Would you be upset?

Some of you know that I teach kindergarten, so I am in there with kids every day and know how rough they can be.  However, I never let a kid get away with hurting another kid.  I mean, it does happen, but when it does the problem is taken care of and if the same kid continues to hurt others, further action is taken.  I am upset because my own child who is four years old seems to be getting hurt by the same kid a lot.  He has been in daycare with this kid over two years and he has always been a behavior issue.  Three times in the last month or so I have gone to get DS and the teachers have reported an incident to me.  Each time my DS has had obvious wound marks on him.  Yesterday, for example, he had two big scartches on his forehead that had been bleeding.  One day a few weeks ago he had a big fat lip from the same kid head butting him.  I question DS a lot about what is happening.  He swears that he is not doing anything.  I know he is not an angel, but I really don't think he is hurting this other kid.  The one time he did hurt someone, he worried about it all night and ended up apologizing the next day,  I feel like something more needs to be done with this child.  He is surely hurting others, too.  I just don't know what to say.  They always say teachers are the worst ones to work with!  I don't want them to think I know everything since I am a teacher, I just want them to know I don't think this is acceptable.  Do you think I have a right to be upset and what would you say?

[amberd5191]

I would be upset too, but I'm not sure what to say. Sorry I can't be of much help I wish you the best of luck!

[lfb]

Thank you for your comment.  I consider myself a really laid back person and it takes a lot to get me upset, but seeing my kid hurt over and over is getting pretty old.  I just don't know what to say.  I am trying to decide if I should go to the director or just talk to the teachers of the class.

[GNicole]

I would go to the director considering this has been happening for awhile.  They are obviously doing nothing to stop the situation. Good luck ! :)

[mami1323]

Have you confronted the teachers yet?  I would definitely say something to them.  It is unacceptable for your child to come home constantly hurt.  If they don't take care of it I would go to the child's parents and even to the director.  If this kid is hurting yours and others, he obviously has behavioral issues that need to be dealt with.  If he can't get along with the other children, he needs to be kicked out of the school.  I have low tolerance for bullies.

[lfb]

Thanks for your comments.  I kind of feel the same that he should be kicked out or at least expelled for a time.  The director is so nice and I am sure she thinks she is doing something, but I don't think she is.  I know this kid's parents and they are really laid back as well.  In my 9 years of experience working with behavior issues, problems are typically overlooked until the parents are inconvienced with the child being expelled or kicked out.  I am going to ask if my son is doing anything to provoke the behavior and if other kids are getting hurt, too.  My son is so sweet and doesn't usually stand up for himself.  It is something we are working on, but I don't want him to learn to defend himself in this way.  He said that yesterday he was talking to his other friend about "Batman" and he asked the bully if he wanted to see something amazing.  Then, the bully child just started yelling and scratching his face.  It breaks my heart to picture my son standing there getting this done to him.  He was not upset about it last night, but I am!

[AndiJ78]

There is a problem child in my son's Kindergarten class. So much so that whenw e went on the field trip last Friday, each of the chaperones were responsible for 2 kids (one "easy" and one "difficult" to balance it out) This kid was under the teacher and the "duty's" supervision. No other kids and it took TWO ADULTS to monitor him and they frequently had to switch back and forth because he was so difficult. And that little ____ full on smacked my kid, who by all parent accounts was literally just playing at the water table setting up the current for the boat. The amount of mommy strength it took to not snap was incredible. He is the child of a single mother and based on what little I have seen of her, I would not be surprised if she was on meth (scabs all over, twitchy, just rough looking all around)

Anyway, the schools are almost powerless anymore. No one wants to be the teacher who gives up on this kid. This is already his second time through K, I believe they have incorrectly dx'd whim with ADHD and they are loading him full of meds that are clearly winding him up, a pretty significant sign they are not working the way the would if he were truly an ADHD case.

If the daycare will not work to fix it by removing that child, I think you need to be the one to move. They obviously cannot get a handle on him. Of course, I am the kind of mom that given how many times your son has been assaulted, I may be tempted to scare the little booger and call the cops. This really only works if you have a friend who is a cop or happen to casually meet one. I wouldn't call 9-1-1 ;-) But having an authority figure like a police officer coming to the daycare to discuss hands on behavior like that may be enough to get the kid to stop.

I mean, hell, if they will arrest a 6 year old for bringing a steak knife to school to cut her steak at lunch, maybe calling them in to talk to a 4 year old juvenile delinquent in the making isn't a far stretch.

