book that I was reading him and then we cuddled and had some special mommy son time just the two of us...in our quiet house. (:

I also have to giggle about Skipper. I had forgotten about her! :D Oh, and my Barbies were always pregnant too, but not before they did it with Ken! LOL...

[deanne11]

I left the house because I was afraid he'd wake Abby.  I took Jake and went to a 24hr McDonalds for coffee....

Never go to McDonalds at 2am.  It was me with a baby, and a car full of thugs....LOL

Wouldn't you know...the minute I get him home....the other one wakes up from hearing the garage door....I can't win.

[deanne11]

LOL - I don't know about you but these boys act like such babies (LOL) about getting teeth.  Jake was just freaking out.

His face was soaking wet for tears and snot....Throwing his head back....Yelling.

My DD never made a peep....We are so tough...us chicks!

[kjbutcher]

I dont think that you are so "different" from other women in your desire to not have children.  I think a lot of people have the same desires but get talked into it by partners, parents...or have failed birth control.  I think that you are a very strong person to stand by your decisions and, knowing your feelings, you took the appropriate measures to make sure you got what you want.  That is a very strong quality of a role model (whether it be about having babies or anything else in your life).  Like it or not, we are all role models to someone so make sure that strong quality gets passed along.

[mayflowers]

I feel better now ;o)  I just wanted to understand what was missing in me.  My siblings all have kids and they  think I'm selfish.  I just couldn't jump on the baby bandwagon to make them happy.  For me, it's not my career, I actually hate having to work, it's just the responsibility and committment that scares me.  But I always wondered if I had an instinct or desire,  I would have pushed through my fears, the way that people do when they go sky-diving, to get a baby.

The one benefit I see to having a child is that you learn a lot b/c you have to help with homework and keep up with technology.  And, you get an insiders view of human nature that childless people will never get.  My mom can still get me to do stuff for her and I have no idea how she does it.  She does this with sales people too.  

Right before I had my hysterectomy at 44, I thought well, now I will certainly never have children.  It bothered me for about a week but then, I was ok with it.  Maybe it's meant to be that I never had a child?  

I'm glad to know that feeling this way can be normal too.  Thanks to all who responded to my post.  I really appreciate you taking the time and sharing your views ;o)

[shishka]

From the very young age I wanted to be a mother one day. I am one of those people who went through 3 failed IVFs to concieve (conceive). Now I am 37 weeks pregnant and I can not even describe the feelings I have. I would not change it for  anything.

I dont think anything is wrong with you. My best friend is just like you. There were times I would feel funny talking to her about my infertility treatments, because she always asked me is it really that important to have kids.

Good luck to

[tiredbuthappy]

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/25494632#25494632
that's the segment that was on today. turns out people without children are actually happier... although i wouldn't trade it for anything.

maybe you feel this way because you want to be happy? :P

[GNicole]

I can honestly say that when I was younger I did not want children. I grew up saying I am never having children. But then one day when I was about 20 I decided that I did want children. I was married 7 years before having my daughter and was 29 years old. I am glad I waited so long. Raising our daughter is the hardest, most exhausting job I have ever had. That being said it is also the best and most rewarding job I have ever have. I can't imagine my life without her now and I wouldn't trade her for the world. She makes my life complete and I love her more than anything in this world.

P.S.  I can totally understand why people would not want to have children, it changes your whole life.  In my case though, it made my life even better!

[keekey]

I dont think I ever really decided that I wanted children so I could be a mom.  It seemed like the natural progression after we got married, but I dont think I ever really thought
about being a mom.  Once I had our first, my son, my whole being changed.
I cannot imagine not having my kids or being their mom.  I do worry constantly, but everyday that is what I look forward to.  I am just mesmerized every single day that I am a mom to our children.  And, I mean that, I really never thought about being a mom.
I respect that you dont want children, and I dont think you are missing something instinctual by saying you dont want kids, but I do agree with Deanne that if by chance
you did have children, you would probably wonder where you would ever have been without them.

[pmperez]

With  my first marriage me and my ex tried with no success, and for almost 10 years after I didnt want any kids at all, then when I turned 30  I wanted kids, maybe it was because I failed I dont know but anyways my mind changed and here it is 3 years later and Im pregnant and Im already thinking of having another one and how soon I can try....sometimes it just hits you

[krushing]

I've wanted to be a mommy since I was a little girl playing "house" with my baby dolls.  And I've gone through 2 miscarriages to try and make that happen and I am currently trying for the 3rd time.

