Worried about having 2nd child. Please help!

Ok well first of all I got my dreaded IUD removed yesterday.  So I know I have some time to get back to normal so I should not have to worry about pregnacy any time soon. But to my question--I have always wanted a big family. I have a two year little girl, the joy of my life, with a basically non-exsistant daddy, both finacially and physically. Now my fiance, who me and my daughter are both in love, also has a two year old. No problems with that he is a great daddy. Something that my daughter doesn't have. She does not call him daddy she knows him and calls him by his name, which I prefer. Now my future hubby wants to have a child, something I want to. I am just worried about my daughter.  I mean I don't want her to feel left out even though he treats her no different than his son. Do you think some one can love one as their own even if they are not? Even without all the nonsense and any one with the whole same parents, how is bringing a 2nd child into a toddlers life. And if we do have number 2 what would be the best way to incorporate my daughter and his son? Please help.  Am I just worrying for nothing? Thank you. Have a good New Years.

[dandeelyon]

My daughter is not my husband's biological daughter.  She has never met or seen her biological father.  When I started dating him, she was 2.5 years old.  He loves her very much.  He and I have a son together.  She was 4 when he was born.  She's now 7 and he's 3.  They both look similar and he treats them both as if they are his.  I think it is absolutely possible for someone to love a child that is not biologically theirs.  She does call him dad which I am fine with.  She is also aware that someone else helped make her.  I wanted to make sure she knew all of this before she got older and felt that I had lied to her.

I had the same questions as you in the beginning.  I still have a difficult time letting him discipline her because she was mine first.  It's really hard to let that control go.  We've been married 4 years now so it's getting better but definately caused some problems in the beginning.  Just try not to argue over those type of things in front of your kids.  They will try to use it for their advantage.

Good luck

[Viktoriasbabies]

I have a daughter from a previous relationship who's father is still in the picture. My husband and I have been together for 3 years. My daughter had just turned 3 when I met him. I became pregnant three months later and wondered the same thing. Will he love her the same as his own or will their relationship change. He was always so good with her, we too would get into arguments over his discipline of her. I could not be happier with the relationship that the two of them continue to share. She is closer to him than she is to her own father and he makes an effort to make sure that she has time that is only with him so she does not always have to share his attention with her brother. I think that a man who is truly a great dad will love children unconditionally no matter is they are the biological father or not.

[TeeA86]

Thank you all so much.

[Still_AndiJ]

Just to give you a heads up, fertility returns immediately with the IUD removal, there are little to no hormones present in the IUD, so once removed there is nothing left to linger and effect fertility. I had mine removed on Nov 7th and got pg with a chemical pg the next cycle.

Until you make your plan and are 100% ready to have another, use alternate forms of birth control (spermacide & condoms are a great combination)

I think it is wise of you to consider your child, rest assured chances are that things will blend together beautifully in the end. Good luck!

Andi

[AndiJ.78]

Thanks Tina, I have had this lingering feeling for a few months that my first pg when we started TTC again would end in loss, something inexplicable, something I couldn't shake. When I got the first +, it was so faint, then I got another, still really faint, within a day or two, I was doubled over (I never have cramps or more than a very light af) but I kind of expected it, didn't really let my brain wrap around the +. Just had that feeling. We are looking forward to get a sticky BFP soon. I should be Oing in a week, so time to put my infamous plan into action.

Andi

[Sunshine912]

It is true what Andi said. I had my IUD removed in July and managed to get pregnant in August. I lost the baby due to an Ectopic pregnany but now I am pregnant again at 6 weeks and 1 day. I am waiting to have an Ultrasound done next week but my Dr said my HCG levels were perfect and where they should be. No pain like I had with the EP. Don't think that it will take a while. If you want to give yourself a little time after the IUD removal, then I sugest using protection.

[TinaC.]

Sorry to hear that happened to you Andi.  Hope you are doing okay and best of luck for a little one in the new year.

[Chinar]

So many of your comments sound so familiar. I too have a daughter from an earlier marriage, she is 6 now. She sees my second husband as her father and has almost no memories and zero contact since the last 4-5 years from her biological father.

I know i want to tell her that someone else helped make her especially because she was present for my 2nd wedding - she was a good 3 years old then and has distinct memories of the wedding.

My comment is also a question: How do i break it to her young and curious 6 year old mind? How do i tell her what she needs to know and ensure that all will be well between her and my husband? He dotes on her like his own flesh and blood and much much more.....

We have been married 3 years now and i am desperate to have our second baby - desperate enough for it to drive me nuts.....

[TeeA86]

Thank you again. To Chinar I'm not sure how to answer your question. I suggest posting your own forum. The ladies on here are so helpful and eager to give advice. You will get the best info from some of the ladies that know.