Worried need advice

hi i need some advice thats why i came here. The thing is when i had my son who is now 2, i couldnt hold him when he was born coz i was violantly shaking and vomiting. When up on the ward he wouldnt feed for me but when his dad came he drank half the bottle. People usee to tell me i was doin everything wrong and not to do this that or the other. I ended up distancing myself from him so ppl couldnt moan at me, and i now suffer depression coz of it. Well the thing is im pregnant again andi think the depression will get worse as i will feel guilty for holding the baby as i was unable to with my son. I just dont know what to do and im so scared any advice please

[jd1419]

You know what to expect this time...don't beat yourself up on what happened in the past....it also sounds like you suffered from post partum depression and may still have some of that or it is kicking in early--talk to your doctor about your fears and also do not listen to what other people say--you know yourself, your baby and you need the time to learn the new baby's signals to you.....if you feel like you are not bonding make sure you get yourself the help you need--to either relax or ask questions.

Remember you are the mommy and it is your decisions that count--not what other people say.

With my first I did not breast feed right away for I was out for and hour and half after delivery from pain medication....and I was also violently shaking from losing a lot of blood---just make sure they put nice warm blankets on you and that you drink plenty of fluid to get your self back up...if you feel shaky let your hubby hold the baby---that is what he is there for--for you to be your support and strenthg when you need it... and also if you don't want people in the room with you for a few hours after your birth tell the nurses not to let people in and they will make sure it is quiet for you....they will not tell people that you requested to be left alone--they just say that vistors are not being accepted at this time.

[GNicole]

I would talk with your doctor about your fears and concerns. Good luck to you! :)

[RockRose]

laura,  I don't think  you're looking at the big picture here.  

My guess is you've suffered from depression and low self-confidence all your life and when you had your baby it came out in spades.  And you fumbled and got nervous and when people tried (sweetly and critically) to show you how to do things you became even more self-conscious and you went into avoidance mode rather than what most moms do - which is get angry and defensive and distance themselves from the criticizers,  not the baby.

People don't become depressed "because" they hold one baby and didn't hold another - they ARE depressed and so they focus on whether they got to hold one baby and not another.  See the difference?

I could be totally off base here,  but I think you need to work on overall lack of self-confidence and not compartmentalize this tiny little thing and that tiny little thing - but rather,  insist you'll do the very best you can and you won't give up.

Best wishes.

[deanne11]

I agree with the other ladies.  Give yourself a break.  We all make mistakes.  

I have had to look at some ugly truths myself over the past few weeks and now in hindsight, I believe I had post partum depression after my son was born in October......maybe still do.

You are probably a great mom and your little guy doesn't rememeber his early days.  I'm sure you have a great relationship with him now...right?

You'll do the best you can this time around as well, and when you feel you need the support....from Daddy....babies thrive on their parents, so when one can't be there...the other one will.

You need to find that self confidence again and use your motherly instincts.  Don't let other people push you around.  It is your child and you know what he/she needs and wants.

My MIL was extremely pushy and still is on what is best for my children.  She doesn't have a clue....I know my children better than anyone.  I'm their mother.  And I've known them longer than anyone.

[laurabed]

thanks for your comments i will try and do what you all advised i have enrolledon a confidents course and hopefully i will be able get past my depression