It comes natural to some people and others either never want it or it hits them later.

[AndiJ78]

I never played house, I actually had a real life baby to change and feed, no one else took care of my little brother's basic daily needs (the joys of being 5 and changing a baby and making bottles) . I adored him, but never had the want to be his mom, just took on the job. But something inside of me knew I wanted to be a mother one day.

I have always had a maternal way about me, so I have been told. It took three losses before having my first. The third loss hit the hardest and I began, at the ripe age of 22, to wonder if having children was in the cards. Then it happened. It is not something I think should ever be entered into lightly, certainly not as lightly as many I see posting on or around MH.

But I do think some women are not meant to have children, they are rather meant to be the cool aunt. I have an aunt like that, she never wanted kids, but is a behavioral therapist working with kids. She is the coolest now that we are all adults. Don't feel bad for never wanting it, just sit back and laugh at the posts on here.

[Tanker Chic]

I just felt like there had to be more to life than just doing my own thing all the time.  I feel like I have done exactly what I wanted to do my entire life, so the changes I've had to make for my son, do not feel like sacrifices or work at all.  I enjoy 'almost' every minute of it. :)  

Anything worth having, is worth working at.  

[Me2mommy2b]

To tell you honestly, I never "dreamed" of becoming a mother.  It just always felt like it was something I "had" to do.  I must admit this is the best thing I ever did (have children).  There is such a connection, such love that I cannot find the words to describe.  It's the best feeling (in my humble opinion).  You have the right to choose not to have any children.  Just make sure that the person who you choose to be with feels the same way.  Best of luck to you.

[mayflowers]

tiredbuthappy - great video from Today MSNBC.  I really agree with them.  

When I was married, there was a friend of the family that  told me I could have children & still work & that I should get started on it b/c I wasn't getting any younger.  My ex-husband was a lazy, never helped around the house kind of  man & that meant I would have had 2 babies on my hands. That literally scared me to death.  Still,  I went off the pill for about a month but didn't get  pregnant so went back on and never told my husband at the time (he's an ex now).  I just couldn't do it, I was too afraid.

As for myself, despite that one lapse in the pill, I've pretty much avoided pregnancy my whole adult life.  I avoided sex if I didn't have bc.  When I was a teenager, I knew my parents would never have allowed me to be pregnant so I couldn't disappoint them, and I didn't.  I would have been physically abused if I came home pregnant.  They would have taken everything away from me, including the child, so that wasn't going to happen if I could help it.

All of your views are really helpful.  I do appreciate that everyone has been so understanding about my question.  Each of you  seem like really good mom's even though you all got there for different reasons.  Some purposely and others by accident.  What started me thinking about this was that  one of my friends told me "I never knew I could hold my love in my arms" and I just thought wow, why didn't anyone ever tell me it was like that?  But I question that even if they did, would it have made any difference to women like me?  Like Andi said, I can be the cool aunt and read Medhelp and maybe that will fill a need somewhere in me.  Thanks Ladies.  You've all be gracious to me today.







.

[babyscience]

I never played with dolls or played the mother when I was younger.  It wasnt until I was in my late teens early 20's that I became girly and started thinking of those things.  Dont get me wrong when I was younger I wanted kids, but never really connected with them.  Once I was older I was able to hold a baby without feeling awkward.  As other said it was just a natural progression of life.  

Your friend said it correctly...It is holding your love in your arms.  I tell people now...My heart is just over two feet tall.  He is my life and my existance now!  I was a VERY selfish person before, but I was ready for my son and needed him to round me out.

But I do believe some people just are not "kid" people and those should NOT be forced into having kids.  I have a friend that married someone on the fence about having kids (more so NOT wanting them) and she is now in the process of having him decide if he wants them.  IMO, I think she should have assumed before marriage that he probably doesnt want them.  He just doesnt want the responsibility and likes to travel....which I dont blame him at all, plus he is older.  I knew him a few years before they got married and he was the type that didnt even want to get married...so in another viewpoint I guess he changed his mind about things when he met the right person!
Hmm I dont really know the point I am putting across...but to sum it up.  You are perfectly normal for not wanting them as other are perfectly normal for wanting them.  Some people change their opinion over time or when they meet the right person, but some it doesnt matter what situation you are in, you just dont want them.  It is good you know yourself and want you want in life!  