[Crritter]

I agree with the others, I would be heartbroken and upset too.  Cam came home last night with a bite mark, and that was a big deal to our daycare provider and the little girls mom was coming in and she even came over right away and apologized and brought her little girl over to show her what she did and say no biting.  I felt bad for the mom, her little girl is 6 weeks older than Cam, who is just 13 months.  She was maybe more upset than I was.  I know it happens, and I feel bad for Cam.  It get addressed ASAP there though and is not acceptable to hurt anyone.  I would talk to the teachers about the pattern, if you have, then go right to the director, they would probably have these incidents documented, if not, make sure you have a list handy.  Andi, did a 6 yr old really bring a steak knife to school?  I can't imagine giving a 6 yr old a sharp knife, how sad.

[JJety]

lfb - How old is this other child?

In my kids' daycare, there is a 2 year old and he's very jealous of the friendship that my DS (3.5 yo) and this child's older brother (4 yo) have.  Granted, he's only 2 and my DS & the brother push his buttons like telling him he's too young to do things they do, but he often acts out against my DS in ways that aren't acceptable.  Biting, kicking sand, etc.  He's left bite marks that I've found during bath time because my DS doesn't speak up and tell the babysitter.  

Honestly, I don't want my DS to be a pushover so in addition to talking about telling the babysitter, but also tell him to directly tell Jake to stop it.  If it happens and my DS gives him a swat back I'm certainly not going to punish DS over it.  You might want to consider talking with DS about how to stick up for himself a bit more, especially if the offending kid is old enough to know better.  An accident from a toddler is totally different.

[RockRose]

lfb,  I would be upset also.  But I'm a pragmatist - how much longer will he be in this situation with this other child?  Will he be home for the summer,  and then in a different group in the fall,  for example?

I'm picturing a child who isn't intimidating your son - from the reaction that your son isn't seeming to be all that bothered by it.  But rather,  from your son's reaction I'm picturing an unpredictable kid who doesn't really have any friends who can be extremely impulsive and violent.  When those kids "bully" other kids,  the emotional effect isn't the same at all - kids just shrug and remember next time to stand a little further away.

You tech k so you know all this stuff - does it seem to you that's what's happening?  That this child is basically known as a nut and so your son isn't really all that bothered by it,  except for fairly minor bruising?

It is irritating,  though,  I know.  ;D    Best wishes.

[AndiJ78]

Not here, I remember the story a few years ago on CNN. I was baffled by the bringing a cold steak for lunch, but if that is what you brought I can see thinking you need a knife to cut it. Something tells me mom didn't pack that lunch.

I think this has to be addressed. Otherwise this could very easily progress into increasingly violent behavior or even worse.

[pertykitty]

my son had issues in the after school program for parents that work. the same kid was being so mean, but they only ever witnessed caleb fighting back.  my son wasnt a bully and i caught this kid in his prime.  after going through all the channels and it not being taken care of i told my son to knock the **** (ok i didnt cuss) out of him to stick up for himself.  his school has a zero tolerance policy so even that is unacceptable, but for me to endure the throwing up on the way to school because of this idiot child i was going to do what it took. well caleb had enough.  he didnt hit the child, but rather took him by his shirt and threw him (my son is much bigger than most kids and this boy was several years older).  i told the staff he had my permission and they can deal with me but my son is not in trouble.  that child didnt bother caleb again.  i dont promote violence but i did finally come to the conclusion that they need to stick up for themselves and not be taken advantage of.  that boys dad was the same , would be an @ss to the young girls that worked there.  pig!  calebs dads last words were "im going to  meet his dad in the parking lot after school and take care of it my way if you dont do something".  well i didnt agree with that but it was taken care of lol.  

[lfb]

I think you nailed it. This kid is not really a bully, sorry I referred to him that way earlier.  He is a least a head shorter than all the other kids.  My son and another boy are probably "the kids" to play with if you know what I mean.  I don't want to sound cocky, but they are the oldest and from what DS says to me everyone wants to be their friend. I think this boy is trying to find a way to be their friend and just doesn't know the way to go about it.  My son is not scared or intimidated by him at all.  I am just uspet because it keeps happening.  I know the child is impulsive, but it seems like the teachers might need to be watching closer.  There are only 11 kids and 2 teachers.  If it were my class, I would be right on top of him all day.  I have 22 kids and I am the only teacher.  I have had kids impulsive like this one and you have limit their amount of free play.  This is why I am having such a hard time wondering if I should say something.  I think I will just talk to the teachers and let them know I am concerned and see if that makes them monitor the situation more carefully.