[BabyHardiman]

All those years of reckless living wore me out. :)  Not nearly as much as being a mommy though.  I have to admit, I miss those days in Daytona!!!!!  But, I'd rather play peek-a-boo all day, than lay out on those powdery sandy beaches listening to the waves crash, and hearing guys whistle at my once firm behind... I guess that would be the only thing I'd change about my whole experience so far, is the weight gain, I do miss my firm body, but I still have plenty of time and drive to get back in shape.  :)

I did not "dream" of being a mommy either.  My life has flashed by, I really had no time to think about being a mommy.  I even married a man who had a vasectomy, and was 25 years older than me.  I was attracted to his Harley.  :)  I would not have had Ava if I had not met her Daddy.  He has the super sticky stuff.  We were only together 2 cycles before I became pregnant with her.  We were not trying to get pregnant, but I was not on BC either because when I was with my ex-husband I had no reason to take the pill, he was "fixed".  I just never got back on it after we split up.  After I was told I had a didelphic uterus, and that it would be very difficult to become pregnant, I figured I was "fixed" myself.  Not true.  My little darling Angel is proof that I am capable of producing one miraculous little human being.  

[mayflowers]

Last week I heard about people adopting monkey's in place of children now.  Google it and watch the ABC Special.  It's too funny how people will decorate a "babies" room, buy clothes & toys, and call their "kids" by human names.  Then, because of course these are wild animals, when the monkey's instinct kicks in, it destroys everything - the room, toys.  Man, people are messed up.

I don't have any animals either.  I take care of cats once in a while, and dogs, but that's about it.  

  

[AnnieBrooke]

My sister went to have her tubes tied in her 20s, and the doctor (who she thought would be critical) just commented, "Well, some women aren't cut out to be mommies,"  in a supportive tone of voice.  And she was aware that this was true about herself.  I don't think you are unusual in this way.  Sometimes our upbringing causes us to de-sentimentalize child-raising, such as seeing how hard it was for someone close to us, and sometimes it is just an ingrained thing.  I wanted kids partly because I had a good husband and thought he would be a good dad, but would have been OK without them too (almost didn't have any, it took so long).  Everyone is different about this issue, and it's all normal.

[decogrl]

As a little girl I used to get teased the way I played with dolls.  Then as a teenager, I was called the mother hen as I babied everyone and babysat about every kid in town.  THen I got married and thought well here's my chance.   It did not happen did not happen did not happen.  I convinced myself that being a mom is perhaps overrated.  Tried to convince myself that I should be career focused etc.  Right as I told everyone I am not having kids.....BAM! it happened.  After over 5 years!  I guess I was tired of everyone always expecting me to be the mommy and it wasn't happening.  But I know in my heart that I REALLY wanted to be a mommy.  Now....do I want another one --Absolutely NOT!  I am so happy with having my little girl and I want to focus all of my energy on her.  People think there is something wrong with me for that,....but I tell them I am not being selfish and I want to be there focused on her...not a newborn.

I have a sister who feels just the same way you do as I do 2 aunts.  They are fabulous aunts just don't want the responsiblity.

[RockRose]

Mayflowers,  I can't imagine my life without children.  I just today came home from my parent's 50th anniversary celebration.  They had three children - my older sister,  myself,  and my brother.  

All of us have lifelong marriages, and children.  To me,  I was imprinted to do this.  I craved children, and I have three boys,  and my siblings both have intact marriages and children.  

We had the most delightful celebration -  I wouldn't want it any other way.

I sense you don't feel that way,  though,  and that's how it goes.  

Different strokes for different folks.

[mayflowers]

RockRose - I do go to family functions - I have a big family and something is always going on.  Children are always around me as are lots of in-laws and even ex-in-laws still come to certain functions.  I am still good friends with one of my brother's ex-wives (the mother of 3 children).  Everyone gets along for the children. I just never craved children enough to have one.  I also have never envisioned myself with a child - dreaming what it would be like to have one, etc.

The more I thought about this, I realized that I am not really maternal and actually I gravitate towards maternal women instead.  My best girlfriends are now mothers  and my sisters always treated me like their little doll.  Even my boyfriend ends up taking care of me more than I take care of him.  

It's nice to hear that everyone knows of women who are voluntarily childless.  That it is a choice that women do have. I know that there are women in my family who had children out of obligation and not desire and I see the results of that mess.  For a child to be born to a mother who doesn't really want it, is the worst way to start in life right?   I was never pushed to have kids by my family although other people would often ask me point blank what was wrong with me (asking me if I was gay!).  Then I see women who are distraught over not having kids and I really don't "get" it.  Not that I don't doubt they feel that way, it's just that for me, finding out I couldn't have kids at 21 would have been freeing for me.

[Jame0223]

I think I have always known I wanted children, I was one that played with dolls constantly. And since I am younger I had the access to the more lifelike, lifesize dolls. I LOVED them. I would curl the doll up and put it under my shirt and be pregnant and then lay down to go through labor and have a baby! I was kinda weird lol but I loved it. All my friends told me I would be a great mom, I was the maternal one that helped everyone and gave advice. At 17 if you would have asked me if I wanted a baby I would say, chyea maybe in like 6 years! At 18 I got pregnant on accident but I found myself to be happy. I miscarried and was completely devastated. To this day I would give anything to have had that baby, but its not in the cards at the moment. I am now back to waiting a few more years but I want a baby by 22! I have a few friends that don't want children. One said eh maybe someday I will have one but I don't know! Then I had another friend that never wanted to have a baby, then met a great guy and changed her mind. I have a friend thats 19 and her baby is 16 months old!

Were all destined to do different things. There is nothing wrong with not having children. Just because you have not gotten an urge, you may someday still. You may not! heck who knows. Maybe one day you will wake up and feel like something is missing in your life and decide its children. Maybe not...there are a lot of people that never had children and were completely satisfied with their lives. You are not weird, and you are not alone!

[rubyolivia]

I have known my whole life that I wanted children. I'm like Jen...I'd play house and I HAD to be the Mommy. I have always just loved children, I taught preschool for many years and am now pursuing my bachelor's degree in early childhood education. For me, it was just one of those things I always knew I wanted. I guess I had that urge that you are referring to. ALTHOUGH, I always thought that I wanted to have my children very close in age and wanted to have lots of kids. Now, after having Max, I realize that I don't want them so close. I'd rather enjoy Max's babyhood and let him enjoy it for awhile. I'd still love to have 5 kids...but financially I don't see it happening.

And in addition to Peek's initial comment, I think that many parents are the opposite....some want "kids" and really want to rush the "baby" stage. I really think some women think that they will give birth to a walking, talking 3 year old kid! lol

[lynne1276]

I would give anything to take Ayden back to that little tiny baby stage where he loved to be cuddled.  Everyone told me not to hold him too much and I'm glad I didn't listen to them.  Now I can't hold him for 5 seconds without him fighting to get down.  I would love to have 2 more but I don't know how we will afford it either.  Time will tell

[pertykitty]

i have 2 friends that choose to not have children.  they are perfectly happy and i am happy for them.  i cant remember when i decided i wanted kids, i dont think i really thought of it till i was in my 20s. i loved my carefree life, spending time and money on what iwanted, me lol.  i have 2 and i love them so much its something that cant be comprehended by words alone.  

not having kids doesnt make you less of a woman, it doesnt make you weird, it makes you - you!  i am soon to be 37.  i have a 10 yr old this friday, an 8 month old this sunday, and i crave another (kinda wish that would go away lol).  not sure what it is, but i think if you did have one, it would surprise and scare you how much love you can feel for another. dont get me wrong i love my husband. its a different kind of love, and when they look at you and smile and call you mommy, its just the best.  

[treazzure007]

i'v worked w/ children since the age of 17, had 2 children of my own and i can honestly tell you that i am through w/ them

i dont care anything about babies or young children that can't do things for themselves.  i dont mind hard work, but not this type of hard work!  im very much on the go and i like my freedom.  cant wait until my 2 are older and more self-sufficient and independent.  that's my dream.  grandchildren will probably be more fun for me.  take them around, show off their cuteness, play a few games, and send them home to mommy!

i dont think you are strange at all.  i would feel the exact same way myself if i hadnt gotten pregnant and had the 2 i have (due to high fertility).  the only reason i had dd was for my hubby (he didn't have any bio children).  so, now he's got what he wanted and im through for life!  cant wait to fit back into all of my old clothes and get a two seater sports car!